by Aury Dobsyn
Trembling from the betrayal, she asked in a shaky voice, “My uncle has agreed with this?”
“Aye, as well as yer aunt. They want ye safe, and as far away from Greystone as possible.”
“Why should I believe ye?”
“I give ye my word of honor that-’
“Your word means naught and you have nae honor,” she screamed, knowing full well how much value a Highlander puts on both.
Gavin’s fist clenched at his sides and his face distorted with rage as she continued, “Why would you marry me? I’m English. I have nae dowry or anything of value. I have not even been trained to manage a castle. I’m ignorant of all domestic skills females are required to possess, especially those of a noble lady.”
Ella turned away as she continued, “You do not even know me? You do not know the horrible things I have done. Trust me, I’m the last person you should want for wife. If you knew, you would not even want me on your land.”
Gavin’s fierce demeanor disappeared when he saw how utterly terrified and vulnerable she had become. Dear God, she thought she wasn’t worthy.
His voice softened when he said, “Ella, I have more than enough wealth and land. And I dinna ken if my mother and Maeve would even allow ye to take their duties, unless ye truly wanted them.”
Standing behind her, he put his hands on her shoulders and continued, “Ye say I dinna ken ye, but I disagree. I ken ye would rather be our clan healer than order servants to do yer bidding. I ken ye would rather train and breed my two stables of horses than see to salting the meat or purchasing spices from traveling merchants. I also ken that ye want to be part of a family, a family ye can embrace without thought of punishment. I also ken ye want to feel safe.”
Gavin turned her to face him, then cupped her cheeks. “I will always protect ye with my life. Please, understand why I do this.” He paused for a moment, then said, “What kind of man would I be if I allowed ye to return to England, knowing the abuse, misery and shame you would suffer.”
There was no choice to be made. He was determined to keep her regardless of her wishes. If she did not marry him, her aunt and uncle would be killed without his aid. It tore at her heart to realize that he was not the man she thought him to be, that he only cared about his wants, his needs. Aye, she would marry him, if only to save her family. But, she would not love him, not ever.
“I will marry you, but in name only. Also, I will travel with you to England on the morrow.”
Gavin did not argue, just took her by the elbow and led her to the chapel as he silently cursed her for being so stubborn and headstrong. Never in all his score and seven years had he declared himself so openly to a woman. He was giving Ella his name and protection, along with a much better life. Yet, instead of being grateful, she makes futile demands. She will be my wife in all ways, for I will nae risk losing her.
42
Father Logan, along with Lady Esme and Bowen were waiting at the altar when the bride and groom arrived. Throughout the short ceremony Ella made no eye contact with anyone and spoke only one word to the priest.
“Aye.”
Ella’s mind felt hazy when Gavin slipped a ring on her finger and gave her a tender kiss, sealing the union between them. Instantly, she recognized the stone, now set in intrinsically designed silver setting. If she had doubts before that her Uncle James consented to the marriage, they vanished the moment she saw the precious gem.
She remained silent as her new mother-by-marriage escorted her to the bedchamber. And after several failed attempts to get her to speak, Lady Esme helped her into sleeveless shift, and then departed the chamber.
When Ella was finally alone, she drained two goblets of wine to soothe the anguish that flooded her heart. She looked again at her wedding ring and the beautiful stone her uncle gave Gavin. Tears silently coursed down her cheeks, and after a few moments she bolted the door. Assailed by a terrible sense of bitterness and raw defeat, she threw herself onto the bed and yielded to the compulsive sobs that racked her body.
After the short wedding ceremony, Gavin did not join his family and guard in the hall, opting to seek solace in his own chamber. He did not have the heart to be near anyone except his wife, but he would not go to her yet. Instead he stood in the dark listening to her soul wrenching sobs. She had bolted the door moments ago, which he knew was to prevent him from entering.
