Cassandra walked down the rest of the stairs and stood in front of the door to challenge Diane. “You can’t leave this baby here.”
“Oh, yes I can,” Diane said with hands on hips. “I didn’t lie down and make this baby on my own, and I’m not going to be a fool and take care of her on my own.”
Cassandra turned to JT and said, “You can’t let her do this. I can’t take care of you, our kids and this woman’s child too.”
JT was struggling trying to hold the baby. He tried to switch her to the arm that had the cast, but he wasn’t steady enough. He almost dropped the baby. Cassandra looked at Diane. The woman didn’t even move to grab her baby. Cassandra took the child out of JT’s arm and held her. She looked back at Diane with daggers in her eyes and said, “Is this what you want, Diane, another woman raising your child?”
“Hey, get used to it. Because if you stay with JT, you’re going to be raising a bunch of children that you didn’t give birth to,” Diane said as she turned and walked away from them.
JT picked up his cane and followed Diane down the path toward the driveway. “Look, Diane, this is not right. You can’t leave your baby on us. I won’t stand for it.”
Diane opened her car door, pulled the diaper bag out and handed it to JT. “I no longer care what you want, JT. You showed me what you were all about when you wouldn’t even come see your own baby.”
“Stop saying that. She’s not my baby!”
Diane got in her car and started it. She rolled the window down and said, “She needs a bottle, so rush on back into the house and feed your baby.” She drove off without looking back.
JT hung his head as he walked back into the house. He closed the door and looked at Cassandra with guilt-ridden eyes. Cassandra wanted to hit him, but she was holding the baby and no matter how mad she was at JT, she wouldn’t harm an innocent child. “What are we supposed to do, JT?”
“I don’t know, Cassandra.” He swiped his hand over his head and then asked, “Do you think we can keep her until we get the DNA test results back?”
“I’m hanging on by a thread right now. I don’t know how much more I can take,” Cassandra told him as she walk away shaking her head.
CHAPTER 22
Cassandra took the basinet and playpen out of the garage. She set the basinet up in her bedroom and the playpen in the family room. Aaron was using eight ounce bottles now, so she took the four ounce bottles she had put away out of the cabinet, boiled them and then filled them with some of Aaron’s baby formula. Her heart was heavy through it all. But Cassandra could no more mistreat this child than she could her own. She still remembered how she felt as a child when Bishop Turner’s wife, Susan, treated her like an intruder.
Cassandra still didn’t understand why her mother allowed Bishop to pick her up once a month for weekend visits. Bishop was her godfather, and she loved him for everything he’d done for her. But she really could have done without those weekend visits. Susan seemed angry every time she saw her. Cassandra had to admit though, as time went on and she grew up, her relationship with Susan improved, but she still never forgot feeling unwanted whenever she was in Susan’s presence.
A baby started crying. Cassandra didn’t know if it was Lily or Aaron. But one thing was for sure, both of them would be crying by the time she reached them. So she grabbed both an eight ounce and a four ounce bottle and ran up the stairs.
Just as she thought, Aaron sat up in his crib screaming his head off, while Lily wailed from her basinet. She gave Aaron his bottle and laid him back down in his crib, hoping he would cooperate. She then walked over to the basinet, picked Lily up and rocked her in her arms while giving her a bottle. Cassandra smiled as she looked down at the beautiful little girl in her arms. Looking at Lily made Cassandra think of Sarah. It hurt for a moment and a tear slid down her face. The nipple fell out of Lily’s mouth and she began to cry again. Cassandra put the bottle back in her mouth and sang, “There’s a Lily in the valley, and you’re bright as the morning star.”
Jerome picked that moment to run up stairs and yell, “Mom, Dad said we need to go to the hospital.”
Aaron then popped back up, crying and holding out his arms for Cassandra. Lily turned her head from the bottle and started screaming again also. By the time Cassandra and the children were all ready to go to the hospital and take the DNA test, Cassandra was ready to scream herself. She’d had enough.
