Before I realize what he is doing, all of the blankets and sheets are ripped from my bed and thrown on the floor. He’s in a rage. I’ve never been scared of River, but this is a side of him I’ve never seen before. He won’t look at me. He won’t talk to me. He’s just destroying my bed.
“RIVER! STOP!” I try to snap him out of the trance he’s in, but it’s useless. I take a few steps away from him, trying to put as much space between us as I can. I don’t want to leave him alone in my room, but I don’t want to be close to him.
“What the fuck Paisley? Are you that much of a WHORE that you give it up to ANYONE?” His words are like a slap to the face. After everything he’s helped me through, he would turn around and call me a whore? Was this even River? Was this the man who laid in my bed with his arms around me as I cried for days on end?
Everything I just worked through in my own damn head is out the window. Did I fuck up? Am I really a whore for being intimate with Diesel? I didn’t think I crossed over into Whore Village, but now that River has suggested it, the thought won’t leave my mind. I hate him for making me even question my actions.
“You’ve got to be kidding me, River. Are you seriously calling me a whore? After everything we’ve gone through together in the past month, you would stand here and call me a whore?” I want to throw something at his head. I want to slap him, but I am still so scared. I don’t want to go anywhere near him.
His brow is covered in sweat, his face is beet red, and his breathing is labored. I watch him as his rage slowly slips away and he collapses onto the floor of my bedroom landing on the pile of sheets.
“Paisley, you just spent the whole afternoon with me - all day long - and then you come up here with him?” After he did nothing but push me away? He has some fucking nerve.
“River, I keep throwing myself at you. Every time we get close, you run. What do you want me to do? I don’t understand you at all! You are hot and cold. Close and so fucking far away! The mixed messages are too much. I need to live, I need to move on. I need to get over all the bullshit I’ve been through and try to attempt life as a normal twenty-four year old woman!” My arms flail through the air as I scream at him. I’m sure my face is as red as my hair at this point. I’m pissed - and sad, all at once.
“I can’t do it anymore, River! You either want me or you don’t! This is my life. This isn’t a game!”
“You are too good for me, Paisley. I will only hurt you. I’m no good.” He turns away from me and runs his fingers through his dark hair. I want to go to him, but I can’t bring myself to move. I can’t comfort him when I need someone to comfort me right now. This whole day has just been far too much for me. These men are too damn confusing.
“Whatever, River. You have nothing but excuses. You’re all pissed off and now you will go disappear for a couple days until you start sulking around here again. It’s the same shit all the time!” His head snaps in my direction, and his bright eyes shoot daggers in my direction. The rage is back and as apparent as ever.
“Every time I leave you for days on end, I’m fucking prostitutes pretending they are you. Over and over again, Paisley. Every fucking time I leave, I’m trying to fucking work you out of my system. I just can’t! It gets harder and harder every time. All I ever think about is YOU! All I dream about at night is YOU! When I fucking jerk off, I imagine you on your knees in front of me, sucking my dick. Then I fucking walk in on you with Diesel’s cock shoved down your throat!”
What the fuck? What did he just say? My brain literally just exploded in between my ears. I can’t even comprehend the words he just spoke or form a coherent reply.
“What?” I gasp, and just stare at him. He slowly crosses the room, taking a single step at a time, watching and waiting for me to bolt in the opposite direction. But I stand my ground. I let him come to me, because I think this is what we both need.
“Paisley, when I say I’m a shitty person, I mean it. You don’t want me. You may think you do, but you don’t.” His words are soft, and with one last step, our bodies are almost close enough to touch. I want him to touch me, which makes me feel like the whore he was calling me just minutes ago. I want his hands all over me. I want him to claim me. But he won’t.
“Paisley, I am so wrapped up in you. But, I can’t be with you. I wouldn’t treat you well. I’m fucked up. You deserve better after what you’ve been through. I fuck prostitutes. I’ve never had a normal relationship. You deserve flowers, and love. You deserve more than I could ever give you. You’re a queen who needs a king. Not some pervert who pays to get laid. Walk away from me, please. Before I hurt you.”