She was unaware that he could easily enter her chamber from the very door he stood by now, listening and waiting for the right moment. Hell, there was nae ‘right moment’.
An hour later, covered only waist down by a plaid, he silently moved inside her chamber. Slowly, he walked over to the bed and gazed down at her. She slept on her side, with her lower legs exposed from the bed coverings and her blond tresses spread out over the pillow. She looked so innocent and vulnerable in her sleep, the urge to protect her, even from himself, overwhelmed him.
He removed his plaid before slipping into the bed, then molded her soft curves to the contours of his lean body, with her back to his chest. He lightly began to caress her hips, while he inched her knee length shift up around her waist.
When he began to kiss her neck, he realized the wine he smelled on her breath made her sleep deeper than normal. She was unaccustomed to the non-watered down wine, he knew his mother had left in her chamber.
He untied the back of her gown, then gingerly slipped the garment off as he rolled her onto her back. The only light in the darkened chamber came from the glowing embers in the hearth, and it illuminated the beauty of his wife’s naked body.
Sliding his hand over her taunt stomach to the gentle swell of her hips and thighs, he savored the feel of her smooth skin. He buried his face in her neck, breathing in her intoxicating scent as his lips explored her soft ivory flesh. Trembling hands traveled up her silken body, until he captured one small globe. He fondled her perfectly shaped breast that was neither to large nor to small, then teased her nipples until they were as rock hard as he was. When he gave equal attention to the twin globe, he noticed her restless movement.
Ella was dreaming of massive hands stoking a gentle growing fire that sent waves of heat to her core. A delicious sensation of masculine lips seared a path down her neck, shoulders, and to the buds that were swollen to their fullest. She instinctively arched toward the flaming touch as fingers drifted to the apex of her thighs, to the pearl of her womanhood. At that moment the dormant sexuality of her body had been awakened, and her body was flooded with desire.
Her desire was short-lived, as a moan of delight slipped past her lips, waking her from her sensual dream-like state. She gasped as a large male body lowered over hers.
Gavin’s ardor was inflamed by her eagerness for his touch, which did not lessen, even when he realized she was fully awake. He had been more than grateful for the time to arouse her sweet body, making her hot and wet for his tender invasion. Alas, the tantalizing persuasion was over.
He nudged her slender legs apart with his knees, and then settled his stone-hard body atop her, with his manhood resting at the entrance to his heaven. He held both her wrists above her head with one hand, while his other adjusted her legs so they were bent beside his hips.
He repeatedly told himself that if he did not consummate their marriage vows this eve, he would risk losing her. She would be given to Montgomery, who would relish in using and abusing her until she eagerly awaited death. Nae, I will nae lose her.
“Gavin. . .Gavin! Please, wait. . .I need. . . you must-”
His heart lurched hearing her cries and feeling the wetness on her cheeks from her tears.
The war between Gavin’s body and mind fought endlessly against his heart. His body’s raging desire for her allied with his mind’s knowledge that this was the only way to keep her safe. But, his heart. Dear God, his heart bled to do her harm or cause her pain. His heart ached to hold her close, kiss away her tears and banish her suffering. She is my heart, and this is the only way to keep her safe.
The deci
sion was made; his body and mind were the victors.
“Forgive me, my love,” he whispered a scant moment before he thrust forcefully into her innocent body.
43
Ella screamed as she felt her body being torn, but it was nothing compared to the angst that seared her heart. A raw, primitive grief overwhelmed her as the shock of defeat held her immobile. No longer fighting. No longer speaking. Wrapped in a cocoon of despair, she barely heard his words.
“Shhh, the pain will lessen soon,” he whispered as he lay motionless, giving her body time to adjust to his.
A deep, unaccustomed pain ignited in Gavin’s chest at hearing her cries of pain and feeling her body go rigid underneath him. Her misery was so acute. And when she became mute and lifeless, his determination almost faltered. He began to move slowly at first, then faster as the waves of ecstasy enveloped his body.
