by Leddy Harper
He led me to a booth in the rear corner and waited until I slid onto the cracked leather bench before he took his place across from me. I set my bag down close to my side, afraid of someone walking by and snatching it, and took a menu from the condiment rack against the wall. Even though I had my eyes on the different options for food, I could feel Talon watching me from across the booth, which made it impossible to focus on the page before me. When I glanced up, I couldn’t ignore the concern in his stare.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” He shook his head and blew out a sigh. “Just tell me I didn’t fuck things up. At this point, I don’t even care if it’s a lie; I need to hear it. I need to hear you tell me.”
I reached across the table and moved his keys and phone to place my hand over his. “Why are you so freaked out? Haven’t you done this thousands of times?”
“No. I mean…yes. But this was different.”
“How so?”
“Less than twelve hours ago, I told you why I wanted to do right by you. I don’t have the slightest clue what’ll happen when we get to your grandfather’s house, and I would rather not drop you off and never see you again. Because no matter what you say, you’re not the kind of girl who can do that, and then pretend like it was no big deal. And then I fucked up and did the one thing I promised I wouldn’t.”
“Talon…” I waited until I had his attention before I continued. “You tried really hard to stop it. I’m the one who wouldn’t let you. You didn’t fuck up. And as for what’ll happen in a few more days, let’s wait until we get there before we worry about it. Okay? I asked for that. I’m the one who started it and refused to let it go. So, if anyone fucked up, it was me for pushing you when you’ve made it clear how you wanted to do better. But I don’t regret it.”
Watching the battle play out behind his eyes tore me apart. He held so much value in how I saw him, that the idea of me thinking less of him or being disappointed nearly crippled him. It was amazing how someone his size, someone who’d lived his life, could be so vulnerable, so childlike. But I guess everyone had their demons, and fighting against his reputation was his. If only there was a way for me to express how I truly felt about him—yet I couldn’t, because even I wasn’t so sure what that was.
“If anything,” I continued, hoping to reiterate just how good of a person I believed him to be, “after tonight, I—” My bag vibrated against my leg, cutting me off midsentence. I turned to my left, realizing it was my phone, and desperately tried to ignore it long enough to get out what I needed to say to Talon. “I, um…I was saying that, um…”
He waited patiently, almost begging me with his eyes to finish my sentence. Except, my mind wouldn’t let go of the implications the cell in my bag held, or the message that just came through. After reading the ones that awaited me while the phone had been off, I was almost afraid to see what this one said. Yet that would have to wait for now.
I shook my head, hoping to clear away the unwelcomed and distracted thoughts of my texts. “You told me earlier today that I looked at you differently, and that I didn’t see a piece of shit. I honestly don’t see what you see when you look in the mirror, and I guess I didn’t see what everyone else did, either. The only thing that stood in front of me was a man willing to help a complete stranger. A man—who probably doesn’t recognize his own strength—bandage my cut with such gentleness and genuine care that I let my guard down. You believe I came with you out of desperation, and yes, I was in a horrible place, yet that wasn’t the reason I got in your car. My instincts were right. Not once did you scare me or make me feel uneasy. In moments when I should’ve been afraid, I wasn’t. And I didn’t understand it at the time, but I do now. I wasn’t scared because you’re a good person, and even without knowing your name, my heart recognized that. What happened tonight changes nothing. If anything, it solidifies my initial beliefs.”
If smiles had a sound, his would be my favorite song.
“You’re such a pretty liar,” he teased, although it was nice to see his strength and confidence return.
As soon as he picked up the menu and held it in front of him, I reached into the front pocket of my bag for my phone. My heart raced as I unlocked it, and my hands shook as not one, but three texts came through. The others must’ve been sent after I’d put the phone away when we were still in the room. I didn’t look at those, because the newest one flooded me in a river of panic.
I hope you enjoyed your stay in Mississippi, because it’s about to end.
And as soon as I finished reading that one, another one followed.
The cops will be there in about thirty seconds.
My throat constricted to the point I couldn’t swallow, and all of a sudden, the room began to close in on me. I quickly powered off the device, ignoring the previous messages, and carefully set it on the table, hoping I wouldn’t catch Talon’s attention.
If he had any idea what I was up against, I had no doubt he’d tear through hell to protect me. And as much as I wished he could do just that, there was no way I could risk him getting caught up in the middle of my mess. It was one thing to have dragged him this far with me, but the clock was about to run out, and I refused to let him take the blame for what I’d done.
I noticed his phone and keys were off to the side where I’d moved them to hold his hand. The last thing I wanted to do was steal from him, especially after all he’d done for me. But I was out of options. There was no way I could run on foot. And before I could think it through and change my mind, I slipped his belongings off the tabletop.
“I, uh…I need to wash my hands.”
Talon glanced up and smiled, unaware of how I was minutes away from decimating him. It crushed me, more than anything ever had. If there were any other option to keep him safe, I’d take it—but I saw none.
He’d trusted me.
And I was about to ruin him.
