Mia’s brows knit together and Gary could tell she was gearing up to argue. Athena was in the room.
“Mia, that man’s biggest problem is that he loves his kids too much. When it comes to his children, he goes into protect and fix mode. Whether or not Zac’s issues can be fixed is another whole story. But what does that mean for you? That means that little boy down the hall is the luckiest baby in that nursery. He has a father who would literally lay down his life for him. Unfortunately, in today’s world, we don’t see enough of that.”
Mia remained silent and Gary got up to leave. As he reached the door, he turned, “You weren’t happier without him. You’ve been happy for the first time in a long time. Work it out.”
Chapter Three
“He’s picking up my parents at the airport? Ugh!” she groaned. “Whose brilliant idea was that?”
“His,” Seth didn’t look up from his iPhone.
“My mother is going to walk in here telling me how wonderful he is and what a bitch I’m being,” Mia’s face was screwed up in anger.
“God, you are a crazy hormonal bitch, BBC.”
“Fuck you, Seth.” Mia started to get out of the bed, her movements slow and limited by the C-section incision.
“Fuck you, too, BBC. Anybody who puts up with you is a saint.”
“I’m going to see Nathaniel. Are you coming?” She put on her robe.
“Only if you lose that attitude. I don’t want your negativo energy around my nephew.” Seth opened the door for Mia.
“You know I hate you for letting him go get my parents,” she walked passed him.
“Yeah, well you need to get over that, you hormonal freak.” Seth rolled his eyes and followed her down to the nursery.
Lois recognized him waiting at the bottom of the escalator. The minute he smiled, his real smile, this handsome man was the beautiful teen shaking her hand in front of Brewster Hall, a million lifetimes ago.
Only this time, he didn’t take her hand, but instead enveloped her in a bear hug, pulling her tightly to his muscular chest. Yes, this was the sweet boy she remembered.
“Look at you,” she smiled, “I would’ve recognized you anywhere.”
Schooner shook Bob’s hand and led them to the baggage carousel, his arm around Lois’ shoulder.
“How are they?” she looked up into Schooner’s clear eyes.
“Well, your daughter’s not talking to me, but physically she seems to be doing well, and your grandson,” he paused and took a deep breath, smiling, “he’s amazing. He’s doing beautifully. The neo-natal pediatrician said, besides being small, everything else is perfect.” He dug out his phone and handed it to them, a picture of Nathaniel in his arms.
Lois looked at him, “He is beautiful. So tiny. I think he looks like you.”
“Really?” Schooner looked at the picture, taking the phone back from Lois, “I think he looks like Mia.”
“I think so, too,” Bob agreed.
As they headed into the city, Schooner offered, “How about if I drop you off at the hospital and I’ll take your bags down to Mia’s apartment? You can stay there.”
“Where are you staying?” Bob was concerned with the logistics of Mia’s one-bedroom apartment.
“Well, I bought a loft downtown and I’m staying there.” Schooner kept his eyes on the road, dodging crazy rogue cab drivers.
“A loft? Does Mia know?” Lois was starting her reconnaissance mission.
Schooner shook his head no. “It was my surprise for her for when she got out of the hospital.”
Lois could see the tension in his jaw. His thoughts were openly displayed on his face as he prayed it wasn’t going to be the home he shared with his young son every other weekend. Reaching out, she took Schooner’s hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. He was still that sweet boy she had met long ago.
“Lois, I stayed away too long. It led her to believe that I didn’t love her. I wasn’t here for her when she needed me most. I missed Nathaniel’s birth,” his voice cracked on the last statement. Looking over at Lois, his eyes exposed deep pain and the specter of something much more haunting.
“Give her a little time. She’s angry and disappointed, but the two of you did not find one another again just to be apart. I’m sure of that. Have faith, Schooner, this too shall pass.”
He nodded, but remained silent.
Lois Silver was a force to be reckoned with and Schooner Moore prayed that she would get through to her very strong-willed daughter. Not that he planned on giving up. He had vowed he would never lose Mia again and now that vow became even more critical - he would never lose Mia or Nathaniel. He just wished he possessed Lois’ faith, because losing Mia and Nathaniel was not an option.
