by Melissa Aden
But I couldn’t wait. My blood boiled. What was Hagen saying to her? Was he hurting her? She looked like a zombie, limp and lifeless in his arms, staring wide-eyed into his face. I had one foot on the dance floor when—
No! Do not interfere. She must be tested. Everything will work out as it should. Wait for my signal to move.
I reluctantly stepped back. Something told me the night was very well ruined. There would be no reconciliation. No catching up. No sharing of secrets or long-contained feelings. Once again, I was being driven away from her, the one whom I loved, and told to wait.
But then Sophie pushed away from Hagen. They fought. The hold on me released as the command sounded clearly in my head.
Go now!
Once again, I was playing the hero card. Saving the day. While I was thankful for the freedom to do so, I also resented it, knowing it only reinforced my role in Sophie’s life as the inaccessible save-the-day friend that much more. If there was one thing I’d learned from my early education in comic books, it was that the superhero never really got the girl. Like so many of those stories, Sophie and I were forever stuck in our roles, revolving but never quite meeting in the middle. Because of my position as an agent, I was forever doomed to look in on her, to protect her, to be tempted by something delectable I could never taste.
With this realization came the urge to run — from the death sentence of only watching Sophie from an arm’s length, from the never-ending fear that my presence was more of a threat to her life than an advantage. After fighting Hagen only to watch him get away again, the only thoughts running through my mind were ones of self-flagellation and escape.
This game of emotions was mind-numbing. I couldn’t do it anymore. I once had fantasized and dreamed, but I could no longer make believe. Even if Sophie wanted to be with me, it was ridiculous to think Dio would ever allow it. Sophie and I could never be. The institution of “us” only complicated matters, making all involved parties that much more vulnerable.
The truth latched on, digging into my skin like fish hooks, the pain so horrendous I could hardly breathe. It was a fruitless fantasy, and letting go of it killed me.
The rest was a blur as I somehow escaped from the club. Standing outside in the valet line, I let the falling snow soak me through, cursing myself for being such an epic screw-up. I disgusted myself. It seemed so wrong to leave Sophie alone after my claim to her had been regained. Reconciliation had been all I’d pined for, but still, I ran away.
I made it to my car and was easing away from the nightclub, dreading the call I was about to make to Sal when… a game changer, a ray of light, a stroke of genius.
Sophie ran out in front of my car, looking every bit like an angel.
I savored the sight of her: her long hair blowing in the wind, the gorgeous flush of her wind-bitten cheeks, the intensity of her beguiling eyes, the sheer mist of her breath, and the snow floating perfectly about her. The sight reminded of the first time I’d met her that cold, windy day outside Brightman’s doors, yet this time, her lost, scared look was replaced by a confidence that caught me off guard. Something different was there in her eyes: a want, a need, a curiosity, a longing, or a knowing?
Then she said something that blew me away. She wanted to be with me. She wanted to be with me!?! Logic evaded me. All I knew was that I wanted her, needed her, and would do anything to be with her, even if it meant putting us both in more danger. We would face challenges together and it would be worth the risk. Then she was in the car with me, and against the precautions and guilt screaming in my head, I just drove.
It wasn’t until I was at the train station with her now that reality set in. It was wrong for me to be with her — especially to have brought her here. Had losing Benson at this very place not served as enough warning? My utmost mission was to protect her — not to put her in harms way. Not to woo her. Not to fall in love with her. Not to complicate everyone’s lives by trying to be with her. But who was I kidding? It was too late for all of it.
I needed to tell her everything, to shed this skin of lies and half-truths that I’d been hiding behind for so long. But I was scared. Once I said those words, there was no taking them back.
“If Sophie is just a silly crush, then let go. But if this isn’t — if you know in your heart of hearts that this is something more — it’s most definitely worth fighting for. Truth and love are always worth fighting for.”
Mom’s wisdom rang clearly in my head. I knew this wasn’t merely a crush or foolish obsession. It was more than that, something real. I truly cared for Sophie. I wanted the very best for her and had the best of intentions for her. I shivered with dread from the idea of telling her how I felt, but I knew I had to.
Maybe somewhere down the road we’d laugh and talk about the time I awkwardly laid myself out for her that first time. She’d say, “Remember when you took me to the train station? You told me all about yourself. That was the night I fell in love with you.” Or it very well could go in the opposite direction. Her feelings for me could have waned over the past month, or we could date for a time only to watch it slowly fizzle. Worse yet, I could scare her away by what a freak I am.
“Everett?”
My heart raced at Sophie’s sweet voice. “Yeah?”
“I asked if I’m hurting you,” she said. She’d been pulling glass from my back for the past half hour.
“Sorry. I got a little lost in my head. It only hurts a little.”
She took her hands off me with a labored sigh and went silent for a time before making a hiccupping noise.
“Sophie?” I turned to find her crying, her face in her hands. “Sophie!”
“Your back looks awful!” she sobbed. “And it’s my fault. I did this to you.”
“Sophie.” Doing my best not to wince because I knew it would make things worse, I reached behind me for her hand, pulling her in front of me. Taking her face in my hands, I gently wiped her tears with my thumbs. “None of this is your fault. It’s just… part of the job.” I shrugged. The pain of such a simple movement must have showed on my face, launching Sophie into harder sobs.