Not Prince Charming
I lay in bed, wide-awake, thinking about everything River spilled earlier in the evening. Prostitutes? A bad person? Fucked up? Everything he said wasn’t him, it wasn’t the man who I had spent time with for the past couple weeks. It wasn’t the man who helped me through all the heart break I’d caused in my own life. None of it made any sense.
The door cracked open, and I could hear Star’s bare feet pad across the flood. She crawled up in bed with me and wrapped her arms around me. We both laid silently for a few moments before she broke the silence.
“You okay, Paisley?” What kind of question is that? I guess I’m okay. I mean, I’m not hurt or upset. I’m just confused as shit.
“Yeah, I’m okay Star. I’m just, confused.”
“I know what happened. I heard everything. I didn’t want to tell you earlier, but I was in the hallway. I came looking for everyone. I figured you and River would be hanging up here.” I should have known, nothing is a secret in this house. I want to move. I really crave my own space, but I know it will be months before I have enough money saved up to actually afford a place of my own.
“Well, I’m glad my shit show of a life was on display for the house to see.” The sarcasm comes so easily to me, but I instantly feel bad. I shouldn’t take my bullshit out on her; she’s done so much for me already.
“River is different. I have to admit; I am surprised by everything he said. But, don’t let this ruin your friendship. He’s an amazing friend, Paisley.” A friend - just a friend.
“Yeah, just a friend. He has no right to be pissed about what happened with Diesel. We’re only friends. I just don’t fuckin’ understand him!” I’m at my wits end with it all.
“None of us do, Paisley. But we put up with him because we’re family. He’s a good guy. He may have some bad qualities, but he’s a good person. If you want to go for it with Diesel, do it. Don’t let River’s hangups screw up other relationships in your life.” She kisses me on the cheek and gets up from the bed.
“Goodnight, Star.”
“Night, Paisley. Don’t let those boys fuck you up. You’re just starting to get better.”
“So, what made you call me, Diesel?”
After River ran him out of my room a few nights ago, it was a genuine question. I never thought I would see him again, other than passing glances in the house when he was visiting Chrome.
“Paisley, I like you. I won’t let River ruin that. I wanted to take you out like you deserve. I felt bad about the other night.” I didn’t think he owned anything other than a motorcycle, because he never drove his truck. As we walked to the jacked up Ford his fingers entwined with mine, and my heart skipped a beat.
“I like you too Diesel. I think we got off on a strange foot. I blame the alcohol.” Maybe the beer was to blame that night. Maybe it was my bravado for overcoming my hate for bikers? Whatever it was, I was glad it happened because I genuinely like spending time with him.
I still haven’t heard from River. This was the longest we’d gone without talking. I would lie if I said it didn’t bother me after everything he said. I’d texted him, and called but he continued to ignore me. I hated him for that. My emotions were all over the place, but I needed to focus on spending time with Diesel. Some friend, when he couldn’t even answer a phone call or a text message.
“Where are we
goin’?” I asked as he helped me into the truck. I’m sure my heels would have made me eat shit if he didn’t help. Such a damn gentleman.
“There is this little restaurant I love downtown. Not many people know about it. Kind of a hidden gem.”
It was hard to believe he was a gruff biker. I’d never seen this side of him. Hell, I hadn’t seen much of him other than his dick being down my throat and a couple hellos here and there. I know my lapse in judgement was kind of stupid, but I’m glad I took a chance with him that night.
“Sounds good, so tell me about yourself Diesel…” I want to know more about him. Who he really is outside of the motorcycle club.
“Real name is Dan, I’m twenty-eight.” He pauses as if he’s done with the get to know you portion of the evening.
“And?” I ask, with a laugh.
