by Kelly Favor
“Every day I miss him,” the man sputtered, “and he was no coward. He was no loser. You’re the loser.”
“I was wrong to say that,” Jake said, looking right at the man. “I regret saying it, and I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Bullshit.”
“How did he pass?” Jake asked.
“He came home from defending this country,” the older man said. “He was a decorated veteran. He actually had battle scars, unlike you,” the man continued. “You didn’t lose anything. My son gave up his legs for his country, and then he was depressed because he came back to nothing. He said nobody cared about him. People like you told him that his depression was weakness and he believed it.”
Jake put his hands on the man’s shoulders, and although the man flinched, he didn’t try and stop Jake.
Jake looked into his eyes. “Don’t carry his death on your shoulders,” he said.
“Who are you to tell me about my son?”
“I’m a veteran too,” Jake said.
The man’s face looked like crumpled paper, his features straining. “You’re nothing compared to him,” he choked. “Nothing.”
Jake smiled. “I would never want to hear you say anything else, sir. He’s your boy and nobody can take that away from you. And I’m glad you came in here and told me this.”
The man was shaking still. “I should fucking punch your lights out.”
But Jake held the man’s shoulders, and it was as if the anger couldn’t stand up to Jake actually being there and being willing to listen to the man spill his guts.
And then the angry father was somehow crying, sobbing, his shoulders shaking, and Jake was soothing him. “It’s going to be okay,” Jake told him. “I promise you.”
Finally, the man stopped crying. “I’m just so angry.”
“This isn’t for television,” Jake told a woman at the bar who was trying to surreptitiously record the whole incident on her cell phone.
That woman put her phone away, and Raven couldn’t believe it. Jake must have known that if video of this had gotten out, it would have made him look a million times better. He’d shown compassion to that hurting father. That was the compassion nobody saw in the video from when Jake was younger.
“I’m sorry I disturbed your lunch,” the older man said, taking a napkin Jake handed him. He blew his nose loudly.
“No need to apologize. I don’t accept,” Jake laughed. “You stood up for your son today, and I believe he was lucky to have a proud father like you in his corner.”
The old man gratefully stared at Jake for a long moment. “You mean that?”
“I do,” he said. “I really do.”
And then the most amazing thing happened. The formerly enraged man held out his hand for Jake to shake. “I think I misjudged you,” he said, his eyes still leaking.
“Maybe, maybe not. You just take care of yourself and remember that your son is a hero, and nobody—not me, not anyone—can take that away from him or you.”
“Jake, you should have let that woman at the bar film you,” Raven said softly, after the older man left and Jake sat back down at the table.
“No,” Jake told her. “Not this time. He deserves better than to be a publicity stunt.”
She saw once again that when it came to veterans, Jake had a totally different demeanor than he did with anything else. He’d cared about the man’s son and he’d shown it.
The waitress brought over their burgers shortly after that.
“This is totally bizarre,” Raven told him, as she picked up her burger. “What are we doing here?”
Jake licked his fingertips. “We’re eating a delicious burger in Times Square.”
“Yeah, but this is just nuts. You don’t really think this is going to work, do you?”
“It is going to work,” Jake said, slinging his arm over her shoulders. “And I thought you believed it too. You seemed pretty sure of yourself when you pitched the idea to me.”
She shivered a little bit at his touch. His body was pressed close to hers now, and she could smell his cologne. Beneath that was the smell of his body, the scent of his skin that she remembered from the night before.
“I’m afraid,” she admitted.
“What are you so afraid of?”
Raven knew it wasn’t time to tell him the truth about Kurt. “I’m afraid of everything. I’m nervous about Skylar, and I’m nervous about what the media’s going to say when the pictures of us come out everywhere. I’m worried about you cancelling your Boston shows.”
Jake frowned. “I never told you about cancelling Boston,” he said. He looked closely at her. “How’d you know about that?”
“I read about it,” she said hastily, hoping he wouldn’t doubt her cover story.
“Wow, news does travel fast,” Jake replied. “I didn’t know that Kurt had made it public yet.”
“The point is,” Raven said, trying to get off of the subject, “I’m scared about what’s going to happen. I’m worried that I won’t be able to handle it.”
“You’ll be able to,” Jake said. His hand gently slid to her shoulder, down to her bicep and up again.
“Don’t do that,” Raven whispered.
“Don’t do what?”
“The way you’re touching me.”
“We’re out in public, that’s part of the deal.”
“Nobody’s even watching us right now,” she said, gesturing to the nearly empty restaurant.
“We’re in public,” he said, “so technically we’re on a date.”
She nodded, accepting that he was right. But it was hard to sit there and allow him to touch her shoulder, to caress her so softly, when she knew it was all a lie. Raven hadn’t quite anticipated how it would feel in reality.
Raven took a bite of her burger and chewed, and Jake sat with his arm over her, eating with his free hand.
The same woman at the bar who Jake had told not to shoot video took her camera out again and began filming. This time, Jake didn’t tell her to stop.