She pulled away. “I’m so sorry, Everett. I’ve caused you so much pain. I’m so mad at myself, disgusted with what I’ve done.”
I couldn’t stand to see her cry and knew the only remedy was being honest with her. “I can totally relate.” She peered at me from beneath tear-soaked lashes, her mascara running a little. I took a deep breath. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I haven’t been totally honest with you, and I can’t help thinking that maybe if I had, none of this would have happened. No isolation from everyone you love. No involvement with Hagen. No demons haunting you this past month.”
She started. “You know about that?”
I’d suspected as much but to hear her confirm it made me sick to my stomach. “Yes, and about other things, too, like your dreams.”
She put her hand over her mouth, her eyes big.
“Ever since you’ve been at Brightman, I’ve had the same dreams as you. I’ve looked in on your dreams, rather. I can’t control it and I don’t know how to make it stop.”
It took a moment for her shock to subside before she quietly asked, “Which ones?”
“The giant dream, the Hagen dream, the awful voices dream. All of them.” She backed up against a nearby cabinet, propping herself on it. I quickly added, “It’s not like I try to, it just happens.” She stared at me, expressionless. “Are you mad?” I asked.
“No.” She smiled slightly. “Oddly enough, I’m relieved. Happy that I’m not crazy.”
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far,” I said, glad to see her smile.
She rolled her eyes and laughed. “I should finish doctoring your back,” she said, circling behind me. “What else can you do?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, knowing full well what she meant.
“Other gifts? Powers?”
“I don’t know if you’d call them powers. I just see them as really weird
things I can do.”
“Let me be the judge of that.”
Seeing the positive effect my honesty was already having made me comfortable telling her more. “Well, ever since I was awakened, I can think really fast on the fly. Some doctors who work with my Dad at PORTAL tested me. The results showed my brain works five times as fast as regular folks. When I’m in a jam and adrenaline kicks in, that figure triples and my brain can go up to fifteen times as fast. It’s like some exalted form of problem solving.”
“Wow!” Sophie sounded impressed, giving me the push I needed to continue.
“I can also see or read things, and they stick in my brain. I never forget them.”
“Like photographic memory?” Sophie asked.
“Yeah. And I can read people when I touch them.” I threw it out there, hoping she’d remain unfazed as with the rest of what I’d told her.
“Wait!” She stopped and came around to face me again. “What?”
“Sometimes when I touch people, scenes from their past play back for me. I feel and see what they felt and saw, like I’m actually them. It’s a new discovery and doesn’t happen all the time, so when it kicks in, it catches me by surprise.”
“Like tonight,” she nodded, eyeing me.
“Yeah. How did you know?”
“Right before Hagen escaped, you touched him and froze with this weird expression on your face. It looked sort of… painful.”
I winced at the sensory memory of it. “Only if the memories are painful, which, in this case, they were.”
Sophie went to work on my back again. “What did you see?”
“I haven’t quite figured it out, but I think I experienced Hagen being abused. Maybe this gift goes hand in hand with the photographic memory. The memories I saw went fast, but if I focus hard enough, I can slowly replay them like a movie reel.”
“If you ask me, your powers sound pretty cool.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she said, facing me again. “Your back is done. I’d give the ointment a little time to dry, though, before putting your shirt on.”
“Okay,” I said, standing and stretching. My body felt like it had been hit by a truck, but the sharp pains caused by the shards of glass were at least gone. “So what should we do to pass the time?”
“I like what we’ve been doing.” Sophie grabbed the popcorn bag that had been idling in the microwave before sitting on a couch. “I like learning about you.” She smiled shyly.
Her small body was lost somewhere in my oversized sweat suit. I liked something about the sight of her in my clothes. I crossed to Sophie. Handing her my soda, I grabbed the arm of the couch she sat on and dragged it to the windows overlooking the view outside. The fields of moonlit snow were too beautiful to pass up tonight. I then sat beside her, leaving only enough space for the popcorn bag and soda bottles between us.
We stared out the large window watching the snow fall in the moonlight for a time before I broke the silence.
“Something’s different about you,” I admitted, watching her.
She turned to me, boldly holding my gaze. Her hazel eyes were exquisite tonight, a greenish-brown on the outside phasing into pure gold in the middle.
“I feel different,” she agreed, smiling. “It’s like I had some sort of epiphany tonight and a veil was lifted from my eyes. I’ve been so confused, but I’ve finally found clarity. Tonight, Hagen was unexpectedly there telling me everything I thought I wanted to hear when it dawned on me that I didn’t want any of it because the words were coming from the wrong person. Something inside of me shifted then, and just like that, I knew what I wanted.”
I could see where she was going, but I wasn’t going to force her say it first this time. Putting a hand to her pretty face, I said in a creepy voice, “Rule the world with me and we’ll raze anyone who gets in our way.”
Sophie giggled, delighted. “No, I never again want to hear those words.”
I smiled, studying her face. “Then how about these words: I love you, Sophie. I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you. And I never want to experience life without you again.”