JT was in his room listening to one of his gospel CDs and reading his Bible. He was looking up verses on forgiveness because he found himself growing angry with Diane for disrupting his house and getting Cassandra so upset that she refused to even speak to him. But JT had to admit that he had no right to be angry with Diane. He was a married man when Diane approached him, and if he didn’t want drama in his life, then he should have told her to keep stepping. But he hadn’t done that. He’d reveled in his sins. Now he was reading his word and trying to find a way to forgive Diane. Truth be told, JT was also trying to forgive himself. He closed his Bible and was getting ready to pray when there was a knock on his door. “Come in,” he said as he put his Bible on the table next to his chair.
Cassandra walked into his room. She stood with her back against the wall. JT asked, “Is everyone ready to go?”
“Yes, but I need to talk to you first.” Her face was set as she said, “I’ve tried to help you get through this time of healing. But then one of your women left a dead rat on my doorstep and another left her baby for me to take care of; I’m done.”
He tried to stop her from finishing what she was saying. He held up his hand. “Don’t say it, Cassandra.”
She took a deep breath and said, “I want a divorce.”
“Baby,” JT said as he stood up and walked toward her.
She was still leaning against the wall, but tears were flowing down her face. She shook her head. “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
JT was standing in front of her now. He wished he had the use of both arms so he could wipe the tears from both her cheeks at one time. But he made do with the one arm he had the use of and wiped away her tears. “Don’t do this, Cassandra. You are the kindest person I know. And if Lily turns out to be my child, I know that you will grow to love her. Just give us a chance.”
“Lily’s not the problem, JT. Believe it or not, I care about that little girl already. And even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t mistreat her. The problem is you. I don’t trust you, and I can’t raise all these kids on my own.”
“You won’t have to. I’ll help.”
She smirked at that. “I’ve asked you to help me with the boys since I had them, but you never would. You said that’s the reason I stay at home, to do everything for the kids. Well, I’m not going to do this anymore.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not the same man that did all that stuff to you. I don’t know how to make you believe that, but I will spend the rest of my life trying, if you just give me the chance.”
She moved his hand from her face. “It’s too late, JT.”
“What do you want me to do, Sanni?”
“I’ve asked you not to call me that. You haven’t earned the right to be so personal with me.”
His face was tortured as he told her, “I’ve lost so much already, Cassandra. I really don’t want to lose you, too. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I want my family.”
She pulled herself off the wall. Anger flared in her eyes. “You should have thought about that before you got another woman pregnant.” She turned to walk out of his room, put her hand on the door knob and then turned back to JT. “You can stay here while you look for another place to live, but I’d like you to move out within a month.”
She walked out of his room, and JT didn’t stop her. He looked to heaven and shook his head. He walked back to his bed and fell on his knees. The tears that flowed down Cassandra’s face were nothing like the rain storm flowing down his face right now. He cried out to the Lord, “How much more, Lord? How much more?” He stretched out on t
he floor and poured out his heart to God.
“This hurts, Lord. But if this is what I have to go through to grow in faith, then continue to purge me. Please create in me a clean heart. I just want to be right, God. So, do what You have to do to me, but help me. I can take losing everything else, Lord. But I can’t take losing You or my family. Please help Cassandra find forgiveness in her heart.” When he was finished praying, he got off the floor and left the house with his family so he could go take a paternity test.
CHAPTER 23
Just as JT suspected, the rest of the week was a nightmare. Handling all three kids was too much for Cassandra. JT wasn’t much help since he only had the use of one arm. So after they went to the hospital to take the DNA test, Cassandra called her mother for help. Mattie arrived at their house within thirty minutes with three suitcases. She pushed the door open, sighed and then said, “Whew, Baby Girl, I got here as fast as I could. I told you not to marry that low life. Didn’t I tell you?”
JT was in the entryway with Cassandra when his mother-in-law came in. He gave her a crooked smile and said, “I love you too, Mother-in-law.”
