by Gail Barrett
“So the team is all right?”
He nodded. “They made it down the mountain fine. No one was captured or hurt except us.”
She reached out and gave him a hug with her good arm. “I’m so glad you made it. I was so worried about you.”
“I was worried about you, too.” His earnest blue eyes met hers. “But what happened? The guy at the CIA, Dennis Caldwell, told me you’d been shot.”
Her brows rose. “How did you meet him?”
“He met my plane at the airport. There was a whole group waiting for me, and they took me to an office to talk. They wanted information about the terrorists. Caldwell told me how the one guy, Rasheed, was undercover. And he told me you were here. That’s why I came. I wanted to see you before I flew home.”
Her stomach twisted at the thought of Rasheed, but she brushed the pain aside, determined not to dwell on him right now. “I’m glad you did.” She took a moment to fill Henry in on the major points of her story, leaving out the intimate parts about Rasheed. “I’m so sorry you got kidnapped,” she added.
“It’s not your fault.”
“Of course it is. My family caused this entire mess.”
“Hey, it happened. I’m not worried about who caused it. I’m just glad we both made it through. And it gives me a great story to tell in New York. I can get a lot of mileage out of this. In fact, I know a certain woman in my building who just might show me a little sympathy.” He winked.
Nadine smiled back. “Good. You deserve some pampering after that ordeal.”
“I’ll never forget it, that’s for sure. It was the trip of a lifetime...I hope.” He glanced at his watch and rose. “I need to go, though. I’ve got a taxi downstairs waiting to take me to the airport. I’ll talk to you again later when you get back to New York.”
Her throat thick, she gave him another hug. She was so glad that he’d survived. She couldn’t have borne it if he’d suffered any lasting injuries—or died.
But after he left, the melancholy she’d been battling came veering back, settling inside with a vengeance now. She shifted her gaze to the window, watching the gloom usher in the long, December night. And a deep feeling of loneliness hollowed her heart.
Where was Rasheed?
* * *
Three days later, it was clear that he wasn’t coming. It was equally clear that she had to do something to get him out of her mind.
Nadine sat on the sofa in her friend Brynn’s new apartment in Baltimore, wondering for the millionth time why he hadn’t shown up. The CIA chief had stopped by the hospital several times. More law enforcement agencies than she’d known existed had come by to interview her. Her two best friends, Brynn and Haley, the former runaways she’d met on the streets all those years ago, had camped out in her room, keeping any pesky journalists at bay. It seemed everyone had beaten a path to her hospital room door, except the one man she wanted most to see.
“Are you all right?” Brynn asked, exiting the kitchen. She grabbed a throw blanket from the back of the sofa, then curled up in an armchair across from her. Still wearing a sling from her own recent ordeal, during which she’d brought down a killer who’d plagued her, she pushed her thick auburn hair off her face.
“I’m fine.” Or at least, she should be. Her family was no longer a threat. The gang executioner who’d hounded them had died while she’d been in Peru, thanks to Haley and Brynn. Not only was her life finally back to normal, but for the first time that she could remember, she didn’t have any enemies in pursuit.
And yet, she’d never felt worse.
Brynn’s gaze stayed on her. “You don’t look fine.”
“She looks as if her dog died,” Haley agreed, entering the room. Cradling a glass of wine left over from dinner, she took a seat beside Nadine on the couch in a graceful move. Thanks to her debutante training, she always managed to look elegant, even wearing a baggy sweatshirt and faded jeans—her usual attire while working in her shelter for runaway teens.
“I’m guessing it’s a man problem,” Brynn said. The youngest of the three friends, she was now a famous photojournalist who chronicled street life. And like any visual artist, she never missed a detail.
Nadine sighed. She knew it was useless to deny it. Her two best friends could wheedle anything out of her. And they’d spot a lie in a heartbeat. They knew her too well after the years they’d spent together on the streets.
“You’re right. It’s the guy I met in Peru, Rasheed. The one who was working undercover with the Rising Light. I’m afraid...we got pretty close during the trip to the States.”
Haley smiled, her hazel eyes warming with delight. “That’s wonderful.”
“No, it’s not. In case you haven’t noticed, he hasn’t stopped by to see me. Which is fine. I don’t want him to come by. I’m better off alone.”
“Obviously,” Brynn said, rolling her eyes.
“I am. It’s just...the situation was pretty intense, so I miss having him around. That’s natural, right, since we were together so much? But it’s over. It has to be. There was never a chance that it would be long-term.”
Haley frowned. “Why not?”
“Because. I don’t do long-term relationships.”
“None of us did until we met the right guy,” Haley pointed out. “Maybe it’s your turn to rethink that.”
This time Nadine frowned. It was true that both Haley and Brynn had changed in the past few months. They’d overcome their troubled pasts and fallen in love with two incredibly sexy men.
But her friends knew her background. How could they suggest such a thing? “How can I? You know how I grew up. What if he turns out to be abusive? I can’t live like that again.”
For a moment, no one spoke. A helicopter flew past the high-rise building, rattling the huge glass window overlooking the harbor below.
