Requirements: Level 8 Mage, LUCK > 6.
Ryuk: Algomagic inside.
Zaena: Got it. How many enemies?
Ryuk: Hard to tell. I sense several; then again, I’m only getting a slight read.
Zaena: Is Tamana in there?
Ryuk tries again to feel his way into the guild. His level is too low; he knows from his former avatar that Extreme Focus at a higher level could actually see into objects, around objects, through objects, and can note and interpret tiny changes in the environment.
I’m not that strong, he tells himself, I need to get closer.
With his eyes open now, he keeps to the shadows along the inner wall of the guild. His vision pane registers all sorts of minor details but his main focus is minute disturbances and impressions in the soil and the direction they lead. As he concentrates, a long scuff mark takes shape, almost like …
Someone was dragged.
He focuses completely on the trail to the exclusion of all else; nothing is as important as finding Tamana – he will follow the drag mark until …
… until it simply vanishes. The faint traces of footprints are still there, but no drag mark.
Zaena has all four swords out and is trying to cover his ass in all directions at once as Ryuk pauses to consider. He slows and controls his breathing, closes his eyes and expands his consciousness outward to search for any other sign of Tamana.
Nothing. Nothing. Still nothing … there! Like the last curling wisp from an extinguished cigarette, a tendril of white magic has made its way through the merest crack beneath a cellar door just two meters to the left of the guildhall entrance.
“It’s her,” Ryuk whispers, trying his best to contain his excitement, “Tamana is in that cellar.”
(0)__(x)
Zaena runs her hand along the lock holding the door down tight. Fashioned into the head of a griffin, it’s about the size of a cantaloupe.
Ryuk points his weapon at it. “Should I?” he asks.
“They’ll know we’re here,” she whispers, “are you sure?”
“I know she’s in there,” he says, excitement coursing through his veins.
“What if she’s not … ”
“She is, I know it,” he gulps. “I feel it.”
Zaena nods. “Do it, then. You shoot, I’ll grab the loot, and then we scoot. No fighting if we can avoid it.”
“Got it, and agreed. No fighting if we can help it.”
“Once I bring her out, we’ll climb there.” She points to the shadowed portion of the wall nearest to them. “I’ll go up first, then Tamana, then you.” Ryuk’s face tingles as she holds it for a moment. “Are you sure you can do this – that we can do this?”
“I’m sure,” he tells her.
“Good. Then blow the lock.”
The Thulean steps aside and Ryuk lets one go. The griffin lock and a good-sized chunk of door explodes into flinders; Zaena smashes through what’s left and sprints in.
Ryuk’s mouth is suddenly dry and his pulse pounds in his throat. He puts his back to the wall and shoots two marbles left and two to the right for some distraction and misdirection.
He steps out from the wall, turns, and angles his last three up onto the roof. He swaps out magazines as the marbles detonate one after the other; the cries of anger and alarm from inside are sweet music to his ears.
The Shinigami can cast algospells, he thinks, and a faint greenness prickles at the edge of his awareness.
There’s been lots of yelling and hollering, but so far no return fire, so he steps out again and puts an explosive black marble through every window he can see.
Fuck you! He arcs the last marble in the magazine onto the rooftop.
He’s inserting fresh magazine when Zaena bursts out of the cellar with Tamana slung over her shoulder, a manic look in the Thulean’s eyes.
“This her?” Zaena turns to show him her prize. “Is it!?”
His heart skips a beat when he sees Tamana’s bruised face and white hair matted with blood. Her stats appear and hardly notices them.
Tamana Nakamura Level 2 White Warrior
HP: 2/138
MANA: 0/79
ATK: 52
DEF: 19
MATK: 12
MDF: 38
LUCK: 3
“Tamana! Tamana!”
“No time! Take her, let’s GO!” Zaena drops handcuffed Tamana into his arms and leaps for the wall. She scales it, spots a sword-wielding Shinigami running for Ryuk’s position and perforates him with a swarm of flying steel.
From the guildhall, an incandescent ripple of magic sears through the grass and narrowly misses Ryuk. It blasts a meter-wide trail of destruction across the courtyard and out through the back wall of the complex.
