by Unknown
I put my hand to the doorknob of the condo and knew right away something was wrong. The condo was dark and cold. I switched on the kitchen light. There it was lying on the table. The note said, “I made a mistake marrying you.”
My God, why hast thou forsaken me?
I can’t begin to explain how I felt. Shocked, for sure. Why would God’s wonderful gift abandon me? Mad and confused, for sure. What did I do that was so wrong?
I tried contacting her, but she wouldn’t talk to me. Out of despair, I called Lark. Of course, she came immediately to comfort me, even though I think I must have broken her heart when I married Anne. But she never let on, just wishing me the best at the time.
I seemed to have this really bad habit of choosing the wrong girl. Why was that?
I spent the next six months praying and seeking answers. Anne had filed for divorce. Finally, my pastor recommended I attend a men’s retreat the church was sponsoring. During that weekend retreat, I came closer to God than at any time in my life.
“Seek and you shall find. I put you and Anne together for a purpose,” I heard him say. “Lean not into your own understanding.”
Praise the Lord. I was on fire, so immediately after the retreat, I sought Anne. Surprisingly, she agreed to talk to me. I restated that I had heard God say he had a purpose for us being together. Amazingly, she agreed. She ripped up the divorce papers and she and her daughter moved back. We spent the next eight years trying to find that purpose.
Here we go again. Anne had racked up more credit card debt in the months we were separated. This would be a problem between us throughout our marriage. We both had good paying jobs, but I was never able to convince her the importance of staying on budget and living within our means.
She wanted a house, so we bought a four-bedroom house in the Hills of Walden. She wanted a new car, so we bought her a new Honda Prelude. She wanted new furniture, so we bought all new furniture. She wanted a timeshare, so we bought a timeshare. She wanted to travel, so we took cruises to Jamaica and the Eastern Caribbean. She wanted bigger boobs and higher cheek bones, so we bought those. All within our budget, mind you.
But I would still find out she had charged things, especially around the holidays, on her credit card, without telling me. When I found out and asked her about it, her explanation was that she needed things the budget didn’t cover.
Well, if that wasn’t the granddaddy of them all. It infuriated me and made me want to pull my hair out. It caused a lot of resentment. We had knockdown, drag-out arguments, and endless frustration for the both of us.
*****
My step-mom passed away on August 8, 1989, after contacting influenza from years of smoking. My birth-mom had passed away in 1980. She died of lymphoma. So both of my mom’s were gone now. I felt sad, even though we had had some tough times together.
Later that year, November 9, 1989, the border separating Western from Eastern Germany was effectively opened. The fall of the Berlin Wall will always be referred to as the end of the Cold War.
On August 2, 1990, Iraqi forces invaded Kuwait. On November 29, the UN Security Council passed a resolution authorizing the use of force to liberate Kuwait. Thus began the largest buildup of American forces since the Vietnam War. On January 16, 1991, Allied Forces began the first phase of Desert Storm, also known as Desert Shield. By February 26th, Iraqi troops began to retreat from Kuwait while setting fire to an estimated 700 oil wells. For the time being, Saddam Hussein was left in power.
*****
The BIG 5-0! My gosh. How time flies. It’s now 1993, and the years were going by way too fast. Anne had a surprise birthday party for me. It was during this party I was visited by Marilyn Monroe! Of course, she was not the real M&M, but it still made my day, since I had always been one of her devoted fans.
April Fool’s Day is one of my favorite days. Amazingly, Anne never remembered the date. I would always to be able to fool her.
One year I parked her car a half block down the street the night before. You can imagine her thoughts when she went into the garage that morning, and her car wasn’t there.
I think the spider in the bed probably was my best one. One year on April Fool’s day, around 4:00 a.m., I suddenly jumped out of bed, turned on the light, pulled back the bed sheets, and started hitting the mattress with my shoe.
She awoke and asked, “What in the world are you doing, Tom?”
I replied, “I felt a spider crawling on me!”
I’ve never seen anyone get out of bed so fast. When she discover I was playing a joke, it was a wonder she didn’t cause me some serious hurt.
Better watch it, Tommy boy, paybacks can be a bitch!
Anne and I took up jogging. It wasn’t long before my left knee started swelling during my runs. The old injury to the knee in the early 70s had come back to haunt me. The doctor said I had osteoarthritis that was bone on bone and that I would eventually need a knee replacement. I would limp around for another ten years before finally giving in.
*****
…You talk too much…You worry me to death. You even worry my pet. You talk about people that you don’t know. You talk about people wherever you go. You talk too much…
“CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!” Someone shouted as I was walking through the North Metro shopping mall.
“Yes, I can hear you…loud and clear,” I replied, in a normal voice.
The person must have thought I was deaf because he walked a few feet further and shouted again, “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!” Darn if he wasn’t acting a bit strange.
“Yes, I can hear you now. I’m not deaf you know. It would help if you took your finger out of your ear.”
