Elaine cried out as the first wave of orgasm pulsed through her. Her legs were trembling, and she rocked against Chacey’s face with each spasm of orgasm. Chacey held her firmly and continued the attention on her clitoris until the last ripples of her pleasure subsided. Chacey kissed her once more tenderly before extracting herself from the sweet folds. She stood and took Elaine in her arms again, brushing strands of wet hair from her face.
“Mmm,” Chacey murmured. “That’s better. How do you feel?”
“Whole,” Elaine answered. “A piece of my heart has been returned to me and I’m whole again.”
*
Christian let the pen fall from her fingers. She had been staring at the blank page for an hour, trying to write. Thoughts of the night Cara died kept playing over and over in her mind. They had dined at Cara’s favorite sushi restaurant and walked through the small park, viewing various sculptures that were part of a special production of Art in the Park. Christian had bought her flowers from a street vendor, and they’d stopped to watch the sun set over the river. The memory was so vivid she could almost feel her arms wrapped around Cara’s body as they stood watching the water. Everything had been so perfect, another perfect evening in their perfect lives. How had it all gone so terribly wrong?
Christian had been driving. During the ride, Cara’s fingers had played in Christian’s hair along her ear, making Christian’s skin break out in gooseflesh. Cara had told a story from her childhood that had made Christian laugh. There had been a loud boom, and sparks flew from under a truck heading straight for them. Cara’s scream lingered in her ears.
Christian shook herself. No. I won’t remember you this way. Elaine was right. I’m only remembering from the point of losing you.She knew she was holding on to something that didn’t exist anymore. She had to stop trying to make sense of something that had no reasoning. It was just a freak accident. But she understood that part. The thing she couldn’t get past was how she was supposed to go on. Elaine had asked her what Cara would do, what she would say if their positions were reversed. What would she say if she could answer the haunting question? Christian tried to imagine, but she just couldn’t see it.
And then Christian picked up her pen and began to write. Dearest Cara…
Chapter Twenty-two
Alex saw Hannah smile as she stepped into the lobby. “Wow, this must be a record—this makes three days this week I’ve seen you around here.”
“Are you saying you’re getting sick of me?”
Hannah laughed. “Oh no. Quite the contrary. You seem to have an uplifting effect on the guests. And I’ll admit, I kind of like having you around. Let me guess…you’re looking for Christian.”
“You would be correct. Have you seen her around?”
Hannah’s smile faltered. “I’m sorry, Alex. She left a couple of hours ago. She said something about needing to do something in town. She didn’t say when she planned to be back.”
Alex leaned her shoulder against the wood column and rapped her knuckles against her thigh to cover her disappointment. “Well, that’s okay. I have some work to get done anyway. If you see her, will you tell her I stopped by?”
“Of course.”
She turned to leave, but Hannah stopped her. “Alex? Would you mind if we talked for a few minutes?”
Alex frowned. Something in Hannah’s voice was off. “Is there something wrong?”
“In private would be best, I think.” Hannah took Alex by the arm and led her outside, where they walked among the giant oak trees. Alex waited patiently for Hannah to tell her what was going on, but she was about to demand that Hannah tell her when Hannah stopped and faced her.
“Are you serious about Christian or is this just a summer hookup?” Hannah’s face was blank, but Alex could feel her eyes boring into her as if searching her soul.
“What? Hannah, I don’t think I should be talking with you about this. It’s between me and Christian.” Alex rubbed her face with her hand and turned away from Hannah, her frustration teetering on the verge of anger.
“Please answer the question, Alex. I need you to tell me. It makes a difference.”
There was something in Hannah’s voice now that made Alex turn back to her and step into her personal space. “You know something about Christian, don’t you? There’s something you’re not telling me.”
Hannah held her ground. “Do you care about her?”
Alex ground her teeth and stared into Hannah’s eyes. She rubbed her hands against her jeans nervously. Alex knew it was Christian she should be telling her feelings to, not Hannah. But Hannah obviously knew something, something it was critical for her to know, and she would not share until she was certain of Alex’s feelings.
Something in Alex broke, and she took a deep breath and then another before meeting Hannah’s gaze square on again. “Yes. Of course I care about her.”
“Good. She needs you. I don’t think she realizes it yet, but she needs you.”
“What are you talking about, Hannah?”
“Christian came down this afternoon and asked that I keep an eye on her things for her for a couple of days. She had me call a taxi, and she made arrangements to be taken to the airport. She said she wasn’t certain how long she would be gone. I could tell she had been crying. When I asked if she was okay, she said she was, but that she had some things she needed to take care of that she had been putting off. I asked where she was going. She looked at me for a few minutes as if she didn’t know the answer, and then she simply said she was going home.”
Alex didn’t know what to think about this revelation. She didn’t even know where Christian lived. Even if she could pursue her, she wouldn’t know where to look.
Hannah placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “There’s something else. She wanted me to give you a message if you came looking for her.”
Alex felt like shaking Hannah at this point. Hannah reached in her back pocket, pulled out a small white envelope, and handed it to Alex, who looked at it as if the paper might spontaneously combust. After a moment she took the envelope from Hannah. “Thank you.”