Chapter Four
Sitting behind a privacy curtain in the NICU, Mia held the syringe of donated breast milk to Nathaniel’s lips and pressed down, releasing a few drops.
She and Lois laughed aloud, startling him, as he greedily lapped up the milk.
“I hope you like my milk as much when it comes in, Munchkin.” Mia handed him off to her mother, “Here, you feed him, Mom.”
Lois stared down into her tiny grandson’s face, “Hello, beautiful boy.” Smiling at him, she released a little more of the milk. “Look at the size of his feet. He’s going to have Schooner’s height.”
“What did he say?” Mia pressed, as she gently ran a finger up the silky soft skin of Nathaniel’s leg.
“What do you think he said?” Lois’ voice had an edge. “He’s heartbroken. He wants to be sharing this with you.” Lois gave her daughter a hard look, “Why didn’t you tell me you were alone, Mia, I would’ve come up and helped you.”
Mia didn’t look up from stroking Nathaniel’s leg, “Because every day I thought he was going to tell me he was coming home, and I knew you and Dad were coming up when the baby was born and it’s not so easy for you guys to travel anymore, especially with Dad having had pneumonia in September. I didn’t want you leaving him.” Looking up at the ceiling, Mia struggled to fight back tears, “I just kept thinking he was coming home to me, Mom, and he didn’t.”
“He’s here now, Mia. Don’t doubt that he loves you and don’t for a minute think there was anything going on between him and CJ.”
Mia’s tears began to flow. Lois had touched a nerve that was so raw and exposed, years couldn’t bury or dull the pain.
“We don’t know that, Mom.”
“Yes, Sweetie, we do.” Lois released a little more milk onto Nathaniel’s lips. “Things weren’t good between them before, do you really think now that he knows what she did to the two of you, that she is suddenly going to become attractive to him? I think you are letting your imagination get the best of you.”
The syringe was empty and Mia put a burp pad on her shoulder. Lois handed Nathaniel back and Mia gently patted his back until a large burp escaped.
They laughed, “That was a manly burp,” Mia said to her son, kissing the tip of his nose.
“Look at those eyes,” Lois commented, marveling at her beautiful grandson.
Mia smiled, “They’re Schooner Blue.” Looking up at her mom, she asked, “Is he staying with you at the apartment?”
Lois shook her head no and more tears rolled down Mia’s cheeks.
“I see,” she whispered. “I’m going to stay here after Gary releases me. They have rooms onsite for family. This way I’ll be able to stay with him and feed him my milk once it comes in.”
Lois ached to tell her about the loft Schooner had bought for them, but knew she needed to stay out of it, as difficult as that might be.
Chapter Five
On day four Mia’s colostrum finally came in, and she cried as she fed Nathaniel the nutrient and antibody rich fluid from her body. The thick yellow liquid almost seemed symbolic to Mia, cementing the bond she was forming with her tiny son. She and Schooner had not crossed paths again, although she heard from everyone that he was constantly at the hospital. It made her wonder if he was purp
osely staying out of her path to avoid another confrontation.
It was on day five that Mia’s breast milk had fully let down, and she headed to the NICU with a syringe filled with the warm milk.
Upon entering, she noticed Nathaniel’s crib was empty and a Jamaican nurse pointed to one of the closed curtained areas. Quietly, Mia approached the curtain’s opening and peeked in.
His back was to her and she could see Nathaniel resting in his large hands. Oblivious to her presence, he hadn’t skipped a beat in his monologue.