Instead, he snuggled closer to Raven, nuzzling his head against hers. “That chick is filming us,” he whispered. “So make it look good.”
Raven was angry with him suddenly. Why was all of this so easy for him? How could he do these sorts of things with her and never develop any feelings, never want a real relationship?
“I can make it look better than good,” she said, turning her face into his so that their lips were practically touching.
“You talk a big game,” Jake said, licking his lips. “I want to see it.”
“Maybe you’re the one who can’t handle it,” Raven whispered, smiling. Their lips moved closer and closer.
“Raven,” he said. One hand touched her cheek as he pulled her body even closer in the booth.
She looked at him. She could feel his skin against hers, could feel his beard stubble on her cheek. Their faces were touching, everything was right for a real kiss, but somehow neither of them went for it.
And then he broke away, smiling sheepishly. “We should get back to the hotel,” he said, checking his phone. “Business awaits.”
“What kind of business?” Raven asked, trying to smooth her hair. She felt completely undone by his nearness, by how close they’d come to kissing.
“The kind that’s none of yours,” Jake said.
“Great,” she said, feeling angry again. Somehow everything Jake did made her crazy. She couldn’t keep him straight at all.
They headed back outside into the madness of Times Square, and instantly were enveloped by the crowd again. People were surging towards them, yelling things, swearing, begging Jake for autographs.
It was getting scary.
“There’s too many people,” she yelled to Jake over the noise.
Jake grabbed her hand and pulled her into a waiting sedan nearby. People pounded on the doors and windows, but the driver was experienced and knew how to get out of a tight jam.
Soon, they were driving and le
aving the crowds in the distance.
“You planned to have this car waiting for us outside the restaurant?” Raven asked him.
Jake opened a mini fridge, pulled out a tiny bottle of water and had a sip. “Of course I did, I’m not completely new to this game.”
“Maybe from now on you could include me in your plans—let me know what we’re doing and what I should expect.”
“No,” Jake said, smoothing the crease in his pants.
“No?”
“It’s more real when you’re just reacting,” he told her. “You’re not an actress,” he said. “I can’t plan everything out with you in advance or it’ll come off fake.”
“And I suppose this is all just acting for you,” Raven said, folding her arms. “Nothing’s real.”
“Isn’t that the point?” he said, laughing.
“I guess it is,” Raven replied. She turned and stared out the windows and waited to get back to the hotel.
When they got back to the hotel, Raven and Jake were met by a team of security guards as they pulled up outside.
There was a large crowd outside as they arrived.
Raven looked at Jake. “I guess everyone knows you’re here.”
He nodded and then looked at her. “They know we’re here.”
“Nobody cares about me, Jake.”
His brown eyes studied her face. “You might be surprised,” he said. And then he turned towards the door, gripping the handle as one of his security team stepped close to the car. “When I open it, you get out fast and come right with me,” Jake said.
His voice had a note of tension it, which made her realize that this situation was perhaps more important than it first appeared. She looked out and noticed the crowd was raucous, and there were paparazzi battling for position to get a shot.
People were starting to actually push each other, and someone fell and hit the hood of the car with a loud thump as they went down.
Her heart started beating faster. “Don’t leave me,” she said.
“Keep an eye out for Kurt—he should be waiting for us.”
“Kurt? Your manager?”
“Yeah, he flew in right away after we spoke this morning. He needs to be here to coordinate all this publicity we’re doing.”
She tried not to think about his manager, because even the thought of Kurt made her want to run as far away as possible.
Raven grabbed his arm. “Promise me you’re not going to leave me behind.”
Now there were people pounding on the sedan so hard that it rocked on its wheels.
He looked at her. “Come on,” Jake said, “its’ go time.” And then he was opening the door and the crowd was screaming, the photographers were taking shots.
And for the first time, as she scooted out of the car as close to Jake as possible—for the very first time she heard her own name being called.
“Raven!”
“Raven, over here!”
“Just a quick smile Raven!”
“Are you two an item?”
“Jake, how’s Raven in the sack?”
“Slumming it Jake? What about Courtney Taylor?”
“Raven, what do you think about Jake’s comments? Do you agree with him that depressed people are losers?”
“Is the tour cancelled for good, Jake?”
“Did you cancel Boston because of Raven, Jake?”
Raven held onto Jake’s arm as the security team encircled them, trying to fend off the anxious paparazzi, many of whom simply pushed cameras above the shoulders of the security guards, pointed in Raven and Jake’s direction and began snapping away.
Cameras were pushing in at them from every direction, but Raven just looked straight ahead at Jake, following him the best she could, staying close behind him as they moved as quickly as possible to the hotel entrance.
How do they know my name already? She wondered. How?
The moment they got into the lobby, Kurt was there, motioning for them to follow him. The security team fanned out, making sure that nobody impeded their progress to the elevators. Once at the elevators, one security guard stood right outside the door while Raven, Jake and Kurt went inside. The guard continued to stand in front of the elevator until the doors slid safely shut.
