Zoe nodded. “Yeah, I understand.”
“Okay.” Her mother leaned back, rubbing her eyes with one hand and holding the cigarette with the other. Her hair was a mess. Between that, her red eyes, and the lines the harsh living room light etched into her forehead, she looked a hundred years old. Nothing at all like the girl with the purple eye shadow.
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
Zoe slipped past her and sat on the sofa. “When I was born, did you quit working so you could stay at home and take care of me?”
Her mother pushed some stray hairs off her forehead. “Your dad and I thought it would be good if you had someone around.”
“I understand that part. But why didn’t you keep designing? Do freelance work, like when I was at school and stuff?”
Her mother frowned, not the furious kind Zoe had grown used to but something more introspective. She leaned back into the sofa cushions. “I used to be really good, you know? Then I stopped when you were little. When I thought about going back to work, it felt like everything had passed me by. There was all this new software I didn’t know and there were these kids who were so damned good at it. I didn’t know how to get back in the game.” She puffed the cigarette, made a face, and crushed it with the others in the saucer. She shook her head. “That’s a lie. I choked. Simple as that. Once I stopped, I was too scared to fight my way back in.”
“But you wanted to?”
“Hell, yeah,” she said. “It’s funny, you asking about this. Before he died, your dad and I were talking about it. He could get me discounts on some digital graphics classes through his company. What made you ask about this now?”
“No reason. I just wondered,” Zoe said. She took a long breath and let it out. “I’m going to my room now, okay?” Her mother nodded.
Zoe got up and started for her bedroom. Halfway there, she turned around and came back. From the chair, her mother looked up at her. When Zoe leaned down, her mother looked unsure and flinched a little. Zoe kissed her on the cheek.
“I promised someone I’d do that.”
“Who?”
“I promised I wouldn’t tell.”
“Set your alarm a little early,” said her mother. “I rented a car. I’m driving you to school in the morning and picking you up after school until you’re caught up on your work.”
Damn. “Yeah, okay. ’Night.”
“ ’Night.”
Zoe was still shaky, but she was also exhausted. She felt like a deflated balloon, limp and shapeless. She tried to push the fight with her mother out of her head, and she lay down without taking her clothes off. It’s just for a minute, she told herself. Just until I catch my breath. She snapped the rubber band twice.
A couple of minutes later, she was fast asleep.
In her dream she was near the tree that held the fort, but this was one of those rare nights where she didn’t materialize in the fort itself. Looking out across the field, she knew why this time was different. The normally empty field tonight was full of carnival rides. Zoe instantly recognized the carousel and Ferris wheel that she and her father had ridden in Iphigene. She called up to Valentine to come down and go on the rides with her. She started toward the spinning carousel, then stopped. A black dog sat on the edge of the platform. A woman-shaped shadow, darker this time, rode one of the carousel horses, a fierce black war-horse in shining armor. Zoe took a step back and her foot came down on something soft. It hissed. A snake.
The field was covered in a black, writhing river of glistening fangs and dead green eyes. Zoe froze, one hand on the ladder that led up to the fort and the other up defensively by her throat. Her mouth remained closed, but somewhere in the back of her brain she was screaming. She knew that all she had to do was step up onto the ladder and climb the few feet and she’d be out of danger, but she couldn’t move. Her eternal, primal fear of snakes paralyzed her, froze her in place. The snakes seethed around her feet, their bodies sighing through the short grass until it sounded to her like a crack in the earth letting out the world’s last wheezing breath before it died.
Something fastened around Zoe’s wrist. She started to scream, but her throat closed up and she couldn’t make a sound. She felt herself being pulled upward. Zoe looked up to see Valentine reaching down from the top of the ladder, trying to haul her up. Seeing him above her snapped her out of her frozen fear and she began to climb. When she got to the top, Valentine pulled her up the last few feet into the fort. She fell back against the railing, out of breath. Valentine was panting, too.
