The red sundress with the billowy skirt that reached just past her knees made her feel beautiful, and by some miracle, complemented her new dancing boots perfectly. She let her auburn hair fall in soft waves over her shoulders and skipped makeup for the night, already feeling far too exposed in her fancy ensemble.
“You really didn’t have to come, Dad,” she said for the millionth time as her father swung her around the old barn floor that had been polished to a sheen. Fairy lights hung from the rafters above, creating an ethereal glow and casting delicate shadows all around them.
“Are you kidding?” he asked, spinning her around then catching her in his arms. “I wouldn’t miss this time with you for the world.”
They continued to dance within the pulsing crowd, but for Ellie, only the two of them mattered that night. Her heart simply didn’t have room for anyone—or anything—else.
“You know,” her father leaned in close to whisper in her ear. “When you were a little girl, I’d take you dancing like this. You had this way of standing on my feet so I could dance for the both of us. Those are some of my favorite memories. It must be hard to not...” His smile faded and his eyes clouded over as he regarded sadly. “But you wouldn’t remember, anyway. You were so young back then.”
Ellie hugged her father close. “Well, I might not remember, but I can imagine it. And that’s all I need.” She didn’t want him to be sad because of her. “I’m sure I held onto every memory I had of you. A little girl doesn’t forget special moments like that.”
His bright eyes held hers as they continued to sway. “I know I never did,” he murmured before giving her a soft kiss on the cheek.
As her father turned her again on the dance floor, Ellie caught a glimpse of a familiar figure standing near the wide entry to the barn. Her breath hitched when Landon eyes found hers.
His smile was heartbreaking, as was the fact that he made no effort to ask for a dance or even to approach her and say hello. Landon simply nodded in recognition, then turned his back to her and ambled to the other side of the barn where a few of the other ranch hands stood near the giant spread of refreshments.
Well, that was just fine. In fact, it was the way things needed to be. They’d already said their goodbyes.
It was over.
But then her father said, “I take it Landon isn’t too happy about Marshall showing up?”
Ellie didn’t want to waste any more words bemoaning how she’d taken things too far with Landon, how she’d in turn broken his heart. But she knew she owed her dad some form of explanation since he’d clearly noticed the tension that passed between them even from so far away.
“Landon’s leaving tomorrow,” she pointed out. “So whatever he might be feeling doesn’t matter to me one way or another.” Even as she said the words, she knew her father wouldn’t believe them. Heck, she didn’t believe them despite trying so hard to convince herself that this was for the best.
Her father stopped abruptly, causing Ellie to step on his foot. If this caused him pain, he didn’t show it. Instead, his features pinched with a surprising level of concern. “He’s leaving? Why?”
Ellie hid her face in his shirt, not wanting to cry and not wanting him to see her cry either. “I don’t know why. I think it’s probably to get away from me,” she answered softly.
“Is that right?” Her father began to sway again with the music, humming along with the melody. “It seemed to me that the last thing he wanted was to be apart from you. And that it’s the last thing you would have wanted, too.”
She scowled at her dad. This was hard enough without a lecture! Couldn’t he see how much it hurt her to pretend Landon wasn’t just a handful of feet away? That she couldn’t just run to him and beg him to stay? That he couldn’t have been the one?
“Whatever may have been there before, it’s gone now,” she lied, hating herself even as she spoke the words but unable to stop them. “Marshall is here. Marshall loves me, and I obviously loved him once, too. Otherwise I wouldn’t have had all those dreams.”
“Loved,” her father said, letting that one word and all its implications sink in. “And now? Do you love Marshall now that the two of you are together again?”
“Love takes time, and luckily I’ve got that in abundance.”
Her father raised a questioning eyebrow but stayed silent.
Ellie felt the need to defend herself and her decisions. Nobody knew the full picture of what was involved here. But she was doing her best and didn’t need to be second-guessed by anyone.
Not her father. Not Landon. Not even herself.
“I like Marshall very much. He’s handsome, respectful, kind. He’s been incredibly patient with me, too. He came all this way to help me, and I’m so grateful for that.”
Her father listened to all she had to say, then shrugged. “Sounds like you’re trying to convince more than just me.”
She ignored her father, letting her eyes find Landon once again. He held a plate of finger foods while Liz stood beside him speaking animatedly. Liz motioned toward a striking blonde woman who’d been introduced to Ellie earlier that day. Her name was Brenna Barry, and she’d just relocated to the ranch all the way from England. Ellie didn’t know her story, but she did know that she was intensely jealous as Landon took her hand in his and gave her the most charming of smiles.
Ellie tried her best to ignore the pangs of loss that stabbed in her chest. Of course Landon would move on. She already had, and it was only right for him to do the same.
Still, her heart seized in her chest as she watched Landon lead the new resident toward the dance floor. She was still staring after them when a warm hand came down on her shoulder.
“Mind if I have the next dance?” Marshall asked her father with a mega-watt grin. Yes, this—this!—was her Prince Charming. Who cared what Landon did when she already had such a good man beside her?
Marshall looked quite handsome that evening in his black dress pants and a light blue shirt with buttons up the front. His hair was perfect, with a small curl hanging down in front of his forehead. She really did like him, and one day she could possibly come to love him. It was only a matter of time.
