by Alex Kosh
And so saying, Caiten stepped over the broken fragments of the wall and through the breach. We followed him.
“Wowee!” Naive exclaimed in delight. “Look at all that stuff ...”
There really was an awful lot of “stuff”. The huge open space was packed with all sorts and sizes of tables, plinths, stands and display cases ... and there were all sorts and sizes of doodads and knick-knacks lying or standing or scattered about on every shelf and every table top. The sizes of the exhibits varied from very small (too small to be seen with the unaided eye) to absolutely huge (some of them almost touched the ceiling). Any attempt to describe the scope of this legacy is pointless. Imagine anything you like, and in some corner of the Museum you would find something it. Here, I was happy to note, the sections were clearly labelled and all the exhibits had little cards that explained what each item was, what it was used for and, better still, how to use it.
From somewhere up ahead of us we periodically heard the sound of ancient artefacts falling, breaking and smashing.
“Right, this is what we’ll do,” said Caiten. “We spread out along the rows and move towards Kelnmiir to help him. On the way, read the plaques on the exhibits carefully and look for something that will be useful to us. Don’t forget, only items with their own source of energy will work, and there aren’t too many of those here. And please, look for things that are simple. The switch-it-on-and-away-you-go kind, not items with an instruction manual in several volumes – there are plenty of those in here.”
“Understood,” we all rapped out and went dashing off to start our search.
It was really interesting to rummage through all those things. To be quite honest, I felt like a child in a toy shop.
The first item to catch my eye was a beautiful double-handed sword. I spotted it from a distance and hurried over to get a closer look. The plaque beside it said “Stonecutting Sword”. I couldn’t believe my eyes at first. This was a real stroke of luck! It was hard to imagine a better weapon against stone trolls ...
Lower down on the plaque was a detailed description of how to use the sword: “Take the sword in the right hand if you are right-handed and in the left hand if you are left-handed. Take good aim at the enemy before swinging, in order to avoid unnecessary damage to the surroundings. All that is required to activate the special powers of the sword is to direct a flow of energy into it ...” There was no point in reading any more. Where would I get a flow of energy from? Although ... if I gave this thing to the vampire, it might just work ...
I picked up the sword ... doublehanded .... and long, almost as long as me. And a heavy brute ... No, I didn’t think the vampire would like it. Definitely not. An ironcutting sword would be more use to him right now.
A few steps further on, I came across a huge double-handed poleaxe. The plaque above it read: “Ironcutting poleaxe”. A really big poleaxe, double-handed ... No, I thought, vampires didn’t like poleaxes. I was sure they didn’t.
The next exhibit to catch my eye was a small ring. The plaque gave brief but comprehensive instructions: “Charge Ring. Stores up to ten mags of energy. To use the ring, rub it.”
I immediately groped all over the table top, hoping to find another ten of these obviously useful trinkets. But there was only a single specimen of every exhibit in the Museum. I just hoped the ring was already charged with its ten mags. Of course, I could have rubbed it to find out ... but then I could forget about the energy. I’d rather just believe the energy was in the ring. That felt much better.
And now ... how could I use this energy? Fireballs and other such small change were a waste of time against an iron golem ... and against trolls too. But I couldn’t do anything else. Maybe I should give the ring to Caiten? That was a much better idea.
I put the ring on my finger and walked on, periodically looking round at my friends. Neville was walking on my left, slightly behind me, carrying a strange object that looked like a long, bent spear over his shoulder. Steel was striding along further to the left – and he was hung from head to foot with lengths of some kind of rope. I couldn’t spot the others, they must have been hidden from me behind the shelves.
The sounds of a struggle were growing louder, so I guessed we must be approaching the site of the battle between the vampire and the iron golem. It was about time I found myself an appropriate weapon ...
And strangely enough, quite soon an appropriate weapon turned up – it was a rather battered broom. The plaque beside it said: “All-Purpose Broom. Before the creation of autonomous spells, it was used in all aspects of daily life (2600 – 2980 l.a.). Has an independent power source designed to last a week. To engage discharge mode, press the power switch and wave the broom. The strength of discharge depends on how hard you press.”
An independent power source – that was really great! Only I didn’t quite grasp how this all-purpose broom actually worked ... But since the broom had power for a week, I could check to see.
To do that, I pressed good and hard on the power switch and waved the broom ...
The shelves standing quite a long distance away from me were shattered and scattered in all directions. And the crash it made, oh the crash ...
Well that really was some discharge, no doubt about it. But the question that came to mind was: How could anyone use this thing to clean a house?