The war between his body and heart raged once again, as each euphoric thrust he made caused a slight whimper to escape from her lips. As his body soared higher and higher towards its peak, his heart and soul were drowning in a pool of sorrow. He welcomed the fiery explosion of sensation, and let his body taste the all too empty pleasure.
When Gavin lay languid above her trembling body, he knew his time to savor the union was over. He heard another gasp of pain as he eased off her. He quickly lit the candles in the chamber, and then took his first look at his bedded wife.
A new agony pierced his heart. Naked and trembling, she curled her body into a tight ball as she turned away from him. And there was blood. More than her virgin blood marred the pristine white bed linen. He was prepared for the blood on her thighs, but assumed the bed would only be sprinkled with the red liquid, not. . . .
His own stupidity was beyond reproach.
Half the lacerations on her back were bleeding heavily, dripping down her shoulders and waist, saturating the once unspoiled linen. Would her tender flesh ever be able to heal, he asked himself.
Only days after being flogged her wounds were broken open first by Montgomery’s soldier attacking her, then again when his own kinsmen slammed her into the wall of the stable, and tonight. . .
Gavin quickly stoked the fire to give warmth and light to the chamber, then took linen and the water basin to the bed. He sat beside her, and gently cleansed the blood from her thighs, then her back.
“Don’t touch me,” she spat as she tried to move away, but her demand was denied.
His touch remained soft, his face grim as he saw to the arduous task.
“You took what you want, now leave,” she cried while he ministered to her needs.
“Ella . . .”
“I’ll never forgive for this,” she whispered before turning her head into the pillow.
Gavin spoke no more. He finished bathing his wife’s fragile body, and then left the chamber to retrieve clean linen for the bed, along with the chemise Eva had made for her.
When he returned, she was wrapped in a Macleod plaid and curled up on the fur pelt by the fire. She had braided her long hair and moved it so it hung in the front, away from her back that still glistened from the salve he had applied moments ago.
He quickly discarded the soiled bed linens and began replacing them with clean ones. It took longer than expected, since he was unaccustomed to the task that was usually carried out by the maids. But, he would not allow them or his mother, who had offered, to see it completed.
Ella heard him re-enter the chamber and start stripping the bed. Curse his rotten soul, he only came to retrieve the proof that their marriage had been consummated and evidence that she had been a virgin.
She turned and looked over her shoulder moments later, wondering why he had not taken his leave, and was stunned by the sight that greeted her eyes. A huge Highland laird attempting to make the bed, with confusion lining his brow. If she wasn’t so angry with him and herself for trusting him, she would have laughed.
When the bed was finally made, Gavin slipped a chemise over her head, ignoring her feeble attempts to halt his efforts. He then gently carried her to the bed and deposited her amidst the fresh linen, then pulled the cover over her body.
He took the soiled sheets to his mother waiting outside the chamber door, then doused the candles and sat in the wingback chair near the hearth. He stared into the fire without seeing the flames as his tortured mind replayed the images of Ella.
Her flinching from his touch. Her tear streaked face. Her desolate eyes. Her bleeding, trembling body. Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, Gavin covered his face with his hands. He then reflected on how he had deceived this precious woman who was now his wife.
Ella was not blind to the tenderness he bestowed upon her as he bathed and dressed her moments ago or to the agony she saw now etched on his face. She wanted to rail at him for his betrayal, but then she remembered the Gavin she had known before this night.
The one who teased and flirted with her, the one who could make her blush with one look, the one who held her close at night and the one who let her cry in his arms. He had rescued her from a watery grave, from being attacked by a soldier during the battle and now he was now trying to protect her from a life of cruelty and unimaginable suffering.
Ella knew she had no right to insist upon a marriage in name only or deny Gavin her bed, which is why she did not fight him. Actually, she had been so dazed and had barely protested his actions. And, once he was inside her, she had given in to defeat, thinking how she had failed her beloved aunt.
