"The bastard," Chris mutters. He sounds pissed. "He's fucking lucky she came to us when she did. Had she waited another day, Savannah might not have made it."
Jared groans, the sound full of pain.
Chris curses. "I'm sorry, bro. She'll be fine. You got to her in time."
"I hope so," Jared whispers.
Something touches my face – his hand, I think. I want to turn into the warmth, but I'm too exhausted to move.
"What are you going to tell her?" Chris asks.
Jared doesn't say anything for a long moment, but his fingertips continue to move across my face, like he's trying to memorize the softness of my skin beneath his rough fingers. My cheek doesn't hurt anymore. I'm not sure why, but I'm glad.
"The truth," he says then. "I'm going to tell her the truth."
My eyes flutter open slowly. I'm in a bright white room, in the most uncomfortable bed possible. The hospital, I think. An IV line runs down my arm. A steady, muted beep comes from the screen hanging beside the bed.
Jared sits beside me, his eyes glued to my face. A thousand emotions run through his expression. Relief, hope, fear, and regret tangled so tightly together, I can't really tell where one ends and the other begins.
I open my mouth to say something, but I don't know what.
"Savannah," he sighs, relief coloring my name.
I just stare at him. There are so many questions I want to ask him, but I don't know where to begin, so I don't. I just lay there, watching him.
"How do you feel?" he asks me.
I lick my lips. "Stewart?"
He flinches when the name pops from my mouth in a dry croak. "You don't have to worry about him anymore, beautiful girl."
So he really is dead.
Pure relief rushes through me, loosening knots I didn't even realize were there.
Jared reaches behind him and then holds a Styrofoam cup of water out to me. I lean up and sip from the straw. The water is ice cold, as if he's been waiting for me to wake up and had it ready for me. I drink half of it before I lay back against the pillows again.
"What happened?" I ask him then. My voice is stronger this time, less dry and awful.
He sighs and takes his time putting the cup back down. When he finally turns to look at me again, his expression is full of guilt. "Stewart kidnapped you in an attempt to get Lexi to cede control of T.I. to him."
I remember that part. "How long?"
"Five days," he whispers. "He had you for five days."
"Oh." I struggle to wrap my mind around that. It felt so much longer. I thought I'd been in that damn room for years. I never want to go back again. "His mom came."
Jared nods. "When we realized he'd taken you, we put out an APB. His mother found him in an old hunting cabin her family owns, and tried to convince him to let you go. He refused. She waited almost a full day before she came to us."
"He–" I stop and lick my lips again. "Matthew was his father."
"Yeah," Jared sighs. "She told us. We could have put a stop to this a long time ago had she or Matthew just told us the truth, but they never said a word."
"That's why Stewart did it," I say. "He was angry Matthew never told the girls about him. He wanted… he thought he deserved control of T.I. I think he really believed Lexi would just give him the company, and he'd get away with everything."
Jared offers me a grim smile. "She almost did it."
My eyes widen. "What? Why?"
"To save your life." He stares at me for a long moment, his expression broken and haunted again. "We were all terrified he was going to kill you."
I want to say… something to him, something to ease him, but I don't. I'm not ready to have that conversation yet. Maybe because I don't know where it's going to go, and if I have to say goodbye to Jared right now, I'm going to crack wide open again.
"She'd really do that for me?" I whisper instead.
"Yeah, she would." His smile is genuine this time. Maybe because he's talking about Lexi. That hurts. "Despite how it may seem, she really does care about you, you know."
"Then why–?"
He peers at me, waiting for me to finish that question, but I chicken out.
"He was taking me somewhere," I say instead, frowning when the memory pops up out of nowhere. "I remember him carrying me down the stairs."
"Lexi agreed to hold a press conference if he let you go first. She was planning to announce that he was Matthew's son."
"Oh." My head is spinning again. So much has happened, so much I didn't know.
"She convinced him to drop you off at a hospital, trying to get him out of the house. We were waiting for him to make his move. When we were sure he couldn't use you as a human shield, we stormed the place. He tried to shoot his way out." Jared shakes his head. "Chris shot him."
"Oh." Poor Chris.
We sit there for a long moment.
"He deserved it. When I saw what he did to you, I wanted to kill him myself," Jared whispers then. His head is down, his eyes hidden from me. "I've never wanted to kill anyone as badly as I wanted to kill him when I found you in that cabin."
I open my mouth and close it a few times. I have no clue what to say to that. None.
"I'll regret telling you to go with him for the rest of my life," he whispers. And then he meets my gaze again. The shame in his expression knocks the breath out of me. "I'm so sorry, Savannah."
I want to reach out for him, to crawl into his lap and wrap myself around him. But I'm scared – terrified – that this is all some joke. That I'm really still in that cabin, and that Jared and Lexi are together. A hundred different fears run through me, stealing away every word I want to say to him. I'm hurt and I'm angry, and I don't know what any of this means. Or what I want it to mean.
"W–what happened with Toby?" I ask instead of saying any of that.
Jared stares at me for a long moment before he answers. "I broke his jaw, and then gave him the option of going to prison or back to Italy. He chose Italy."
