by Leah Murray
`Sometimes waiting too long causes even more trouble,’ Audrey replied before turning back to Jo.
`Anyway, I don’t suppose any of you know where Julia is? What’s going on with her? It’s very out of character for her to ignore me for this long.’
`Maybe she simply wants some privacy,’ Will replied, an edge to his voice now too.
Jo frowned at the sudden tension, decided she should leave them to talk in private.
`I’m just going upstairs for a bit, I’ll be back in a few minutes,’ she said, standing up, not surprised when neither of them argued with her.
She went into the bathroom, stood looking at herself in the mirror. There was a flush to her cheeks that clashed awfully with her freckles, not to mention the horrible bruise around her eye, and she grimaced. Felt rather like a clown in a circus ring, a particularly apt image she thought as she grabbed a brush and dragged it through the unruly mass of her hair, her strokes fast, angry.
She knew there was something going on, something Will was keeping back from her and it pissed her off no end that he wouldn’t tell her. And Audrey had made it sound serious.
Okay, so he loved her. But did he really? How could he love her if he was keeping secrets from her?
She set the brush down, stared at her reflection again.
So this was her at thirty. Was this how she had seen her life turning out? Back when she was still young and idealistic, a believer in the impossible. Before darkness and violence had weighed her down, before reality had ripped the last few veils of illusion from her eyes. Was she happy with where she was? What she had become?
She stood for a long time, lost in introspection, trying to filter feelings of anxiety, fear, depression through the larger more complex sieve of love, compassion, a newfound trust in life and possibility.
At last she sighed, stepped back, looked down at the ring. Whatever happened, whatever lay in the future, she could never regret this. Never regret what had grown between her and Will.
He had saved her, both literally and figuratively, from what could have been a very cold, lonely period of her life.
And for that she owed him at least the time to find the words to express whatever it was he was keeping from her. So she resolved to leave things be. For now.
Taking a deep breath, she went back downstairs, caught a few words of the conversation from the kitchen, was glad to hear them talking about Julia and Shaun and not herself and Jack.
CHAPTER 29
THEY WENT TO THE PUB the next day. Both Julia and Gus were back at work and grateful for Jo’s help as one of the waitresses hadn’t turned up.
Julia, in particular, seemed to be having some trouble coping and when she scalded herself for the second time getting a plate of food out the oven, Jo pushed her over to the sink and made her stand there cooling her hand under running water.
`You know everyone’s very worried about you. Your mother came around last night to ask if we knew what was going on,’ Jo said.
Julia bristled. `I’m fine.’
`I don’t think so. If you don’t want to talk about it with me that’s okay but you need to talk to someone.’
`I said I was fine.’
Jo lost her temper then, threw her hands up in the air. `What is it with your damn family? If you’ve got a problem, talk about it for God’s sake. What harm can it do? People simply want to help.’
Julia didn’t reply, stood fuming, and Jo rolled her eyes, went back to cooking. She’d had enough.
The altercation had at least given Julia a boost though as she set about her work with a renewed vigor, obviously fueled by anger but Jo didn’t particularly care.
At lunch, she went and sat at a table on the balcony, looking out at sea. Will had finally arranged a meeting with the insurance company and was in the back office so she was eating alone.
`You mind?’
Jo looked up, saw Julia, shrugged.
Julia sat down, looked out at the view. At last she turned to face Jo. `I’m sorry about earlier,’ she said.
`Don’t worry about it.’
`I – well, thing is … Jo, I’m pregnant.’
Jo sat up straighter, smiled. `Hey, Congratulations!’
Julia didn’t return the smile and Jo frowned. `You are happy about it, aren’t you?’
Julia sighed. `Shaun is.’
`But you’re not? I take it this wasn’t planned then?’
`Hell no.’
Jo hesitated before replying. `Why aren’t you happy about it?’
She frowned again when she saw Julia battling not to cry. She hadn’t known her long but it was long enough to know that Julia never cried. Particularly not in public. So she got up, went to sit next to her and stuck an arm around her shoulders. `It’ll be okay,’ she said, handing Julia a napkin so she could wipe her eyes.
`Thanks … I … well, I’m just so scared Jo. This is such a big deal. It’s going to change everything and although Shaun keeps saying it won’t, it will. I know it will. And I’m so worried.’
`Why are you worried?’
`I can’t help … well I can’t help but think what if something happens?’
`I don’t understand. What do you mean?’
Julia sniffed. `What if something happens to Shaun? I’ll be all alone and I’ll have to somehow look after a child and I don’t think I can do that.’
`Why would something happen to Shaun?’
`His job! I mean look at everything that’s been happening lately just with you. I’ve barely seen him at all in the last few weeks and when I have he’s too tired to talk to me even. What’s going to happen when there’s a baby in the picture and I’ll be tired then too and we’ll never see each other and not only that what if he gets killed?’
Jo swallowed, tried to push down the guilt. `Have you told him this?’
Julia sighed. `Yes. He keeps saying everything will be fine and we should be celebrating not arguing.’
`What does your mother think? Did she get hold of you last night?’
`No, I took the phone off the hook. I haven’t told anyone except you and Shaun.’