“Um… I’m shitty at talking about myself. I was born and raised in Mississippi, moved up here for school n’ never left. My family is down south, I got two brothers, and three sisters, all younger. My dad is dead, momma is still kickin’.” You could see the smile behind his eyes when he talked about his family.
“What do you do for Chrome’s club?” The question of the hour. Was I even supposed to ask that? Was it top secret?
“I’m their accountant. I run their books.” Now the college stuff makes perfect sense. Although I didn’t know bikers needed their books done. Ya learn something new everyday.
“What about you, Paisley?”
What do I tell him? What do I spill?
“I’ve been traveling for a couple years. Been all over the country, but I’m back for good now. Got a lot to work out. I’m twenty-four, and you clearly know all my family.” I laugh. I wonder if he knows Journey as more than friends? I know the way she constantly eyes him when he is around. It actually made me uncomfortable at times.
“Your little sister is a trip,” he laughs. “She’s gonna give Ryker a run for his money.” Ryker? Hmmm.
“They an item?” I have to know, and since I refuse to talk to Journey, I might as well get the gossip from someone else.
“I don’t know what they are. It’s fucked up, and she’s crazy. But now that she’s in Connecticut, they haven’t really been in touch as much as they were when she was here.”
Journey is gone? Whatever. Not something I want to talk about right now.
“So, you’ve never hooked up with her?” I hold my breath waiting for him to reply and when he bursts out laughing, I’m pretty sure the answer is no.
“No way. Hell, Paisley…” he pauses and runs a hand through his hair, and grabs on to the back of his neck. “You are the first girl I’ve been with in ages.”
Is that a good or a bad thing? Jury is out on that one for now.
“I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, Diesel.” I’m honest with him, because it feels natural. Everything with him feels natural. Laid back, and comfortable. Not as easy as it is with River, but that ship sailed.
“It’s good, Princess. Real good.” His comforting words mixed with his deep southern tone sends a shiver through my body. I love his voice. Almost as much as I love his full lips.
His truck pulled up into the driveway of an old country house, coming to a stop in front of a red barn. After dinner we decided on a movie at his place. There was never any privacy at Star’s house and I didn’t want to run into River after having such a good night with Diesel. Fuck! Why can’t I stop thinking about River when I am out with another man? Everything about Diesel is perfect, safe, and comfortable. Uncomplicated. Everything I need to move on with my life. Yet River and all his fucked up glory is still right there. I. Can’t. Stop. Thinking. About. Him. FUCK!
The house is small and quiet; far into the woods on the outskirts of town. The inside is simple and it’s clear a man decorated it. Black leather couches that look completely uncomfortable, with a giant television mounted to the wall in the living room.
“That couch isn’t much good for layin’. Why don’t we watch a movie in my room? I’ll keep my hands to myself, promise.” he laughs. A perfect gentleman, but I secretly want him to touch me. I wonder if I’m ready to actually do more with him than the foreplay most high school kids have done?
“That’s fine.” I follow behind him to the end of a short hallway and into the big room. On the far wall, in the center of the room, is the biggest bed I have ever seen. It looks so damn comfortable too.
“Make yourself at home, how about we watch Goodfellas? My collection isn’t that big,” he lets out a nervous laugh. Why the hell would he be nervous? I nod and curl up on his bed. It’s comfortable. I sink into a sea of pillows, and kick my heels off the side.
I’m comfortable here with him, even in his bed. I like this. It’s simple, and fun. We get along well and everything just feels right. For the first time in a long time I’m not questioning everything.
Once the movie is cued on, he lays down next to me, wrapping his arm around me. I snuggle up against his body and rest my head against his chest. I can distinctly hear his heart beat and I swear my own kicks up into double time.
My eyes drift from the movie and move to his face. That’s when I notice he isn’t watching the movie at all. He’s staring at me as I lay sprawled out across him. We both stare at each other for a moment, and then simultaneously move toward the other. The kiss is slow and tender. His hand tangles in my hair, and I move my body to cover his while straddling his lap.
Our lips part, and he cups my cheek. “Paisley?”
