by Amy Davies
I have been snapping at everyone who tries to talk to me, I have missed classes and practice with the boys. I know they are both worried and pissed at me but truthfully I just don’t give a fucking shit right now. I’m sitting in my apartment that I share with the boys, stroking Kane on my lap. He has been a god send to me these last three weeks, he hasn’t yelled at me (Maisey) or tried to punch me out (Gunner). If Ryder and Beck weren’t there I really think Gunner would have beat the shit out of me. I even had a run in with Jackson, saying that Tru was upset because Lucy was hurting and he hated seeing his Sunshine hurting.
Well hello fuckers, I’m hurting too.
I hear keys in the door and hold my breath. I really can’t deal with Gunner today.
Oh fuck my life, Gunner, Maisey and Ryder come into the living room and take seats around me. No one speaks, they all just look at me.
“Wow, awkward. So no one is going to speak? Nope, no one? Well ok then I’m out, catch you later, Ry.” I stand and head towards my room to get into clothes that will actually pass out in public. I don’t think some people will appreciate me walking around in my grey Levi boxer briefs. I change into a pair of faded blue jeans and my black Converse. I add my leather Phoenix wrist cuff to my right wrist. On my left wrist is the band that Lucy bought me down in Vista, I haven’t taken it off and I don’t think I ever will. I grab a grey Henley shirt from my top drawer and spot Lucy’s diamond snowflake necklace hanging by a picture of us that was taken on the beach at Vista. My chest aches for her still.
Will it ever stop?
I head back out to the living room where everyone is still seated. A hush falls over them when I enter the room. Great, so they are talking behind my back in my own home. I ignore them and snatch my phone up off the table, along with my wallet.
“Rafe, we need to talk dude.” Not fucking happening.
“Nope, I’m going to see Mom. I will catch you later.” I head for the door when I feel a small hand on my arm. I turn to see Maisey standing there with tears in her eyes, hurt and concern crosses her face.
“Maise?” I look at her.
“She is hurting, Rafe. Trinity and Kenzie told me this is far worse than what Dallas did to her…”
I cut her off, “Is she running?” My heart starts beating a mile a minute, I feel as if it’s going to come through my chest. Fuck, this hurts. She can’t run. Maisey sees my panic and cups my face.
“Rafe, honey, look at me.” I open my eyes and focus on her, trying to slow my breathing down. I see Ryder and Gunner standing on each side of her. “She hasn’t run, Rafe. She is just going through the motions. She isn’t eating or sleeping right, I have heard her cry at night. Also, her nightmares are back.” Nightmares, what fucking nightmares?
“What nightmares has she been having, Maise?” My guilt triples, my stomach knots up.
“She has been having nightmares since she lost the baby. She dreams of a little boy running towards her on the beach laughing, but he stops and asks why she lost him. That’s when Dallas appears and takes the boy telling Lucy, ‘She will always remember what he took from her,’ he laughs and takes the boy away. They stopped when you two got together. She has thrown herself into work. Milly and Mia are worried about her. Fuck, we all are, Rafe.”
My heart sinks and I drag myself over to the couch and sit on the edge. I rest my head in my hands. I hate that it’s because of me that she is hurting this bad. Well that and that fucking whore Nikki. She came to see me a few days after the Halloween party and wanted to know if I wanted to go out on a date with her, talk about big balls. I shot her down as fast as I could, then she told me Dani helped set me up that night. Apparently something went down at the mall and Dani was pissed and hating on Lucy big time. I tried telling Lucy but she refused to see me.
“I need her, Maise. I’m dying without her and by the sounds of it, so is she. We need to do something.” Yep, I need to do something right now. She can’t keep going on like this. I stand and head for the door again, adrenalin pumping through my body. I need to see Lucy and tell her everything, whether she wants to listen or not. “I will text you later.” I run to my car and head for her workplace.