Gavin had given her no choice but to trust that he would save Lady Eleanor. But, what if he could not save her? What if her uncle, too, was killed?
Ella’s thoughts suddenly took a different direction. What will happen when Gavin learns that she is the hated daughter of his closest ally? What will her father do when he learns of her marriage, and that she is living in Scotland against his written warning? If he did not kill her, he would see the marriage dissolved. What then? Who would take her in? Without her virginity she was no longer useful to Montgomery or Phillip. And, in both England and Scotland her life would be in peril. The thought left her chilled, sicken and faint.
Dear God, if Aunt Eleanor or Uncle James were killed, I will have neither family nor hope for the future.
44
In the chill of the early morning while the skies yet slumbered outside the window, Gavin saw that sleep had finally claimed his wife.
Crouching down beside the bed, he pushed back the golden tendrils that lined her face. With tender lips, he kissed her forehead and whispered, “I pray yer heart will forgive me, little one.”
Ella woke suddenly when she heard the chamber door open, then close. She hastily scanned the chamber, only to discover that Gavin was gone. She searched for a plausible explanation for a brief moment, then flew out of bed. Sliding the bolt back, she then pulled on the door, only to discover that it was locked from the outside.
The realization was a mighty blow that added to her misery. Gavin had locked her in the chamber, never intending for her to journey with him to England. He had lied to her yet again.
“Damn you to hell, Gavin! Open the door!” When the door remained locked, she cried, “How could you? You and your vow of honor mean naught! You are dead to me! Do you hear me!”
When her screams and threats went unanswered, she collapsed to the ground with her back to the door. Unexpectedly, she then heard retreating footsteps. Gavin listened, then took his leave without bothering to explain or even attempt to apologize.
If the only family left to Ella were killed, her hatred for him would be beyond words. How could she continue to live with him, as his wife, knowing that his coercion of marriage brought the death of the only two people who had given her love and joy these past eight years. How would she get through the days ahead knowing that her beloved aunt and uncle were in danger?
For the next hour she failed to find peace in sleep, then decided to complete her ablutions and dress. She winced at the soreness between her legs an
d cursed Gavin again as she clothed herself with her newly washed boy’s attire.
The dresses that Lady Esme and Eva had given her hung in the open wardrobe near the stone hearth, but she had no intention of wearing any of the beautiful garments. Her anger was too great this morning, with everyone including Gavin’s mother.
Lady Esme’s presence in the chapel last eve was evidence that she knew her son’s intent. The entire family along with his guard, probably all knew that he planned to wed her, even against her wishes. She wanted naught from them, nae clothes, nae pity, and nae care.
Walking over to the window, Ella gazed out on the thick copses of pine and fir and abundant low tangle of shrubs, which formed nearly an impenetrable boundary around the loch. The cloudless sky, mixed with the early morning rays, reflected off the sparkling water. But alas, even that brilliant scene would not lighten her mood.
She felt like a caged animal, denied all freedom beyond the walls of her chamber. Pacing in front of the hearth over an hour, she finally heard the bolt on the opposite side of the door removed. When she whipped it open, Arth stood alone in the corridor and greeted her with his usual enthusiasm.
The midday sun was bright overhead when Ella left the keep with Arth by her side. When she walked through the bailey, she noticed the sympathetic looks cast her way, which were followed by respectful head nods from the men and curtsies from the women. She all but ran the rest of the way to the stables, wanting only to be left alone and oblivious to the shadow that followed in her wake.
From the moment she left her chamber, Paen had cautiously kept his distance. He was no stranger to grief or pain, understanding that she would want to be left alone for the next few days. He would allow Ella her solitude for the moment, but he would stay close, to guard and protect her, even from herself.
He was unsure if she would attempt to run away, head to England to try to save her aunt herself. She dinna seem daft, but when women were overcome by emotion, they were known to defy all logic and reason.