by Lily White
I loved to watch him when he came home at night. There was always a look of horror written into his expression. I would go to him, running my hand over his strong body, stripping his suit jacket from his shoulders, and pushing up on my toes to kiss along his neck. He had a constant dark power that vibrated around him, a loneliness and sadness from a day spent staring at death and pain. And it was that exact part of him that eventually made us so right for each other in the end.
I was a woman who had survived a nightmare, a woman haunted by memories of pain and humiliation, of terror and bitter betrayal. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t remember what I’d lived through. I screamed in my sleep and I woke up in a cold sweat. I couldn’t help but look over my shoulder in public and double check the locks on the doors when I was home.
He was a man who chased the monsters, who allowed their cruel acts to burn into his memory, just so he could remove them from the world.
I’d been made weaker for the bits of soul that had been crushed in the days I’d lived with Lucas, but I was somehow stronger for having broke free. I’d fought back, I’d endured mental and physical abuse, I’d survived losing my best friend and the life I’d known, only to regain it and lose it again.
When Adam followed me to the hospital the night I killed Mary Beth, he wouldn’t take his eyes off me. It was unsettling in the way he stared, and I could never shake the feeling that he was watching me. After all the medical chaos had been handled, and after I’d been settled into my bed with tape around my ribs and bandages applied to my body, he took a seat beside me, questioning me for what felt like hours, until we were both too exhausted to continued speaking.
I remember laughing when the pain meds kicked in and Adam smiled an actual smile for once. Two dimples appeared on his shadowed cheeks and I couldn’t help myself when I asked him why he seemed to be looking at me differently. He wouldn’t answer, but in the weeks that followed and as I recovered both physically and psychologically from the entire ordeal, he called me every day, checking in to make sure I was safe, that I wasn’t too afraid to sleep, that I was no longer so depressed that I didn’t want to live the rest of my life.
I felt shattered after killing Mary Beth. She’d been my only friend for so many years that to kill her was to destroy the last piece of my past that Lucas hadn’t taken away.
Adam and I started seeing each other and eventually, our relationship moved from some odd, but unspoken, bond into an intimate coupling of complementary souls. We were both broken people, two souls that had been exposed to the darker nature of the human psyche and two souls that had seen what can come of sadistic minds. I became his light in the darkness and he became mine.
We moved in together not long after, and months passed before he finally confessed that he knew it had been me he slept with that day at Lucas’ house. He told me that Lucas’ attorney had showed him the tape, had threatened to expose him to the town and state if he didn’t find a way to drop the charges, setting both Lucas and me free. It was his ultimate admission when he told me that watching those images had awakened something inside him, something dark and sordid, but it was a thirst that he wouldn’t quite quench.
That was until he saw me.
Screaming out my orgasm, his large hands wrapped over mine, our fingers entwining as he found his release. Pulling out of me, he playfully slapped my ass one last time before reaching up and unhooking me from the post where I’d been tied. I fell onto the bed, unable to move and felt his lips travel up until they met mine. Slowly the blindfold slipped from my eyes as he finished off the kiss.
“Good morning.” He spoke on a soft laugh, his voice deep and gravely when he pushed himself up from the bed.
“To you too.” My lashes battered over my eyes in attempt to force the sleep from my system and I watched the tight muscles of his ass move when he walked into the bathroom to jump into the shower.
Grabbing the remote from the side table, I turned on the television while waiting for him to finish. As I flicked between channels in search of the news, two words caught my attention, but I’d been pushing the button too fast and had to back up to find them again.
“Lucas Bates’ newest novel is rumored to be one of his best so far. In honor of the upcoming release, Mr. Bates has agreed to gifting 100 early copies to his biggest fans at the San Mateo Library this Saturday. He’ll be signing at the library from noon to 5 p.m. and welcomes any local fans to bring any of his works that they would like autographed.”
Once the male reporter had stopped speaking, the female reporter to his right couldn’t help but voice her own commentary.
“I’ve been the lucky reporter chosen to attend Mr. Lucas’ signing and I’ve been gifted an early copy as well. Ladies, I can promise you that I started this novel two days ago and have not been able to tear myself away from it.”
I turned it off, not wanting to hear about the success of man who’d almost destroyed me. The things he’d said to me began to seep back into my memory and as I waited for Adam to turn off the shower and round the corner, I made a decision.