“Hurry!” Zaena shouts. Ryuk jumps over the newly vitrified soil and hands Tamana up to the anxiously awaiting Thulean. He pops his magazine out and inserts the one with clear marbles. He aims at where the giant magic day-spoiler originated and zings one away.
“Freeze enemy!”
His simple request fails, but not necessarily to his disadvantage. A large ridge tears out of the ground and rips through the foundation of the Shinigami’s guild quarters, smashing into the wall, danger close.
Come on, come on…
Another blast of magical return fire gouges a smoking crater in the space Ryuk just vacated; a black-clad swordsman sprints around a corner and charges in, his katana raised for a killing blow. Ryuk pops him center of mass with a clear marble; a mutant sticker vine bursts out of his chest and wraps him like a mummy.
His scalp prickles as Zaena heaves him into the air. “Freeze enemy!” He fires another clear marble and his health drops by half. Backfired! “Kuso!”
An orb lifts out of the front of the courtyard with an old man in its center.
Dark Mage Level 35
HP: 590/590
MANA: 325/325
ATK: 19
MATK: 137
DEF: 166
MDF: 283
LUCK: 22
The bearded mage’s eyes are ablaze with hateful fire as a vortex of yellow energy spins from his shoulders down to his fingertips.
It’s him! The robed figure from the Natty Dread game! Ryuk fumbles the next words as the marble sails through the air. “Freeze ENEMY!”
Freeze ENEMY!
The clear marble connects and time stands still. Oddly enough, his party members are still able to move.
“We have to hurry!” he tells Zaena, “I don’t know how long we have!” He gulps.
Seeing Tamana lie there bound and bloodied gives him a sinking feeling in his chest. Still, they have her; she can be healed and most important is that she’ll never die in Tritania. The only real difference between an NPC and an RPC is the origin of their source code – NPCs are written; RPCs are grown.
“Ryuk!” Zaena slaps his cheek. “Cause some more distractions!” Tamana’s body lifts into the air and Zaena lowers her to the alley on other side of the wall. Refocused, Ryuk pops the magazine of clear marbles out, returns it to inventory, and inserts the last magazine of black marbles into his weapon.
The Natty Dread mage hangs suspended in his energy bubble – a giant, can’t miss target, and Ryuk lets two go right at him. The Mage’s force bubble neutralizes them completely. No explosions, no nothing.
“I’m going down now!” Zaena shouts.
“Hurry,” he tells her, “my marbles don’t seem to work on the mage and I have no idea how much time we have! Hurry!”
Ryuk switches to his magic slingshot. He loads a knife marble in, keenly aware of the fact that the mage is starting to reanimate within his sphere of energy as time undialates. As he pulls the pouch back and the marble forms its sharp blade. He stretches the bands as far as they’ll go and the slingshot warms. His muscles quiver and he strains to hold in place.
Come on, you fuckers.
“Let’s go!”
Ryuk relaxes the tension on the slingshot, crouches, and finds
her ghost limb on the edge of the wall. As the mage comes back to life, he latches on, and rappels to the ground.
“You take her left, I’ll take her right,” he tells Zaena. “I don’t think either of us has the stamina to carry … ”
Zaena lifts Tamana onto her shoulder. “I’ll carry her,” she grunts, “you cover behind us.”
“Damn! Got it!” With Tamana slung in a fireman’s carry, the Thulean sprints away as if she was unencumbered. Ryuk struggles to keep up and at the same time watch their back for pursuers. They run through an alley towards the lane that leads away from the Shinigami’s place.
That’s odd. Ryuk stops for a moment and surveys their back trail. Why aren’t they coming after us?
“Shit, Ryuk, Keep moving, let’s go!” Zaena calls over her shoulder to him.
“Right!”
It doesn’t take long for them to arrive at the Mondegreen Hostel and the door swings open for them. Zaena drops Tamana onto one of the lobby sofas and places her hands on her knees as she catches her breath.
“Someone may be following us!” Ryuk blurts out to Jim the doorman. “Please, um, please help us!”
“No doubt.” From behind the reception desk, the hostelier produces an M-4 Carbine with the underslung M-203 grenade launcher. He pops in a Beta C-Mag and loads a beehive round in the grenade launcher as he hums The Major General’s Song. He chambers a round, powers up the optics, and lifts the sling over his head. Only then does he catch the strange look that panting Zaena is giving him.
