Bullets Will Work: A Vampire Slayer Novel

Home > Other > Bullets Will Work: A Vampire Slayer Novel > Page 9
Bullets Will Work: A Vampire Slayer Novel Page 9

by Geoffrey C Porter


  "It smells good," I said.

  Manuel smiled and stood up. "It's coffee."

  The three of us scrambled to the kitchen. Ben stood there turning a spoon in a coffee mug grinning from ear to ear.

  Manuel said, "You ordered coffee."

  Ben nodded and took a little sip from his cup. "Whole bean Arabic. This is hazelnut. I have French vanilla and a dark roast, too. I bought five pounds of the stuff."

  Simon said, "Can I have some?"

  "I made a whole pot; have some."

  I said, "All my tutoring has paid off."

  "There's even real cream in the fridge."

  Within moments, all four of us were holding hot drinks, sipping away at the coffee.

  Lambert joined us and wrinkled his nose. "I want to go out tomorrow. Samantha is going to pick me up three blocks from the house."

  "You know we're walled in?" Manuel asked as he stirred his coffee with his index finger. "You're going to have to take the sledgehammer with you and knock down a wall?"

  "It's not a brick wall, is it? Or is it just drywall and two-by-fours?"

  "It might be sheetrock, possible, but it might be brick, too. I don't know."

  "We've got electricity, gas, and water on the other side of the tunnel right?"

  "Yeah. I've never been in the house myself, but the bills are all paid," Manuel said. "It has lights that flip on and off on timers. The church makes sure it's up to snuff."

  "I'll take a shower there after I break through the wall."

  I said, "What is this tunnel?"

  Ben reached for an invisible doughnut and whimpered. "It's part of the original flood drainage system underneath the city. It's over a hundred years old."

  "You know the supply room in the basement?" Manuel asked. "The bookshelf at the end is on hinges."

  "It's the emergency exit," Lambert said. "But there might be a brick wall standing in the way."

  Ben said, "This isn't like an actual emergency."

  "In an actual emergency, we'd blast the tunnel down at the warehouse side after going through to the end that's walled off," Manuel said.

  "This is as close to an emergency as anything else," Lambert said.

  "How is your going out to meet a girl an emergency?" Simon asked.

  "My hands are getting furry!"

  Ben said, "Join the club!"

  Simon said, "You guys are gross."

  I took a sip from my coffee. "You're going to meet her tomorrow? You really think she's going to want to have sex the first time you meet her?"

  "She said she wanted to," Lambert said. "She said she'd rather get it out of the way. Make sure I'm good enough at it."

  Manuel said, "What is she, an Olympiad?"

  "She's hot! And she likes me! That's what matters!"

  "Has she seen your face?" Ben asked.

  "I have a webcam. She's seen my face."

  "What!" Manuel yelled.

  "She's seen my face."

  "You're a fool!"

  I said, "Does she know you're a slayer?"

  Lambert said, "Yes, I told her."

  "She had better have friends," Manuel said.

  "She might. I haven't asked her."

  Ben said, "Ask!"

  Simon shook his head and drained his coffee cup. "Do you guys want to practice?"

  Ben said, "We just took out a nest this morning."

  "I find I enjoy practicing."

  "Relax, Simon," Manuel said. "You don't need to practice all the time."

  "I could go for a nap after this morning," I said. "Maybe tonight I'll spar with you."

  Simon nodded. "Tonight."

  I went upstairs and lay down. As I lay there, my thoughts drifted to that morning. The images of their fangs flashed in my mind over and over. I found I couldn't sleep and climbed out of the hammock. I thought to myself, pears don't perish quickly, so I could order some pears.

  I went to the computer and started searching. I quickly learned a valuable lesson. Pears and other tree fruits weren't in season, and I'd have to wait until fall. My mouse found its own way to the USDA prime beef websites, but I figured it would be a waste to order anything.

  After dinner, Simon insisted on getting a work out in. We faced off together with wooden practice swords. He charged me, and we went at it. I didn't really enjoy it, because it reminded me too much of sparring Lambert. I might as well spar a tree or a brick wall except for the stabbing pain of getting hit by the wooden sword.