Raven was shivering from the jarring experience she’d just had. Jake turned to her, his eyes concerned. “Are you okay?” he said softly.
Kurt didn’t say anything, but Raven couldn’t help but look at him. Just hours prior, he’d threatened her very existence on the phone. She couldn’t talk in front of him, and yet she couldn’t allow Jake to see just how uncomfortable his manager (and closest friend) made her.
“I’m fine,” she lied.
“I know it’s a lot,” he said. “I mean, I’ve had years to get used to it and it still can get to be a bit much sometimes.”
“Just a bit?” she laughed.
Kurt shot her a glance that Jake couldn’t see.
“Yeah, just a bit,” Jake said, joining her in laughing at the craziness of it all.
Raven was so disturbed by Kurt’s presence that she wanted nothing more than to go back to her own room. The moment the doors opened again on their floor, she got off and abruptly made a beeline in that direction.
“Raven,” Jake called out, moving to follow her. In a few quick steps he’d caught up to her. “Hey,” he said, “where are you going?”
“To my room, Jake.” She kept walking, trying to put distance between herself and Kurt.
“I thought you and Kurt and I could hang out in my room for a bit, talk shop. Discuss strategy.”
“Yeah,” Raven said, “the thing is, I really feel kind of sick. I need to go back to my room and lay down for a little bit.” At her door, she pulled out he room key, fumbling it a little.
“Raven, is something wrong? Like, really wrong?” he asked, putting his warm hand on her wrist.
“I told you—“
“I just want to be sure everything’s okay.”
“I’m really frazzled.” She swept her bangs from her forehead and looked at him briefly, but she couldn’t meet his gaze. He looked too concerned, too worried—almost like he actually cared about her.
He doesn’t really care about anything but whether his big plan is going to be ruined. The big plan that I stupidly came up with in the first place.
Her door unlocked and she went inside, while Jake stood there in the hall. “I’ll come and check on you soon,” he told her.
“Okay,” she said, suddenly needing to be alone more than anything in the world. As she shut the door, everything crashed in on her at once. She ran to the bathroom, feeling like she might be sick.
She leaned over the toilet bowl and waited for everything she’d eaten earlier to come up, and for a brief moment, she was sure that it would. But then her jittery stomach seemed to calm, and she simply collapsed to a sitting position next to the toilet, head hanging limply.
All of those photographers and reporters out there—they’d known her name.
They’d known who she was already. How was that even possible?
It was shocking, really, to feel the ferocity of it all, like being slammed by a forty foot wave that you never saw coming. The scope of it was so much bigger than she could ever have prepared herself to cope with.
Soon millions of people might know who she was. They’d be dissecting her and talking about how she was too ugly, or short, or fat, or whatever people would say. She was sure none of it would be good.
Raven wondered why she’d put herself in this position. To help Jake Novak? He didn’t need her help, and besides, she wasn’t capable of giving him her help. She was turning to jelly and nothing had even happened yet, really.
Maybe it was time to have a chat with Jake, to pull out of the deal. Explain that she wasn’t cut out for the spotlight. He would be better off trying to make a go of it with Courtney Taylor or someone on his level.
Slowly, though, her breathing was getting a little less shallow, a
nd she felt her light-headedness giving way to just sheer tiredness.
You’re okay, Raven. Nothing bad has happened.
Well, not yet anyway.
Raven got slowly to her feet and left the bathroom, went to the window of her hotel room and looked down, where she could see the crowd still gathering. It was so strange to know that they were there, at least in part, to see her as well as Jake.
She took out her phone and pulled up Google.
Before, she’d sometime googled herself to make sure that all of the old garbage from her past had been scrubbed from the internet and wasn’t still coming up. It had been gone for years by now, but she still occasionally checked just in case.
Just a few weeks ago she’d plugged her name into Google and gotten less than five direct hits. A race result, some article about her old restaurant that used a quote from her, and then some white pages results. That was it.
Hands shaking, she decided to search again.
When she typed her name in and hit search this time, she couldn’t believe her eyes.
24,897 results came back.
She started to scroll through what was coming up, and it was all basically social media stuff and bloggers talking about how she’d been seen with Jake Novak. How they’d gotten her name, Raven had no idea. It was frightening to think that it had all happened so fast.
In the blogs, they were saying she’d met Jake on tour. Raven got on Twitter and searched her name, finding a lot of tweets of the pictures that had been snapped of them leaving the hotel earlier in the day.
And most of the comments referred to her as a “groupie.”
People seemed genuinely stunned that Jake was hanging with a groupie when he could have had Courtney Taylor.
A lot of opinion seemed to think Jake was trying to be spotted with a “normal girl” to help his image, make him look less superior and arrogant.
That hurt a little, in part because it felt as though onlookers were already catching on to the plan. They couldn’t even believe that Jake would actually want to spend time with Raven—he had to have an ulterior motive.
It wasn’t particularly good for her self-esteem. There were comments like, “ugh, she’s not even one night stand worthy” and worse.