"Oh. He's the one who hurt Madeline."
"I know. Stewart had cameras up all over the place, watching the girls…." Jared shakes his head, and curses. "I never fucking saw them."
That's how Stewart knew about the pool.
I sit silently for a minute, absorbing the fact that he watched me and Jared, saw us together in such an intimate way. And so did Toby.
The thought makes me queasy, anxious.
"D-do you think Toby will stay in Italy?" I whisper. I'm not afraid of him anymore, but I don't ever want to see him again. I want him far, far away from me and the people I care about. I want an ocean between us. "I don't want him to hurt anyone else I love. I don't want him to come for me again."
Jared stares at me for a moment, an odd look on his face.
I think I've upset him, but I don't know how.
He doesn't say anything.
I yawn. I can't help it.
As soon as I do, Jared leaps to his feet. "I'll let you get some sleep."
I blink back tears at his tone – like he wants to be far away from me.
Is it over between us? I want to ask him. Did you choose Lexi?
But he's striding from the room before I get a chance. I watch him go, tears spilling down my cheeks.
I doze on and off for the rest of the day, eventually falling into a deep, dreamless sleep. When I wake up, I find Lexi standing at the foot of my bed, staring down at me. She's chewing on her bottom lip, and her blue eyes are narrowed like she's lost in thought. I haven't seen her in so long, but she's in worse shape than she was before.
Has she slept at all since the night Stewart kidnapped me?
"Hi," I whisper when she notices me watching her.
"Hi."
The steady beeping of the monitor is the only sound in the room.
Lexi shifts from foot to foot.
It's awkward as hell and I hate it.
"I'm sorry," she blurts out before I can say anything.
I blink.
/> Tears well in her eyes. "Will you ever be able to forgive me?"
"Forgive you?"
"For all of this." She waves her hand around as if to indicate the room. "Everything that's happened to you is my fault. I was so scared Mad was going to die, and I let you blame yourself for that. It wasn't your fault though. None of this was your fault. And I'm so sorry for everything."
I stare at her for a minute as tears slip down her cheeks. I don't know what to say. I think I'm actually speechless.
"Toby's the one who hurt her."
"I know. It's not your fault though. That's on him."
I nod slowly, accepting this. Toby hurt Madeline to make me pay, but it's not my fault. He did it because he's a monster. Maybe Jared could have stopped it had he not been with me, but wondering and doubting isn't going to change anything. Blaming myself isn't going to change it either. Toby can't hurt us anymore. Neither can Stewart. That's all that really matters.
"Please don't hate me," Lexi whispers.
"I don't hate you." I push myself up into a sitting position. My ribs protest, but not as badly as I thought they would. The ache is faint, dull. Tolerable.
"You don't?"
I want to lie to her, but I don't.
"I tried to hate you," I confess quietly. "When I found out about you and Jared, I was so angry. I wanted to hate you. But I couldn't."
"Me and Jared?" She frowns at me.
"Maddi told me about your date night. That she caught the two of you making out."
Lexi's eyes widen. "Savannah, we–"
"Is he in love with you?" I blurt out, gripping the sheets tightly in my hands.
Lexi shakes her head. "No. He's… No."
Relief washes through me in a warm flood.
"He's in love with you."
"Then why–?"
"Did I kiss him?" she whispers.
I nod.
"I don't know." She sinks down onto the side of my bed, staring into space. "I think – I think I wanted to know what it was like. Wanted him to know how I felt about him."
Jealousy courses through me. I hate the thought of her kissing him. Of her touching him. I don't know why because we aren't together, but I don't want him to be with her, either. I thought I'd be okay if he dated someone else, that I'd be fine so long as he was happy, but I'm not. I don't want him with anyone else. I don't want him touching or kissing or making love to anyone who isn't me.
Is that wrong?
I don't think so.
"But he doesn't think of me like that," Lexi says, peering down at me. "And that's exactly what he told me when he pulled away from me the night I kissed him. He's in love with you, Savannah. I think he always will be. And I'm okay with that. I think… well, I think he deserves someone as amazing as you."
She must notice the way I gape at her, because she smiles.
"You are amazing, Sav. You're the most selfless person I know. You didn't even hesitate to put everyone else first and let him go, despite how you feel about him. Jared deserves someone like you, not someone like me – someone who can do the things I did. I was jealous, and angry, and I hurt you." Her face falls again. "I never meant to make you feel like you don't belong with us."
"You didn't," I manage to mumble. And it's true, but it's not enough of an explanation. "I've always felt that way. You guys took me in because I didn't have anywhere else to go and your parents were too kind to kick me out."
"That’s not true! Mom and Daddy took you in because you belong with us, Savannah. You're part of our family. You always have been."
"I've never felt like it."
Lexi gives me a sad frown. "That's because people are assholes," she mutters. "The kids at school were jealous of you. They hated that you were so much better than they were. You didn't grow up spoiled, and you weren't a spiteful bitch. You were smart and funny and kind and beautiful. The girls wanted to be you, and the boys wanted to date you. They were all just too cowardly to ask you out." Her eyes flash, the blue darkening. "And then you started dating that asshole, and he made sure no one asked you. He made sure you believed you didn't fit in. He knew you'd never stay with him if you knew how vile he really was, so he rushed you off to Italy."