“I’ll just be over there grabbing some punch,” her father said as he stepped away and offered Ellie’s hand to her new suitor. He shot Marshall a quick warning glance, but the younger man didn’t even notice. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Ellie since he’d walked over.
“I’m surprised at how well you can remember how to dance.” Marshall smiled down at her as they moved in time to the music.
Ellie laughed, but it didn’t feel natural. “I am, too,” she admitted. “I guess it’s like riding a bike—or a horse. Mom never really mentioned that I’d have had many chances to go dancing, but I must have at some point.”
Marshall’s laugh was warm and inviting. Ellie found herself lightening in his presence. Once Landon left, everything would be perfect. Easy. Right.
“Well, a couple of times I’d have liked to take you dancing but you were always so busy with work,” he confided. “We mostly did the dinner and a movie thing. I did take you out on my boat one time, and you seemed to like it. Maybe we can rent a sailboat sometime this week and try again.”
“Sure, that sounds nice.”
Ever since Marshall had arrived at the ranch, he’d spoken of memories the two of them had made together. Each time she failed to recall a moment that had been special to him, his eyes lost a little more of their sparkle. They’d only just rekindled their relationship and already she was letting him down at every turn.
The truth was, though, it didn’t seem like they’d actually spent a lot of time together in the few weeks they’d dated. Still, Marshall was a good man and he said he loved her. So why was she complaining? Why couldn't she just let that be enough?
As she moved with Marshall to the music, her eyes inadvertently connected with Landon’s. His hat hid his eyes, but she could sense his anger regardless. Angry? Why would he be an
gry with her? After all, it had been his decision to walk away from her.
From them.
A sharp pain ripped through her forehead, causing her to cry out and fall away from Marshall’s arms. When she closed her eyes, she was greeted by the man from her dreams once more. “Showing you what you want to see,” he echoed, the same as he had the night before. Landon.
And then Landon was kissing her not in the meadow or by the corral, but on the streets of a city she didn’t recognize. Not Anchorage. Some place much busier than that. Was this California she was seeing? Why?
And how had her memories become so confused? Marshall was here now. She should be seeing his face, not...
Another flash shot through her, except this time she was much younger and standing on a man’s shoes. A younger version of her father smiled down at her. “Oh, Ellie. One day you’re going to have to learn to dance on your own feet,” he said before they both broke apart in giggles.
“Ellie? Ellie! Are you all right?” Marshall held her in his arms, carrying her away from the crowd as fast as his feet could carry them.
She smiled to ease his mind. “If we didn’t know any better, it would almost seem as though someone’s had a little too much punch,” she joked even though she’d not had a single drop of alcohol since her accident. “I just need some fresh air. I’ll be back in for the next song.” She kissed Marshall’s cheek as he set her back onto the floor.
There was no mistaking it now. These flashes were memories. They were real, and they were coming to her faster and faster in a dizzying blur she still couldn’t make sense of.
Had Marshall ever been the one she loved? Or had it somehow inexplicably been Landon all along?
Chapter 23
Ellie found a bale of hay pushed up against the barn and sank down to sit on it. Marshall had let her go, though rather reluctantly. Luckily, she’d managed to escape outside before either her father or Landon could notice her departure.
Alone at last, she took a deep breath of the fresh evening air and glanced toward the strong, tall mountains in the distance. Why couldn’t she be like that—constant, immovable? Instead she crumbled at even the slightest provocation these days. Never mind that every obstacle felt like a mountain, and she just didn’t have the strength to climb any longer.
The worst part of it all was not knowing what was real and what she’d simply imagined. Thoughts, memories, daydreams—they all rushed through her mind with equal measure. One big, unfixable tangle.
“Can I get you some water? Would that help?” Marshall appeared once again and regarded her with a worried expression. She knew he felt every bit as helpless and confused as she did that evening. She also knew that it was all her fault.
“That would be nice. Thank you. But don’t worry, it’s just a bit of a headache. I get them a lot.” She smiled up at him, cringing slightly at the aching behind her eyes as she moved her head. When Marshall turned and walked back to the barn, she leaned forward and placed her forehead on her hands. Even massaging her temples in tight, fast circles did nothing to alleviate the pain.
More memories hit her in a flurry.
She could see herself as a young girl standing on stage for a beauty pageant. She remembered her mother telling her she had to win this one to help make back the investment in her new gowns and flipper, to take her pageant career—and thus their future—to the next level. She’d hated it… until she won the title of Grand Supreme and her mother had picked her up in her arms and swung Ellie about in big, looping circles. They’d gone for frozen yogurt afterward to celebrate, and Ellie’s mom had told her how proud she felt of her little girl.
Another memory filtered in before the first had even fully faded out. Ellie was older now, preparing for her first real-life modeling shoot. It would be in a magazine and everything, and once again her mother was so very proud of her. While her mom fussed over the wardrobe, Ellie snuck away to talk to the photographer. He showed her his various lenses and explained how each influenced the outcome of the photo. He even let her take a few test shots before her mother interrupted and dragged her back to hair and makeup.
