“What do you mean?” she asks quizzically.
“I asked for your father’s permission, so they are waiting.”
“Let’s go home, I want to see our daughter. I love you, Ethan.”
“And I love you. Lucy and I both love you.”
I STILL CAN’T GET MY head around that I am actually doing this today for the second time in my life. Although in my eyes this means so much more to me than the first time. I have never known love like this. And this time everything is going to work out, perfect. Of that I’m sure. I fucking love Sophie with all my heart. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her or Lucy. They are my whole world.
It seems fitting that today, my birthday exactly a year after our first meeting in Libby’s house, that we will become husband and wife.
A Christmas Day wedding.
I thought Libby was going to hit me when I told her of my plans. It is the twins’ first Christmas after all; I remember wanting Lucy’s first to be special. And now as I reflect on last year, it was special. Last Christmas brought an amazing person into not just my life, but Lucy’s as well. And now I couldn’t imagine not having her as part of my life. She is the most amazing mum to our beautiful daughter.
Sophie may not be blood related, but that doesn’t matter. She loves Lucy as though she were her own and that is more than good enough for me. And Lucy loves her. We will make it official; Sophie wants to adopt Lucy.
I have spoken with Tom and Moria about this, because it was the right thing to do. They are more than happy for Sophie to become her mum in the eyes of the law. Having their blessing means so much to both of us. Sophie has assured them when the time comes, she will be more than happy to tell Lucy all about her mummy in heaven. Tell her how special she is, having one mum here to look after her and a special angel in heaven watching after her.
Both Tom and Moria have welcomed Sophie into their family and have helped her feel at ease. They will both be here today, at our request. I did think that they might decline, for obvious reasons. But they both felt so honoured that we had asked them.
I will never forget the first time Lucy called out to Sophie as mummy, it brought tears to not just my eyes but Sophie’s as well. She had been running around playing in the house and had fallen, tripped over her own toys. She was crying and it was mummy she cried for. Sophie picked her up to comfort her, reassure her that she was in fact alright. Daddy didn’t get a look in that day.
We decided on a late intimate wedding, here at the hotel. It meant we could all spend our morning with our children, after all Christmas is for them.
Sophie and I haven’t done anything traditional. We spent last night together so we could both get up with Lucy this morning and spend our morning playing with her and relaxing. Neither of us are stressed about today. I think that in itself has stressed out both our mothers. Sarah is down at our house with Libby and Lucy helping to get my bride-to-be ready.
I can’t wait now until we say those little words, I do.
My parents are with Alex, at their home helping with Ella and Ava. They are beautiful little girls; I think they look like their mother. Alex is going to have his hands full when they grow up and boyfriends are on the scene. That’s a part of Lucy’s life I try not to think about, because I have no idea how on earth I will cope with that.
Sophie and Libby have spent many days and nights organising every last detail of our wedding. Yes, I have had some input, but I was more than happy to leave the details to them. Libby has plenty of experience organising weddings after all. I have no idea if Sophie is going to wear white or some other colour.
“Right you, can you stop bloody day dreaming? You will see her soon enough,” Stephen says, handing me a glass.
“What’s this?” I ask, smelling the contents. Whiskey.
“It might calm you down.”
“I am calm.”
“Tell that to your sister when she needs to order a new carpet for this room, because you’ve worn it down with all that pacing.” I stop. I hadn’t even realised I was pacing the floor.
“Sorry.”
“No need to say sorry. How are you feeling?”
“Happy.” He smiles. “I never knew this was what being in love felt like. I want to spend all my mornings waking up with her and have her fall asleep in my arms every night. If that happens, I will be a very happy man.”
“No regrets?” He asks the question that I still think about on a daily basis. Lindsay. He doesn’t have to say her name for me to understand what he’s meaning.