  Bright and early the next day, we sent Lambert off through the escape tunnel with a light on a headpiece, a sledgehammer in one hand, and a bag of fresh clothes in the other. Manuel reached in his pocket and held out a wad of cash. Lambert took the money and smiled. Manuel handed him a cell phone next. Lambert pocketed both the cell phone and the cash and stepped into the tunnel. It was dark, and the concrete had a crack running down it overhead. You could hear water dripping.

  As Lambert disappeared into the darkness and Manuel moved to shut the iron door after him, Ben shouted, "Good luck!"

  Chapter 11

  The next morning was a Sunday, and Manuel called everybody together for a meeting. Lambert was still missing in action, presumably severely busy, and Simon was new, so I was expecting Manuel to start from the top.

  Before Manuel could begin, Simon said, "It's Sunday."

  "Yes, we have a meeting every Sunday morning to discuss team matters," Manuel said.

  "When does church start?"

  Ben's eyes bugged out, and he glared at Simon.

  "Honestly…" Manuel said. "I'm not sure when church is today."

  "You don't go to church on Sundays?"

  Ben shuddered. "No."

  "Well, I want to go to church," Simon said. "Sunday is the Sabbath, and we should go every Sabbath."

  "We'd all have to go together in full gear…" Manuel said.

  "That's fine."

  "No," Ben said. "Didn't you get enough church with the Jesuits?"

  "No. Every Sunday is the Sabbath," Simon said.

  "I'll go," I said. "Emily always enjoyed church."

  Ben rubbed his palms together, and one could tell by the look in his eyes that if he were left alone, the kitchen would be bare on our return. "There's no reason for me to go. The three of you can go."

  "We have to honor Simon's wishes," Manuel said. "You're going."

  Ben whimpered a bit.

  Manuel looked to Simon. "Find out when church is. It takes a while to get in full gear."

  Simon left.

  "Don't make me go, boss," Ben said. "You'll be safe with just the three of you."

  "If I have to go, you have to go. End of discussion. We might as well adjourn and gear up," Manuel said.

  Simon returned. "We have time. There's an 11 am mass."

  "At which church?"

  "St. Helen's. Website said that was the closest one."

  "I know the place. OK."

  Manuel then put a map of our settlement on the board and started explaining things to Simon. He sat there absorbed in it like a puppy in front of a warm fire.

  Finally, I knew the meeting was over because Manuel pulled out a jar of moonshine and four glass glasses. Manuel emptied the jar in the vessels and smiled at Simon. Ben, of course, took his glass. I reluctantly took mine. Simon eyed it like it was a poisonous snake. Manuel said, "Drink it!"

  Simon took his and chugged the whole thing down. He smiled. "That wasn't that bad."

  "It's very good," Ben said. "I could be opening a second jar, but no, we're going to church."

  I took a sip of mine and set the glass down. Manuel sipped his. "You don't like to drink with us?"

  I said, "I don't like to drink."

  Ben grabbed my glass and dumped the contents into his. He gulped at it barely stopping for air. Simon said, "It sure warms you up on the inside."

  "It addles the brain."

  Manuel finished his drink and set his glass down. "It's tradition here in Dayton that if we lose a team member; we all
get drunk as skunks. Sidney, if we lose somebody, I expect you to honor that tradition. I've never met somebody that can turn down moonshine like you do."

  "I just don't like it," I said.

  Ben said, "It's fine with me. I'll drink his share."

  "It's just after ten," Simon said. "Shouldn't we get ready?"

  "Yes, let's go," Manuel said.

  We all went to our rooms and donned our armor and ski masks. We met at the armory, and Manuel passed out pistols. We arrived at the church as the parking lot was emptying from the previous mass. Manuel parked our van way up front. Father Titus was outside the church shaking hands with people as they left. He saw us and waved.

  Simon took the lead and walked right up to the priest. Father Titus smiled and said, "It's been a while since the four of you attended mass. Where is your fifth?"

  "We have a sick slayer, some form of flu he thinks," Manuel said.

  Ben said, "Yeah, definitely the flu."

  "He's with a girl!" Simon said. "You guys can't lie to a priest!"