He looked at me as if I was the weird one. Come on man, you’re the one shouting. I then realized he wasn’t talking to me. He was holding some kind of a black gadget to one ear.
That was my first encounter with the cell phone. I knew right then that this was not going to be a good relationship. Almost overnight it seemed an awful lot of people were shouting these words.
All of a sudden, to be important, you had to have a cell phone. Now everyone gets to listen to everyone’s conversations, whether you want to or not, everywhere they go.
You have to feel sorry for Superman. He’s had to find another place to change. Phone booths have gone the way of the dinosaur.
People are now on their phone holding up my line at the bank, at the grocery store, everywhere. There is always someone disturbing my peaceful meal while dining at a restaurant, or someone’s phone rings in the middle of my golf swing, or in the movie theater at the best part of the movie.
But the most irritating of them all was having to listen to the dude in a public restroom stall announce to his caller and everyone in the restroom he had a severe case of diarrhea. Come on man, the smell alone was enough to make everyone want to puke.
Cell phones are now more addictive than drugs, tobacco, and alcohol combined. Teenagers will knock off their parents if they should even think about taking the phone away as a punishment. Before you know it, little Johnny will be demanding a phone as soon as he learns to talk.
These small communications devices have caused big communications problems. I remember when dad used to whistle outside when supper was ready. Now, dads have to text everyone to come and get it. Face to face conversations are as dead as a door nail.
Driving has become a lot more dangerous. People of the world have become slaves to these electronic gadgets. Bottom line, these ‘smart’ phones has made a lot of people act ‘dumb’.
What’s an old fart like me to do? Submit and join those addicted, or don’t give in to the temptation and stay a free man. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold out. Some of my family and friends insist that I join their addiction in their slave world.
I say what has worked for me in the past, will work for me in the future. That could put me in the Guinness World Book of Records or at the very least, a Ripley’s Believe It or Not.
Am I the o
nly insane person on earth to not have a cell phone? At least, I won’t feel compelled to answer every call like it is an emergency, or play all those silly, stupid games, or take that every picture of a lifetime.
Christ…Modern technology was making life very irritating.
*****
“Hey, Monroe. How do you know where the door is?” It had me beat. These fandangle glass, saucer shaped buildings had no discernible door, but Monroe never erred. He’d walk right up, and the door would open. It’s not like it had a path or anything.
Think door.
“Oh, that’s like thinking ‘lights off’ or ‘open cupboard,’ right?” I was still getting used to this thinking business. No using handles. In fact, there weren’t handles on anything. Or even pushing buttons. Just thoughts. “Hey, how do the gravity shelves work, again?” I couldn’t get used to things floating in the cupboards without shelving.
It is anti-gravity, and it works in grids. Probably too complex for your simple mind to comprehend.
Boy, was that a put down.
We entered the home. My eyes scanned the place for some noticeable difference from the place before and the place before that.
“Monroe, don’t you make any fabric other than this gray stuff?” It was the same material as the suits and nothing had legs. “I mean, I dig the curved furniture floating on air, but it’s all a bit drab.”
Yes, I have read about ‘consumerism’ from your century. Once the earth’s resources began to run out, we had to live simpler, more efficient lives. The material is durable and made from recycled matter. Take the glass the buildings are made out of—
“Yeah, that’s some kind of photovoltaic stuff, isn’t it?”
Correct. It provides the power for the home. The larger buildings are connected to the geothermal grid.
Being all glass, lights weren’t needed during the day and at night the glass glowed from the light stored in it.
Now, shall we get on with why we are here?
Another one of those procreation dates. But who’s counting? Not me.
*****
… Got a hammer, nail, and a hunk a wood. Cutest place you’ll ever see. Big enough for you and me…I’ll build a doll house.
I have always dreamed of living on a lake. I think I first developed that dream while I was sailing the seven seas in the Navy. But lake houses are expensive. Anne and I were making good money and had some equity in the house we were living in, so we explored living my dream.
As luck would have it, we found a nice waterfront lot on Lake Waukomis to build our dream house. We designed it ourselves. It would be the first time I had built a custom house with a contractor—something that I’ll never do again. I’m going to write a book. Its title will be All You Need to Know About Being an Owner Builder and Working With a Contractor. If I thought the credit card issue was problematic, building a home took it to the limit. I’d never thought much about the word compromise before. The word became a real pain in the butt.
She wanted the rooms to be one color, and I preferred another. She wanted the bathroom where I wanted the bedroom. And on and on and on. My hair got grayer and thinner. What I wouldn’t have given for a smoke (I had quit). My fingernails were chewed to the bone. My patience was tested to the very limit.
Why was I doing this? Was it worth it? Wouldn’t it be easier to let it go? But then, I would think about my dream. So I learned to simply say: “Yes dear. Whatever you want.”
All systems go. The house was on schedule. The old house was under contract. We were ready to rock and roll. Or so we thought. Never count your chickens as they say. Jiminy Cricket, if the contract didn’t fall through on our old house. Talk about more drama. The builder actually had a buyer for our dream house when we were saved. Whew! We were able to sell the old house in the nick of time.