“I’m an immiNPC,” he reminds them as he steps around the clerk’s desk. “You may wish to check my stats.”
Jim Dohrmahn Level 99
HP: 6753/6753
MANA: 2885/2885
ATK: 2058
MATK: 566
DEF: 1118
MDF: 1259
LUCK: 85
“Holy shit! How’d you manage that?” Ryuk asks.
“Long story for another time.” He nods to the bookcase that doubles as a secret door. “Get inside, and let me know if you need anything. If anything untoward occurs, I’ll call for backup.” A smile creeps across his long face. “And trust me, whoever is coming after you does not want me to call for backup.”
Ryuk lifts Tamana. “Do you do this for all your guests?” he asks as he heads to the bookcase.
“It’s one of the many services we here at the Mondegreen are happy to offer.” Jim keeps his post and gives him a soft nod. “Plus you paid double for your room; it’s the least I can do.”
(x)__(x)
Ryuk places Tamana on his bed, turns her to her side, and notices that there is a faint yellow magic radiating from the cuffs keeping her thin wrists together.
An enchanted object …
“We need Hiccup,” he says, “and fast. I don’t know exactly what these cuffs do, but I’m pretty sure they are preventing her from equipping her sword. They may be tracking her too. It’s okay, Tamana.” He uses the corner of the bed sheet to wipe her face. Her left eye is puffy and closed; dry blood is rimmed around her nostrils. Seeing her like this ignites a deep hatred inside Ryuk for the Shinigami. He momentarily gets the stupid notion to go back to their guildhall for some good old fashioned payback.
“I’ll message him.”
Zaena: Goblin, we need you. We rescued Tamana and she is here now, almost dead, with her wrists bound by magical cuffs.
Hiccup: First, the name is Hiccup. Second, WHAT THE FICK DID YOU JUST SAY? Read it again. Okay, I’m better now.
FeeTwix: I can’t believe you rescued her without us! My audience would have loved to see that happen!
Hiccup: Ignore him. We’ll be there in thirty minutes or so. We’re up twenty K in a game of Punch Chest. You wanted us to win bigly, right? Or is it big league? You want us to win, right?
Zaena: We need you here now. We don’t know what kind of cuff this is or if it has tracking properties.
Hiccup: Are there any inscriptions on it?
Ryuk rolls Tamana to her other side, so her cuffed wrists are now facing toward him. The handcuffs are bronze, the chain connecting them made out of a silvery metal. “Nothing,” Ryuk says. “Not even some Thulean.”
Zaena: Get here now, as in RIGHT NOW. Spawn here and leave FeeTwix there to finish the game of punch chest. I hesitate to say this, but we need your expertise!
Hiccup appears in a flash. “You guys really know how to ruin someone’s night, don’t you? And just for the record, one does not simply stop in the middle of a game a punch chest. You’re lucky as fick we were up by five. They’ll dock Twixy at least one point for my exit.” He nudges Zaena aside and plops his mechanical hand on Ryuk’s shoulder. “Step aside, Marbles, let Uncle Goblin take a looksee.”
Ryuk stands and crosses his arms over his chest, watching over Hiccup’s shoulder as the goblin checks the cuff. Finally, he scratches his ass and says, “Good news and bad news. The good news is that these cuffs don’t have tracking properties, as of yet. The bad news is that if they are away from their registered location for more than an hour or so, the tracking properties turn on. Luckily, the Mitherfickers have a thief, a particularly handsome, pink haired hunka-hunka burnin’ goblin – and I’m damn good at picking locks. In case you were wondering, as long as they’re on, she won’t be able to equip anything. She also isn’t able to message anyone.”
A small case appears on the bed and he opens it. “Also, you two are idiots for going at this alone. Fickin’ idiots.”
“It was … um, spur of the moment.” Ryuk bows his head in semi-contrition.