Chapter 41
Smitten
I waited for Sophie’s shocked response, but it never came. I don’t know why I expected her to react negatively, but I was the one to be shocked, for she simply smiled with a pleased look in her eyes that told me everything was okay, that this was how things were meant to be. I exhaled a sigh I didn’t realize I’d been holding and Sophie closed her eyes.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yes,” she answered quietly. “Just committing the moment to memory. I’ve been waiting so long for this.”
I knew my fear of telling her the truth — and my tactics to avoid doing so — had hurt her. They’d hurt us. Now that I’d finally bridged the gap between feeling something and actually verbalizing it, I regretted not doing it sooner. “I’m sorry for holding out on you. Truth is, I’ve been waiting longer than you have.”
She opened her eyes. They gleamed with tears. Gently clasping my hand, she held it in her lap between both of hers. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? All this time—” Her voice broke and she stopped, looking down to study our hands entwined.
“Looking back, I realize it was all fear-related. I was afraid Dio wouldn’t approve. I was afraid my parents would be mad. I was afraid of getting hurt or, worse yet, hurting you. And most of all, I understand the seriousness of your situation with Divaldo, and I was afraid that dating you would distract me from protecting you. I didn’t want to be sidetracked and not do my job efficiently, putting you at risk or even getting you killed.”
“I see,” she said thoughtfully. “And what changed?”
I drank in her beauty, feeling drunk from the potency of it. “I realize now that none of it matters,” I answered. “You are the only thing that makes me happy since losing Benson. From the first moment I saw you in that Portland bookstore, you took my breath away. I instantly knew you weren’t an ordinary girl. You were beautiful, of course, but also funny, witty, and kind. And the more I’ve gotten to know you, the more infatuated I’ve become. Honestly, it would be easier and more convenient not to like you, but I can’t help it. I can’t resist you, Sophie. Trust me, I’ve tried.”
“I know what you mean,” she said. “I sometimes wish I never met you because it hurts too much to miss you and to want to be with you when we’re apart — which has been the majority of the time.”
I admired her long flowing hair, sparkling eyes, petal pink cheeks, and luscious lips. I didn’t deserve her. Unable to help myself, I stroked her silky hair, letting my fingers wander across her lips before lingering at her cheek.
I placed the soda bottles and the popcorn on the floor and moved closer, pulling Sophie to me. “I’m so sorry,” I said, hugging her close, relishing the smell of her hair, the feel of her soft cheek close to mine. “I’m done avoiding emotions and running because of fear. I promise I’ll never leave you again.” Taking her face in my hands, I kissed her forehead. “And I’ll come around as much as you want.”
Sophie frowned skeptically. “You can’t say that. You don’t know what the future holds. What if Dio doesn’t allow us to be together? What if he separates us? Assigns us to opposites sides of the world?”
“Then I’ll make a way. Dio is the embodiment of love, so if anyone understands it, it’s him. You’ll see. This time next year, I’ll still be there for you. You might choose to leave me, but I will never leave you.”
She blushed, her mouth working but nothing coming out. But nothing needed to. I was over needing her validation in order to share how I felt. It didn’t matter whether she reciprocated my feelings or not. I would still feel the same regardless.
Peace flooded over me as I released all remaining control, carrying me into full revelry of this perfect moment. Sophie leaned into me and I put my arm around her. Savoring the energy radiating between us, the all-too-recent memory of being without her made the mom
ent that much sweeter.
“I love being with you.” Now that I had started, I was unable to stop the flow of emotion bubbling up from inside of me. Long overdue, letting go felt good, like electricity humming through my veins. And seeing how my words blessed Sophie and fulfilled her made any pain that might occur later from such vulnerability now well worth the sacrifice. “I’m quite smitten with you.”
“And I with you,” she said.
We sat in silence staring out at the beautiful view ahead, giving my mind time to wander. I soon found myself thinking back over the past month and how horrible it had been: the sleepless nights, the nightmares, the constant fretting over Sophie’s safety. This again raised questions of how the experience had been for her. If it was awful for me, I could only imagine what she had gone through.
Not knowing how to breach the subject, I dove in headlong. “What happened this past month? I could see your dreams, but obviously wasn’t around for the day-to-day.”
“The dreams were the worst of it,” she shrugged, something about her tone telling me it wasn’t true. She added nonchalantly, “It all culminated with some weird monster-looking creatures appearing in my bathroom and trying to drown me in my tub.”
“Oh,” I nodded. “Wait! What!?!” I sat up, facing her.
“I think they were the demons you’ve talked about.”
“You were attacked by demons!?! Are you okay?” I asked, looking her over.
“I’m fine,” she insisted.
“I don’t think you’re grasping how serious this is. They tried to kill you.”
“I know. I was there,” she said cynically, the fear showing in her eyes. She proceeded in a quiet voice. “This past month was horrible. I have never felt so scared or alone before. I felt their presence, like they were constantly watching me, but when they appeared around my tub like that—” She trembled. “They tried to coerce me to take my life, Everett, and when I wouldn’t, they tried to take it themselves. But then I thought of Dio and asked him for help, and in the blink of an eye, the demons and the depression and the eerie feeling were gone.”