“Invite me in, Reanna.”
The vibration of his deep voice against her neck caused a pleasurable shiver to shoot deliciously down her spine. Wow. It felt good. It’d been so long since she’d let a man touch her like this, kiss her like this. Braden’s hands were everywhere, caressing her sensitive heated flesh as his mouth continued its vigorous movement against her neck. She sighed, biting down on her bottom lip.
Man, this was getting complicated. And they’d only been on three dates so far! Well, more than three dates if one were counting the past.
“Come on, babe,” he breathed again, kissing a path from her neck to her mouth. “Invite me in …”
He caught her off guard by slamming his mouth against hers before she could utter a word. Reanna had to shift in her seat on the passenger’s side to face him more, and avoid getting pinned in an uncomfortable position. Thank God he has a spacious car.
“You know you want to, babe, come on …”
She only had a second before the man devoured her mouth again. She gasped, bringing her hand up to cup his face.
Dear Lord, the man was aggressive. She’d forgotten that about him. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy it because she did, but at the same time, she wasn’t quite sure she was ready for his … forward behavior yet.
Forcing herself to gather her faculties, Reanna lowered her hand from his gorgeous face, and pressed firmly against his hard chest, admittedly enjoying the feel of the hard muscles hidden beneath his shirt.
“We can’t, Braden,” she whispered breathlessly. “It’s too soon.”
It wasn’t, at least not for them it wasn’t; she’d basically been grasping for straws. She had to make up some excuse. Don’t get Reanna wrong, she was in to this, in to him, and he was definitely turning her on, but she just couldn’t get past this … feeling of serious hesitation. Every time the thought of sex with Braden flashed through her mind, her entire body screamed ‘No!’ for some odd reason. It made no sense to her.
Pulling back from her the moment she whispered the words, Braden stared down at her with a frown.
“Reanna, we’ve been on like a hundred dates.”
Her brow furrowed. “Not a hundred.”
“And … we’ve already had sex. Hell, for a little while we were having sex every day. Do you not remember this, honey?”
Yes, the words he said were true, but give Reanna a chance to explain before you judge.
Okay, so maybe Braden Harrison was not just her new … beau; he was sort of her ex-boyfriend. But from four years ago. And yes, she felt pathetic for jumping back into the arms of her ex-boyfriend after four years of separation, but give her another chance to explain, and maybe an understanding of her decision to do so would be gained.
So, she’d met him five years ago at a photo shoot she’d been doing for a friend that was a doctor at Pleasant View Grace. They’d met, they’d dated, they fell into a very fun infatuation, and spent a wonderful year together before he’d left her.
“Yeah, I remember,” Reanna answered, pushing him off of her and fixing her clothes. “Then you left me, remember that?”
Braden sighed. “Rea, it was doctors without borders.”
It was admirable, yes, but still, when Braden had left they’d actually tried the whole long distance thing, but soon a month became ‘I’ll be back in three months, babe’, and three months became four years! Eventually Reanna just called it quits. There’d been no use in trying anymore. She’d been sure she would never see him again, that he’d marry another ‘doctor without borders’ and never remember their love affair. But then he’d just sort of … popped up outta nowhere. And get this, it was the day after Reanna decided to put some distance between herself in Kyle! She’d been depressed the entire following day, hadn’t been able to go to work, eat anything—but sweets—and sleep had been impossible; so in effort to eat her feelings for a year or so, Reanna had decided to head to her favorite bakery in Pleasant View.
And Braden had been there … right in the front of the line, ordering the big bear claw that she had once introduced him to. Long story short, Reanna took his sudden homecoming as a sign from God. He wanted her to move on from Kyle. Not only move on, but move on to a very promising prospect.
Of course there were a few doubts in her mind since, you know, her feelings for Kyle were still growing stronger every single day, and because she missed Kyle so much that it hurt. And then there was Tamara, who was completely against her starting things up with Braden again, saying that dating him hadn’t been her advice. She wanted Reanna to distance herself from Kyle, not date anyone else. Even when Reanna had stressed to her that she wasn’t interested in playing games with him, Tamara had just waved off her words and accused her of running away from her feelings for Kyle because she was afraid of getting hurt … afraid that Kyle would never return her love— like, she meant. She meant like, not love. Love was reserved for people who could admit their feelings. People like Braden. Braden always told Reanna how he felt. He didn’t confuse her, he didn’t lead her on, and best of all, he didn’t want to be with any other woman, just her.
He was a breath of fresh air; pure perfection.
That thought alone made Reanna sit back in her seat, as she attempted to push through her hesitation to get their relationship back to where it’d been four years ago. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t just invite him in. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know him, he was basically her first love for goodness’ sake.
“Reanna …”
“Shh,” she said, lifting a finger in his direction.
She needed to think, to see if she could figure this out. She and Braden had been talking for a total of two weeks now and he’d been going over and beyond in an attempt to make up for all of the time he’d been gone. Dinner, dancing, and tonight he’d actually rented out the Central Centre park, set up a romantic picnic, and a huge projector, showing one of Reanna’s favorite classic, old time flicks. It’d been amazing. Braden was the only man that had ever really courted her so passionately. It was easy for her to get lost in the feelings she’d once had for him, only problem was, the feelings didn’t run as deep as they’d been then. Now, they were sort of being powered out by her feelings for … yes, you guessed it.
