by Diana Currie
“Well, don’t let me stop you from scoring. I’m about to leave anyway.”
“What? Where are you going?” he asked surprised.
“Aiden’s picking me up and we’re going back to his place,” I embellished. It was partly true at least.
“I thought you didn’t like him?” he questioned.
“Tonight I do,” I said and started walking to the front door. There was red lipstick on the corner of Shane’s mouth and if I had to look at it much longer the wall I had built around myself was going to crumble.
“Hannah, what has gotten into you?” he demanded. I looked around and noticed a few people were starting to take notice of our argument.
“What has gotten into you?” I shouted. “You tell me to come here even though we both have midterms we should be studying for. And I can tell you’re drinking. Since when do you drink? And excuse me if I have better things to do than stand here watching you dry hump sorority girls!”
I turned for the doorknob but the door was already open. I looked up to see Aiden standing in the doorway.
“Hey” was all he said.
“See? Aiden’s here, so you have a good night,” I said and stormed out of the house.
Aiden followed me out and down the walkway to the street. His car was parked a few yards down and he opened the passenger door for me without saying a word. I was still fuming as I got into Aiden’s car, too mad to cry at that point. I heard my phone beep once. I pulled it out of my bag and checked the text message. It was from Shane. The message was three short words.
Please Be Careful.
I shut the phone off and tossed it back into my bag. Aiden got behind the wheel and turned the ignition, but left the car in park.
“Everything okay?” he asked cautiously.
“How much did you hear?” I asked nervously.
“Just the part about his drinking and humping sorority girls,” he replied without humor.
“Well, that about sums it up. Can we go now?” I asked, still annoyed.
“Sure.”
He pulled away from the curb and turned left at the stop sign.
“No, don’t take me home. Can we go to your place? I’ve never seen where you live,” I asked trying to make my voice sound even and calm again.
“Um, yeah. My roommates will probably be out at the bar for a while,” he said. “But I need to ask you something first.”
“Shoot.”
“Are you and Shane dating? I mean, did you two just break up back there?”
I scoffed at his question. “No! He’s just an asshole, that’s all. He ruined my evening and spending the remainder of it with you was the only way I could think to salvage the night.”
That was apparently enough explanation for Aiden because he was silent the rest of the drive to his dorm. He lived on the second floor of Oak Hall with a roommate and two suitemates that had the adjoining room. He opened the door and let me go in ahead of him. The dorm was typical for eighteen year old boys. Life-size poster of Megan Fox, check. Mini fridge filled with nothing but Red Bull and take-out cartons, check. Clothes, books, and various other personal items strewn about, check.
“You’re a slob,” I blurted.
He laughed out loud as he set his keys down and kicked off his sneakers. “I’m a college freshman living with my three best friends. How much do you expect from me?” he grinned.
“You live with your friends? The ones I met last semester?”
“Yep. Keith, Ron, and Keane.”
“Looks like you guys have a lot of fun here,” I assumed. I couldn’t help but notice the laundry basket in the corner. Completely empty.
“Yeah, we’ve had some good times. Last semester we pulled a prank on Ron. He’s the smallest of us, of course. About a week before Christmas he came home from taking his last exam a few nights before everyone was scheduled to move out. We ambushed him in the hall, tied him to a chair with Christmas lights Keith found downstairs in the rec room, and sat him in the front window all lit up.”
“You didn’t,” I asked laughing.
“It was epic,” Aiden replied proudly. We laughed together at his story. Aiden asked me if I wanted a drink and pulled two bottles of water out of his desk drawer. He told me more stories about his friends while I idly tidied up his room. What can I say, cleaning is therapeutic. When the clothes were off the floor and his books back on the shelf I felt much more relaxed. I sat on his bed with a satisfied grin on my face.
“I’ve never had a maid before. This is nice,” he joked.
“I’ll trade a frat party rescue for a little housekeeping work any day.”
He came over and sat next to me, a little closer than I was comfortable with. When I had asked Aiden to bring me to his dorm I was still very angry at Shane and wanted to hurt him. At the time I though messing around a little with Aiden would make me feel less rejected. Or at least help release some of the tension I had built up. Here alone in his room I reminded myself that Aiden genuinely liked me and he was a good person. It was wrong to lead him on. He let out a sigh and ran his fingers through my hair. It felt nice.
“Aiden, you remember what I said outside my house last month, right?”
“Yes. You’re not sure how you feel about me. Do you remember what I said outside your house?”
I smiled. “You said you weren’t going to give up,” I answered softly.
“I can’t seem to figure you out, Hannah. But like I said, I’m not giving up,” he said confidently.
And then he kissed me. My first thought was of Shane. I thought of him kissing Wendy and I quickly filled with rage. I tried to evict Shane from my brain because something was happening here. Aiden’s kiss was not like the two previous kisses. He must have given up on the soft peck approach because this kiss was more intense; urgent. I decided not to think anymore and just let my instincts guide me for once. To my surprise, my body was telling me to respond. I kissed Aiden back, parting my lips and allowing his tongue entrance. He moaned quietly and set one hand on my knee. His other hand gently held the back of my head. I noticed how considerate Aiden was being with me as we continued kissing, being careful not to touch me anywhere that might make me uncomfortable. He was treating me with more gentleness and respect than I saw from any of the guys at the frat house that night. It made me want him a little bit more.