I didn’t want to be afraid anymore, I didn’t want to spend each day busying myself just to avoid the thing I feared the most. It was that exact type of behavior that had led me into his trap to begin with. I wanted to be strong for once; I wanted to finally face the thing that haunted me.
I knew it was a quick, most likely foolish, decision, but I wouldn’t allow myself to consider it further. I didn’t want to lose my sudden will and I didn’t want to change my mind and return to the life where I walked with a constant weight on my shoulders. I hoped that by looking into the eyes of the man who’d changed everything there was about me, I could finally see that he no longer had power over me. I wanted to see if I’d be stronger than him after all.
The water turned off and Adam stepped out, a towel wrapped around his narrow hips and water drops still slowly trailing over his sun-kissed skin.
“I want to go to San Mateo.” Blurting out my words, I covered my mouth in surprise for having been so quick to say them.
He gave me an odd look and I breathed out a large huff of air, desperate to say what I needed to say. “Lucas is signing there. I want to face him.”
His head shook ‘no’ before his lips could form the words. “No, Autumn. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
My mind had been made up and, for once, I felt like I could straighten my spine and pull my shoulders back. I wouldn’t allow myself to hide from the monsters any longer. I wanted to be the woman who could face them and show them that she wasn’t scared.
“I’m going, Adam, with or without you.” When his face fell, I softly added, “But, I would feel safer if you were there.”
…
The library was crowded as I attempted to squeeze through the glass doors into the signing. Adam had escorted me to the building, but I’d refused to allow him to come in. He’d been damaged as well by the people who could be found inside and even though I needed this in order for my healing, I wasn’t going to force it on him.
My eyes scanned the room for any sign of Lucas or Sarah, but all I saw were the fans taking their places in line, books clutched to their chests and smiles beaming from their faces. They didn’t have a clue about the man they’d come to see today. They didn’t understand that beneath that cool exterior lurked a monster who was as cruel as the ones he portrayed in his books.
Scanning my eyes over the crowd and surrounding space, I noticed the usual flurry of activity that comes with these events, but it was the sign that hung above Lucas’ table that almost dropped me to my knees.
He’d renamed it using the last thing I’d ever said to him. I’d hoped what I’d done would destroy it, but I somehow always knew that despite having destroyed the computer, the book would be just the same.
The words “Target This” were strewn in white lettering across a simple picture of a leather cuff, a single red rose placed within its center. Tremors ran over me, but I wou
ldn’t back down. I had to face him, had to show not only him, but also myself, that I was stronger than the monsters that were hidden in the dark.
Taking my place in line, I trained my eyes on the person ahead of me, not wanting to run into Sarah who I knew would be somewhere in attendance.
Her voice, however, I could not escape and shivers ran along my skin when I heard her announce, “Welcome readers! Prepare to have your minds completely and thoroughly fucked!” Tinkling laughter followed by applause erupting as Lucas entered the lobby from a back room.
I couldn’t help but look up to see him stride confidently into the room, his muscular body covered by a slate grey suit that looked to be designed especially for him.
The annoying hint of fear was reborn inside me, but I straightened my spine against it and waited for forty-five minutes until it was my turn to approach his table. He was looking down at one of his books when I first walked up, but when he glanced up again, shock blossomed behind the blue of his eyes.
From behind wire-rimmed glasses, he stared at me for a moment, his eyes traveling over my body, before once again lifting to see my face. Neither of us smiled, and I’d somehow lost the strength to speak. However, I realized that in this exchange at least, words were no longer necessary. He’d won when he entrapped me in his wicked game and I’d won when I finally set myself free.
Reaching over, he grabbed a book while still looking into my eyes and flipped it open to the second page. With a black pen, he circled the words that were written on that page, closing the book again to hand it to me. I took it from his hands just as he reached out to touch my wrists. My body jumped in response, but I looked down to see his finger trace along the red marks that the cuffs Adam used on me that morning had left behind. A sly smile broke out across his lips when he pulled his finger away, looking back down at something on the table and dismissing me without a single word.
I walked away from his table with the book clutched in my hands, but my steps felt lighter for having faced him. Heading towards the door, I heard the distinct sound of four-inch heels clicking behind me. I turned and was suddenly faced with the bright, beautiful smile of a woman who had nothing but poison running through her veins.
“Well, well, if it isn’t Autumn Cleary. I must admit I’m surprised to see you here.”
