by Billy Miner
Thunder was scary.
Lightning could be dangerous, right?
An electric bolt is charged with so much electricity that it can kill you in two seconds, maybe even faster. It didn’t sound like a death I would want to suffer.
I lay there for a while, smothering my face with the blanket I held onto so firmly. But after a while, I just gave up. I gave up being scared.
“So what if I die?” I said. “You can’t always avoid it. I have to face my fears again.”
I got up and went upstairs. The thunder had been so loud that it had penetrated all the walls and floors, so that I even heard it in the basement. I had seen the lightning bolts through the tiny window and I was going to talk about it with my mom.
“Can’t sleep?” she asked when she saw me.
“No,” I said briefly. “The thunder is scary.”
“But you know it can’t get to you, don’t you?” she asked.
“Yes, I know, but maybe I just need to see it more. Maybe I just have to become immune to it.”
“Well, I am not going to force you,” mom said. “But if you’re really determined, you can go outside and get soaking wet. Just put on your swimming shorts. It will be fun.”
“Will you come with me?” I asked.
“Uhmm…” she said, as she had to think about that for a little while.
“Okay,” she finally said. “Let me get my bathing suit.”
I got enthusiastic about this idea. I was going to have a shower party, just like swimming. I went to my room, put my swimming shorts on, and grabbed a towel. My mom did the same. She came out of her room in a decent bathing suit and had her own towel.
“Will it be cold?” I asked.
“A little,” my mom said. “But not much. It’s actually quite nice. I’ve done it before. It’s a lot of fun, so let’s go,” she said with a smile.
She went first and I watched her walk out the door and swing in the rain like a disco dancer. She looked at me. I was still standing the doorway, safely inside.
“Come on!” she said. “What are you waiting for?”
“Isn’t it dangerous? I mean, isn’t the lightning going to strike us?” I asked.
“Of course not, silly. Didn’t you learn that in school yet? Lightning strikes only at the highest point. Now, if we were in an open field, you would have to watch out a little bit, but since there is a house, a chimney, a tree, and a pole right next to us, I don’t think we should be worried. Just come here and have some fun!”
“O-okay,” I said hesitantly.
I went outside. It was a little cold, but I liked it, especially in my swimming shorts, as if I was taking a nice, cool shower. My mom danced around and stomped in the puddles.
“Oh, so now it’s okay to jump in the puddles?” I asked with a smirk on my face.
“Well, duh! We are in our bathing suits. In school, you were wearing some of your best clothes. It will take a while to wash those stains out.”
I acknowledged her reasoning, and although I had my reasons for the mud party after school, I still felt like I should apologize.
“You’re right, mom. I’m sorry,” I said.
“It’s okay,” she said, still jumping up and down.
Go mom! I didn’t know she could be so much fun. We were having a blast. We danced around and tried to splash each other the hardest by jumping from puddle to puddle. It was great. I love my mom. And the tempests never bothered me again after that.
Entry 6: Dogs
The next day, I rubbed my eyes and looked around me. It was Saturday and I had agreed to pick up a toy from one of my friends. I had never been to his house, but he had borrowed something and I was about to pick it up. I had his address, so all I had to do was look around a little to find the place.
I walked through the streets of the village and found his house. It had a big fence around it and was situated on a large piece of land.
“Nice house,” I thought.
I opened the gate and followed the little path to the front door. But then I saw a dog, a big one… a huuuuge one!
I hadn’t seen it coming, so it scared me. Besides, I had always been afraid of dogs. They had giant teeth and even though they could be friendly to their owners, they often defended them and were not so nice to strangers.
This one barked loudly.
Bark! Bark!
I stepped back. If there was one thing I learned about dogs, it was that if they bark, they usually don’t bite. But there might be exceptions, so I was going to be careful. I kept my hands in my pockets, just to make sure it wouldn’t bite my fingers off.
It kept barking, louder and louder, and my friend wasn’t even coming to help me. I think he had heard the dog bark so many times that he didn’t take it seriously anymore. It looked like I had to deal with it myself.
Bark! Bark! Bark!
I couldn’t take it anymore.
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
I had enough. I was tired of the sound.
Bark! Bark!
“Okay, enough already!” I yelled.
The dog looked at me with a puzzled face. Seeing its expression helped me take courage.
“Sit!” I said. “Sit down, now!”
The dog sat down.
Wow. The dog actually listened to me.
“Fetch!” I said after I threw a stick away. The dog ran after the stick, wagged its tail and brought the stick back. When it came back, it lay down the stick in front of me and looked at it as if it wanted me to throw it again.
This dog was actually pretty playful. It was fun!
“Good boy!” I said.
My friend came out and noticed me playing with the dog.
“Ah, you met Beebop,” he said. “It’s our dog. We got it last year. We always play with it when the weather is good. It probably barked at you, right? That’s just because it doesn’t know you, but once it trusts you, it’s really friendly.”