“Has he done anything to seem abusive?” Brynn finally asked.
“No, of course not.” Rasheed had protected her every step of the way. Fighting Amir. Taking down Sultan. Breaking into her family’s compound to rescue her. “If anything, he protected me.” Even when he wasn’t sure who she was.
Haley set her wineglass on the end table, then propped her arm over the back of the sofa and turned her way. “I’m not getting this. If he protected you, then why are you afraid he’s going to be abusive?”
She slumped back and closed her eyes. “Because he’s violent. He’s spent years living with criminals. And you should have seen him during that knife fight.” He’d been incredible, lethal, glorious. “I’ve never seen anyone fight like that. He was deadly, really fast and skilled. He would have killed Amir if he’d had to.”
“But he didn’t hurt you.”
“No,” she admitted.
Silence pulsed in the room. Brynn cleared her throat. She shifted forward, her gaze on hers. “Look, Nadine. We all had lousy childhoods.”
“No kidding.” Haley had fled an emotionally abusive family. Brynn’s stepfather had molested her.
“And because of that, our perceptions are a little off. It’s hard to know what behavior is normal if you’ve never seen it at home. We assume that everyone else is as warped as the losers we grew up around.
“But the thing is, men are supposed to protect the women they love. That’s what they do. They fight for you. They take care of you. Would you want to be around someone who couldn’t do that?”
She frowned. “No, but—”
“It isn’t a negative trait, Nadine. Strength is a good thing in a guy. It’s only when he’s sick and uses it in a bad way that it becomes a problem.”
Nadine thought about that. Rasheed was definitely a warrior. He’d exhibited his intelligence and strength at every turn. But he’d also been surprisingly gentle.
And that confused her. All her life, she’d divide
d men into two distinct camps—good and bad, mild mannered and brutes. But Rasheed had muddled those categories from the get-go, never fitting in either one.
So maybe Brynn was right. Maybe her judgment really was off. Maybe those categories that had helped her survive as a child weren’t so useful as an adult. Instead of enabling her to avoid danger, they were now getting in her way, keeping her from seizing the love she deserved.
“But how can you ever be sure? My brother can be charming, and look what he’s like. He’s a monster inside.”
Haley’s voice softened. “Are you sure this is about Rasheed? I have a feeling it’s more about you, and whether you can give him your trust.”
That thought took her aback. “Maybe.”
“The thing is...I think you already have.”
“How do you figure that?”
“Would you really have slept with him if you didn’t trust him?”
Her heart missed a beat. Haley was right. She’d sensed that he was a good guy from the start. “I guess not.”
“Do you love him?” Brynn asked.
Did she? She’d never been in love before. But if this aching need to see him, this terrible void he’d left in her heart was any sign... She sighed. “Yeah, I think I do.”
“So now you just need to trust yourself,” Brynn said.
Nadine swallowed hard. “I’m afraid I’m going to make the wrong choice, and that I’ll be trapped. Look at my mother and my sister-in-law. They both made terrible choices, and look how awful that turned out.”
“But they didn’t really have a choice, did they?” Brynn asked. “Didn’t you say their marriages were arranged?”
She nodded. They’d both been forced to marry men their families had picked.
Brynn leaned forward, her gaze suddenly intent. “Look, Nadine. I’m not trying to minimize this. You’re the only one who can decide what’s best for you. And with your past, with all our pasts, it’s harder than it is for most people. We see the worst-case scenario because of how we grew up. But at some point, you have to let go of the past. You have to stop letting it have power over you.”
“Love is always a risk,” Haley cut in. “There’s never any guarantee that it’s going to work out long-term. So what you need to do is figure out if the risk is worth it. Is it better to take the chance or be alone?
“The guys you dated in the past, they were men you couldn’t love, men who didn’t really excite you that much. They were safe because they never tempted you to make a choice. But now you’ve found someone who’s worthy, and you have to choose.”
Risk versus rewards. Trading the status quo for the unknown. “It’s scary,” she admitted. “And what if I’ve imagined how he felt? For all I know, he might not even love me.”
Brynn and Haley both laughed. “He loves you, gorgeous. He’d have to be nuts not to.”
“Then why didn’t he come to see me in the hospital?”
Haley knitted her brows. “Are you sure he didn’t?”
“I think I would have noticed.”
“Then he must have had a good reason.”
Right. Rising, she made a face. “Like maybe I was just part of the job to him.”
“Don’t be silly. From everything you’ve told us, he’s head over heels in love.” Haley rose and hugged her, careful not to jostle her arm. “Don’t worry so much. You’ll figure this out. Trust your instincts, and try to keep an open mind. And get some sleep. Things always look better in the morning.”
They all smiled. That had been their mantra as runaway teenagers. They’d recited it as if it were a lifeline when their situations got dire. And miraculously, sometimes things had actually improved with the light of day.
“You guys are the best,” Nadine whispered.
“Best friends forever,” Brynn agreed. She hopped up and gave her a heartfelt hug.
