I take in the dimmed lighting and romantic atmosphere as I approach the hostess desk.
“I’m here to meet my boyfriend, Na…”
“Ah yes, ma’am. I’ve been expecting you, Ms. Riley. Please follow me,” the young girl says, as she walks from behind her booth to lead the way.
Soft instrumental music plays in the background and I can’t help but feel a touch out of place. This is the fanciest place I’ll have ever eaten at and couples with expensive clothing and snooty expressions litter this room. Men’s eyes follow me as their wives’ sneer at them.
I feel like a display. The cheap woman dressed in fancy clothes to meet a man who pays for the nice things she wears. He picked my dress. He picked my shoes. Hell, he even placed a beautiful set of earrings alongside side this dress on my bed.
I felt beautiful leaving the house, but these women are dressed in a more modest fashion. This dress Nate laid out for me, scoops low in the back and its fine fabric left me with no choice but to go sans undergarments. The peak of my nipples shows through for all to see, and I can either accept their stares and show confidence, or I can turn and leave this place, allowing these snobs to make me feel bad with their mean judgments of me.
Do I care if all of their husbands want to fuck me? No. In the past, I’d be more than happy to oblige, but tonight I’m only here for the man who draped me in these expensive garments.
During my massage today, I made a realization. The Riley I was when I started seeking help for my inability to choose my sexual partners wisely is weak. Things also took a turn for me when Jon came back to town. I became vulnerable. I need to find a good balance between the woman who showed confidence at every corner and took what she wanted, and the woman who has self-control and looks out for her best interest and that of her daughter.
I am a one-man woman, but I also like sex and the attention of men. I just need to control my reactions to their stares. Dropping my hands that were folded in front of me to my sides, I place my body on display, and I continue the rest of the way to our table with a sway to my hips that would drop any man to his knees.
“Here we are. I hope you both enjoy your meal,” the hostess says.
Nate stands from his seat, pulling out my chair for me. Leaning in, he places a kiss to my temple and whispers in my ear, “How will I behave myself during dinner with you looking like this?”
His breath caresses my skin, causing a delicious shiver to rake through my body. “Well, you sure have caught the attention of every other man in this restaurant, too, with your dress selection.”
He motions for me to sit. “They can look but not touch. Plus, I don’t mind them envying me for being the man who gets to touch you tonight.”
Taking my seat, I ignore his comment. Sometimes I wonder about his motive with me; am I just a prize to hang on his arm or is his love for me genuine?
“I’ve ordered for us. The appetizer should be out soon.” Reaching across the table, Nate takes my hand. “How was your afternoon off?”
It was everything I needed. My mind has been playing crazy games with me. I’m worried about Jon and everything from our past turning me into the fragile girl I was before having Kiley. Then I push away all thoughts about who I was and focus on the woman I need to be, the one who belongs to the man sitting in front of me.
Nate’s Riley is strong, manages her problems, and takes her struggles head on, never shedding a tear or falling apart in front of an entire gym full of people.
“Riley?” Nate’s voice pulls me back to him.
“Thank you for spoiling me. I had time to sort through a few things in my head, and I feel much better,” I reply.
He lifts my left hand to his mouth, placing a kiss to it. “That’s my girl. I didn’t like seeing you so distant.”
“I’m sorry.” This is the longest I’ve gone without being intimate with Nate since we started sleeping together. For some reason, I know he’s talking about sex, even though I’ve been withdrawn in other ways, too.
“Don’t be sorry. We have tonight to make up for lost time. Looking at you in that dress all night will surely have me worked up by the time we finish our meal.” Nate smiles with a wicked gleam in his eye.
There’s something about him expecting sex that makes me want to refuse, but I know I won’t. I’ll do whatever he wants because I need to get my life back, even if I feel like I’m being bought.