`Well, it’s just my opinion but I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I mean, yes, his job is dangerous but he’s still more likely to get run over crossing the road. Okay, the long hours could be an issue but that’s something you two have to discuss. Just think though, you could have a baby soon. Like Luke. Didn’t you think he was cute?’
Julia smiled slightly. `Yes, yes I did. But that’s not the same as having to look after one yourself all day and night.’
Jo squeezed her arm, smiled. `You just need some time to get used to the idea. I think you should tell your parents, tell Will and Gus and Hayley. Everyone will be so excited for you it’ll be catchy and once he or she is actually here you won’t even remember you felt this way. I’m sure everybody gets scared at first. I mean it is a big change.’
Julia sniffed again, didn’t reply but was obviously mulling things over.
Jo glanced up, saw Will leaving the back office. `Look, there’s Will. Why don’t you start by telling him and see what he thinks. Do you want me to go call him for you? Or would you rather think about it for a bit?’
`I ...’
`Should I call him?’
Julia took a deep breath then nodded, started twisting the napkin and Jo patted her shoulder again, went inside.
`Go have a talk with your sister,’ she said to Will in response to his questioning look.
He frowned but nodded and she watched him walk over to the table on the balcony, crouch down next to Julia and hug her as she cried against his shoulder.
…
`Come on Jo, you promised. It’s only a short ride then we’ll be there.’
Jo bit her lip, grimaced, then took Will’s proffered hand as he helped her step off the wharf into the wooden dinghy, hastily windmilling her arms as it rocked under her weight.
She sat down heavily on the small plank at the bow and glared u
p at Will.
He grinned. `Only a few minutes. I swear. I’ll even hold your hand.’
The old man who had agreed to row them over to the island was seated in the middle of the boat, hunched over a set of oars, and he wrinkled his face at her in what Jo presumed was a smile.
She grimaced back, clutched her hands together over her knees and concentrated on staring at the floor as Will sat down next to her, causing the boat to dip at one side, the waves to reach up, threatening to pour over the sides.
`Oh God. Why did I let you talk me into this?’ she groaned, hanging on to the side of the boat, her knuckles white.
`You’ll be fine lass, just take a few wee breaths and keep your eyes on the horizon,’ the old man said and she attempted another smile.
As promised, Will took her hand and sat close beside her, so she could feel him along the length of her body. It was comforting. But it didn’t stop the paranoia as they started rowing out to sea.
`A dinghy? I thought you wanted me to start small. Face the fear one step at a time. The yacht was way better than this,’ she said, closing her eyes against the glare of the sun and bending over, trying to fight back the nausea as another wave rocked them.
She opened an eye and saw how low they were riding in the water, closed it again hastily.
`This is starting small,’ Will said and she groaned.
He leaned in, close to her ear. `Look at the horizon and try think about something else … like me, how much I like seeing you naked in my bed.’
Her eyes shot open. `Will!’
He laughed, leaned in again. `Relax, he can’t hear. The wind’s too strong and it’s blowing the other way.’
She shook her head, glanced at the old man, was relieved to see that his face remained expressionless.
She huddled closer to Will, tried to look at the horizon but all that did was make her feel worse as it wavered with the slight up-down movement of the dinghy.
`I’d almost rather be working,’ she muttered.
`No you wouldn’t. You’ll like it when we get there. You’re doing really well, no deep breathing or anything. I’m impressed.’
She decided it was better if she kept her eyes closed, leaned against Will. Somehow that made her feel safer.
`How did your mother take Julia’s news?’ she asked, trying to do as he said and think about something else. Will had driven Julia over to Audrey’s the afternoon before, leaving Jo with Gus at the pub and she hadn’t had a chance to ask what had happened as she’d been too tired by the time they got home.
`She’s over the moon. Everybody’s happy about it except Julia it seems.’
`She’ll get used to it. It must feel strange though. Do you feel strange? You’ll be an uncle soon.’
He groaned. `I feel old, if you must know.’
The old man’s body shook in what Jo assumed was a laugh, even though his face remained impassive, and she narrowed her eyes at him.
`I thought you said he couldn’t hear what we were talking about.’
Will grinned. `Maybe I lied.’
`Oh God. How did I end up in this situation?’ she asked.
Will stuck an arm around her shoulders and hugged her closer. `We’re almost there. Another five minutes.’
She closed her eyes again, prayed to whatever god it was up there that kept a watch over poor souls traveling treacherous waters and almost leaped out the dinghy when they finally reached the shore.
`Dry land. I’ve never been so happy to see it,’ she said, leaning with her hands on her knees, only just stopping herself from bending down and kissing the ground.
Will grinned, took a couple of notes out his pocket to pay the old man and waved as he started rowing back to Looe. `He’ll be back at four so you have the whole day to forget about it.’
She nodded, tried to steady her breathing as she felt herself trembling in reaction.
`Oh my God. I did it. I actually went on one of those horrible horrible little boats and I didn’t have a panic attack. That’s so cool!’