“I noticed that,” I said.
I had had too many bad experiences with dogs in the past, so I connected all those in my mind to dogs in general. Sure, I had been bitten once before, and some dogs were a little hostile, but this one was cute and nice. It liked me and it was like it wanted to become my friend.
“Hi, Beebop,” I said. “Who’s a good dog? You are, aren’t you? Yes, you are. Yes, you are.”
The dog wagged its tail, which I had learned is the “friend or foe indicator.”
This was the moment that I finally had the guts to stretch my hand and pet the dog, so I did. I rubbed my hand over its head and I saw Beebop close its eyes. It was enjoying the softness of my hand.
“So let’s play with Beebop,” my friend said.
“That sounds like an excellent idea. I didn’t know dogs could be so much fun.”
Entry 7: Crowds
When I came back from my friend’s house, I went through the market place in town. It was interesting to see that the number of people had tripled, or more, since I came through there on the way to my friend’s house.
I didn’t like it for some reason though.
It felt like people were smothering me. It was too crowded… too noisy; there was too much going on.
“Oops. Excuse me,” a man sad as he bumped into me.
“Sorry,” another lady said as her elbow almost ended up in my face.
I knew they meant well, but something inside of me freaked out a little. What if there was a fire, or an earthquake, or a panic and people would run me over?
Then I wouldn’t have anywhere to go.
“Ouch!” I said when a rambunctious boy ran into my stomach on accident. “Watch where you’re going, kid!”
I was a kid myself, but for some reason, I felt a little more mature after seeing his uncontrollable playfulness. I weaved my way through the foot traffic, passing by vendor’s booths, salesmen who shouted out loud what kinds of fruits and vegetables they were selling, smelly fish vendors, and old ladies who were walking their dogs.
I tripped over a dog leash and fell on the ground.
“Oof!”
“I am sorry, boy. Are you okay?” the old lady asked.
“I guess so,” I said.
“You don’t look okay. I mean, you don’t look like you got hurt badly, but something else is bothering you, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” I said. “I hate the crowd. I can’t stand it. It’s like there is no way to escape if something happens. What if I get stuck between all these people and choke to death or get trampled by a thousand feet? That would be a horrible way to go.”
“I understand,” the lady said. “I had the same thing when I was young. Everybody around you is bigger and taller, and you never know if they are going to crash into you. But let me tell you this: They will walk around you if you just stand there.”
“Seems simple,” I said. “But not easy.”
“Okay,” the old lady said. “I have an idea. Pick one of your favorite food stands here.”
“The cookie stand!” I immediately said.
“Good. Now, this is what we are going to do. You are going to close your eyes and just stand here. Don’t move. Don’t go anywhere. Just keep your eyes closed and stand there. I am going to watch the clock, and when you have done this for 5 minutes, I will buy you something delicious from that cookie man over there.”
“Wow, thank you!” I said.
“Now, now… first you have to close your eyes and stand there. Remember that you have to ignore the little bumps and try to feel safe. Close your eyes and focus. Try to feel like you have all the space in the world, as if it’s an empty street.”
I closed my eyes. I felt like some spiritual guru, thinking that everybody who would pass me by, would consider me a weirdo. But after a while, I felt calm. Most people didn’t even touch me. Most people didn’t care. They were too busy anyway.
As the minutes flew by, I imagined myself on some tropical island, drinking coconut juice and eating fresh pineapple. I could smell the ocean and feel the soft sand on the beach.
“Time’s up!” she said with a happy smile. “Good job. It’s time for your treat.”
“Thank you, madam,” I said politely. “This really helped me feel more comfortable in big crowds.”
Entry 8: Heights
“Come on, Stevie,” my dad said. “Time to go. We’ve been packing forever. Let’s start walking.”
“I’m ready, dad,” I said.
We were going camping today. It was going to be lots of fun. I had learned all kinds of knots, techniques to build a fire, facts about edible and poisonous berries, and so on. All I wanted for the longest time, was to go camping with my dad.
This was the day, the moment we would walk up to the mountains and pitch our tent.
It was only a few hours, since the mountains were right outside our door. We had a perfect view on that mountain range from our back window, but we never actually went up there. My dad was waiting for the best moment, and this time, he thought I was ready.
I was.
I was so ready.
I was going camping!
Woohoo!
We left in the morning and hiked up the hills. It was higher than I thought. Nothing wrong with that though. I loved the view. We could see every house in the village from the mountain path we were on.
But it got steeper and steeper.
“Stay away from the edge, son,” my dad warned. “I don’t want you to fall down. That would be a disaster.”
It became scary. The higher we got, the farther down the fall would be if we would slip.
“D-dad,” I stuttered. “Are we going to die?”
“What? No, of course not. Just don’t get too close to the edge.”
“But what if we slip and then slide to the edge and then fall?” I asked.
“That’s not going to happen, son,” he said confidently.