I climb into my car and the music blares through the speakers as the car starts. Linkin Park’s ‘From the Inside’ hits me. I drive to Lucy’s store while listen to the lyrics of the song and I can’t believe how much it suits Lucy and the situation that we are in right now. She won’t put her trust in me again; I have broken that trust. I have ripped her apart from the inside. The song makes things a lot clearer to me as I drive. I know that I have to give her more space, even let her come to me when she is ready. I will go and explain to her what happened that night then I will back off and let her come to me when she is ready, if she will ever be ready.
I park two blocks away from the store, ‘Imagine.’ The walk will help slow my rapidly beating heart down. I rub my sternum to try and help the pain eating a hole in my chest. I stop at the window and see Lucy standing there talking to a customer; she looks beautiful in her pretty navy dress with bird patterns on it and her white Chucks. She has pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail, which makes her look younger. Mia spots me and heads in Lucy’s direction, so I have no choice but to walk into the store. Lucy looks up as the bell above the door rings, and when she sees me she freezes. I offer her a small smile but she doesn’t return it. She looks at Mia and Milly and they nod towards the back room. Lucy walks off so I follow and I can feel two pairs of eyes burning into the back of my head, the whole way. So much for loyal fans, but they are loyal to Lucy and that’s all that counts.
“What are you doing here, Rafe?” Lucy asks, while sitting on a red chair in the corner of the staff lounge. She plays with a peace sign ring she is wearing, as she won’t meet my eyes.
“I need to explain what happened that night. I few things have come to light and it may not help, but at least I know that I have told you everything. Maisey told me that you are not eating and sleeping well, that the nightmares are back. Why didn’t I know about them, Snowflake?”
She stiffens when I say her nickname. “The nightmares were not your concern, Rafe, they were mine. I am eating and sleeping enough. On the nights that I can’t sleep I am reading, not because you are the cause of my sleepless night. Blame the Facebook page Eye Candy Bookstore, they recommend so many damn good books that I can’t keep up.” She looks triumphant from telling me that I am not the cause for her sleepless nights; I call bullshit on that.
“Ok, so now that I know I am not to blame, are you going to let me explain about that night?” She looks down but nods her head. I take a deep breath and start to tell her. “We both know that I was pretty wasted that night. I know that it is no excuse, believe me I have been told time and time again, but the fact of the matter is, I was. We were dancing and getting all hot and bothered, fuck, Snowflake I remember how turned on we both were. I was hard as fuck, you grinding your perfect little ass all over my dick.” I close my eyes and breathe deep. Thinking about that night is making me hard so I adjust myself in my jeans and continue, “You went to the toilet and I went looking for you. Beck said he had seen you go upstairs, so I went looking for you. I stumbled into a room but couldn’t find the light switch so I left it off. I remember falling onto the bed and closing my eyes, the room was spinning and I thought I was going to puke.”
I look up at Lucy, who is seating as still as a statue, tears in her eyes because she knows what’s coming. “I woke to hands running up my thigh, so I lifted my head and saw white angel wings and blond hair opening my jeans. I swear to God, baby, I thought it was you. Anyway, I got to my feet and started kissing your neck. The next thing I know you and Ryder are standing in the doorway and it fucked me up when I saw that it wasn’t you I was kissing. I hate myself for calling her your name, only you should have that name. Ryder stopped me chasing after you because I was in no state to do anything. I screamed after you but you were already gone.” God, I remember Reeve punching me for wh
at happened. “I had to see you that night but we both know how that ended. All I can say is that I am truly sorry for hurting you. I am nothing like Dallas and I hope that deep down you know that too.” I get to my feet and walk over to her, kiss the top of her head and take in her amazing scent. She sags under my kiss.
“I will give you time, Snowflake. I won’t contact you again until you ask me to. I will wait for you to come to me, baby. Just remember, you are my Inside Noise.” I leave my heart with her; it’s up to Lucy to give it back to me. This is the hardest fucking thing I have ever had to do, but I walk out the door and don’t look back. If I do I just might crumble at her feet and beg for forgiveness, which by the way, I am doing if she asks. Yes I am pussy whipped, deal with it.