Kyle.
Freaking Kyle! How was it that even while she was with another damn man, trying to get Kyle out of her head, she still couldn’t get him out of her head? It was infuriating! She still wanted him, badly. Not only that, but she swore to God that every time she let Braden touch her, Kyle was there. Watching. Waiting for the opportunity to just … tear open Braden’s car door, yank him out into the street, and whack him. That was what mafia men did, right? Whack guys?
Reanna had no idea, but she swore she couldn’t let go of the feeling that he was watching her. She also couldn’t understand why she felt like she was betraying him. Her body did not belong to him, but dear heavenly God it felt like it did! It was weird. Braden had been touching her in every way imaginable all night, but every time he neared her—apparently—forbidden zone, she freaking clamped up. Literally. Not only that, but every time he kissed her, she couldn’t stop thinking about Kyle. How much she missed him, wanted him, and how just a simple touch from his hand felt ten million times better than every caress Braden had delivered over the course of their courtship, both past and present.
“Reanna!”
She jumped, startled by Braden’s sharp tone. Quickly re-gathering her thoughts, she placed her hand to her chest as she turned her head to look at him, a scowl falling over her face.
“Why did you startle me like that, Braden?” she asked angrily.
She was already feeling on edge tonight. She kept seeing things like … SUVs. Black ones. Like the ones that drove Carter around, and she was just … she was pretty positive that they were being followed tonight.
“I’m sorry,” Braden said, reaching over to take her hand. He leaned over in her direction once again. “But yelling was the only way t
o get your attention, honey. You’ve been so aloof tonight. I can’t help but think ...” His frown deepened and his hold tightened around her hand. “What’s really going on here Reanna?” he asked, seeming conflicted. “After we decided to start things back up again, I thought I made it clear that I … that I was serious about this. About us.”
Reanna swallowed hard as her eyes dropped to their hands, and she captured her bottom lip between her teeth, unable to respond to him. She was too afraid to say anything.
“I told you that I wanted the real thing this time, Rea.”
Releasing her lip from the confines of her teeth, Reanna timidly lifted her eyes. “I know that, Braden, but—”
“But what, babe?” he asked, seemingly frustrated. “I thought you wanted the same thing.”
“I do,” she lied.
Well … sort of lied. It wasn’t a lie that she wanted something serious, but she’d just pretty much misled him to think that he was that man that she wanted that ‘something serious’ with. And for that, she felt lower than shit …
His blue-green eyes brightened at her words and a smile spread on his lips. “Really?” he asked.
But as always, Braden didn’t wait for her answer to his question. He just kissed her … really well. So well, he’d actually managed to steal her thoughts for a fleeting moment, steal her focus from the man that normally monopolized her thoughts, and in that fleeting moment it felt like old times. Reanna had actually closed her eyes, and enjoyed kissing Braden with no thoughts of Kyle.
“Reanna,” Braden breathed, slightly pulling back from her lips.
Slowly, Reanna opened her eyes and locked them to his. “Yes,” she whispered, arching up to brush her lips against his.
She wasn’t going to lie; she was still a little caught in the moment. She hoped he hurried to say whatever it was that he was thinking. She was pretty sure she only had another few seconds or so before her thoughts of Kyle returned to bulldoze the thoughts of any other man but him out of her head.
“What is it?” she urged him again.
After a second or more of hesitation, four words that Reanna hadn’t expected him to say tonight just seemed to spill right out of his gorgeous mouth, effectively stunning Reanna to silence.
“I still love you.”
Her mouth dropped. Oh no, don’t say that. Please no!
Smiling, he cupped her face. “I never stopped, Reanna. Not for one day while I was gone.”
On the outside, Reanna prayed that her expression remained impassive, because on the inside she was losing her shit. Of course. Of course her freaking ‘get back out their relationship’ would progress from zero to one-hundred and sixty in five freaking seconds. Of course! In retrospect this may have been her fault since she’d been the one that decided to re-light an old flame, but still. He couldn’t possibly still be in love with her after four years. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about Braden or enjoy being with him, because honestly, she did. It was just that she wasn’t particularly … at the love stage yet. Especially since her feelings for Kyle seemed to be as stubborn as the man himself.
“Jesus Christ, Reanna,” Braden chuckled suddenly, catching her off guard.
She frowned. Okay, what the hell was going on now? Was the man having mood swings?
Suddenly offended—for most likely some irrational reason—Reanna removed Braden’s hand from her face. “Umm … what the hell, Braden?” she asked angrily.
He chuckled a bit harder, placing his removed hand to her waist. “Don’t be upset, Rea. You’re just funny.”
Her eyes widened slightly in outrage. Funny? Had she missed something? When the hell had she said something funny.
Gripping his hand at her waist, Reanna pushed him away once again. “I didn’t tell a joke,” she snapped, reaching to open the car door.