“It’s great that you want to be nice, Ellie, but try not to get too distracted by what everyone else is doing. You’re the reason we’re all here. You’re the star. And you belong in front of the camera, not behind it. Always remember that.”
And remember it she had. She hadn’t touched a camera again for years. Not until…
Ellie zoomed in on the ocean with her phone’s camera. It was still too far to get a clear shot, but she grabbed one anyway. She laughed and tucked the phone back into her pocket. Wait… was she on a horse?
Yes! She was on a horse, and she wasn’t alone. A black and white mare trotted ahead of her. She watched as the man astride its back navigated the hilly terrain with ease. She couldn’t see his face beneath the shadow of his tall cowboy hat.
Just like in her dream.
Marshall, she whispered in her mind. Turn and let me see you.
And just like that, he grabbed his hat and clutched it to his chest with one hand while swiping his other hand through his unruly mess of dark curls.
“It’s so hot! Why did you take me all the way out here on the hottest day of the summer?” the Ellie from her memories whined.
“Showing you what you want to see,” he answered as he placed the well-worn hat back on his head. “The ocean,” Landon said as he looped his horse back around to fall in line with hers. “Unless you’ve changed your mind.”
The vision faded away, leaving Ellie as confused as ever. When had she gone to the ocean with Landon? And why was he getting jumbled up with her memories from before the accident?
“Everything all right, Miss Ellie?” Howard’s familiar, friendly voice cut into her consciousness like a sharp knife, severing her memories at the quick.
She opened her eyes and shook off the dregs of her distorted memories. It seemed she couldn’t even think anymore without finding herself distracted by her feelings for Landon—feelings he’d tossed aside with his decision to leave the ranch at his earliest opportunity.
She turned toward the old cowboy with a polite smile, which quickly turned into a gasp of joy. Howard hadn’t come alone. Beside him stood Penny, saddled up and looking proudly at Ellie. Tears rushed to her eyes. No one had ever though this horse would get better, but now look at her!
Maybe there was hope for Ellie yet.
“Penny, look at you!” Ellie sobbed, coming to the horse’s side to give her a pat hello. “I’m so, so proud of you, girl!”
“I’ll confess, she was a bit nervous when I started to put the saddle on, but it almost seemed like she just wanted to prove to everyone that she could do it. I don’t know how you did it, but she’s starting to trust again.” Howard reached out and patted the horse’s nose. “I saw you sitting over here and knew I just had to bring her over so you could see how well our old girl is doing.”
Ellie leaned in to Penny’s neck, and her heart soared as the horse leaned in, too. “You’re such a good girl, Penny,” she murmured, knowing that no matter what else happened in her life, at least Ellie had done one thing right by helping this very special horse to heal.
As she stood silently beside Penny and Howard, her own thoughts calmed and the pain in her head began to ease, despite the continuous rush of new memories that continued to push their way in.
She remembered riding.
She remembered going to stables outside of the city every chance she got. And now she saw herself tearing across open fields, leaving all her real world worries behind as she became one with nature.
Her father’s voice intruded in her thoughts as he took a seat on her abandoned bale of hay. “I knew you could never have stopped loving your horses, Ellie.”
She regarded him with tears still fresh in her eyes. “I remember, Dad. I’m starting to remember everything. I did keep riding after you left. There was a stable outside of town, and I used to go to it all the time.”
She stepped back and looked up at Penny as she continued to rub her neck. “But I’m only starting to remember. I don’t understand it all yet, even though I’m trying so hard.”
“It will come, Ellie.” Her dad grinned as he watched her beside Penny.
Marshall returned with a bottle of water and handed it to Ellie, then slung his arm over her shoulder. He kept his eyes warily on Penny, a look of wild confusion flashing across his normally composed features.
“Marshall, this is Penny. Isn’t she beautiful?” Ellie took Marshall’s hand and guided it along the horse’s neck, but he pulled away and frowned.
“She’s great, Ellie, but isn’t this the same horse that has to be kept apart from the others because of its instability?” He looked over at Howard who still held the reins. “Don’t let go of those. We don’t need this horse getting all worked up and hurting someone.”
“It’s fine. Penny wouldn’t hurt me.” Ellie took a step back and studied Marshall as if seeing him for the first time. How could someone who loved her dismiss something that mattered so much to her? Had Marshall been like this before? Or…?
“Aye, this horse wouldn’t do a thing to hurt Miss Ellie,” Howard explained with a sigh. “But I’ll take her back to the stables and leave you two to your visit. Just wanted to show Ellie how good Penny was doing, is all. Good night.”
Both Ellie and Marshall watched Howard lead Penny away. His arm stayed around her the entire time. Nobody spoke, not even Ellie’s father who’d had so much to say earlier that night.
Liz drove up to the barn in her husband’s old truck. Ellie hadn’t even seen the proprietress leave the party, yet here she was now making her return. Liz pulled to a stop and rushed around to open the passenger door and help a woman in a bright yellow dress step down onto the gravel.
When everyone realized who had joined them at the party, Ellie gasped, her father sighed, and Marshall wore a huge grin.
Memories of Home Page 12