Mattie scrunched her nose as if she’d smelled a dead rat, covered in sour milk. “I don’t like the sound of that. I hope you won’t be able to call me mother-in-law for very long.”
“Okay, Mom, now I asked for your help. But please don’t start,” Cassandra said.
Jerome ran to Mattie and hugged her. “Grandma, Grandma, you’re here.”
“Hey, Scooter. Of course I’m here. I had to come see about you didn’t I?” she said as she bent to hug her grandson.
JT pulled Cassandra aside and asked, “How long does your mom think she’s staying here?”
Cassandra rolled her eyes and walked away from him while shaking her head. JT observed that Cassandra had been shaking her head at him a lot lately. He couldn’t wait to get the results of the test. He hoped that he and Cassandra would be able to move on with their lives once they received the results but the way Cassandra was acting, JT didn’t even know if she would still be in the house each morning when he awoke. He kept expecting to find her closet empty with a note saying that she and the boys had gone to her mother’s house. But of course, Cassandra had told him to get out, so he guessed that Mattie had moved in for good.
Mattie took care of Lily so that Cassandra didn’t have to do it all. But the following week, when the cast came off his arm, Mattie brought the baby to his room and said, “Guess what, Preacher Man? You gon’ be taking care of your own child from this point on.”
“Look, Mattie, don’t open my door without knocking on it first,” JT told her.
“Boy, you just take this baby. Her diaper needs to be changed.”
JT said, “Can you take her to Cassandra?”
Mattie forcefully put Lily in his arms, dropped the diaper bag at his feet and said, “I wish I would.” She wagged her finger at him. “You are a real low-life. I wish my daughter had never laid eyes on you.”
He lowered his head in shame. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I should change her diaper myself,” JT admitted.
Mattie harrumphed. “You gon’ be doing more than that for yourself. Cassandra is finally coming to her senses about you. Now that you’ve got that cast off your arm, you will be out of here soon.”
JT laid Lily on his bed and was in the process of changing her diaper while Mattie was on her tirade. He turned toward his mother-in-law and asked, “Why are you so hateful?”
“’Cause I can’t stand jack-legged preachers like you, thinking you rule the world. But you ain’t worth the time it took your mama to push you out.” She left his room after making that remark.
JT’s eyes rolled heavenward. His mother-in-law really tested his salvation. He knew one thing for sure. If he could make it through a conversation with Mattie Davis without cursing her out, he must be crawling his way back to God. Lily let out a small cry. JT sat down in his chair and rocked her. This was the first time since Lily had been in his home that he’d actually made time for her. Looking in her face, JT wondered if this child could really be his. She didn’t look like his other kids, but did that really matter?
His bedroom door opened again as Mattie brought Lily’s basinet into his room. “She’s going to sleep in here with you from now on.” Mattie laughed as she added, “Enjoy yourself, because this baby wakes up about three times a night.”
JT tried the high road approach with Mattie. “Thank you for helping us out with her. I’ve been trying to reach her mother so that she can pick Lily up, but I haven’t had any success.”
Mattie laughed at him again. “Cassandra didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Diane dropped her other three children off with Deacon Benson and left town. She’s starting a new life in a new city, or so she said.”
JT started stuttering. “B-but s-she can’t do that. S-she c-can’t just leave us with her child.”
Mattie put her hands on her hips as she said, “Let’s get one thing straight, Mr. Adultery Committing Pastor, Diane didn’t leave nothing on us. She left this baby on you. And you are the only somebody that’s responsible for taking care of her.”
“If this baby is proven not to be mine, then Cassandra doesn’t have to worry about helping me take care of her.”
Smirking, Mattie said, “You can save that for somebody else. I know all about you, my-wife-doesn’t-understand-my-ministry type of pastors, and I’m sorry I ever let that jack-leg bishop talk Cassandra into marrying the likes of you.” Her eyes bore into him with contempt as she walked out of his room and closed the door behind her.