“Hmmm” I moan while I kiss my way down his neck. Taking in his distinct scent with each inch. He smells good - fresh like old spice.
“You don’t have to do this…” his words trail off. My concentration on nibbling on his neck is broken and I turn my head to meet his beautifully dark eyes. He is just as hesitant as I was thinking about being with him. I want to argue with myself about taking things slow with him. But I just can’t. I need him in a way I’ve never known. Never understood. I need him to make me whole again. I need him to make love to me the way I can see he desperately wants to behind those dark eyes.
“Diesel, I want to.” I lower my lips to his. My tongue traces his plump bottom lip before I pull it between my teeth. A moan escapes from him and gives me all the encouragement I need.
“Paisley…” he stops me. With a quick move he has my small body pinned to the bed under his. I should panic. I should want to retreat, but I don’t. I want him to keep going.
“Let me make love to you, Princess.” His mouth covers mine, cherishing my lips with tender kisses before he moves down my neck and to the swell of my breasts. “You are beautiful, every single inch of you, Paisley.” I listen and take in his words. I can’t think of another time in my life someone has called me beautiful and genuinely meant it. Would River call me beautiful? Shit. I have to stop thinking about him. I shouldn’t be thinking about him. I should only be thinking about Diesel.
“Why me Diesel?” His mouth leaves my cleavage and our eyes meet again. His face is covered in curiosity. A grin pulls at the corners of his mouth, and he answers me.
“Because since you walked into my life, I see everything in a different light.”
That’s all I need to let the last bit of guard down. This is right. No matter how rushed I may think it is. No matter how much we don’t know each other. No matter how much heartbreak this may cause eventually. This moment is right and I know I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else.
“Oh, Diesel! Right there!” I moan as his pierced tongue licks along my freshly shaved pussy lips. Every time the metal bead slides over my aching clit I am begging for him to never stop. It feels so damn good. Since the night we shared in my bed, I imagined what his mouth would feel on my cunt. And I have got to hand it to him; his oral skills are much better than I’d dreamt of. And boy did this girl dream.
“God you taste good.” His tongue dips inside me and I cry out in pleasure. My fingers fist his hair, and I scream his name into the quiet night air. I can’
t stop panting while I recover from my orgasm. His glistening body hangs over my creamy naked skin. Our bodies are like night and day, you can see where his dark tan skin ends, and my pasty white body begins.
“You sure you want to, Paisley?” He whispers into my ear and I can only nod my head. Telling him to go ahead. I’m not scared. I’m not nervous. Even though I think I should be. Everything about this is right. Everything about us is right. I need this and for a deeper, unknown reason I know Diesel needs this just as much as I do. His demons are just as dark as mine, but he hides them so well.
I can feel his hard cock resting at my wet entrance. He lets out a sigh, and slowly presses into my waiting pussy. I can feel my body stretching to accommodate his thick erection. Inch-by-inch, he carefully slides into me. It doesn’t hurt. I thought I would be screaming in pain, but the pleasure and intimacy between us is bringing me pleasure I never thought I would have again.
“Mmmm feels so good, Diesel.” I whisper into his neck, as I nip and suck his collarbone. Once he is fully inside me, he stops and for the millionth time, our eyes meet in a mixture of healing and lust.
“Paisley, are you a…” his words trail off, and I know what he is thinking. I don’t want to think about is, so I just shake my head no.
“Shit, you’re tight.” His hips move, and I can feel his entire length pull out before he presses into me again. “Shit, it’s been so long,” he moans.
I giggle thinking about him going without sex. I guess not all bikers are disgusting pigs. He has changed my outlook on most of them, that’s for sure.
His body slowly picks up pace, I wrap my arms around his neck. My nails dig into his back and he growls into my mouth. God he feels good. I never though sex could feel this good. Shit. With each thrust of his cock inside me, I let go of the past. Only focusing on the future. It frees me.
This Girl Stripped Page 5