“Reanna, stop, babe …”
“I think we should call it a night, Braden.” Because, obviously, the man was tired. Who the hell laughed at a woman after confessing his love for her? In what world was that acceptable?
Right as she was about to open the door, Braden’s hand covered hers.
“Babe, would you stop it?” he yelled, a slight laugh still in his voice. “I’m not laughing at you like that. Calm down.”
Reanna whipped around to face him. “Really, Braden? Because it sounds like you are laughing at me, and I didn’t even say anything funny …” She hadn’t even said anything at all!
Still idiotically jovial—and apparently brave—Braden leaned forward, giving her a quick kiss on her lips.
Reanna’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. No he did not! “Braden!”
It was one thing to laugh at her, but to totally disregard her feelings? No way. She was about to kick his ass … or try her absolute best to at least land one good smack to his face.
But before she could do that, he kissed her again.
“Braden!” she screamed.
But he was all smiles, and chuckles still. How was it possible that he could be that way in the face of her super fierce anger? It pissed her off.
“God I missed you, Reanna,” he said shaking his head.
“Well you’re about to miss me even more, asshole.” Reanna hit his big, stupid, arm. “You’re such a freaking … mean person!”
Yep. That was her insult, and as weak as it was she was sticking with it.
“Reanna, would you please listen for a moment, love? Please.”
Curse her heart, curse it!
Of all the things to say, he had to say that? The one word that was indeed magic in Reanna’s world. It was stupid of her, but it was a lesson from her childhood that actually stuck.
Rolling her eyes at herself, she allowed his hand to embrace her waist once more, but she refused to wipe away the scowl that was still firmly on her face. That she would not do.
“I’m sorry,” he said, looking into her eyes. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was laughing at you, sweetheart. I wasn’t.”
Her frown deepened. “Then what were you laughing at?” Was it because she hadn’t said ‘I love you’ back? If it was? Not cool.
“I’m just happy.” He smiled. “I just told you how I felt, and just like the first time I’d told you back then, you freaked out.”
“I didn’t freak out,” she lied defensively. She had freaked out, a little … okay, a lot. But that was neither here nor there. He shouldn’t have laughed.
“You did,” he chuckled. “But it’s okay, though. I expected you to.”
It was the way he looked at her while he said the words, while his hand moved slowly up and down the curve of her waist. There was so much love there. It was … overwhelming. How could he still want her so much?
“I don’t expect you to say that you love me back, Reanna,” he stated softly, bringing his hand up to caress her cheek once again. “I just wanted you to know how I feel.”
And that was all Reanna had ever wanted … just not from Braden. That thought saddened her. Braden was the guy she should want that from, but she didn’t.
“I know I have to earn your trust back. I hurt you when I left …”
Reanna shook her head. “You were doing good for others, Braden.” She didn’t want him to feel bad about that. Not for her sake. “It didn’t work out because we were both consumed with our work, not because you left. I was just as much to blame in that.”
“But I stayed away for four years,” he argued, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have done that. I mean,” he shrugged, “who knows where you and I would be right now, had I stayed.”
It was the genuine look in his eyes that warmed her, made her soften up to him once again. It took her back to when they’d previously dated, and she suddenly remembered why she’d been so taken with him. He was good … genuinely good. And honest. He’d been the best boyfriend a twenty-something-year-old girl could’ve asked for—especially after the boyfriend she’d suffered through before him—and she had loved him once upon a time. It was just
… things had changed now. Not him, though; Braden was the same. Still good, still easy on the eyes, and still honest with her. It was her. She had changed. Though she connected with Braden on many different levels, Reanna now knew what it felt like to feel completely connected to a man. A connection that went far beyond the physical. Curse her for wanting a man she couldn’t have. She hated herself, even more now with Braden sitting here offering himself to her. And what scared her the most was, she could actually see it with him, a future. Marriage, kids, soccer games, the works. She could see all of that with Braden. She could fall in love with him again, live a happy life in denial. Try her best to forget Kyle … her baby Sofia.
Tears glossed her eyes at the thought, even though she tried her hardest to fight against them. “Married,” Reanna whispered, knowing in her heart that the answer was true. “We’d be married, and probably on our second kid.”
And she would have kept a healthy distance away from Kyle … and her heart wouldn’t be breaking constantly with the knowledge that there was someone out there that was actually perfect for who she really was, but he didn’t want to be with her.
“Hey, don’t cry.” He caught a tear that escaped her eyes, then kissed her lips. “We’ll get it back, I promise. I’ll make you love me again.”
I know you will, Reanna thought sadly, lowering her eyes to his chin. She couldn’t look him in the eyes while she felt so bad, so stupid. Though she knew it was possible for him to make her love him again, she knew deep in her heart that she’d still always feel the ache of never having the man she truly wanted.
See, everything was complicated.
“You know,” he murmured, recapturing her attention, “whenever I was working overseas, on days when I missed you …” He released a long breath and shook his head. “Some days I missed you so much I could barely think, Rea. And on those days, I’d break our rule, and go online to those sites devoted to your parents.”
Dangerous Beauty: Part Four: Beautifully Broken Page 13