“It’s not a well known fact, but I am a champion sandcastle builder. Yup. Bet you didn’t know that. So, I am going to teach you all about the fine art of building sandcastles. I’m also going to teach you how to surf. Yeah, your old man’s a California boy, so yes, I surf and we’ll get you out on a board as soon as you know how to swim. Now your mommy is going to teach you all about body surfing. She is excellent at knowing how and when a wave is going to break and how to best ride it into shore. She has this sixth sense about the ocean, so I’m going to let her teach you that. She’s also going to be the one to teach you about clamming. There’s a whole science to that and I’m sure the minute you have your first pail and shovel, she’s going to have you digging up clams.” He paused and took one of Nathaniel’s hands in his, placing a finger on his palm, “Look at that, your grip is getting stronger, even from yesterday. I can’t wait to start coaching you in tennis. In a couple of years, you’re going to be kicking my butt on the court.”
Nathaniel gurgled and Schooner brought him up to his face and kissed his tiny son’s cheek. “So, you do know your mommy and I both love you very much and we both will always be there for you. I don’t know if it will be together. I hope it will be. But even if it isn’t, I can guarantee you that both Mommy and I will always put you first. You know why? Because we love you that much. You will always be the number one priority in both of our lives. So don’t you worry, Big Guy, no matter what happens, Mommy and I will always be there for you.”
Feeling a lump in her throat, Mia involuntarily sniffed before she could stop herself.
Schooner turned around, realizing for the first time that he and Nathaniel were not alone. At the sight of Mia, his face broke into a sad smile, “Mommy’s here, Buddy.”
Motioning for her to sit, Mia silently sat down on the chair next to him.
“Do you want me to go?” Concern for not wanting her to be uncomfortable was clear in his voice.
Shaking her head no, she smiled at Nathaniel nestled in Schooner’s big hands. “Would you like to feed him?” she held up the syringe.
“Is that yours?”
Nodding, “It just came in today. The colostrum came down yesterday and I fed it to him last night,” she placed it in his hand.
“So, this is the first of your milk.”
Mia could see the mixture of sadness and awe in his eyes. “Yes, it is.”
Schooner cradled Nathaniel in the crook of his right arm and put the syringe to his lips. He depressed the stopper a little and deposited the first drops of Mia’s milk. A hungry Nathaniel’s lips started to work immediately, lapping at the milk. The sound from deep in Schooner’s throat was a combination of a laugh and a sob as he smiled through his tears. Intently, he fed Nathaniel the remainder of Mia’s milk without looking up.
Mia placed a burp pad on Schooner’s shoulder and Nathaniel looked like a toy against him. Gently, he patted and rubbed the baby’s back until he let out a sizable burp.
“He must get that from your family,” Schooner kidded.
Looking over at Mia, he smiled and leaned over to wipe a tear that was rolling down her cheek. Nathaniel was already fast asleep on his shoulder.
“He is amazing, Mia.”
“He looks like you.” It was difficult for her to choke out the sentence.
“I think he looks like you.” Reaching over, Schooner gave her hand a squeeze.
“He has your eyes.”
Schooner smiled, “Yeah, I noticed that.”
Standing, he extended his free hand to Mia to help her up from the chair. Clearly stiff and still hurting from the surgery, she rose slowly, her movements deliberate to minimize the pain. Schooner and Nathaniel left the curtained area and Mia followed them.
With the baby back in his crib, they both stood there silently and watched his peaceful sleep, his little lips still moving as he made a bevy of funny faces.
“Where can we go to talk?” Schooner gently stroked Mia’s hair, his eyes pleading.
“Nice assumptive close,” she laughed.
Schooner gave her his real smile, “I was definitely not making that a yes/no question.”
“Your daddy is a smart one, Nathaniel. Don’t let those pretty boy looks fool you.”
And together, for the first time, Schooner and Mia left the NICU nursery.
Chapter Six
They walked the hall in an uneasy silence to the on-site room where Mia was staying. Schooner entered the sparsely furnished quarters behind Mia. A bed, a night stand with three drawers, a straight-backed wooden chair and a recliner/rocker filled the cramped space.
Mia sat on the side of the bed facing the recliner and Schooner sat down across from her, perched on the seat’s edge.