“You know what, Stephen, I have no regrets. Not anymore, I used to think if I could change the past I would. But no I wouldn’t change any of it, the good the bad or the ugly parts. I’m where I am today because of my past. It’s made me the person I am. It’s made me a stronger person. My past has blessed me with two amazing girls in both Sophie and Lucy, and I want to cherish them every single day. I still get a little sad when I think about Lindsay, but I’m no longer angry. I get upset when I think about Lucy never knowing her mum. She was a very important part of not just my life, but yours and Libby’s as well, for such a long time.”
“Okay, that’s all I wanted to hear. For what it’s worth, Sophie is an amazing girl and I’m happy for all three of you.” I put the glass down and give him a hug. My best friend has been there for me through thick and thin over the years. Yes, our lives have changed and we might not see each other every day. But I know without a shadow of a doubt, he will always be there for me when I need him. Just as I am for him.
“Let’s get downstairs and wait for your bride.”
Sophie
“Mom, please stop fussing,” I tell her as she tries to keep the room tidy. Libby watches in amusement.
“Sweetheart, I’m just trying to help.”
“I know you are.”
“Sophie, I need to get this one dressed now, I’ve left her as long as I can,” says Libby. Lucy wanted her dress on as soon as Ethan left today. I couldn’t let her do that because I know she would never have been clean by the time we got up to the hotel.
“Alright.”
“Then I will help you get into your dress. Sarah, do you want to give me a hand?” Libby must sense I want a moment on my own with her question to my mom.
They all leave the room and I use the time to fix my make-up and put on the present Ethan gave me this morning. The diamond earrings and necklace are stunning. I decide to send him a text.
Me; I will see you soon. X
Ethan; I hope so. Don’t be late x
Me; I won’t x
Ethan; Is Lucy behaving? X
Me; Libby has her. She is fine stop worrying. X
He’s worrying more about today than me.
We have come a long way in the year we have known each other. I think I knew from the first moment I saw Ethan; I could fall for him. And Lucy, what’s not to love about my daughter. My daughter, it still sounds surreal to me. I love her more than I ever thought was possible.
My stomach churns with my excitement. I’m excited to see him. I hope he doesn’t let me down in the clothes department. I want to see him in a kilt again.
Shortly after Ethan proposed, we talked about the kind of wedding we both wanted. I’m not one for being the centre of attention, so it’s only our closest family and friends. Although Connor and Emma won’t be with us today. Emma is nearly at the end of her pregnancy and isn’t fit to fly. She has been ill these last few weeks and spent some time in and out of the hospital. Ethan and I plan on going to New York after New Year with Lucy for a visit, when I will hopefully meet my new niece or nephew. A boy would be nice for everyone after all these girls.
Both Connor and Emma are disappointed not be here for today. Emma and I sorted through our differences this year. We had a lot to discuss, namely her brother. But it’s all in the past; the only thing I want to think about is my future. Our future as a proper family, in name.
I look out my bedroom window to a stunning view. The Loch looks stunning. A pic
ture perfect winter scene is in front of me. I was so excited when I looked out this morning to all the snow. It must have been snowing heavy all night for the ground to be completely covered.
I’m enjoying my few moments alone, just to reflect on the amazing family we have.
The knock on my bedroom door, takes me away from my thoughts.
“Time to get you dressed,” says Libby, entering the room. “Are you ready?”
“Yes, I am. How is Lucy?” I ask.
“She’s perfect. Her dress is beautiful on,” she tells me with a huge smile.
“She’s not the only one looking beautiful.” Libby looks amazing. The simplicity in her dress is perfect for her. This dress I made. It is similar in style to a few of the dresses she wears. Almost backless silver lace and this one is, dare I say it, a little more revealing. Libby always had curves in all the right places, but her boobs are still bigger after having the twins. She looks sexy and if I know my brother well, which I do, he is going to struggle keeping his hands to himself.
“Enough, I’m watching you and I know what you’re thinking,” she says with a smirk. I’m sure she does. I said when she first tried it on what I thought Alex would say. “We need to get you in your dress, because your dad is now downstairs waiting on you.”