  Father Titus shook his head. "That's patently against the rules."

  "Yes, well, he threatened to quit the team, if we didn't let him see this girl," Manuel said. "We had no choice, but to let him meet her."

  "Lust is one of the deadly sins."

  "Yes, well, we're men, Father."

  I said, "Lust shouldn't be a sin."

  Titus made the sign of the cross. "Yet it is, my son."

  "Do you have a choir, Father?" Simon asked.

  "Yes."

  "There will be singing?"

  "Yes."

  Simon bounced up and down on the balls of his feet.

  I almost puked. Ben looked like he wanted to as well. Manuel's eyes were focused more on the people still meandering out of the church. Part of that could be that they stared at us. We were a sight after all with full armor on, ski masks, helmets, comm gear, pistols, and swords.

  "I'm going to go get a seat up front before they're all taken," Simon said.

  "Save a seat for me," Manuel said.

  Ben said, "I'm sitting in the back."

  "I'll sit with you, Ben," I said.

  Simon headed into the church.

  Father Titus grabbed Manuel by the arm. "This business with the girl. The rules are in place for a reason."

  "We know," Ben said. "I objected."

  "The boy has been with the church since he was what, eleven? So he has never known the touch of a woman," I said.

  "So? So what?" Manuel asked.

  Ben said, "I joined the church at the age of ten!"

  Manuel said, "Me, too."

  "Nothing," I said. "It's just a woman changes you in ways you'll never understand until afterward."

  Ben said, "Well, I wouldn't know."

  Manuel shook his head. "Neither would I."

  Father Titus shivered and let go of Manuel's arm. "I don't intend to ever find out either. Consider yourself lucky, Sidney."

  He whispered my name, so none of the parishioners overheard.

  A bit of a rage welled up in me. "We didn't get to grow old together. I was cheated as much as any of you have been cheated."

  "I haven't been cheated," Manuel said as he spread his hands out wide with palms out. "I'm going to retire in another year when I turn 21. There will be plenty of time for women."

  Ben said, "Aye, to retirement."

  "I have to go get ready," Titus said. "I'll see you men in the front row?"

  "You'll see me up front, Father," Manuel said.

  "I'll be in the back, so I can take little catnaps," Ben said.

  Father Titus said, "Splendid. Enjoy the mass."

  He wandered off back into the church.

  We went in and took our seats. The church slowly filled up. I always felt kind of in a daze in church. I just let things happen around me and did my best to pay attention. Ben snored a few times during the mass garnering hateful glances from a few little old ladies sitting in the back with us.

  As we walked out of the church, Simon stopped to talk to Father Titus thanking him profusely for the mass.

  We stopped at the grocery store on the way back to the warehouse, and I did most of the shopping. Simon picked up a few things: fruit mostly. Ben bought more cream for his coffee. Manuel picked up three different kinds of cookies. I think he bought them just to torment Ben.

  We were unloading the van when Manuel's cell phone started ringing. Manuel answered, "Hello?"

  There was a pause. Then he said, "We'll meet you at the tunnel."

  He hung up the phone. "Lambert is on his way back in."

  We unloaded the last of the groceries. Manuel grabbed a medical kit. "Stay in your gear. He might have been turned."

  I nodded. Ben grunted. Simon sighed. Like three crazy monkeys trapped inside an airtight space station.

  We congregated at the tunnel and finally heard a knock on the other side. Ben drew his pistol, and Manuel unlocked the tunnel door. Lambert was there covered in muck from the tunnel. Manuel said, "I need a finger."

  Lambert smiled and held out his hand.

  Manuel took a blood sample and slid it into a gadget of some sort.

  I asked, "What are you testing for?"

  All four of them looked at me like I was an idiot.

  "Blood sugar," Simon said. "Vampires will have blood sugar in the teens. Non-diabetics will be between 80 and 120."

  I asked, "What about diabetics?"

  "They'll be over 140, unless they've been fasting or have it well in control."

  "Hmmm."

  Manuel said, "He's clean, 97."

  "I'm not exactly clean," Lambert said. "But I didn't get bitten by any vampires."

  "She bit you?"