“Spur of the moment, huh?” he says as he takes out his tools. “Hitting the orc-house is spur of the moment, losing your chalupa in a game of Bet Your Penis is spur of the moment, this shit is unbelievably stupid. You should have at least brought a couple of healing potions.” He shakes his head. “I always thought of the Mitherfickers as a professional group of tweens with one seasoned statesman, at least that’s how I described our group to my cousin in Sotla, before Liz joined us. I definitely didn’t sign up for some in loco parentis role. Fick, where was I?”
“Never mind all that, Hiccup – just get her loose! And how many fucking cousins do you have?”
“Tsk-tsk. Language, Marbles, and don’t get your lacey pink panties in a wad. Regarding cousins? Who keeps track, really?” he says as he goes to work. “Last I checked, I had fifty. Maybe more. About a hundred nephews. Most are a bunch of fickwads. Marbles, ask the door guy to get us some Hopkins’ Holistic Healing Nostrums. Those potions cost a fick-ton, but it’ll heal her up and then some. Save the ‘then some’ for me.”
Zaena asks, “So Hopkins’ potions are better than the normal stuff?”
“Less filling, tastes great, and helps put the lead in your pencil!” Hiccup selects a lock pick and a tensioner, double checks they’re the ones he needs, and turns back to the cuffs. “Now get the stuff and stop distracting me!”
A knock at the door startles them all. Her short swords drawn, Zaena motions for Ryuk to open it. He does so and is greeted by Jim, who has a tray of various healing potions. “I thought you might find these of some small use. This is what we keep in stock.”
“Hopkins’ Holistic Healing Nostrum.”
Jim hands Ryuk a green bottle shaped like a grenade. “I will add it to your bill, if that’s all right with you.” With that, he smiles and turns away, the M-4 Carbine still slung across his back.
“Okay!” Ryuk rushes over to Hiccup with the healing potion. A straw appears on the bed and Hiccup says, “You know what to do.”
Zaena sits Tamana up, who immediately drops her head down. She angles her so Hiccup can still work on the cuffs yet Tamana is able to sit. Ryuk uncorks the healing potion, which fizzles, and retrieves the straw. He’s just about to put the straw in Tamana’s mouth when he hears Hiccup harrumph.
“Quality assurance purposes.” The goblin puckers his lips.
“Seriously? Let her drink it first!”
“Fine, fine, Marb
les,” he grumbles, “have it your way.”
Ryuk places the straw between her parched lips. “Drink, Tamana.” Her throat twitches as her lips go to work. The blood on her face begins to pixilate as the bruises disappear and a halo of light settles around her head.
“Ryuk?” Tears form at the corner of her eyes. “It’s you.”
Chapter 19: Digital memories
“There, got it!” Hiccup pops the cuffs off and stands. “These fickers will get us in a lot of trouble if we don’t get them the hell out of here.”
“What do you want us to do?” Ryuk asks, completely panic-stricken.
“Zaena, tell the hostelier whatever the fick his name was to arrange an EBAYmazon express dragon to pick this up and take it, oh where’s a good place to send it? … I know! Send it to the Cape of Chukchis, to this dragon I know that goes by the name of Mirror – that’ll give those dirty chuckleficks a run for their rupees! I’d better write her a letter.”
The Mitherfickers’ designated lockpick scuttles to the writing desk packed into the corner of the room. He selects a sheet of Hostel Mondegreen writing parchment and produces a fluorescent green anti-zombie tactical survival pen. Using the seat as his writing surface, Hiccup scribbles a quick message in the vertical Thulean script.
Once he has finished, Zaena ghost limbs the scroll into the air and gives it a quick read. She stifles a laugh. “You want her to swallow it?”
“You know, Liz, that message was supposed to be private. And yes, I want her to swallow it, just to really give the Shinigami their money’s worth if they try to track Marbles’ main squeeze over there.”
“My what?” Ryuk grunts.
“And why did you call the dragon sweetheart?” Zaena asks.
“That’s none of your goddamn business!”
“I remember you,” Tamana says softly. “You’re the goblin from our guild. Hiccup? Or was it Burp?”
“Fick me to tears.” Hiccup throws his hands up in the air. “Looks like I just became a babysitter of four instead of three,” he mumbles as he returns to the bed and grabs the handcuffs and the healing potion. “If I had a rupee for every time someone called me a bodily function … ”
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