Will laughed, shook his head at her and she grinned back, felt her heart skip a beat at the obvious affection in his gaze. She’d never had that before, never felt such an intense need to be near anyone else. It was exhilarating as well as unnerving and she shivered at a sudden premonition, couldn’t stop the thought circling through her head - If it looks too good to be true it usually is.
`What’s wrong?’
She shook her head, forced a smile. `Nothing.’
`Okay, well follow me. Now stay close. We don’t need a repeat of the other day,’ Will said, grabbing her hand and starting up the beach towards a small dirt path that led into the woods.
Jo sighed and followed him. It had taken a lot of convincing to get Shaun to agree to their having a day on the island without anyone watching them but Jo had decided if she was going to risk the boat, she’d risk a day on the island without feeling like she was a captive. She wanted privacy, she wanted time alone with Will, and she wanted Jack out of her life.
In a very small way one day alone was a step towards achieving that. Besides, there were still police monitoring the water traffic. Jack wouldn’t be able to reach the island without anyone noticing.
She followed Will up the winding path, enjoying the feeling of being part of nature on a warm summer’s day, keeping an eye out for interesting wildlife, birds with strange calls. Will surprised her with his knowledge of the wood and its creatures but he laughed when she told him that.
`My father’s always been into nature. We’ve grown up hiking and camping almost all around Europe.’
`That’s so amazing. I’d like to see more of the country. Travel some more. Maybe when this is over.’
`We will.’
Just those simple words sent her soul soaring again. He was imagining a future with her, their going places together. She hugged the idea close, refused to let the doubts from earlier surface and ruin it all.
They came to a clearing near the top of a hill, almost dead center of the island. A rickety abandoned cabin huddled against the hillside just off the path but they didn’t go inside.
Instead, they sat down in the clearing and had lunch, discussing the places they most wanted to see, places they’d already been that they wanted to share with each other.
It was heartwarming. And bittersweet.
The possibilities seemed endless, but they contrasted sharply with the current reality and much as she tried to push him from her mind, thoughts of Jack surfaced frequently.
If Will noticed her preoccupation, he chose not to comment on it and after a while the conversation died off and they sat in silence, breathing in the scent of jasmine, listening to the relentless chorus of the summer cicadas.
Suddenly restless, Jo stood up, wandered over to the edge of the bushes near the cabin, tripped over a rock and fell.
`Bloody hell,’ she muttered.
`You okay?’ Will called out and she flushed.
`Yes, fine,’ she called back over her shoulder and started to her knees. She stuck a hand into the bushes to push herself up, felt something cold and clammy beneath her palm and froze.
Slowly, she drew her hand back, stood up, pushed aside the fronds directly in front of her and screamed as a cold, white hand fell palm upwards at her feet.
CHAPTER 30
WILL RUSHED OVER AT HER scream. Swore as he saw the hand and glanced up to see if Jo was okay. She met his gaze, pale and frightened, obviously trying not to retch. Satisfied she wasn’t about to faint he grimaced, pushed the fronds aside and stepped forward, drew in a sharp breath. `Jesus.’
`What … what is it?’ Jo asked from behind him.
He turned, blocked her view. ‘Take my mobile and climb up to the top of the hill, there’s better reception there. Call Shaun.’
`Why won’t you let me see?’
`Jo, just do it.’
She hesitated but nodded, took his phone and he watched her complete the short hike up the hill. Once he was
sure she couldn’t see anything, he turned back, had another look at the body and had to choke back the bile himself.
It was Christine, the new waitress he’d hired a few weeks back. The one they’d thought had simply given the job up and run off without giving notice. But what had been done to her was awful. She was naked, the white of her body contrasting sharply with the red of her blood, which lay congealed in dark pools from the numerous slices that had been carved into her body in sinewy curves under her breasts, along her stomach.
Her throat had been cut and he supposed that was what had killed her but what really hit him hard, made him start trembling with a mix of fear and anger, was the single white rose that had been placed between her breasts. He stepped back, equally determined not to mess up the crime scene and to keep Jo from seeing the full extent of what had been done to Christine.
Anxious at leaving Jo alone, even for a few seconds, he stepped back and looked up at the hill, saw her making her way down to him and walked over to meet her. Why the island? And near the hut? How the fuck had Jack known Jo would be there today? That rose was a message for her, no doubt about it. Christine had been missing two days. He’d only managed to convince Jo to come to the island the morning after he had the flashback. So who had she spoken to since then?
God, everybody. His parents, Gus, Hayley, Julia and Shaun, anyone at the pub could have overheard her talking about their trip. She’d even been to the vets to check with Ian whether she needed to be back in Saturday or Monday. Anybody in the surgery at the time would have been able to overhear if she had cared to mention it.
His mind racing, Will reached out and pulled Jo close, could feel her trembling as she hid her head in his chest, clung tightly to his back. She still didn’t know it was Jack. Or that there was someone else around, someone who seemed to be passing information to him. The woman at the dance. It had to be her. But who was she?
And God. How the hell was he going to tell Jo this was Jack’s doing?
He waited until Jo had calmed down enough to start asking him questions about what he had seen. `Why won’t you let me see? How bad is it?’
`Jo, I don’t know how to tell you this.’