Hannah squeezed Alex’s arm, then left her alone with Christian’s words.
My sweet Alex,
Forgive me for leaving so suddenly. I knew if I tried to tell you, I wouldn’t be able to go through with this. I hope to only be gone a few days, but I’m uncertain what I’ll find among my memories. My broken past won’t allow me to be the woman you need. You said you wanted me to be sure before anything happened between us. I’ve thought about that and realized it’s time to stop running. If I’m ever going to be able to love you the way you deserve to be loved, I have to go away for a while. I’m sorry.
You’ve made me feel alive in a way I never dreamed possible. Thank you. These weeks with you have meant more to me than you can ever know. Perhaps, when I return, I’ll have the answers to the questions.
All my love,
Christian
Alex read the letter through three times, trying to make sense of it all. Then the realization hit her. She sighed heavily as all the air was pushed from her lungs. Christian was gone.
*
Christian clutched her shoulder bag as the plane touched down in New Orleans. A sickening feeling gripped her stomach the closer she came to the city she used to call home. The Cities of the Dead.
Not stopping for fear of losing her resolve, she hailed a cab. “Cypress Grove Cemetery, please, City Park Avenue.” Christian closed the door as the cab pulled away from the curb.
The cabbie studied her through the rearview mirror. “You’re not here for the tour of the dead, are you? Your journey has been long to find this place, no?”
Christian stared out the window as the familiar buildings flashed by. She didn’t answer.
“Ah well, sometimes the dead hold the answers the living cannot find. I hope you find your answers.”
The driver stopped at the entrance to the cemetery. Christian gazed at the ominous gate looming above h
er. She had been here many times with Cara when they would visit the family tomb. She had never imagined she would be here to see Cara.
“I will wait here for you. Go find your peace.”
Christian met the man’s eyes for the first time, seeing his compassion for her and understanding of her pain reflected in his gaze. She nodded and stepped out of the car. The door shut with a dull thud behind her.
The path through the cemetery was lined with rows of crypts that had stood in this place for a century. Some of the plots were surrounded with iron fencing and little gates. Cara had always thought it funny to put up a fence around a tomb. Are they trying to keep the dead in or the living out?Cara had asked on one of their visits. Cara had always loved to visit the cemeteries and learn about the history stored among the dead.
Without realizing how long she had been standing there, Christian found herself before a modest crypt. The white marble showed stains from years of pollution exposure. An angel stood on top of the structure looking down at her with pity, its arms outstretched as if welcoming her into an embrace. She ran her hand across the newly inscribed name of the woman she loved.
“Hello, my love.” Christian leaned in, kissed the name, and brushed her fingers across the letters as if she could somehow feel Cara there. The stone was cold. Christian pulled a letter from her bag and held it in her trembling hand. She opened the envelope and began to read.
Christian stood there and poured her heart and her grief out before the grave of her lover, her words stricken and hollow. When she finished the letter, she closed her eyes and pressed her hand to the cold stone. Her heart ached. Her legs felt weak and her feet heavy.
When she had no more tears to shed, she lifted her lips once more to the beloved name that rested beneath her fingertips. “I love you,” she whispered, as if her words could travel beyond this cold, hard barrier into a world where Cara could feel her embrace.
*
“Hello, this is Christian Sutter. May I speak with Joshua Pierce, please?” Christian waited on the line for the call to go through.
The sweet voice of her law partner came on the line only moments later. “Christian? Is that really you?”
“Hi, Josh. How’s the practice treating you?”
“God, Christian. Where the hell have you been? Of course things are good here, no need to worry, but we’ve all been frantic trying to figure out where you disappeared to.”
“Sorry about that, Josh. I know I’ve made this hard on everyone, but I need to ask a favor.” Christian waited for Josh to gather himself from his shock. He had always been a little melodramatic.
“Sure thing, sugar. What can I do for you?”
“I need you to contact Howard Lewis and get the final information about Cara’s estate. I’ll be at the condo when the paperwork is ready.”
“Uh, okay.” Josh seemed hesitant. “Are you sure you’re ready for this, Christian? Can I at least come by and just be there with you? I mean, you haven’t been back to the house since the accident.”
“Thanks, Josh, but no. This is something I need to do on my own. I can’t move forward until I take care of the past.” She knew it would be hard to go back to the condo, but she was here and she wasn’t going to turn back now. And it was something she had to do alone.
“Okay. Consider it done. I’ll get back to you with the details. And, Christian…it’s really good to hear your voice. We’ve all missed you.”
“Thanks, Josh.”
*
Elaine brushed her hand along the sharp cut of Chacey’s jaw. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Chacey glanced at Elaine, the smile quirking the corner of her mouth. “I want to do whatever I can to help you through this. The more you remember, the closer we are to figuring this out. Are you worried about me being there?”
Elaine had to admit that having Chacey come to her therapy appointment was a little unnerving. “I’m a little anxious, that’s all.”
Dr. Cook was waiting for them when they arrived at the office. Elaine had called and informed her the day before that Chacey was in town and might be accompanying her to the session.