Most women would love Nate’s money. While it’s nice to do most everything you want, genuine love and time together is most important to me, but I know that’s not in the cards for me. I’ve made too many mistakes and I’ve been a terrible person. I don’t deserve real love, so I’ll accept the superficial kind in its place.
Nate is a good man, even if I’m a display for him. He takes good care of me, in his own way, and he loves my daughter. She loves him in return and I can’t ask for more than that. Kiley is my world, and if she is happy then that’s all I need.
I hear Nate’s chair push back. He moves it around the table until he’s seated next to me. “I can’t keep looking at you and not be able to touch you.”
Our waiter arrives at our table, placing a beautiful display of seared tuna on the table in front of us. Nate did well; this is one of my favorites. He lifts a piece on the end of his fork and brings it to my lips. “Open that sweet mouth of yours.”
I obey. When the food touches my tongue, I can’t help but let out a moan of appreciation. “That’s delicious.”
Nate’s lips press to the corner of my mouth. “So are you, and I plan on having my fill tonight.”
We sit and we eat. Nate places gentle touches on me and kisses me throughout our meal. He’s ordered all of my favorites. It’s been a perfect end to my day, and I am thankful for all that he’s done.
“Would you like dessert?” Nate asks.
Leaning in, I place a soft kiss to his lips. He’s eager to leave and head home. I can see it in his eyes. He wants me and tonight I need to fulfill his needs. I want us back.
I think I’ll order the crème brûlée, and tease him for a bit. “Are you ordering something?”
I shiver as his lips brush across my neck, until they are next to my ear and he whispers just so I can here, “My dessert has been sitting in front of me, practically on display for every man in here, all night. Watching all of them want you, knowing I’m the one who gets to have you, drives me mad. I’m going to devour every inch of you, before driving into what I desire most.”
His words make my body respond in ways I’m afraid will leave evidence of my arousal on my dress. “I think I’ll have the crème brûlée.”
Nate releases a growl from deep in his throat. He’s not sure if I’m on board or not yet. His hand gently pulls my dress up until its hem is above my bent knee. He puts a little distance between us as he watches my response. When his hand reaches my mid-thigh—I freeze—knowing anyone could see us. “Order whatever you like, but I’m not sure how much longer I can wait.”
The fear of someone seeing us turns me on more, and I feel my legs fall slightly apart, giving his hand the approval it needs to continue its path. I feel how slick I am when his finger swipes my center, causing me to release a strangled moan.
“Fuck, Riley. No dessert. We’re going back to your place before I give everyone more of a show.” He withdraws his hand from my dress, raising it to the waiter, signaling for the check.
Looking up to his hand, it’s glistening from being between my thighs. I’m embarrassed that it’s on display for everyone to see. Especially since I caught the eye of some men as they watched Nate slide his hand up my dress. I hang my head to avoid any more stares.
Nate clears his throat. “Don’t hang that beautiful head of yours.”
Lifting my head, I look into his heated eyes. When our eyes meet, he brushes his finger across my bottom lip, spreading my juices as he does, before slipping his finger between his own lips and sucking it clean.
“I love the way you taste.” Lean
ing in Nate sucks my lower lip between his, getting his final taste of me, before driving his tongue between my lips.
His kiss is searing, forceful, and demanding. It’s a promise of what’s to come. I’ll accept everything he’s offering tonight. This man deserves it. Plus, is it really that horrible to let go and enjoy the pleasure Nate knows how to deliver? Again, I’m on mission get the confident Riley back, and she likes the power being with a man can give her.
I moan into his mouth, encouraging him to continue.
Instead he pulls away. “There’s the dirty girl I’ve been waiting for. I bet I could bend you over this table right now for all to see as I fuck that sopping wet pussy of yours.”
I shiver at his words, thinking of the excitement and power I would feel to have the attention of every man in this place. Picturing how they would all be in awe, wishing they were Nate and the one driving inside the hot blonde with the tight body.
Nate reaches into his pocket, grabbing four hundred-dollar bills and throws them on the table. “That should more than enough to cover it. Let’s go.”
