“It still doesn’t make it okay, Hailey. She was passed out.” And then I couldn’t help myself. I had to ask.
“Did Jane sleep with him?” I kept my eyes out the window, waiting for her reply. It made me sick to think of Jane with Mac.
Hailey kept her eyes on the road. Shrugged. “I don’t know. There’re rumors.” She glanced at me and grinned. “But the other rumor is that I slept with Josh Parker. And I’m the only virgin left in Haletown.”
I reached for her free hand. “No. You’re not the only one.”
Hailey pulled up to a red light. She glanced over at me, her eyes wide, then threw back her head, laughing. I looked at her. Her red curls framed her pretty face, and the light shone on her eyes.
“Oh my God, Zack! You totally crack me up.” She rubbed my hand with hers, and then leaned forward to slap at my leg. Her boob brushed against my arm.
“You’re the most gorgeous boy I’ve ever met. You’re a hockey player. And you’re a virgin?”
She looked me in the eyes. Hers sparkled with delight. I grabbed her other hand. She didn’t pull away. She smiled, then said, “You’re actually still a virgin. Oh, God!”
We stared at each other, kind of giggling, not looking away. Our eyes locked. She was so beautiful, my friend. And fun. And her boobs were enormous. Our smiles faded, but we kept staring at each other. I looked deeply at Hailey, I mean, really looked. She wasn’t dark or difficult to get to know. She loved hockey, and for bonus points, she thought I was the most gorgeous guy she’d ever met. I licked my lips.
Suddenly we were all over each other. Kissing, groping.
If you offered me a million dollars for the truth, I honestly couldn’t say who made the first move. A car behind us honked. Hailey managed to drive through the green light and pulled over to the side of the road. We kept at it. Kissing, touching. Two mixed-up and hormonally charged virgins, about to make the first and biggest mistake in any male/female best friendship.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE FULL STORY
“Mom, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it,” I said, quietly.
I knew I shouldn’t have told my mom about my fight with Mac, but I was used to telling her mostly everything, and it was a hard habit to break. I didn’t give her the full story--just some sketchy details--and I definitely didn’t tell her about almost going to bed with my best friend Hailey.
Hailey and I had barely managed to stop ourselves. But at some point, she’d pulled back and convinced me we were being stupid. She’d dropped me off, both of us apologizing profusely, pretending it didn’t mean anything and that we’d forget it ever happened. But I didn’t sleep very well that night. My hormones were in overdrive again, and I spent a lot of time tossing and turning, not knowing which girl to focus on. I wasn’t sure how or what I felt. My head was spinning about the two of them. I definitely had feelings for Jane, without a doubt; but I also totally got into kissing and groping Hailey. It was different. But I didn’t want to lose either of them. And I didn’t know if I could keep up my friendship with Hailey now. I didn’t know what to do, so I stuck close to home and didn’t talk to any of my friends for the rest of that weekend.
Mom insisted on driving me to school Monday morning, worried about what Mac was going to do about our fight. She overflowed with unwanted advice on how to handle the situation, and as usual she was fretting about the wrong thing. Mac was the least of my worries. I wasn’t the one who took advantage of girls. Or was I? What about what happened with Hailey? And what I’d done with Mona that time at the Halloween party?
“Mac is the captain of your hockey team, so you’re going to have to make the first move to apologize. Oh, Zack, I’m so sorry we ever moved here. This place isn’t going to help your hockey career at all.”
I stared at her profile. “My hockey career? Mom. I’m sixteen. And this isn’t about hockey.”
She glanced at me, her brows furrowed. “Well, I know. But you need the other players on your side. You said the fight was about a girl who drank too much, wasn’t it? And, well, boys will be boys, won’t they?”
I stared at her. “You really think drinking’s a good excuse? Would you think it was okay if I took advantage of a girl because she was drunk?” I shook my head and turned back to the window. I wanted to say it so badly--that it was my father’s job to fool around with drunken groupies, not mine--but I kept quiet.