“Hello, Elaine. It’s good to see you again. And you must be Chacey.” Dr. Cook extended her hand to her in greeting, and they shook hands. “I was wondering if I might have a few moments alone with Chacey, Elaine. Would you mind?”
Elaine was shocked. She had expected Helen to involve Chacey in the session but hadn’t anticipated the separation. Elaine’s shoulders tensed and her back stiffened.
“I only want to get some details about the incident without having to drag you through those particulars. If you would prefer to be present, I don’t have to meet with her alone. Whatever makes you more comfortable, Elaine.”
Elaine glanced from Dr. Cook to Chacey. She tried to relax, but the sudden rush of fear was not easily overcome. But she trusted them both. She took a deep breath and said, “I think I’ll be okay.” Chacey’s hand rested on her arm in support and her eyes were dark with concern. “It’s okay, Chacey, you can go. I’ll wait for you here.”
Elaine imagined the questions she’d be asking if this were one of her cases. She knew Dr. Cook couldn’t share information with Chacey without her permission, so she figured they had to be talking about the investigation into the shooting. She knew Chacey was familiar with every detail of the case but wondered if she was ready to hear it from Elaine’s point of view. She couldn’t imagine what this was like for Chacey. What would she have done if Chacey had been the one harmed? The thought made her stomach churn and she shivered. She shifted uncomfortably. The lobby suddenly felt too open, too exposed, and she looked around anxiously, then she settled her attention on the entrance.
When Dr. Cook came back to get her five minutes later, Elaine relaxed in relief. Dr. Cook’s expression was neutral as she held out a hand, inviting her to come inside. Elaine found her place on the sofa next to Chacey and sank into the comfort of her welcoming warmth.
“I’m sorry to have kept you waiting, Elaine. I know that must have been uncomfortable for you. I’ve gone over the list of names of the people that were present in the building the day of the shooting and some of the difficulties the authorities have had in identifying the shooter. I have not disclosed any information gathered through our sessions. Okay?”
Elaine nodded.
“Do you have any questions?”
Elaine shook her head. “No.” Glancing at Chacey, she took her hand and cupped it in both of hers in her lap.
Dr. Cook looked to Elaine. “I’m glad to see things are working out between you. How have you been sleeping since Chacey has returned? Any more dreams?”
“No, not that I’m recalling.”
Chacey squeezed her hand and looked at her. “Sometimes when you’re sleeping, you seem like you’re fighting or running or something. You don’t say anything, just whimper, and your body tenses.” Chacey turned to Dr. Cook. “Does that help?”
“Yes. It’s what I expected. Thank you. Elaine, I’d like to try a different approach today. Are you okay with proceeding with the hypnosis with Chacey present?”
“Yes.”
“Okay then, let’s get to it. Chacey, I need you to come sit in this chair. I need you to be very quiet and just observe what’s happening. I’ll guide Elaine, and if I feel she is too distressed, I’ll change the direction of our exploration or I’ll bring her back to the present. It’s important that you not interrupt, no matter what you feel or hear. Understand?”
Chacey moved to the chair Dr. Cook indicated. “I understand.”
Dr. Cook went through the guided imagery that led Elaine into a state of relaxation, and Elaine described the events just before the shooting.
“I hear the elevator ding. Soft footsteps outside my door. A tentative knock, only two raps.”
Chacey’s heart hammered in her chest. She gripped the arms of her chair so tightly that her knuckles ached. She felt like she was there in that room with Elaine, waiting
for the unimaginable to happen. Her mouth had gone dry and her throat felt like it was closing, but she sat stone still, watching Elaine with utter concentration.
“Okay, Elaine. I want you to go to the door. When you open the door, I want you to freeze the picture and describe the person you see.”
Chacey marveled that Dr. Cook’s voice had remained calm through the exercise but noted that her hands clutched the arms of her chair. Chacey leaned forward slightly, the anticipation like a drumbeat in her ears. She tried to hold still, and her lungs hurt from holding her breath.
Elaine’s hand twitched and her brow creased.
“Focus only on the clothing for now, Elaine. The person is of no consequence. We are simply going to talk about her clothes.”
“She’s wearing a red dress, dark red, not the bright color of lipstick. Her shoes are black with a two-inch heel. They’re shiny.”
“Very good, Elaine. That is very good. Now, tell me about her jewelry. What do you see?”
“A gold watch, small and dainty. A gold chain is about her neck, with a black tear-shaped stone in the center of a pendant. Earrings dangle from her ears—gold with black stones, like the necklace. There’s something silver in her hand.”
Chacey tensed. She knew Elaine was seeing the gun. She was relieved when Dr. Cook quickly changed the direction of Elaine’s attention.
“How about her hair, Elaine. Describe her hair to me.”
“Hmm. Simple. Brown. Shoulder length, and the sides are pulled back by some sort of clasp.”
“That’s very good, Elaine. You’ve done very well. Now, I want you to look at the woman’s face. Describe what you think of when you see her face.”
Healing Hearts Page 17