I decide it’s time to go and see Mama Phoenix; I need some motherly advice. I meant what I said to Lucy, I’m just hoping I can stick to it. I have never been known for doing what I say. I pull up outside Phoenix Records and head into my mom’s office. I say ‘hey’ to a few people in passing and see Sarah the barmaid from Max Point.
“Hey, Sarah. How you doing, not seen you in a while?” In fact, I don’t think I have seen her since the Halloween party and by the look on her face she is siding with Lucy. Oh shit. She stops within an inch of me. I know it’s coming but I can’t seem to stop it, it’s like in the movies when everything goes in slow motion.
Slap!
As Sarah’s hand connects with my face, I see she looks both angry and sad but I can feel her pain. Literally.
“You are a bastard, Rafe Phoenix. I can’t believe you would do that to Lucy. I hope for your sake that she forgives you because you look like shit but I still think you are a rat bastard, just so you know. That slap was from Izzy and me.” She walks past me and out the side door. Wow, talk about girl power.
I shake my head and walk to Mom’s office. She is on the phone when I get in there so I sit quietly and wait for her to finish.
“Ok, that’s brilliant, I will let the boys know. Great, bye.” My mom hangs up the phone and I sit forward, intrigued by who she was talking to.
“Mom, who was that? Sounds like good news.” She smiles at me.
“It was, baby. That was Mr. Franks; he is the manager of the ‘Blazing Summer Festival.’ He wants to book Inside Noise for next summer. He said that they book months in advance just to make sure that the bands commit to the event. I told him I would talk to you boys first and then we can make a decision together, sound good?” I nod like a freaking nodding dog toy in a car window. I jump up and pull Mom up off the couch, swinging her around.
“God, Mom, this couldn’t have come at a better time. I need a pick me up; this thing with Lucy is killing me. I talked to her today,” I say looking down at my shoes. She pats my arm.
“Come and sit with me, baby boy. Now, tell me everything that happened because your brothers and Uncles are loyal to a fault and wouldn’t tell me a thing.” I sigh and tell her everything that happened. I feel like shit now but I am happy that she knows, perhaps she can give me some sound advice.
“Listen, Rafe. She has every right to be angry and upset with you. Hell, I would have busted your dad’s balls far worse than just breaking up with him, but I also understand that you are hurting as well. It’s good that she listened to you and allowed you to explain everything, and like you said, she has to come to you now. Rafe I really don’t think she will though, son. She is frightened that you will hurt her again; baby, you need to show her that she can trust you again and that you love her. Girls like to be shown how men feel, because words are just that Rafe, words.” I smile and nod at her, understanding what I need to do.
“Rafe, showing her that you love her is your only hope, baby.” My heart skips a beat.
“Fuck, what did you just say?” I look my mother in the eyes and she smiles at me.
“First off, don’t swear at me. And second, I said that showing her that you love her is your only hope.” She smiles again. Fuck, does she know that ‘A Walk to Remember’ is one of Lucy’s all-time favorite movies and the song ‘Only Hope’ makes her cry every time?
I jump to my feet and pull my mom in for another hug.
“I love you, Mama. I know I don’t say it often enough but Dad would have been proud of the way you are running Phoenix Records and the way you are handling us boys. We all love you, Mama.” I kiss her cheek and she sniffs.
“Oh, baby boy, your dad taught you well. He would be so damn proud of the men you three have grown up to be. Even though it’s only been a short time since he left us, you three have kept me going. I love my Phoenix boys and Ren. Now go and get your girl back. I love you, Rafe.”
“Love you too, Mom,” I say, running out of her office and heading straight for my car. I sit in the driver’s seat and take a breath. Fuck, will this work? Shit, I hope it does. I hit play on my iPod that’s connected to my car and click on ‘Happy’ by Pharrell Williams. That song alone lifts my spirits.
I know what I have to do to win my Snowflake back, I just hope it fucking works.
Chapter 20
Lucy
I’m back home, sitting on my loveseat in my apartment, reading a book on my Kindle. I finished reading Liam, God I miss that boy. Today I’m reading about a kick ass biker named Braxxon from Crystal Spears ‘Seize Me’ (Breakneck Series). Now this guy is freaking hot as hell, even though he is very demanding. I have been reading a lot since I broke up with Rafe. Between work and the girls it’s the only thing that’s keeping me going. I have read roughly twenty books that range from rock stars (which hurt by the way) to hard ass sexy bikers and some very sweet, flower giving book boyfriends. Don’t judge me.