“Oh, Zack, of course not. But you’re not Mac. You’d never take advantage of a girl.”
“Wouldn’t I?” I glared at her.
She shook her head and gripped the steering wheel. “No, you wouldn’t. Come on, this mess doesn’t concern you. Remember what’s important here. You know what I’m talking about: the NHL. You can’t let this little episode stop you from focusing on your dreams. It’s all you’ve ever wanted, just like Jeremy--your father, I mean. I won’t allow this horrible boy, this horrible town, to threaten your success.”
“Mom! Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, there’re more important things to me than just hockey? I care about other things, too, and other people. I’d like the chance to find out who I am and what I want, instead of just automatically following in my dad’s footsteps just because I can handle a hockey stick. I want more out of life than that.” I stared at her, willing her to see me, instead of him. Trouble was, I’d been acting more like him than I’d ever wanted or expected to.
She did a double take, turning her gaze from the road to me, and then back to the road again. Her facial features drooped. She seemed tired now. “You’ve always wanted to play hockey. That’s all you’ve ever wanted,” she said with a sigh. Her head ping-ponged back and forth again as we pulled up in front of the school. “I mean, I know you can’t let people get away with treating others badly, but it’s not really your fight, Zack.”
“Mom. This is way too deep a conversation for right now. I need to get to class. Don’t worry about it. I won’t make a big scene. I’ll handle it.”
She reached out her hand to grab my arm. “Is everything really okay with you? Besides this Mac thing?”
I smiled. “I’m fine, as usual. I’ll see ya soon.” I opened the door and climbed out.
At the moment, I was a lot more concerned about running into Jane and Hailey than about my hockey future, or even Mac and Mona. I wondered what Jane’s parents did to punish her and Josh. I didn’t know what to do. And I wouldn’t take any bets about whether Hailey and I had ruined our friendship forever.
I waved Mom off, otherwise she might have sat there forever, waiting to see what would happen. I flung my backpack over my shoulder and headed for the school’s front doors. I hoped I didn’t run into Hailey first thing.
Groups of girls and some guys were standing around in pairs or threes, hugging each other on the steps outside the doors. I saw a couple of girls wiping tears from their eyes. No one looked my way, or even rushed over to ask for the scoop on Mac. I kept walking towards the front steps, but slowed down to wonder at the strange scene around me. People were crying or looking at the ground, all speaking in hushed voices.
I pulled open the front doors and headed towards my locker, looking around and puzzled by the similar scene inside.
My heart leapt when Hailey walked up beside me. She smiled.
“Hey, goofus.” She put a hand on my arm. “We truly are dorks, aren’t we?” She looked at the floor, then looked up at me, her eyes swimming in tears. “But I guess in the whole scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter. Does it?” Her voice wavered, she sounded shaky.
I wanted her to go away. I didn’t want to think about her, or Jane, or me. I didn’t want to deal with her tears about what we’d done. And I didn’t want any of my own slipping out.
“Are we okay?” she asked. “I mean, I know it was stupid and all, but in light of what’s happened... well,” she just trailed off.
Maybe, maybe not. I needed to figure things out. “We’re fine,” I said, glancing around me. “What the hell is going o
n around here, anyway?” I asked as I dialed my locker combination, glad to concentrate on something else.
Hailey stared at me in silence until I finally looked up. She bit her bottom lip. “You didn’t hear, did you?”
“Hear what?” I popped my locker open.
“About Mona.”
My heart dropped a little, and queasiness made me gulp. “Hear what about Mona?”
“She killed herself,” Hailey said in a quiet voice. “Saturday night. At home. I heard she took a whole bottle of her mom’s sleeping pills. They found her yesterday morning in her room. She was already dead.”
An image of Mona laughing flitted through my head. Then I saw her at the musical tryouts, her sad eyes looking into mine for some sort of reassurance. I pictured Mona drunk, telling me she gave the best BJs in school. And I saw myself making out with her, followed by her blank look when I teased her later about the Halloween party. I envisioned her in Candy’s bed, passed out. Then under Mac as he had sex with her.