“What are you doing?” screamed Neville – it was a miracle that he had managed to dodge the exhibits and fragments of shelving that went flying his way.
“Sorry,” I said with a guilty shrug. “I was testing my all-purpose battle broom.”
Neville twirled one finger beside his head.
“Let you loose, and you’ll knock the entire Academy down, stone by stone ... I’m not testing my weapon.” He nodded at the sharply bent spear hanging over his shoulder.
“What is that?” I enquired.
“It’s a..uh…bent spear ...” Neville replied.
“What?” I asked in amazement.
“ ... that was created especially for hunting dragons.”
“For hunting dragons!” I laughed. “Well, well ... and why is it bent?”
Neville scratched his head: “Apparently the dragon proved stronger than the spear after all ...”
“And where are you going to find a dragon in the Academy?”
“Ah ...” said Neville with a mysterious smile. “The properties of this spear will help us fight trolls and golems, as well as dragons ...”
From the expression on Neville’s face, I knew he wasn’t going to tell me anything about the mysterious properties of his spear.
“Well, you might at least straighten it out,” I growled. “It looks pretty stupid the way it is.”
“It the first place, it’s heavy, and it’s a lot easier to carry it like this, and in the second place, this is a History Museum! Every exhibit has its own story ... they mustn’t be damaged.”
We both looked at the exhibits that had been scattered about by my all-purpose battle broom.
“Good going,” Neville summed up. “If it comes up, we can blame all the destruction on the iron golem. Otherwise you’ll be stuck in the kitchen for the rest of your life.”
I nodded.
“Let’s get out of here.”
“Wait,” said Neville. “I want to ask you something.”
“What?”
“Today Steel pretended that he’d never been in the Museum, but that’s not true. I saw him when I visited the Museum. He was in the other group ...”
“So the lad forgot,” I said blithely. “It happens all the time ...”
“Doesn’t it seem suspicious to you?”
“Not in the least,” I said honestly.
We had enough problems already, without starting to suspect each other.
I heard Caiten’s voice on my left. He was calling to me and Neville.
“On our way!” We responded and beat a hasty retreat from the scene of the crime.
We found Caiten, Steel and Naive standing be
side a strange-looking structure with a shape that vaguely resembled a huge bird. This thing was absolutely colossal – about thirty feet long and forty-five across.
“What was that crash?” Caiten immediately asked.
“What crash?” I asked, trying to sound as natural as possible. “We didn’t hear a crash. Did we, Neville?”
Neville shook his head.
“It must have been the iron golem on the rampage, we were too busy to take any notice. But now we have a weapon,” said Neville, nodding proudly at his bent spear.
“Yes, just the weapon we need,” Caiten laughed and turned to look at me. “And you’ve decided to clean up in here after the riot. Very praiseworthy, of course ...”
“That broom is a terrible weapon,” Neville said very seriously. “Believe me.”
Caiten looked suspiciously, first at Neville, and then at me, but he refrained from asking any more questions.
“The gang’s all here,” he declared. “Let’s try to help Kelnmiir.”
“But should we bother?” Steel asked in a low voice. “Kelnmiir can take care of himself.”
No one took notice of his comment. Steel had been making far too many comments like that. I guessed it was the nervous strain starting to tell ... or was Neville right? No that was nonsense ...
“Maybe we should work out some kind of strategy?” Naive suggested uncertainly.
Neville gaped at his younger brother in amazement, and it was obvious that no one else had expected such a flight of intellect from the eternal goofball.
“Unfortunately, we don’t have time,” Caiten said dismissively. “I’m afraid those iron golems were well designed for vampire-hunting. I just hope we’re not too late. ...”
He walked rapidly towards the sound of clattering and banging, followed by the Vickers brothers: Neville with a bent spear over his shoulder and Naive with a massive club held at the ready. Then came Steel, hung all over with lengths of rope, and I brought up the rear, dragging my all-purpose battle broom behind me.
It was a pity we’d had so little time to find appropriate weapons. If we’d looked for a bit longer, no doubt we could have found something rather more serious.
We easily spotted the first signs that the vampire had run this way. The trail of destruction was dozens of yards long.
And then two blurred figures loomed up ahead of us. The movements of the vampire and the golem were so swift that we could hardly follow them.
“And you think there’s some way we can interfere in THAT?” Neville asked curiously.
“I don’t see how there’s any way we can help the vampire,” I was forced to admit. “I can’t even say for certain which one is Kelnmiir.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem,” Caiten said. “Prepare your weapons.”