How many books do you read in a week? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
I have been working so many hours that Mia and Milly actually threatened to get me fired if I didn’t take a break, so as of today I am on one week’s vacation. They can be mean girls when they want to. I have been spending time with all of my friends while avoiding Max Point and instead have been going to Kenzie’s games with Trin and Zach. She has been on fire this season. We went to a few away games, which was so fun. I am really happy that Zach is so supportive of her and can see day by day that he is falling more in love with her. I know that they have said it to each other because Kenzie told me over coffee one morning. She said she was worried about telling me after everything that happened with Rafe, but I told her she was silly for not telling me. She deserves to be happy; all of my friends do.
I got to spend time with Jack and Jordan as well, which has been interesting. We went to a gay club and I was actually hit on by a guy, can you believe that? He said he thought I was gay and that I would like to try out a guy to see what I am missing. Jordan is the perfect fit for Jack, they are so funny together and they both adore each other. I don’t think they have said the ‘L’ word yet but I know how Jack feels. I have told him to stop wasting time and just tell Jordan how he feels because you don’t know when life can take a nasty turn.
The door opens and I hear Tru before I see her.
“Where is the bestest sister in the whole frickin’ world…Oh there you are,” she says. Rounding the corner, she is all big smiles. She jumps into my lap and I almost drop my Kindle. God, she is hyper tonight, she must have been on the Red Bull again.
“Hey, baby sis. What are you doing here?” I ask her. She smiles at me and kisses my cheek.
“Jackson was called into work so me and the girls decided it’s time for a girls night out and it’s happening right now, so move that sexy ass of yours and get changed.” Oh God, I am so not in the mood to go out but my sister doesn’t like being told no. Tru pulls me out of the seat and drags me to my room, where Trinity and Kenzie are pulling clothes out of my closet.
“Girls, really, I don’t want to go out. Where are you going, anyway?” Trin and Kenz turn their backs on me and Tru explains.
“We are going to Max Point and before you freak out, Inside Noise is doing a gig at another club. Jax sai
d that a small local band are singing tonight. Max is trying them out so it’s going to be a quiet girl’s night, ok, Juicy?” I offer her a small smile and nod yes. They all scream and we all start getting ready. We are going smart casual tonight; I’m wearing a pair of faded blue jean shorts with a black sparkly camisole. I have decided to wear my high tops that have a wedge heel.
I text Maisey and ask her to meet us there.
Me: We are going to Max Point tonight, meet us there, chica.
Maisey: Will Do. I’m glad you have decided to have a night out it’s not good being cooped (yes pun intended) up all the time.
Me: I know we are heading out now, Cya in a bit. Loves ya Missy
“Hey, Monty is gonna meet us there. I am all ready, so are you girls ready to go? The quicker we get there the quicker we can have some fun and the quicker I can come home to Braxxon,” I wink at them.
“Who the fuck is Braxxon?” Kenzie asks, with a touch of annoyance in her tone. I run from my bedroom and fetch her my Kindle. I wave it in front of her.
“Braxxon is a super fucking hot biker I’m reading at the moment, chill out.” Jeez, what’s her problem?
We all grab our bags and head for the door. There is a waiting cab for us and we take off towards Max Point. Even though the girls told me that Inside Noise won’t be here tonight, I can’t help the feeling in my stomach that something isn’t right tonight. I just can’t put my finger on it.
We pull up outside Max Point and see Kyle on the door and smile at him.
“Well if it isn’t Little Lucy, how you been, babe?” God, this man is hot and sweet to boot.
“I have been ok, considering.” I shrug and he nods. He stamps my hand and I dread to look at it so I don’t, “Thanks, Kyle.” I walk into the door with the girls hot on my heels. I head straight for the bar, but before I can ask for a drink Tru pushes past me and calls Jackson.