My hand is in his and we are moving toward the door. Once we’ve reached outside, he’s dragging me in the opposite direction than where I parked my car.
“My car is that way,” I say, pointing behind us.
“We’ll pick it up tomorrow.” He presses the button on his key fob, unlocking the doors to his sleek black Audi RS.
He opens the door for me, allowing me to slide into the passenger’s seat. I take a moment to look around the interior of the car as he walks around. He picked this car because of my daughter. He needed something with four doors to accommodate my little family, and he did it on his own, just showing up with it one day.
Nate slides into the driver’s seat. “Hike that dress up.”
Of course I comply, shifting and wiggling until it’s above my hips. I tuck the material behind me, exposing my bare flesh to him.
I hear the click of the door locks as Nate pushes the button. “Turn until your back is resting against the door, and you’re sideways in your seat.”
We’ve fooled around in the car before, but never to this extent. My legs are shaking slightly with excitement as I turn, not knowing where to put my feet so I keep my knees bent and my feet lifted in the air.
“You’re so fucking wet. I can see it from here. Spread those legs.” Nate pushes my right knee until it’s resting against the dash, and then grabs my left ankle, guiding it until my heel is rested on the back of his seat.
Nate backs out of our parking spot. I’m dying in anticipation, waiting for his hands to finally touch me. Only he doesn’t. He drives slowly up the road, glancing at me spread out for his viewing. I’m on edge, feeling raw and vulnerable as he takes me in.
“Nate?” His name a question on my lips.
He looks composed and unfazed. His breathing is even and unaffected. His composure only adds to my excitement. I can’t begin to contemplate his next move and the unknown causes my heart to race. My breathing accelerates as adrenaline courses through my veins. I feel myself begging for his touch while fearing getting caught by a passerby.
I want him to want me so much he can’t control himself, but that’s not Nate. He’ll give me what I want but never acts on impulse. The butterflies in my stomach flutter with such force that every part of me clenches. I can’t take much more.
Unable to wait any longer, I bring my own hand to my wet flesh. Running my fingers up and down, I can’t control the moan creeping up my throat. The touch of my fingers adds to the excitement I feel.
We’re halfway home before Nate responds to me. I’m riding my own hand, wishing it were his when he finally removes mine and replaces it with his. His long, thick fingers slowly slide into me. His touch is more appealing than my own.
He watches the road as his hand works me over, alternating between sliding in and out of me, slowly spreading my wetness over my clit, then gently circling over it. Every nerve in my body feels like it’s on fire.
Nate keeps me teetering on edge. I want to come, but the build up to it is my favorite part. I know when I finally get there it will be explosive, but I’m holding back. He teases me the entire ride, and when we pull into my driveway, I know we won’t make it far. Thank goodness my yard is fairly secluded.
When he throws the car in park, I pull my legs down, and shimmy the top of my dress down to my waist to meet where the bottom half rests. I make quick work of his zipper, pulling his hard length from his slacks.
“Put your seat back.” I say, reaching over his lap to move his seat into a position that allows me what I want. “You like to tease this pussy, don’t you?”
He still looks at me without expression, making me work to see his excitement. Leaning back in his seat as I recline the backrest, he places his hands behind his head, giving me free rein to do with him as I wish.
Once his seat is positioned, allowing me enough room, I climb over the center console and straddle his hips. I’m wet as hell, but my flesh is swollen, making it hard for me to sink down on him without a little effort. It takes a couple rocks of my hips until I’m fully seated on him. Feeling him fully inside me is heaven after he teased me for so long. I bask in the feel of him without moving for a moment.
My eyes close on their own accord, and I cut off all other senses except for touch. Nate gives me the moment I need before bringing his hands down to my hips, forcing me onto him further as he drives his hips up. He’s in me deeper than ever before. He circles his hips around in the smallest motion, driving me wild.