“Thanks,” she wheezed, then coughed drily.
“Breathe,” said Valentine between his own deep breaths. “In through your nose and out through your mouth.”
Zoe nodded, following his instructions. She already felt calmer, and in a couple of minutes the breathing slowed her heartbeat and she was no longer gulping air. When she could talk again, she said, “Where did they all come from?”
Valentine shrugged. “From the mountains, I think. Did you bring the carnival?”
Zoe looked over her shoulder at the bright inviting lights on the rides. “I guess so,” she said. “I was just at a park like that. I must have dreamed the rides here.”
“You went to an amusement park?”
Zoe nodded. “Yeah. Dad was there.”
Valentine looked at her for a moment, like he was carefully considering his words. It wasn’t the reaction Zoe had been expecting. “You saw Father? Where?”
“This crazy town called Iphigene. That’s what I wanted to tell you tonight, but the snakes spooked me.”
“Don’t worry about them. They’re scary, but not poisonous.”
“That doesn’t help much,” said Zoe, embarrassed at how small her voice sounded.
Valentine pulled her to her feet, grabbed a handful of almonds that had fallen from the tree, and dropped them over the sides. The snakes ignored them. He leaned over the railing, hawked up something in his throat, and spit over the edge. There was no reaction from below. The snakes were too busy striking at swarms of fireflies that swirled out of the nearby grove.
“See?” Valentine said. “They’re not too bright.”
Zoe remained unconvinced, but nodded at Valentine.
“Tell me about Iphigene,” he said. He tried to make the request sound spontaneous, but Zoe could hear tension in his voice. “How do you even know about the place?”
“I told you. I was there. It’s where the dead go and wait before they go on to wherever.”
“How did you get there?”
“By bus!” Zoe said, laughing, happy to reveal the craziest part of her trip. But Valentine didn’t smile back. He looked concerned.
“Emmett sent me,” Zoe said. “With this old machine. An Animagraph.”
Valentine kicked a few more almonds down onto the snakes. “Did Emmett ask you for anything?”
She didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to be yelled at twice in one night, and she especially didn’t want to be yelled at by Valentine. Why couldn’t someone just be happy for her?
“You said before that he didn’t ask for anything, but I don’t know if you were telling me the truth. People like Emmett, they always ask for something.”
“How do you know?”
“I see a lot up here.” Valentine nodded to the telescope propped against the tree.
Zoe looked out at the spinning carousel. “I gave him a tooth.”
Valentine whirled around. “You gave him one of your teeth?” Valentine said, fear or anger edging into his voice.
“No!” said Zoe. “I gave him a tooth. Not my tooth.” It felt like everyone was after her tonight.
Very quietly, Valentine said, “What do you think he wanted with one of your teeth?”
“I don’t know. He’s a lonely old weirdo who bribes girls for souvenirs. He probably beats off to them when he goes home.”
“I wouldn’t be so worried if that’s all it was.”
“What do you mean?”
“What kind of power?”
“I don’t know exactly,” said Valentine. He crossed his arms and frowned. “The point is that anyone who asks you for something like that isn’t your friend. Emmett is dangerous and he wants a lot more from you than a tooth.”
“But he sent me to see Dad. He’s going to let me take Dad’s spirit home tomorrow.”
“And what does he want for that?”
Zoe bit the inside of her cheek. It hurt immediately, so she stopped. She wanted to yell at Valentine the same way she’d yelled at her mother. She’d come here to share something wonderful with him and he was spoiling it by being more scared of a silly old creep than she was of snakes. And snakes were real and could really hurt you. Zoe wasn’t scared of Emmett. She’d handled jocks trying to cop feels in the hallways at school and her friends’ stepfathers when they got too touchy-feely. Zoe knew she could take care of herself, but knew Valentine wouldn’t believe her. It was still Valentine, though, and she didn’t want to lie to him again.
“Some of my blood,” she said.
“Blood,” said Valentine flatly. He shook his head. “You can’t see him again. No matter what he promised you.”