“He always has sex with me when I’m drunk, Zack,” I could hear her say.
“That son of a bitch.” I slammed my fist against my locker.
Hailey turned her head.
“Do you think she found out about what I said to Mac outside, in front of everyone?” I asked, hoarsely.
Hailey lifted her shoulder and spoke softly. “I doubt it, Zack. She was obviously pretty messed up that night, and I don’t know who would have told her.”
“I feel like killing him.”
Hailey frowned, looking at me as if I’d gone crazy.
I cringed at my choice of words. God! Mona was dead?
I thought about Friday night. It was the last time I saw her. I shook my head. I should have kept my mouth shut. Had I in some way contributed to this?
I inhaled deeply, not believing she was really gone. Mac would have to live with what he’d done. I hoped it would torture him for the rest of his life.
“Shit,” I said.
“I know. It’s horrible.”
I glanced around. The scene made sense now. The kids hugging. All the crying.
“Have you seen Jane around?” For some crazy reason I needed to see if she was okay.
Hailey shook her head, her cheeks reddening a little. She looked away. “Not this morning.”
“I have to find her.” I looked Hailey in the eye. We could be embarrassed about our hormones later. Right now, we were dealing with a different reality.
Then a voice blared over the P.A. speakers. It was Mr. Wright in his role as Vice Principal. He said something about Mr. Kirby being out for the day, and then asked everyone to report to the gymnasium immediately.
“I’ll come with you to the gym. We’ll look for her there.” She waited while I closed my locker, and then she pulled me along to the gym. “Don’t feel bad, okay Zack? I don’t want to lose you right now. You’re still my best friend.”
I patted her arm, and then we maneuvered through the halls. It was chaotic. Kids were either crying or talking to each other in hushed voices as they headed for the gym. We raced past everyone, still searching for Jane.
When we walked in the gym, I spotted her right away, despite all the kids who were gathering in clusters. Jane sat alone in the bleachers. Her head was down.
“Jane?” I said when I reached her.
She looked up. Her eyes were dry, but red.
She stood and I went towards her.
“She’s dead, Zack! Dead.”
For the first time she made a move. She opened her arms and I stepped inside, feeling awkward with Hailey watching us.
“I know.” I said into her hair. The scent of it filled my brain. It brushed softly against my cheek.
I held her for a moment and she didn’t say a thing. Then she pulled away. She lifted her hand to greet Hailey, who sat down in the bleachers beside us, watching our awkward dance.
“Hi,” Jane said, attempting a smile.
Hailey smiled back.
“Josh wants to talk to you,” Jane told her. “He’s really grateful, you know, for looking out for him.”
Hailey looked around the gym. I felt a twinge in my belly and pretended it wasn’t jealousy.
“He’s not here,” Jane said. “He’s gone to.. . .” She stopped. “I can trust you, right?”
Hailey rolled her eyes and nodded.
“Right! Well. He’s gone to rehab for a couple of weeks. Somewhere out of town. My parents finally realized he’s not going to get his drinking under control on his own, or with me chaperoning him. He needs a lot more than that.”
Hailey nodded.
Jane continued, “He’s going to be okay. I think he was sort of relieved to have it all explode the way it did. It forced something to happen, for them to finally do something. I think he was really ready.” She took a deep breath. “Anyhow, he feels bad that he got you involved. He told me to say thanks, and that he’ll tell you himself when he gets back. You guys were the best that night. You both were totally awesome.”
Hailey turned bright red. I thought of her crushing on Josh and my insides stirred a little. Jane and I exchanged a look, and her face crumpled with sadness.
“God! I can’t believe Mona. I mean, the last time we saw her. . . was at the party.”
“I know.” I’d have to tell Jane about what happened with Mac later. She’d hear about it anyway, since I’d pretty much announced it to the whole town. But not now—this wasn’t the right time.
Jane sat down again, and I sat beside her. “We were best friends, you know. Up until eighth grade.” Jane seemed almost to be talking to herself. Her eyes glazed over and she stared into space, remembering.