“Why not?”
“Because I won’t let you.”
It was as simple as that. Heights were scary, but if you stay away from the edge, you won’t fall anyway. My dad protected me. He would do anything to keep me safe. I knew it.
We hiked up a little more and came to a view point. I think the national park guys or someone else had been there before, because we saw a railing that would keep us from falling. My dad walked to the railing.
“Come one, Stevie,” he said.
“No. You said not to come too close to the railing. Why are you even there?”
“Because now it’s safe. The railing will keep us from falling. Here, look. I can even lean against it and not fall. Come on, I’ll show you.”
I shivered. I wasn’t sure if this was safe, but I trusted my dad, so I went and slowly came closer. Now I was holding onto the railing. I looked over the edge.
“Yikes!” I said as I felt a little dizzy and saw the bottom of the ravine spinning in my mind.
“Don’t be scared. It’s okay to be next to a ravine if there is no way to fall down,” my dad reassured me.
“But it’s so high!”
“It doesn’t matter how high it is. There is no risk of falling. So just enjoy the view. I’m here to keep you from harm.”
I felt safe. I looked over the rim of the railing again and thought about it again. Yes, it would be a nasty fall. Yes, it would even kill me. But it wasn’t going to happen. Something I noticed when I got scared, and what I talked about with my dad afterwards, was that I needed to get rid of all the “what ifs” that I made up so many times.
I realized, when I looked at that beautiful view and the deep ravine below me, that I had been daydreaming all kinds of scenarios of what could possibly go wrong. It was something I had to stop.
I gave my dad a hug and we moved on.
Entry 9: Snakes
Nothing strange was going on along the way. We steadily increased our pace, trying to make it to the other side of the mountain, where we would see a river and pitch our tent. It was pretty exciting.
But then we heard hissing, or some kind of sound like it.
What could that be?
“SNAKE!!!” I yelled as I looked to the side of the road.
It looked green and black and very angry. I clung to my dad, who smiled peacefully. He squatted, looked at the snake from a distance and said, “This snake is not going to do anything to us. Don’t worry.”
“But it’s so scary!” I wailed. “Won’t it bite us?”
“Well, it will if you get too close, but it’s not poisonous. I recognize this kind of snake. It’s pretty harmless actually.”
“Then why is it making those sounds?”
“Self-protection,” was the answer.
“What?” I asked surprised.
“Yes. Self-protection. You see, the snake is more scared of us than we are of it.”
“But why?” I asked.
“Because we’re bigger,” my dad said. “We are smarter, we move, we can try to catch it… to the snake, we are big giants, ready to step on it. Also, did you know that some people eat snakes? I don’t think this one wants to become someone’s dinner, so that’s why it is making threatening noises, and yes, if you come too close, it will defend itself by biting.”
“Interesting. I think snakes are creepy. They slither and stick their tongues out, and some of them are poisonous.”
“Which is why you have to be cautious,” my dad warned. “But this one isn’t. And as long as you keep your distance, just like with the ravine, you don’t have to be afraid all the time. Besides, there aren’t even that many snakes here. We are lucky we were able to run into this beauty.”
“Thanks, dad,” I said, feeling a little calmer.
Entry 10: Spiders
After our little confrontation with the slithering serpent, we reached the top of the mountain, after which we descended on the other side. The river was in sight, and it didn’t take long before we arrived at the riverbed and pitched out tent.
“Let’s go fishing, son,” my dad said.
And so we did.
We fished for about 3 hours and caught a couple of fish. I prepared a fire using all the skills my dad had taught me. It took a few minutes, but once it got bigger, it was perfect for roasting the fishes.
But then, my eye caught a creepy creature in the corner of our tent.
“Waaah!” I screamed, dropping my stick with the fish on it.
“What’s wrong?” my dad asked.
“It’s a spider! Over there!”
“Wow, that’s a big spider,” my dad agreed. “But it won’t hurt you. It’s a tarantula, which is one of the bigger ones, but they don’t have venomous fangs. They aren’t poisonous, just like the snake.”
“I am still afraid,” I said.
“Even though you are 100 times bigger?” my dad said with a smirk on his face.
“Yes. They crawl and creep around. They’re disgusting.”
“I agree,” my dad said. “They aren’t the most appealing creatures. But let me tell you this: Spiders are most people’s number one fear. If you can overcome your fear of spiders, then you are one tough dude!”
I thought about it. Here I was, after having overcome so many of my fears, but I hadn’t overcome one of humanity’s worst fears. This was my big chance. This was the chance to prove to myself that no matter how scary something was, I would be a brave boy. I had to take it, although it freaked me out quite a bit.
“Okay,” I said. “I am willing to overcome my fear.”
“Are you sure?” my dad asked. “You don’t have to do this. We can just leave it alone or throw it across the river. Then it won’t bother us anymore.”
“No,” I insisted. “Bring me it and I will hold it. Please, dad.”