“Look, if he’s as bad as you say, then I can’t leave Dad with him.”
“Father can take care of himself. He wouldn’t want you putting yourself in danger.”
“I don’t believe this,” said Zoe. All the frustration and anger she’d felt earlier with her mother was coming back. “What do you mean control me? For what? You think he wants to rape me or something?”
“Maybe,” said Valentine evenly. “But there are some things even worse.”
“Like what?”
Valentine shook his head and walked to the far end of the platform.
“I’m only going back one more time,” said Zoe. “Then I’m never going to see him again.”
“You’re in danger already.”
“You know what? I don’t care,” Zoe shouted. “I’ve seen a lot of stuff in the last few days and I’m willing to sacrifice a little of my safety for Dad because I know he’d do it for me.”
Valentine picked up the telescope and walked around to the far side of the tree without saying a word. When Zoe came around the tree, he was holding the telescope up and was looking at the mountain.
“Want to hear something funny?” Zoe asked.
“Always.”
“A girl told me she wanted to kiss me.”
Valentine slid the telescope sections in and out, focusing it. “I can see that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re pretty. Why wouldn’t she want to kiss you?”
Zoe looked away, embarrassed by the compliment.
“Is she cute?” Valentine asked.
“Yeah. You’d like her.”
“You’ll have to introduce me sometime.”
Zoe grinned and leaned back against the tree. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell someone.”
Valentine came over and hugged her. “Thanks,” he said. Zoe nodded. She reached up, grabbed a low branch, and lifted up her feet. She hung there until her arms got tired and she had to put her feet down again.
“Come here,” Valentine said from over by the railing. He pulled a book of matches from his back pocket. As Zoe came up next to him, he struck a match and let it drop. The match became a microscopic meteor streaking to the ground. But before it could hit, a half-dozen snakes struck at it. He lit another match and dropped it. The snakes struck at that one, too. He handed the matches to Zoe and let her toss a few. Each time she tossed a burning match toward them, the snakes attacked. She remembered Mr. Danvers saying that snakes had lousy eyes, but could sense the heat their prey gave off.
“See? They’re easy to fool,” said Valentine.
When Zoe got bored teasing the snakes, she gave the matches back to Valentine and looked over the field to the rides. “It’s too bad we can’t go over there.”
“That’s okay,” Valentine said. He was back looking through the telescope. “It’d be kind of weird with whatever’s on the mountain.” He handed the telescope to Zoe and pointed to the mountain, at a spot near the peak. Zoe put her eye to the lens and peered through.
The mountain was still swallowed by mist. It raged in brutal gusts, forming a slow whirlwind like a procession of angry ghosts. Through the mist, Zoe could just make out a shape that looked like a man hunkered down in the snow. There was a glint of something shiny nearby. The mist cleared for a second and Zoe got a better look at him. The man’s face was covered, but she saw that he, too, had a telescope. And he was looking right at her and Valentine. She remembered something Emmett said: “I watch people.” But she knew it couldn’t be him in her dream, so she pushed the thought out of her head.
“I don’t want you to go see that Emmett guy again,” Valentine said. “But I know you will, so you need to be careful.”
Zoe looked at him. “I still have Dad’s razor.”
“Keep it with you for a while. Don’t let it out of your sight.”
Zoe got up early and went straight to her closet. At the bottom of the box where she’d retrieved her baby teeth, she found her father’s shaving kit. She’d found it in the trash when they were packing up the old house, which had really pissed her off. Her mother had been on a rampage to get rid of sharp objects, and maybe there was good reason for her attitude at the time. Zoe had been a little crazy during the weeks between the funeral and the sale of the house. But so was her mother, she thought, which maybe explains why she thought it was a good idea to throw away the whole kit. Good thing that Zoe had made a point of sifting through the trash cans during the night, looking for lost treasures.