The moment I decided to move a step further with Aiden I felt a thrill of excitement shoot through my body and it surprised me. I placed my hand on his shoulder and felt the muscles through his shirt. My hand traveled up the side of his neck and I laced my fingers in his hair. I slowly pulled him towards me as I lay back on his bed. Aiden’s body tensed slightly as he realized what I was doing. He lay down beside me, supporting his weight on his elbow, and leaned over me to connect his lips with mine again.
His legs were straddling my left leg and his free hand was caressing my cheek. Suddenly Aiden turned my head to the side and attacked my neck with his lips. What tickled at first soon turned into an amazing new sensation. I wrapped my arms around his back and explored the musculature there. I was impressed by his physique and had the urge to see it. Without stopping to think I slipped my hands under the hem of his t-shirt and felt his smooth hot skin with my fingertips. Aiden groaned in satisfaction and trailed a line of kisses from my ear to my collarbone, up and down repeatedly. I did a little moaning myself and he chuckled under his breath. I retaliated by pulling his shirt up towards his neck and he ducked down so I could pull it over his head.
Aiden was staring into my eyes with a curious look on his face, like he was trying to read my mind. I realized that since we met I’d sent him a lot of mixed signals. I wasn’t playing games with him, I truly was that mixed up. He rolled onto his side so he was no longer pressing against me. His left hand brushed a stray hair from my cheek and traveled down to my bare shoulder. I was afraid he would try to slip the thin strap of my shirt down. I was really enjoying Aiden’s shirt being on the floor but I wasn’t ready for
mine to join it there.
To my relief that wasn’t what Aiden had in mind. He softly brushed his hand over my collarbone and traced the curve of my breast. He continued down my side and squeezed my hip. I ran my hand over his chest and felt a rush of desire for him. It surprised the hell out of me.
“Kiss me,” I whispered. He complied immediately and we spent another few minutes kissing and touching.
I pulled back slightly to catch my breath and he said, “God, Hannah. You’ve got me so hard.”
I couldn’t help glancing down for visual confirmation. I’d never been this close to anyone before and his confession excited me. I was very aroused as well but was too embarrassed to tell him so. Instead of speaking I decided to be bold in another way. I raised my hand that was resting on his waist and moved it to the front of his jeans. Slowly I cupped the bulge, unable to look Aiden in the eyes. I heard him groan and tense up. I pressed two fingers against the hardness I found and rubbed them up and down his length. I chanced a peek at his face and saw his eyes were shut. I wrapped my hand around him again as best I could, considering the layer of denim in the way. He moaned again and rolled over, completely covering my body with his.
He began kissing me intensely again and pressed his hips against me. I gasped at the sensations I felt as he pressed himself between my legs. I was so overcome with desire I barely noticed the door opening.
“Whoa, Aiden, sorry!”
Aiden disengaged and we both quickly scrambled into a sitting position. I felt my face heat up. I looked at the two boys that had entered the room and recognized them as Keith and Ron.
“What are you doing back so soon?” Aiden asked, clearly embarrassed.
“It’s after midnight, dude,” one of them said. I couldn’t remember which boy was which at the moment.
“We didn’t expect you to have company,” the other one said chuckling.
“Seriously. This is the first time we’ve walked in on Aid with a girl. Ever,” the taller one assured me. He must have been Keith.
“Okay, shut up,” Aiden said to both of them. “Maybe I should drive you home now,” he said to me. I nodded and gave him a small smile.
Aiden apologized for the intrusion once we were in his car. I told him it was no big deal and that I actually thought it was sort of funny. As we pulled into my driveway I noticed a strange feeling come over me. I didn’t want Aiden to leave. I was quiet for a moment, trying to make sense of everything that happened that night. Aiden looked morose, as if he was expecting me to tell him I thought we’d made a mistake tonight.
“Do you want to get together again after midterms are over?” I asked.
“Yeah. We could see a movie or something?” he suggested, his face now beaming.
“I’d like that,” I said smiling.
He leaned over and kissed my mouth. I leaned into his kiss and felt his warmth surround me. He pulled back and I got that nagging feeling again that I didn’t want to leave him. Reluctantly, I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the car door. I waved goodbye before entering my house. He beeped the horn as he pulled out into the street and drove away.
Rachel’s car was still missing from the driveway so I knew I was alone. I went up to my room and stripped off my clothes without even turning on my light. Quickly I found some PJ’s and lay down on my bed and closed my eyes. I thought about how upset I’d been from catching Shane with a girl. The visual still made me queasy. I had to admit to myself that half my anger sprang from jealously which I had no right to feel. But he did ditch me for that chick with obviously fake red hair despite knowing the only reason I went to the party at all was to make him happy. I decided not to talk to him again until we were forced together in class on Monday.
I turned my attention to my memories of Aiden in the dorm room. I thought about how different it felt when he’d kissed me tonight and how much I was disappointed when we were interrupted. I knew I wouldn’t have let him go much further than the point we were at when his roommates came home, but I was still disappointed that our make out session was cut short.