But later that night, as Nadine lay in the spacious guest bed, she continued replaying their conversation in her head. And in the end, she had to admit that her friends were right. Rasheed was nothing like the abusive men she’d grown up with. He didn’t even come close. Even though he’d fought Amir, even though he’d done terrible things to infiltrate the Rising Light organization, he had never been the least bit violent with her. He’d never tried to control her, never put his own needs ahead of hers.
On the contrary. He’d proven his trustworthiness multiple times—giving her opportunities to escape, protecting her at his own expense. She could definitely trust her instincts about him.
And he’d truly loved his wife. She’d heard the agony in his voice, sensed the terrible devastation he’d suffered when she had died. And what was it they said—that a man who had loved once was more likely to love again? And any man willing to go to such extremes to avenge his wife’s death had more than proven his fidelity.
But did he love her? That was the big question, the one she’d been trying to avoid in case the answer came out wrong. Closing her eyes, she thought back to the night in her cottage when they’d made love, remembering the heat, the hunger, the need. She envisioned his face as they sat on the beach, the sympathy in his eyes when she’d told him about her life. The stark fear in his eyes when he’d entered the reception and realized the bomb would explode.
He loved her, all right. Maybe he’d never actually said the words, and maybe she’d never seen a man look at her that way before, but she’d recognized it. She’d responded to it. She’d felt it in every kiss.
So why hadn’t he come to the hospital?
The heater in the room kicked on. Snuggling deeper into the bedcovers, Nadine started from the beginning, going back over every moment they’d spent together, trying to figure it out. And halfway toward dawn, the answer finally came.
He thought his wife had died because of his mistake. That guilt he felt for failing her had driven him for years. And with his protective nature, he would never want to take the chance that she might suffer the same fate.
The CIA was dismantling the Rising Light network. Her father was dead, and before long they’d have most of the key players under arrest. But Rasheed would still worry—not just that they’d come after him to retaliate, but after her. He would fear exposing her to danger, just as he did to his wife, and with potentially the same results.
And he would sacrifice his happiness to keep her safe.
For the first time in days, her chest grew light. Happiness bubbled inside her, along with a surge of hope. They loved each other. They could make this work. But if she wanted a future with Rasheed, she would have to go after him and convince him that she was willing to take the risk.
Chapter 16
Nadine had never been more nervous in her life.
But then, she’d never had so much at stake.
She stepped into the coffee shop tucked off a McLean, Virginia, side street, a rush of adrenaline making her heart pound as she scanned the room. A toddler wailed from a nearby high chair. A mother hurried past with a wad of napkins, scolding her son for spilling his drink. A trio of teenagers slouched at a table by the door, staring at their cell phones as they scarfed down sandwiches and subs.
Not exactly great ambience, she mused, standing on tiptoe to see through the lunchtime crowd. Not exactly where she’d envisioned baring her soul to the man she loved. But then her eyes landed on Rasheed across the room, and the noisy restaurant faded away, her equilibrium coming undone.
Her heart started to race. Her throat turned completely dry. For what seemed like a lifetime, she stood riveted, soaking in every mesmerizing detail about him—his shaggy black hair, his high cheekbones and stubborn jaw, the thick, dark brows framing his bold face. She skimmed his broad shoulders and corded neck, his lean hands and muscled arms, the width of his sculpted back.
And then his eyes slashed to hers, and the blast of h
eat they generated scorched straight to her defenseless heart.
“Excuse me,” a woman said, pushing past her.
“Sorry.” Her face warming, she forced her feet into motion and headed toward the booth. But her gaze stayed locked on his, her stomach doing cartwheels, hoping beyond reason that she could convince him to take a chance on her.
Another man climbed out of the booth as she approached. She tore her gaze from Rasheed, nodding at Dennis Caldwell, the CIA boss she’d met at the hospital.
“Thanks for coming,” the older man said. He motioned for her to sit beside him, and she scooted across the bench. She sat directly across the table from Rasheed, and her gaze swerved back to his.
What was he thinking? She was desperate to ask. But she refused to blurt out her feelings in front of his boss. She’d have to hold her tongue until he left, and they were alone.
Caldwell took off his bifocals and cleared his throat to begin. “I have something for you. For both of you, actually. Invitations.” He opened a folder he’d placed on the table and pulled out two large, cream-colored envelopes.
Nadine glanced at the one he handed her, and her brows rose. “The White House?”
Caldwell nodded. “It’s a special reception. The vice president wants to thank you personally for saving his life.”
She ran her hand over the embossed envelope, then opened it and peeked at the invitation inside. It bore the vice president’s seal. “That’s nice of him, but it really isn’t necessary.”
“Sure it is. If it weren’t for you, he could be dead right now. You put your life on the line for him. You also helped us crack this case. I’d say that warrants a reception, at the very least.”
She tucked the invitation back into the envelope and set it aside. “I wanted to bring those terrorists down as much as you did.”
Caldwell slipped his glasses on again. “Speaking of that...a bit of news. The ambassador from Jaziirastan has been recalled.”