“She changed. So did you. It happens.” I said, wanting to run out of the gym, far away from myself, and especially from Jane and Hailey.
Jane shook her head. “I know we did. But I just wish. . . well, we both handled things so differently.. . .”
“What do you mean, what things?” I asked.
She shook her head again. “Nothing.” Her lips pressed into a thin line. I knew I wasn’t going to get it out of her right now.
There was a crackling sound, and some static. Then we all looked towards the front of the gym at the stage where Mr. Wright stood with a microphone.
“Um, people. Quiet please. Everybody?”
The gym went quiet faster than I’d ever seen before.
“We’ve all heard the sad news about Mona Ryder. It’s a shock. . . a real tragedy.” A guidance counselor had been rounded up already, a thin man with a trimmed beard who looked like he spent all his free time running. He stood beside Mr. Wright.
“Well, I’ll let Mr. Nelson take over from here. Mr. Nelson is a professional counselor. He will be joined by some of his colleagues soon and we’ll break off into groups to give all of you a chance to talk about this.” Even from the distance, I saw the relief on Mr. Wright’s face. He looked too upset to even know what to say. Then he stepped back. The place was getting more crowded by the minute. Word had spread and kids were pouring in. I looked at Jane’s sad face and put my arm around her shoulder. Hailey glanced up and smiled, nodding okay to me.
Mr. Nelson was doing a good job of offering comfort to the kids, but for some reason my eyes wandered to the doors of the gym. Mac walked in, accompanied as usual by his two shadows, Cole and Eddie. He stared directly at me. Across the gym, our eyes met and we held the gaze.
His eyes were dark and challenging, and he was staring me down. He seemed to have no shame. Not a twinge of guilt about what had happened to Mona. I glared back at him, repulsed by his lack of remorse. He must have seen something in my expression. He leaned over and whispered to Cole, still not taking his eyes off me.
I shook my head, turned from him and pulled Jane closer.
“You two stay as far away from Trevor MacDonald as is humanly possible,” I warned.
Hailey and Jane turned to look at me, then followed my gaze to Mac.
“Forget about him!” Hailey
said. “He’s not worth your energy. I heard he’s going to get questioned,” she stopped.
“About what?” Jane asked.
Hailey and I exchanged a glance. There were a few things Jane didn’t yet know. And a few she probably never would.
“Never mind. I want you to kick his hairy little ass,” Jane spit out.
Hailey and I looked at her, and for a moment we were the same old friends we’d always been. We both started to laugh.
We stopped just as quickly, remembering where we were and why. A friend of Hailey’s, another extra from the play, spotted us and came to sit beside her.
“You were at Candy’s party?” she asked, looking at Hailey with a bit of reverence. “The last party Mona ever went to? I heard that Mac was having a threesome with her and another girl.”
“That’s totally not true. Don’t be an idiot,” Hailey snapped.
“Oh. Uh, I didn’t think so. I mean, somebody else said it. I didn’t really think it was true. Mona was always really nice to me.” The girl’s head hung a bit.
“Yeah, me too.” Hailey leaned over and whispered something to her friend.
Jane took the opportunity to bend forward to whisper to me. “Do you want to sneak out of here? Go somewhere we can talk?” she asked, quietly.
I nodded, feeling torn about which of them I owed my allegiance. I leaned the other way. “Hailey. We’re going to take off and walk around outside.”
Hailey nodded. She reached out and patted my arm, smiling at me. “It’s okay, Zack.” Then she turned back to her friend, filling her in on the details of Mona Ryder’s last party.
Jane and I got up. She followed behind me as we slipped out of the bleachers. We kept close to the wall, squeezing around the other kids until we were out of the front door.
Kids were still flocking towards the gym. We navigated the hallways until we reached the doors leading outside.
Cars were pulling up to the front of the school, driven by concerned-looking parents who’d heard the news. A police car arrived next and I glanced back towards the gym.
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