All I have to do is get into my dress and put my shoes on. My dress is similar in style to Libby’s although I have opted for white. It’s almost backless and has a small train. This was the very first dress I tried on in the bridal shop where Libby got her wedding dress. Everything about it felt right. I hope Ethan loves it as much as I do. But I have a feeling he will prefer me out of it tonight.
Libby fixes my train and veil before she lets me look in the mirror.
“Absolutely beautiful. You make me so happy,” she says through tear-filled eyes.
“Don’t you start. If you cry, so will I and none of us have time to fix our make-up.”
“Okay, you can look now,” she says.
I step in front of the mirror and gasp as I take in my reflection. I look like a princess. She hands me a tissue and I take it from her and dab my eyes. I close my eyes for a moment. Emotions are overwhelming me.
“You okay?” she asks with concern.
“Yes, I’m just so happy. It’s hard to take in that Ethan has chosen me to spend the rest of his life with and allowed me to be a mother to his most precious daughter.”
“Believe it. He loves you. I’ve known how he felt about you since my wedding,” she tells me.
“Did you?” This is news to me.
“Yes, it was obvious to me he had fallen head over heels. Are we ready to go downstairs?”
“Yes, you go down just give me a minute.”
“Okay.” She gives me a kiss and a tight hug. “If I don’t get a chance to say it, I’m sure Ethan is going to love your present to him. Just as much as Alex loved mine to him, this morning.” I smile hoping she is right because this is one present that can’t be returned and yes I’m nervous about it, just as she was.
I draw in a deep breath to steady my nerves. I’m ready to leave our home and be with my family.
I walk slowly down the stairs holding my dress; Libby is waiting at the bottom. She fixes me before I proceed into the main room.
“Oh, sweetheart, you are beautiful,” my mom says walking toward me. The sound of her voice wavering has me fighting to keep my tears at bay. Libby is on hand with another tissue, I get the feeling I’m going to go through a lot of these.
“Please, Mom don’t start, you’ll set me off,” I warn her, because we don’t have time to re-do my make-up.
“I’m trying,” she says with a sniffle. “Ethan and Lucy are so lucky to have you.”
“I’m the lucky one.”
My eyes fall on Lucy and now I know I’m going to cry. She is standing with her baby doll that goes everywhere with her. Why should today be any different? I watch her as she cradles it in her arms, in the same way Libby holds the twins. She is so gentle even with a doll. She is brilliant with the twins, although she can’t understand why they can’t play with her yet.
I can feel Libby’s eyes on me as I watch my daughter. I turn to her and I know exactly what she’s thinking, because it’s the same as me.
“Mamma,” Lucy shouts when she notices me. Now I’m struggling with my tears. I bend down as she runs toward me and scoop her up in my arms. “Mamma is petty.” I kiss her on her lips. “Lucy, stick on.”
I hear my mom laugh. “Yes, Lucy has mummy’s lipstick on now. Isn’t Lucy a very pretty girl today? Should we go and find Daddy?” I ask her.
“Yes, Dada.”
“Now look at all these beautiful girls in the same room,” says my dad walking toward us. “Are you ready, baby girl?”
Lucy answers him. “Yeah,” she squeals. “Get Dada.”
“Yes, we will go and get daddy,” he tells her.
Libby takes Lucy from my arms, and tells my mom they should head on to the hotel. Lucy wants to stay with me, but Libby tells her Uncle Alex has the girls and they were all waiting for her. That works. She loves Ella and Ava. With a final kiss from the three of them, they leave.
“It’s just me and you, baby girl. You look stunning,” he says trying to compose himself. As I look at my dad my smile grows. I now know what Ethan is wearing. My dad is in full Stewart Tartan highland dress, and it does suit him. “What?” he asks. “I thought I should make the effort, it’s not every day I give my baby away.”
“No, it’s not. This will be the one and only time.”