“I’m glad we’re going to talk,” he began. “Mia, I think you already know how sorry I am that I wasn’t here for you, that I wasn’t listening to you when you were trying to tell me you needed me, and that I wasn’t here for you and Nathaniel when you went into labor.” He paused, “I’m beyond sorry and I’ll tell you that again and again and hopefully you’ll see how sincere I am in my apology. My words can’t even express my remorse.”
Closing his eyes for a moment, Schooner attempted to gather his thoughts, “Where do I even begin with all this?”
“I’ll start it for you,” Mia began. “You moved back in with your wife and chose to keep the family you had. They are your priority. Beginning and end of story.”
Opening his eyes, Schooner looked at Mia, shock registering on his face. Their gaze locked and they sat there, in silence, for what felt like an uncomfortable eternity. Remaining silent, he stood.
She looked up at him, defiance in her eyes.
Slowly, he crossed the space over to the bed where she sat. Sitting down next to her, he pulled her onto his lap and lay back against the pillows, pulling her along with him.
“What are you doing?” she was shocked by his move.
“I’m not sitting across from you having this conversation. I’m going to have it with you in my arms. I haven’t held you for nearly a month.” Wrapping his arms around her tightly and pulling her back up against his chest, Schooner buried his face in Mia’s neck. “Are you ready to hear what I have to say?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“No.”
“I didn’t think so,” Mia sighed. “Ok, I’m listening.”
Schooner sighed back into Mia’s neck. “There’s so much I want to say to you. I think you got the wrong impression about me staying at the house. And I’m sorry, Mia, maybe I’m dense, or wasn’t anticipating what you would feel, but I didn’t think it would be an issue for you. You know how I feel about you, Baby Girl.” When she didn’t answer, he continued, “Clearly, I should have communicated everything a lot better than I did, but it was difficult because I was rarely alone, except for late at night, and with the three hour time difference it was the middle of the night here and I never wanted to wake you. I wanted you to get your rest. And when we did talk, there was always someone within ear shot, so I was limited in how openly I could speak and what I could say to you.”
“Why didn’t you just stay at a hotel, Schooner?”
“Because I had to see what was really going on, Mia. If I’d stayed at a hotel, I would have had limited access to a lot of information and probably seen more of a staged show than the reality of the situation.”
Mia turned her head to look at him, “What kind of information?”
With
his chin resting on her shoulder, he began, “I wanted to get a good handle on the dynamic between CJ and Zac. Zac has been away at boarding school for the past few years and then he was overseas, so CJ has never had to be a full-time mother to a teenage boy. She literally has only seen him on vacations for the past few years. I was concerned that she was being neglectful, that she wasn’t setting any boundaries for him and frankly, that she was an unfit mother, and that without me being there to balance things out, that maybe I had sent him into an unhealthy and somewhat dangerous situation.”
“And did you come to a conclusion?”
“I did. I’m sending him back to Exeter right after Christmas break. It was the soonest I could get him back in. Mia…” He took her face by the chin and turned it toward him, “I’m sorry I was away for so long. I was walking a tightrope. I knew I needed to get back to you, and I really wanted to get him to a place where I wasn’t dreading that the next phone call I got was from the police telling me that they’d found him dead in an alley. I was trying to get him to a point where I felt he wasn’t a danger to himself and get back to you in plenty of time to be here to take care of you in the final weeks of your pregnancy. And then the tightrope snapped. I didn’t say goodbye to him and I wasn’t here for you and Nathaniel. I missed Nathaniel’s birth. I can never get that back. I will mourn the loss of that moment for the rest of my life.”
“But you were living with her, Schooner,” Mia’s voice exuded anguish, her eyes shrouded in pain.
Schooner let go of her chin and wrapped his arms tightly around her again. Putting his face up against hers, he kissed her temple. “You see, I didn’t anticipate old ghosts creeping in, Mia. I know what you and I have. I’m secure in that. I know how I feel about you. I hate that the old ghosts got to you and made you lose faith. I hate that. And honestly, Baby Girl, that hadn’t even crossed my mind. Not very empathetic of me. I see that now. But it was so far away from my reality and I just assumed you were right there on that same page with me.”
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