I obediently took a firm grip on my broom, not really sure of how it could help us. Naive’s club was impressive, but what good was it against a heap of iron? And I didn’t think Neville was going to be much help; what would he do? Stick the bent spear through the golem? That left Steel with his ropes and Caiten ... but then, he didn’t have a weapon at all.
“Kel!” Caiten shouted.
One of the figures started slowly pulling back ... seemingly in our direction.
“And what do you suggest we do with that mountain of iron?” Steel enquired. “Do you think any of the things we scraped together along the way will be any help to us?”
“I hope so,” Caiten replied. “I really do hope so.”
And I hoped so even more.
I took a firmer grip on my broom.
“Get ready,” Caiten hissed.
The vampire was moving towards us at incredible speed
“I assume you know what to do,” he shouted as he ran past.
The next second I pressed the power switch as hard as I could and waved the broom at the golem. I didn’t know what my friends were doing at that moment, but my all-purpose battle broom was the only thing that worked – the golem was flung back to the far end of the hall. But it’s very hard to kill an artificial being, and quite impossible to frighten it. So the iron golem promptly jumped back up onto his crooked legs and started running in our direction.
“Quit goofing off, will you?” I yelled at my friends.
“We’re goofing off?” Neville exclaimed in amazement. “You and that broom of ours didn’t even let the golem get within striking distance.”
Naive backed him up. “How can I hit him with my club when he’s twenty paces away?”
“This time I’ll let him get close.” I said, offended. Is that what you want?”
“Oh no, keep the golem as far away from us as possible!” Kelnmiir told me sharply. “I’m afraid I don’t have the strength to deal with him.”
I waved my broom at the running golem, who was getting close again.
“And how long do I amuse myself like this?” I asked more calmly.
“I’ve no idea,” Caiten replied honestly, then looked at the vampire. “Tell me how you used to deal with these golems during the Second Borderland War.”
“Simple,” the vampire replied calmly. “Four vampires just tore an iron golem to pieces.”
“And what are we supposed to do with him?” Neville enquired.
“That I don’t know,” Kelnmiir said with a shrug. “But it’s your problem now, I’ve exhausted my strength ... unless someone would like to donate a little blood ... four pints would do it ...”
“That’s enough,” Caiten snapped, interrupting him. “We’ll keep that option as a last resort.”
“As you wish,” the vampire said with a shrug. “To be quite honest, even at my strongest ... I still wouldn’t be able to handle a golem all on my own.”
The golem was striding rapidly in our direction again.
“Does it have any weak points?” asked Neville, shaking his bent spear belligerently.
“It’s a block of metal,” Kelnmiir replied wearily. “What weak points can a block of metal have?”
I waved the broom again, but this time the golem wasn’t completely overwhelmed. It took three waves to throw him back to a safe distance.
“Am I imagining it, or is that thing starting to resist?” I asked in amazement.
“What did you expect?” Kelnmiir laughed. “That’s not a toy, it’s absolutely top-class magic. Golems are capable of learning, and by the way, they classify anyone who gets in their way as enemies.”
“Meaning what?” asked Caiten, aghast.
“Meaning that until you interfered, he didn’t regard you as enemies, but now ... now we’re all in the same boat. And I’m afraid it’s going to sink very soon.”
“We’ll see about that,” Caiten said belligerently. “Zach, let him come a bit closer.”
The golem came within thirty feet away of us, but I didn’t use the broom.
Caiten stepped forward and took a little box out of his pocket.
“Kelnmiir, do you happen to know how much this thing weighs?” he asked, biting his lip nervously.
“Somehow I never got around to weighing it,” the vampire said apologetically.
“That’s bad,” Caiten sighed and threw the box at the golem’s feet.
Suddenly there was a flash.
The lower half of the golem disappeared. But the upper half continued moving towards us, only now on its hands instead of its feet.
I had to use the broom again.
“That’s pretty good,” the vampire remarked. He was clearly deriving genuine pleasure from our attempts to stay alive. “You’ve defeated fifty per cent of him.”
“If only he weighed a bit less,” Caiten said with a shrug. “The food storage box has a limited capacity.”
“Well, well,” Kelnmiir said in amazement. “Somehow, using a food storage box against golems is one thing I never thought of. So half of the golem has been reduced in size, and now it’s inside this little box?”
The vampire walked up to the box, intending to take it as a souvenir, but he could
n’t lift it off the floor.
“I think I can guess why these boxes never became very popular,” he remarked. “What’s the point of shrinking objects, if their weight remains the same as before?”
Caiten chuckled and advised the vampire to hide behind our broad shoulders before the golem came back.
Naturally enough, this time it took him a bit longer to reach us.
“Wait Zach,” said Steel. “It’s my turn now.”