“I just want to say this; your mom and I are so proud of you. You are an amazing young lady and we both wish you all the happiness that you truly deserve. We will both always be here whenever you need us.” He smiles warmly at me. We both know my mom would be here in Scotland everyday if she could. She misses both Alex and I. Connor doesn’t visit her as much as he used to before he was married. I know they will both see more of Connor and Emma after she has the baby.
“Are you ready to make a young man very happy?” I nod, because I can’t do anything else.
I take a deep breath to control my emotions and our eyes meet. “Yes, Dad, I’m ready.” He hands me my bouquet.
Murphy is waiting outside to take us to the hotel. I didn’t want to bother with fancy cars, but Alex insisted that Murphy at least drive me.
“Miss Mathews, you look beautiful,” he says opening the door for me.
“Thanks, Murphy.”
He and Joan are spending the day with us as well. They are practically family. I’m sure Joan won’t get a minute’s peace from Lucy today. She dotes on her along with everyone else.
Libby is standing inside the hotel entrance with Lucy in her arms and Kieran beside her. I know both of them have worked tirelessly for me this week, Libby more so, especially when she should be taking it easier.
Who am I kidding, Libby and taking it easy don’t go together.
“Do we need to re-do make-up before we go through?” she asks.
“No. Not at the moment, but I know it won’t be long until my tears fall.”
“Let’s get you through with the rest of the family,” says Kieran. “Then the tears can flow, honey.”
It’s only now that I notice the photographer. My request when I met him was that I didn’t want to pose for pictures; I wanted all pictures to look as natural as possible.
We stop outside the main sitting room or drawing room as I like to call it. The room is cosy and has amazing views across the Loch. I have to admit I have fallen in love with here, I totally understand Libby’s fascination with it.
I hear the music start to play.
“The next time I speak to you, you will be Mrs. Stewart,” Libby says, giving me a kiss. I watch her as she takes Lucy’s hand and walks inside.
“He’s waiting for you,” Dad says.
“Let’s do this.” I nod as one lonely tear trickles down my face. He wipes it away.
We round the corner and walk
to the door, just in time to see Ethan take Lucy in his arms. I catch Libby’s eye and she smiles, I can see she is already crying. Alex wraps his arms around her warmly. Ethan notices and he turns to face me. He’s standing with our girl in his arms and Stephen by his side.
Dad nudges me. I take my lead from him one step at a time and walk toward my future. My happily-ever-after.
I can smell all the fresh flowers in the room, but right now I couldn’t tell you what is in the room. My focus is on two people only, Ethan and Lucy. There could be a thousand people in this room and I wouldn’t see any of them. I do hear my mom, she’s crying.
My dad stops and kisses me on the cheek and places my hand in Ethan’s before taking his seat beside Mom.
“Mama, Dada,” Lucy calls out. We both kiss her at the same time. “Mama petty.”
“No, baby girl, mummy is beautiful,” he tells her looking straight at me.
“Family, because I have been assured by Ethan and Sophie, that everyone in this room today is family,” the registrar starts.
“I now have pleasure in introducing to you all Mr. and Mrs. Stewart. You may kiss your wife.”
Ethan doesn’t have to be told twice before his lips meet mine with softness and love.
“ME ISS. Dada.” Lucy is upset and wanting a kiss as well. We both give her a big kiss and that seems to settle her.
“I love you so much, Mrs. Stewart.”
“I love you too. Would you like your birthday present?” I ask him. He looks at me all wide eyed. I turn to Libby and she smiles. Alex looks between the two of us, trying to see if he can suss out what’s going on.
“You have another present for me?” he asks.
“Of course I have. It’s your birthday after all. I just hope this one makes you happy.”
“Anything you give me will make me happy.”
I lean in toward his ear. “I have some news for you. Well, I suppose Libby and I both have some news for you. How do you feel about becoming a father and an uncle again?”
“Shit, seriously?” He hands Lucy to Stephen, picks me up and spins me around. “I bloody love you, Mrs. Stewart; you have made me so happy.” I look at him and his tears are falling.
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