  Lambert started to dance a little stupid dance that should not be done in public.

  "Did you get laid?" Ben asked.

  Lambert grin transformed his face into a glowing kind of medallion.

  "Did you have a good time?" I asked.

  Lambert smiled.

  Ben said, "Tell us!"

  Lambert smiled even wider.

  "Are you going to see her again?" Simon asked.

  Lambert nodded his head.

  Manuel asked, "Was the wall brick?"

  "Yes, the wall was fucking brick," Lambert said.

  Ben asked, "Did you get laid?"

  "Yes. Now, I'd like to take a shower."

  "I want details!"

  Lambert scowled and tried to push his way past the group. "Gentlemen don't kiss and tell."

  "Does she have any friends?" Manuel asked.

  "I didn't ask."

  Ben said, "Why not?"

  "We didn't actually leave her apartment. We ordered pizza. We ordered Chinese. She cooked the most wonderful breakfast this morning."

  "You never left her apartment?" Simon asked.

  "No, she kept me quite busy. She's a talker. We talked about so many things."

  Lambert ran off to use the shower. We stowed our pistols in the armory. Ben said, "I'm going to get drunk."

  Manuel said, "Run a few laps in the halls first."

  "Man…"

  "You need to lose weight. Moonshine has a lot of empty calories. You want the moonshine--you'll run laps first."

  Ben took off in a run.

  Simon said, "You guys want to practice?"

  "I have thermal photos to go over," Manuel said. "We'll hit a nest tomorrow, and I have to be sure."

  "Sidney?"

  "It's really no fun to practice with you," I said. "You're too much better than I am."

  "The only way you're going to get better is if you practice. Please?"

  "It's past lunchtime. I'm hungry, and I'm going to make burgers. After lunch, I see a nap in my future as I haven't been sleeping through the night lately. Then I'll practice with you."

  Simon grinned. "Fair enough."

  Chapter 12

  I woke to my usual nightmare and headed down to the basement to find Simon. He was ready to get started, and
so we did. After his first hit on the side of my head, I shouted, "Stop!"

  He tilted his head at me, but he stopped.

  I said, "Could you try not hitting me so hard?"

  "How will you learn if there's no pain?"

  "It's practice, and I don't like bruises."

  "For me to pull my strikes would be for me to pick up a bad habit," Simon said. "Pulling your strikes in the field means letting them live."

  I closed my eyes and said a tiny prayer. Perhaps one where beetles would sneak into Simon’s room at night to screech and howl as they bred.

  "Work on your defense," he said. "Focus on it. Don't let me hit you."

  I shouted, "I haven't been letting you hit me!"

  "No. But you're clearly more focused on the kill than on self-defense. I've watched you."

  "I haven't been using a sword for very long. Would you like to try it without the swords? Bare handed?"

  He looked me in the eye as if pondering his fate. Finally, he said, "No. I think we should use the swords."

  I went on the offensive raining blows on him from every angle and side. His defense was unwavering. He calculated his counterattacks and made precise hits against me. After an hour, I shouted, "Enough!"

  "You're not going to get better, if you don't practice morning, afternoon, and night."

  I charged him. I batted his sword out of the way and threw a roundhouse kick with my left at his head as hard as I could. My foot connected with a crunch. I didn't even put my foot down I just pivoted on my right and threw a back kick at his chest. He went down. From the floor, he said, "We're definitely not giving up the swords."

  He hopped to his feet and advanced on me. I decided it would be a good time to block and parry as the fury burned in his eyes. Once I saw an opening, I took it and threw a left jab at his nose. He ducked under it. I whacked him on the top of his head with my sword. He snarled at me like a hungry dog or perhaps a two-year-old child.

  Simon charged me aiming a great sweeping blow at my stomach. I simply took a step backward and then to the right and aimed my sword at his neck as hard as I could. The wood went crack as it connected to his muscle and bone.

  He stopped and gathered himself up into a fighting stance. He motioned with his hand that I should advance, and I happily took my cue. I charged him and trapped his sword with mine to the left. I threw my right elbow at his jaw with considerable force. His head jerked back from the blow, and he fell to the ground.

 

‹ Prev