"Why didn't anyone come for me?" I whisper. And I don't blame her, I really don't, but I don't understand either. If I was family, why didn't they ever come to bring me home? Why did they let me stay there for two years, believing I had to stay with him because no one else wanted me? That I was a burden to them? Useless and worthless.
"Daddy thought you wanted to go. You worked so hard for your scholarship. He didn't want to take it away from you. And Kit and I – I don't know why I never told Daddy my suspicions about Toby. I just thought you would get to Italy and you'd realize for yourself that you could do so much better, and you'd leave him on your own. But you didn't, and I thought that maybe I was wrong about Toby, maybe things were going okay for you." She swipes at her face again.
"They weren't," I say, and I'm crying too. Tears slip silently down my cheeks. "Everything was so bad, but no one ever came to see me or check on me, and I believed Toby. It was so easy to believe him when he said that you guys didn't want me here and would be better off without me, that I was a burden. My own mom left me. Why would anyone else want me when she didn't?"
"Oh, Savannah." Lexi reaches out and pulls me into a tight hug. "Your mom didn't leave because of you. She left because she was messed up, and because she knew Mom and Daddy could do more for you than she ever could. You were going to the best school and making straight A's. You were happy. That doesn't justify what she did, but she didn't leave because of you."
"I know." I sniffle. I do know that now… or at least I'm working on it. My mom left me because she was screwed up, not because of me. She left me, and it wasn't my fault. Just like what Toby did wasn't my fault, or what Stewart did. I was collateral damage, and I didn't deserve any of it.
Lexi and I cling to one another and cry for a long time. I think we both need the release, and it feels good to do it together. To purge ourselves of the tension and resentment that's grown between us since I came home. It's nice to forgive her and realize that maybe she's been as messed up as I have. To realize that maybe, just maybe, I'm not broken beyond repair. I have a long way to go, I know that, but I don't have to go the distance by myself. I don't have to struggle alone this time, trying to tape myself together so no one notices how messed up I really am.
Maybe… just maybe, I'm allowed to grieve for everything I've lost instead of blaming myself.
I spend the next two days in the hospital, recovering from a serious infection and my injuries. But I'm not alone this time. Kit and Lexi and Madeline are there, and so are Chris and Demetri. They visit me every day, taking shifts sitting with me. The only person missing is Jared. I'm desperate to see him again, to talk to him, but when he doesn't come… I'm not sure what to think.
"Are you really coming home?" Maddi asks me while Kit and Lexi pack up my belongings for Chris and Demetri to carry to the car.
"Yes." I smile at her.
"To stay?" she asks.
"For now," I say. I'm not sure if I'll go back to my apartment or not. I haven't decided yet. Not because I don't belong at the mansion or don't have a choice, but because the choice is actually mine this time. I have options, and places to go. For once, I get to decide what I want.
And I want to talk to Jared before I make that decision. I have to talk to him first.
Maddi pouts at me, making it clear she doesn't approve of this plan.
"You can always come spend time with me," I say, tugging on one of her ringlets. Her hair is growing back so fast now. It's still short and fuzzy on that side, but little more than a sliver of her scar shows through.
Her eyes light up and she grins at me.
"You ready to get the hell outta here?" Chris asks me when he comes back for the last load of flowers and balloons the girls have forced on me.
"God, yes." If I never see a hospit
al room again, it'll be too soon.
"Cool." He shoots me a grin and ducks back out of the room.
Kit tries to force me into a wheelchair, but I refuse. I'm walking out on my own.
She grumbles at me but stops arguing when I tell her that.
We ride down in the elevators in a big group. Chris teases Maddi who glares at him and sticks her tongue out. Demetri watches the two of them with a soft smile on his face. Kit laughs at them, and gets pulled into the middle. Lexi and I just stand there and watch. A weight has finally been lifted from her shoulders, giving her a little peace. I know it's been hard for her and the girls since they learned the truth about Stewart, but they're coping. I think knowing it's really over has given them all a little peace.
The sun shines brightly when we make it outside.
I close my eyes and stand quietly for a minute, just soaking it in.
"Come on," Kit says, nudging me. "You can sunbathe at home."
Home… I actually have two of those now.
How weird is that?
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Sing
My stomach drops when we pull through the gates of the mansion and I see Jared's car sitting in the driveway. I still don't know where things stand between us, or why he hasn't been back to see me.
The thought of never seeing him again still hurts, still wrecks me. I'm in love with him. So much so I can't imagine the rest of my life without him. I don't want to imagine it. I know I still have so much to deal with, but I want to do it with him by my side, not because he holds me together, but because, even though he's seen all of my scars, he still fell in love with me. He still believed I was priceless, and made me want to believe it, too. He taught me to soar, and never once tried to drag me back down to the ground or hold me back.
He loved me when I was broken, and let me love him, too.
If that's not worth fighting for, I don't know what is.
Kit pulls in beside his car and parks. "I'll keep everyone away and give you guys some time," she murmurs as if she knows where my head is at.
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