I need more. Leaning forward, I impale his mouth with my tongue. I begin fucking his mouth in a way that I hope he reciprocates with my body. My heart is pumping and my breathing is uncontrolled. He’s waiting for my next move, while I wait for his, each of us not willing to bend to the other’s wishes.
I need him to control my body, and I love to manipulate the situation until it feels like he’s forcing himself on me. Most people would find it sick, and maybe it’s a learned trait, but I need to feel like he wants me bad enough to take it from me, even without my approval.
I can’t help but think back to my past every time I behaved like this. It’s a sobering feeling, but I bury it. I may need a man to dominate me to feel wanted and loved, but don’t we all require our own special things to feel important?
Finally, Nate gives in, placing his hand around my throat, he forces me back until I’m pressed up against the steering wheel. My hips are slightly lifted from his, giving him the room he needs to take me in the most delicious way.
I’m just about to come when Nate’s phone rings throughout the car. Releasing his grip on my neck, his hand moves to the answer button on his steering wheel.
“You better not make a sound,” he warns.
He continues to slowly rock his hips, sliding in and out of me as he answers.
“This is Nate.” His voice is even and controlled, giving away nothing.
I’m concentrating on being quiet as he works my body, while answering what is most likely a work call, until my heart stops when the familiar voice vibrates around me.
“Nate, this is Jon. Sorry to call so late, but there’s been an emergency and I don’t have Riley’s number.”
Nate’s eyes meet mine. Why would Jon need to call me about an emergency? I can see the same question written on Nate’s face, as anger seeps into his expression. “What is it? She’s here with me.”
His next words are what I’ve always feared. No time apart from my stepbrother could ever change that.
“Mase took a bad hit tonight. He’s being rushed to the hospital and was still unresponsive when taken by the ambulance. I’m on my way there now. I just thought Riley should know,” Jon speaks, controlling his emotions the best he can.
I hear the pain in his voice and feel it deep in my soul.
“Okay, we’re on our way.” Nate hangs up without waiting for a response from Jon.
Climbing back into my seat, I straighte
n out my dress, unable to understand how I feel right now. Am I angry at myself? Am I scared of the situation? What if I lose him after not speaking to him for years? He still tries to contact me every couple of months. I always ignore his call, thinking that our separation is what’s best for me, and never once thinking about him.
I’m selfish that way. It hurts to realize that all the ways I thought I was protecting my daughter and myself were selfish decisions I made to not face reality. It doesn’t feel like the right move in this moment.
I loved Mase. He looked out for me the best way he knew how. I cut him out of my life because I wanted to forget my life with him and his father. I thought it was best for me to leave it all behind and move on with my life.
The thought of losing Mase makes my heart sink. I swear I can feel its slow thud in my stomach now and not my chest where it belongs. My stomach turns with the feeling, and I fight back the nauseous tickle in my throat.
Nate’s voice draws me from my thoughts. “Rea, it’s Nate,” he speaks softly into my cell. “We’re okay, but there has been an emergency with Riley’s stepbrother, and we’re headed to the hospital. Could you keep Kiley for the night?”
I don’t hear her response but Nate listens intently.
“Yes, that’s fine. It means a lot. I know this is a bad time for your family,” Nate responds and hangs up.
He turns to me. “I’m going up with you for a bit. Kiley is fine to stay at Reagan’s, but Dalton is having a rough day. Rea’s tried to keep the kids busy, but she is worried that Kiley is having a hard time seeing Dalton sick.”
I hang my head as my heart breaks a fraction more. How can a day start off as good as it did and now it could end in one of the worst ways possible?
“Okay, thank you for staying with me,” I say, as I notice we’ve pulled into a parking spot already at the hospital.
We walk hand in hand through the emergency room doors. Nate walks me to the desk, asking information on Mase, and letting them know I am his sister. I’m still lost in a fog, afraid of what we’ll find out now that we are here.
Fighting My Affections Page 9