JT felt unwanted in his own house. He wanted to stay in his room and not bother anyone for the rest of the day. But Lily needed a bottle. He walked out of his bedroom and headed toward the kitchen to get a bottle. He heard Cassandra and Mattie talking and stopped to listen.
Mattie said, “When are you going to get some sense in your head and realize that that dog ain’t about to change?”
“He’s different, Mama,” Cassandra said.
“He’s holding his breath. What do you think; that he’s going to act like the dog he is, when he knows he needs you? No, he’s waiting until his luck changes. But you mark my words, girl. As soon as things are looking up for him, he is going to show out on you all over again.”
“I’m not saying that I’m going to stay married to JT. I’m just saying I see a different man these days. He’s been humbled in ways I don’t even think he realizes,” Cassandra said.
“Yeah, well you keep philosophizing and you’re going to have a house full of humble children from wayward women to take care of.”
“That’s not fair, Mother. You act like you think I’m stupid.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid,” Mattie said. “You’ve got a big heart. You were always like this, even when you were a kid. I still remember all those stray dogs you brought home and loved and cared for until we found a home for them. But Cassandra, honey, the dog you have now don’t need your love. He needs a swift kick.”
As JT listened to his wife, his heart lifted a bit. He understood why she wouldn’t want him as a husband anymore, he hoped to change her mind, but he understood. But what lifted his heart was the fact that Cassandra had noticed a change in him. Not wanting to hear any more of Mattie’s insults, JT walked into the kitchen and greeted everyone. Cassandra was seated at the table feeding the boys. Mattie was at the sink washing dishes.
Cassandra said, “Good morning, JT. How is Miss Sleep-as-little-as-possible doing?”
He smiled at Cassandra’s joke as he looked at the baby in his arms. “Right now she wants a bottle.” He looked at his boys and asked, “Do you need me to do anything for you or the boys?”
“No, but it looks like you need me to hold Lily while you get her bottle.” Cassandra took the baby out of JT’s arms.
JT saw Mattie roll her eyes, but he ignored her as he asked, “Does she have any bottles ready?”
Cassandra pointed. “They’re in the fridge, but you need to warm it in hot water before giving it to Lily.”
“Okay, thanks,” JT said as he took a bottle out of the refrigerator. Mattie handed him a pot with water in it. At first JT thought she was going to throw the contents of the pot on him, so he jumped back.
Mattie laughed wickedly and said, “Boy, put that bottle in this pot.”
“Thank you,” he said, feeling stupid for assuming she was trying to scald him with a pot of hot grits or something. He turned on the stove and then turned back to Cassandra. “What are you and the boys planning to do today?”
“I’m getting ready to take the boys into the family room and let them watch a few educational cartoons,” Cassandra told him.
“Do you mind if Lily and I join you?”
Cassandra looked at JT but didn’t answer.
He got the message and backed off. “Hey, I wasn’t trying to crowd you. I just thought we could spend some time with the boys together.”
“You know what, JT?” Cassandra said with a smile on her face, “You are more than welcome to spend time with the boys this morning. If you want to pick out the DVDs while I finish feeding them breakfast, that would be great.”
“Thanks, Cassandra,” JT said as he walked out of the kitchen in search of the DVDs for his sons.
JT hadn’t put more than a foot outside of the kitchen when he heard Mattie say, “Don’t be a fool, Cassandra. You gon’ regret giving that devil an inch.”
He wanted to turn around and plead his case. He needed Cassandra to believe that he would never take her for granted again. But how could he convince her of something like that while she was holding proof positive of a situation that should have never happened. He kept walking, went into the family room and looked through the DVDs. Cassandra was really good about making sure the kids participated in learning activities. She purchased all sorts of learning tools for the kids. He found a Heroes of the Bible DVD and pulled it out. He also pulled out a Dora the Explorer learning DVD. He then went back to the kitchen to take Lily’s bottle out of the pot, but Mattie already had the bottle in her hand.
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