So on July 7th, 1995, Anne and I started our life on the lake. You’ve heard the saying: Every cloud has a silver lining. Well, this was the reverse. Our silver lining had a big black cloud attached. This new life was the beginning of the end for us.
*****
…Misty morning eyes, I’m trying to disguise the way I feel, but I just can’t hide…here comes that rainy day feeling again.
The second half of 1995 saw me busy as a bee. As soon as we moved into our lake house, my children started having problems. Kristy divorced and then had another child out of wedlock. Call me old fashioned, but I wasn’t all that thrilled about that. She named him Tommy, after me she claims. Guess she hoped it would justify her actions?
Well, at least Jason was settled. Or so I thought. He’d completed Job Corp, had moved to Florida, and was living with a girl. She called one day.
“Mr. Hay, Jason is acting strangely lately. I am moving back with my parents in Georgia,” she tells me.
I just figured they must of had a lovers spat, and she decided to move on.
Blow me down, if he didn’t end up in jail in Georgia. Never did understand how all that took place. I don’t think even Jason knows. His only explanation was that he went searching for his girlfriend. They eventually released him under my custody.
Dad and I drove to Georgia and brought him back to Kansas City. He’d lost everything: job, trailer, and truck. He only had the clothes on his back.
I set him up in an apartment and helped him find a job. Just when things seemed to be okay with him, one day he didn’t answer his phone. All day I kept calling until, finally, I went to his apartment. There we go again. He’d upped stakes and left. A note on the table told me he’d gone back to Florida. Why does everyone leave notes? Another disappointment and it wouldn’t be my last.
Dad passed away a few months later, on April 11, 1996. His funeral just happened to be on my 53rd birthday. We often take things for granted when we grow up, assuming dad would always be there. Now, suddenly, he was gone.
My parents and most of my aunts and uncles are now gone. I’m starting to think about getting old myself because my next decade was fast approaching. You would think it was about time I started getting a grip on life. Instead, life was going to get another grip on me.
*****
…The note on the table done told me good-bye…Said you’d grown weary of living a lie. Nobody answers…when I call your name.
You know those gut feelings you get that something bad is gonna happen. Well, I had one of them that Monday morning when I left for work. Anne would be gone when I got home. Our relationship had been going downhill fast since we moved into the new house. It wasn’t all that great before, but I thought maybe it would improve in a new environment, but she had become even more evasive and didn’t talk much. Our life together had been growing further and further apart. Truthfully, I really didn’t want to stop her. Going through a rotten daily routine of trying to appease her got to be too heavy of a burden.
Sure enough, when I got home that evening, there was another note on the table. It told me goodbye and that she had grown weary of living a lie. I don’t know what it is with those close to me having to leave notes instead of being able to tell me face to face.
It had been a long hard struggle from the very beginning. We did have some good times, but they were few and far between. And to be honest, I was actually relieved it was finally over. No way was I going to chase after her this time. I truly needed some peace of mind.
Some might say that I didn’t have the guts to leave myself. They are probably right. I kept hoping that God would somehow reveal why he had put us together. We were two miserable people who couldn’t find what his purpose was. Maybe it was something we both had conjured up. Maybe we just didn’t have enough faith.
It took over a year to get the divorce. I had to fire my original lawyer because he was billing me for the time we spent talking about sports. He happened to be a Tiger and Cardinal fan too. Can you imagine that? Very unprofessional. Then he had the nerve to ask for my vote when he ran for a county seat. You don’t want to hear what I told him.
So finally, after hiri
ng another lawyer, on September 29, 1997, after almost 11 mostly miserable years being married, and at the age of 54, I was unattached again and, ironically, a happy camper. It felt like a heavy burden had been lifted off my shoulders. It had to feel like a slave becoming a free man. I was more relaxed knowing my walk in life wouldn’t be breaking any more eggs.
However, being thrice divorced was not what I had envisioned when I’d left Clinton years ago to see the world.
Is there a lesson to be learned? My advice would be to never marry someone on such short notice. Even if you think that God is telling you to do so. But then, who am I to be giving advice?
As Will Rogers once said, “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.” Don’t you think it was about time for me to start heeding his advice? Well, ya!
Another life-changing decision, again one that I mostly had no control over, but one that I’m thankful happened.
Just how many comebacks would it take to get it right? Am I going to be one of those who will never get it right? Hang with me. The Kid’s life gets even more complex.
CHAPTER FIVE
Life Goes On
…I had a girl. Donna was her name. Oh, where can you be…Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna.
What a hot bunny. She came out of nowhere and was a real energizer. Just what I needed to get my motor running again.
I had fantasized about her from day one. Each time I saw her, she took my breath away. She was petite and an absolutely gorgeous heart throb. Marilyn Monroe, eat your heart out. I know, you have heard me say they are so gorgeous so many times before.