“Hurry back, sweetheart.”
It took everything in me not to break down right then and there in tears. I would never hear him call me that again. And it would never be the same coming from anyone else. There wasn’t another person on this planet like him, and I was the idiot about to walk away. I had my reasons—granted, they were panicked, ill-thought-out, and fearful reasons—though none of those would ever make this okay.
When he lowered his gaze to the menu in his hands, I slid out of the booth, careful to keep him from noticing that I had my bag while concealing his possessions. Without glancing over my shoulder, I made my way to the hallway that led to the restrooms. I was about to vomit, but I managed to keep it together long enough to ensure he wasn’t looking my way.
And then I snuck out.
I barely made it through the door before the first tear broke free. And by the time I collapsed into the driver’s seat, I could no longer hold back the hiccupping sobs. Talon didn’t deserve this. He also didn’t deserve being caught in the middle of my shitstorm. If only I could reverse time, I’d walk right past that gas station.
I could only come up with selfish reasons for why I wouldn’t change a thing. And after all the sacrifices he’d made for me, he didn’t deserve that.
It took me a few tries to get out of the parking space, but once I made it onto the main road in front of the motel, I was gone. I drove far enough away to stay hidden, and then I pulled over to access Talon’s phone. I had no idea where I was going. Without the app to give me directions, I could end up in California. And as much as I wanted to go to New Orleans, there was no way I would ever go there without him. I pulled up the map we’d been using to navigate our trip and changed the address from Bourbon Street to my grandfather’s house in Interlachen, Florida.
The entire time I drove, I had to clear away the tears in order to see anything in front of me. It was dark and the roads were wet…and my heart was utterly broken. I’d made it no more than fifteen miles before it all caught up to me.
I’d left Talon.
Alone in a bar.
I’d stolen from him, when he more than likely would’ve handed it all over, had I asked. Guilt had assuaged me when I took off, yet now, it felt like I was dying. Or already dead. I’d made the biggest mistake of my life, and I only prayed it wasn’t too late to make it right.
With only a bare thread of hope to cling to, I turned the car around and headed back to the motel. I held my breath with every mile that brought me closer, and I said every prayer I could think of. As much as I didn’t want him dragged down by the choices I’d made, I realized that was his decision to make. I had no right to take that from him, along with everything else.
When I got there and had his car parked in the same spot where he’d left it, my world went from bleak to empty. My soul darkened from grey to pitch black. And my shattered heart became ash.
He wasn’t in the bar where I’d left him, and our room was empty. I walked around the building, checking the area near the pool where he’d kissed me in the rain. He wasn’t there, either. Yet I didn’t give up. I returned to our room, curled up with his blanket, and rested my head on his pillow, swathed in his hoodie where I fell asleep wrapped in his scent.
And when I woke up alone, I knew it was over.
I had no doubt that Talon McNeil hated me.
Although, not nearly as much as I hated myself.
The Truth About
The Night We Met
Talon
I’d just gotten out of the shower and changed for bed when my phone rang. The clock on the stove in my studio apartment over the shop showed it was just after ten. I assumed it was one of the guys, wanting to get together over a few beers on a Saturday night. Normally, I would’ve went, but ever since Tony died, I’d struggled to keep my head on straight, so if I wasn’t in the garage working, I was upstairs, staying to myself. Therefore, I ignored it.
Then it rang again.
Worrying there was a problem, I grabbed the phone and noticed Jinx’s name on the screen. He was one of the younger mechanics. Tony had hired him about a year ago when the kid was seventeen, pulling him back from the brink of a life he’d never survive. And now with Tony gone, Jinx had become a ticking time bomb, with no indication of when he’d detonate.
“Talon, I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, man.” He was panicked, and his words practically ran together. It was hard to understand him at first, but once his disposition became clear, it got a little easier. “He’s gonna kill me. I fucked up, and now he’s gonna kill me and dump my body in Lake Cuomo.”
“Jinx!” I screamed, having called his name a handful of times already without successfully gaining his attention. “Calm the hell down and tell me what’s going on. Where are you?”
“I was at Baker’s and I—”
“You into that shit again?” I huffed, questioning whether or not he was salvageable at this point. “Are you on something right now? Are you still there?”
“They’re accusing me of stealing, man. They’re saying I ripped them off, that I took coke and some pills without permission.”
“Did you? Is that what you’re on? Did you mix coke and pills?”
“No, you aren’t listening to me. Not that I took them—that I stole them.”
“Just tell me where you are, and I’ll come get you.” I found a pair of jeans in the clean basket and stepped into them while holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder.
“I just left Baker’s.”
I grabbed a shirt and waited for more, but he didn’t say anything else. After I slipped the black, long-sleeved shirt over my head, I asked, “Again, Jinx, where are you? Are you alone?”
“Yeah.” There was silence, then, “Fuck!” before the line disconnected.
I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the flashing screen. It wasn’t my responsibility to keep Jinx—or anyone else—out of trouble, but it’s what Tony would’ve done. And now that he’d given the shop to me, I had a hard time turning the other way when one of my guys needed help.