She took the straight razor from the shaving kit and went to hide it under the T-shirts in her dresser. When she opened the drawer she could tell that the T-shirts had been moved. She always stacked the East Coast and West Coast punk bands in different piles. Now they were mixed together, which meant that her mother was looking for contraband in her room yesterday. Good, she thought. She’s already checked the drawer, so it’s the perfect place to hide something. When she’d slid the kit under the shirts, Zoe tucked the straight razor into her back pocket and put on one of her father’s old Fear T-shirts, one that hung low and loose over her hips. She checked herself in the mirror and nodded, satisfied that the shirt covered the outline of the razor.
There was a soft knock at the door and her mother stuck her head in. “You ready to go?”
“Yep,” Zoe said, grabbing her backpack from the floor. She tried to look cheerful on the way out but felt too weird, so she settled for trying to look relaxed.
The drive to school was mercifully short. The car wasn’t even too embarrassing—a relatively new, red, four-door Honda Civic. Zoe found a song she liked on the radio, but when she turned it up, one of the speakers in the back crackled and died. She sighed and turned it off. They rode the rest of the way in silence.
She was hoping that her mother would drop her and speed away in the rented car. She had to suppress a groan when, after they stopped, her mother shifted the car into neutral.
“Thanks for the ride,” Zoe said, and reached for the door handle. Her mother put a hand on her arm.
“I have to go see the lawyers today and then I have a second interview at a place I went last week,” she said.
“That’s great. Good luck,” said Zoe.
“Thanks. Promise me you’ll go to your classes and be good. I’ll pick you up at four.”
“I promise,” she said, feeling funny and wondering how she could possibly keep the promise and still make it to Emmett’s.
“I know there’s something else going on that you’re not telling me about,” said her mother. “I won’t push you on it. When you’re ready, I want you to know that you can talk to me and tell me anything.”
“I know. Thanks,” Zoe said, feeling gratitude for her mother reaching out, but fear that the timing was all wrong. “See you later.”
She got out of the car, feeling pure relief as her mother drove away.
It was like she had a fever all day. Zoe felt hot and her classes were all a complete blank. She’d sit through English or history, and as she walked out the door realize that she hadn’t heard a word or remembered a thing that anyone had said. Not even Mr. Danvers’s class got through the fog that enveloped her brain. He was talking about reptiles again, but her mind kept leaping from one thought to the next, one problem to another.
How was she going to get to Emmett’s and back without breaking her promise to her mother? Not that breaking promises or lying had stopped her from much of anything recently . . . And if she did ditch her afternoon classes, could she make it back to school before four?
And if she did make it to Emmett’s, then what? She kept playing Valentine’s warning over and over in her head. She wondered about the man on the mountain, looking at them through a telescope. Had it been Emmett? Why would it be him? She’d gone back to him day after day and given him what he wanted. Well, except for that last time, she thought. Still, he got a tooth, another creepy trophy for his collection. What more could he want from her? Then she shifted in her seat and felt the razor in her pocket, which brought back Valentine’s warning.
Absynthe wasn’t helping. Sitting a couple of rows ahead of Zoe, Absynthe could always find the perfect moment, when the other kids were distracted by one of Mr. Danvers’s skulls or a drawing on the blackboard, to turn and shoot Zoe an inquiring look. She mouthed, “How did it go?”
Zoe just shrugged and mouthed, “Talk to you after class.”
When the bell rang, Zoe lost Absynthe in the mad rush as people ran off to lunch or the bleachers for a beer or weed break. When she didn’t see Absynthe by the lockers or in the hallway, she went outside and around the building to the staircase that Absynthe had led her to yesterday. Sure enough, Absynthe was there, leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette. Her hair looked very blue in the sunlight. She wore a black thrift-store little girl’s party dress, trimmed in moth-eaten white lace, and green-and-black-striped tights tucked into the tops of shiny thick-soled boots covered in laces and buckles. They looked like something from a science-fiction movie. Zoe smiled to herself.
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