I felt myself getting sleepy; it was nearly 12:30 in the morning and I needed to rest. Usually I fell asleep thinking about Shane but the events of the evening made that too painful so I had to change up by routine. Instead, images of Aiden were flooding my mind; his dark eyes, his sweet smile, his naked chest. Despite my constant insistence to the contrary, I was starting to feel an emotional connection with Aiden and also, I had quite enjoyed seeing him shirtless. It had been a night of many firsts for Hannah Sing!
That night was significant in many ways. I felt as though a shift had occurred inside me, like the seasons were changing, and it frightened me. I had to wipe a few tears away before I was overcome by sleep.
CHAPTER 8: DINNER PLANS
I wasn’t going to be able to see Aiden the following week like we’d planned. I’d forgotten that after exams we had spring break and I was supposed to be going home to Pittsgrove. I explained the dilemma to Aiden over the phone Sunday afternoon. I was overstressing myself with studying and finishing terms papers and told him I couldn’t find time to meet up before heading home. I suggested we get together over the break since Pemberton was only an hour or so from Pittsgrove. He seemed relieved I made the attempt to see him over spring break but explained that he was taking a road trip with his friends. Their plan was to drive west for three days with no destination in mind and then turn around and take a different route home in order to see as much of the country as possible. I laughed at his “no plan” plan and said I hoped he would have fun.
We still had a month of classes left to see each other when we returned to campus. Then it would be summer break again which held a number of opportunities to spend time together. He told me that he’d been offered a kind of internship with the rangers who worked for the Killcohook National Wildlife Refuge. He said it was a big opportunity for him to learn about his future profession and it meant staying in Delaware most of the summer. That was good news to me since I’d been hoping to find a summer job in Newark. The thought of an entire summer in Dullsgrove was just too much. Before we hung up he told me he was looking forward to seeing me again, whenever that might be, and I told him the same.
As for Shane, I couldn’t be angry with him for long. He came into class Monday morning with sad eyes and his head hung low and I forgave him the second the “I’m sorry” passed his pouting lips. We sat outside the English building for a little while after class and we both got our apologies off our chests.
“Everything you said to me Saturday was right, Hanny. I don’t know what got into me.”
“You seemed to be a little drunker than I’m used to seeing,” I pointed out.
“I know. I wasn’t paying attention to how many beers I had.”
“Because of that girl?” I asked nervously.
“Wendy,” he pronounced her name like she was the darn queen. “You ever meet someone who has, like, a power over you? Leaving you unable to think straight when he’s around?”
I nodded slightly. “I think I know what you mean.”
“That’s what it’s like with Wendy. It’s… intense,” he explained.
I couldn’t take anymore of this. “Well, I forgive you for being a stupid frat boy that night. And I’m sorry I overreacted. I ended up having a good time with Aiden,” I said.
“Aiden?” He said it like he didn’t know who I was talking about.
“Aiden. My friend that you’ve met on several occasions,” I reminded him.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry. What did you guys do?”
I blushed trying to think how to respond. “We hung out in his room for a while…” I let me voice trail off.
“Hannah!”
“It wasn’t like that,” I assured him. He raised one eyebrow. “We talked and stuff,” I explained vaguely.
“So I guess you like him, huh?” he asked. He sounded more curious than jealous or upset and that bugged me.
“Yeah, I do,” I replied with a
little smile.
It was bittersweet for me to admit that to him. A small part of me was excited that maybe this could be the push I needed to move on while the rest of me was hanging on to Shane for dear life. I knew I loved him, I just didn’t know what kind of love it was anymore.
Our midterm exam for European Lit was Wednesday and Poetry was Tuesday night so we agreed to meet up around dinnertime to study together. “I’ll make you that meal I’ve been promising you. I need to use up some of the perishable food before the weekend anyway,” I offered.
“Thanks, Hanny,” he said smiling.
We parted after that and I headed to the library to do some last minute cramming before my afternoon exam. The library was packed with students that afternoon. It was like a department store the week before Christmas. I realized I wasn’t going to get any peace and quiet there so I went straight to my classroom and sat in the empty room to reread my notes and quiz myself on the material.
I felt confident after taking the test and was able to set my mind to the next task at hand- a home cooked meal for my friends. I stopped at the convenience store across the street from the house and picked up a few items I needed. Rachel wasn’t home when I got back so I sent her a quick text to let her know Shane would be over for dinner and to invite Ethan too. I prepped the chicken cutlets and peeled the potatoes quickly. There was just enough time to run upstairs to take a quick shower and change into some fresh clothes before I needed to start cooking. Back in the kitchen I saw on the oven clock I had about half an hour until Shane would arrive. After setting the potatoes on the stove to boil I reached for my phone to see if Rachel had texted me back yet. I saw I had a voicemail and I listened to it anxiously. Ever since my dad’s incident I got nervous listening to voicemails.
It was Rachel. She and Ethan had planned to go out to eat and she was letting me know she wouldn’t be home until late. Perfect. Food for four and it would be just Shane and me. It was too late to pack it up and save in the refrigerator for another day so I went ahead as planned.