The cell rang again, Jinx’s name at the top of the screen. “What happened?”
“I told them I would get the money. I made them swear they wouldn’t go to him until I got the money. But I don’t have it. And I don’t got a clue where it is. I can’t find it. Now he’s gonna kill me. Tell me what to do.”
“You need money for the coke and pills? How much do you need? I have some.”
“Y-you’d do that, man?”
“If it means you’ll walk away from that shit, then yeah.” As much as I wished that were true, it wasn’t. Depending on how far into that circle he’d gotten, there was a chance he’d never make it out alive. And I clung to the hope that he hadn’t reached that point yet.
“Where are you? I can come to you.”
“I’m at the shop. How far away are you?”
Again, the line disconnected. I tried several times to reach him, but he didn’t answer. I went ahead and put on my boots, just in case I had to go to him. He was definitely on something, and with as hard as he’d taken Tony’s death, it wouldn’t have surprised me if he had, in fact, stolen from their supply—and more than likely ingested whatever it was.
I waited another five minutes for his call to come through, trying him a few more times as well, before I grabbed my hoodie off the barstool and headed out. I made it halfway down the stairs and stopped. A noise came from one of the bays located inside the garage, and I stilled to see if I could hear more. There was some rustling, possibly shoes shuffling against the concrete, and what could only be described as a metal pipe falling to the ground.
Cautiously, I made it to the bottom step. I wasn’t scared of a fight. I had been in plenty since learning how to use my fists to solve problems—prior to Tony teaching me a more mature approach—so I wasn’t afraid of whoever was in the garage. However, I wasn’t stupid, either. If it were someone from Baker’s house coming after Jinx, or coming for whatever he’d stolen, my fists wouldn’t stand a chance against whatever weapons they had.
The door to the back lot was to my left, and the one that led to the bays was on my right. With my hand on the rail, I glanced between both exits, contemplating my next move. There was a chance it was Jinx…just as much as the possibility that it could be someone else. So, before I made a decision about where to turn, I cataloged the sounds that echoed in the hall, listening more intently in order to decipher how many bodies were on the other side.
When I was sure it was only one person—likely Jinx—I took the door on the right and slowly turned the knob. His wide, panicked eyes met mine, and I realized immediately something was very wrong.
Jinx had always been the “baby” in the shop. Not only was he the youngest, he also had this immature quality about him. There were times Tony and I had questioned—not in a malicious way, more to understand him better—if maybe his mother had been on drugs while pregnant with him. Other possibilities included the cord being wrapped around his neck during birth, or substantial head injuries. Then again, they were merely theories to explain his naïveté and slow mental calculation. Nice kid, would do anything for anyone…but he lacked the kind of sense and street smarts that kept most people alive in this town.
“Talon…man, I need your help.” When he got closer, there was no doubt he was on something. His pupils were blown, making the golden color of his irises barely visible. He also appeared jumpy, paranoid, and his hands shook like he had his feet in a bucket of ice water.
“Just calm down, Jinx. Okay? Take a few deep breaths.”
He nodded, as if he would listen and do as I suggested, yet rather than focus on regulating his breathing, he aggressively grabbed the front of my jacket. “I need money. You said you’d help me out. If I don’t pay him, he’ll kill me, and no one will ever find my body.”
“You’ve said that already, except I don’t know who he his.”
“The Shadowman. He’s real. He’ll come after me, and I won’t know he’s there until it’s
too late.” He was talking like a madman, and I wasn’t sure how much of what he said were delusions and how much was real. “If he can run his own flesh and blood off a bridge and not think twice, he won’t bat an eye for someone like me.”
“How did you even get into this mess in the first place? Are you working at Baker’s now? Are you in his crew? You peddling shit for the guy? I need to know what’s going on in order to help you.”
“You can’t, man. You can’t fix this.”
“Then why are you here? Why are you sneaking into the bay after ten on a Saturday night if I can’t do anything for you?” As irritating as it was to go round and round in circles with someone coked out of their mind, I wouldn’t give up until I had a solution.
He released his hold on my hoodie and stepped away, glancing around him on the floor. “I can’t find it.”
“Can’t find what?”
“Baggie…the money. I can’t find it.”
I reached for him, and as soon as my hand landed on his shoulder, I realized what a mistake it was. He whipped around, his arm flying through the air, his eyes wide. Luckily, I was able to dodge the punch meant for my face.
“Jesus, man!” I held my hands up, hoping it would give him enough comfort to calm down. “What the hell is going on? Did you bring drugs into my garage? Is that what you’re looking for?” He better not have stashed anything illegal on this property, or he’d have a bigger issue than some guy dumping his body in a lake.
He moved to a large, red toolbox and leaned into it, his head hanging between his raised arms. I’d never seen him so desolate. Jinx was the one who had the shop laughing during stressful times, so witnessing this breakdown felt like a punch in the gut.