I started to turn away from her again, when she called out, “Have you come to meet your replacement? Number 15 really is such a gorgeous girl. I’m sorry Lucas wasn’t able to speak to you, but he wouldn’t want her getting any ideas so early on in the game.”
My head spun around and I stared her in the eye. “What?” It was the only word I could speak, my shock paralyzing my system as fear slithered along my spine.
She laughed, the melodic, exuberant laughter that now sent chills over my entire body. “What? Did you think it would stop with you?” A look of fake sympathy wrinkled her face. “I’m sorry, dear, but you were just another number, but don’t feel bad. The work he produced as a result of you is truly remarkable. There is such talent in that man. All it takes is a woman who knows how to pull it out.”
My mind was startled back into the present and I looked at her, watching the wicked smile that graced her beautiful face. “I don’t know how to do anything. I didn’t even attempt to do anything. I was tricked into even being there.”
“Oh, sweetie, don’t look so upset, I wasn’t talking about you; I was talking about me.” Another short burst of laughter and she turned to look at the man we were discussing. He sat hunched over the table, signing the books that were presented to him before looking up with a smile that could melt the woman towards whom it was directed.
Behind him stood a petite woman with long blonde hair and an air of innocence about her that I used to recognize in myself. She smiled brightly, ecstatic to be standing by a man she appeared to admire. Dread sunk like a stone in my stomach when I realized that I was looking at ‘number 15’.
“Don’t feel bad, Autumn, you were only a small pawn in a much larger game of Chess than you realized. You were so quick to judge him as your Master, you never saw the truth that he was only sub to a much greater Master – or Mistress, I should say. In truth, every single one of you was a toy to keep me entertained.”
Looking away from Lucas, I returned my attention to the evil bitch that stood in front of me.
She continued without missing a beat, my glowering scowl not fazing her in the least. “You see, dear, Lucas likes a little bit of control when he’s writing, but who do you think really does all the work? Did you really think that those ‘happy circumstances’ that led to your stay with us were all just coincidence?” She smiled again and tilted her head to side as if she were trying to read me. “But you don’t know the full story, do you? I guess Mary Beth never had the chance to tell you before you stabbed her in the eye.”
“How do you know about that?”
Glancing at her nails, she answered, “It was all over the news. That one gave me quite the chuckle when I heard about it.” Leaning in, she brought her mouth to my ear to whisper, “I never knew you had it in you.”
Pulling away from her, my eyes narrowed in anger. “She tried to kill me, I was only defending myself!”
“Shhhhhh…” After looking around, she became satisfied that nobody had heard me and that our conversation was still as private as she’d intended for it to be. “There’s no need to get loud, Autumn. I would hate to see you dragged from this place by security.”
Backing away, I tried to turn and leave, but she grabbed my arm, spinning me back in her direction. “I’m not done.”
I imagined beating her over the head with Lucas’ book or stabbing her in the temple with any sharp object I could find, but I quickly realized I’d be walking myself into trouble because, as usual, Sarah had the upper hand.
“I guess I’m free to admit now that your friend was very susceptible to suggestion. She’d apparently thrown herself at Lucas when they first met, so I decided to pay her a little visit. I think she truly did believe she loved him after only knowing him for one day. It was such a shame, really, that I decided to help the poor girl.”
Every muscle in my body tightened and she smiled when she noticed my rage. “I told Mary Beth that Lucas had a thing for you and if she could somehow get you out of the way, I was sure he’d reconsider dating her after all.” She sighed and I noticed how a wicked gleam sparkled in her eye.
“I was impressed with her next action to say the least.” Another tinkling laugh. “You could have been killed in that fire.”
“You fucking bitch! You took advantage of her! She’s dead now because of you.”
“Like I care. You see, the true sign of a Master or Mistress is the ability to manipulate somebody’s mind without even having to touch the body. It’s the ability to get into someone’s thoughts, to know them better than they know themselves - to be able to suggest what you want them to do, with full confidence that they’ll do it. You played right into my plan as well, despite how much you hated me. Like a scurrying little rodent in a maze, you took every turn I directed; the back door that led to the third floor, the key to the basement. I mean, come on, did you really think I would have been so careless as to leave his office door unlocked AND leave the key to the one place he never wanted you to go? His book was complete, and it was time to move on from that shitty little town, so I set it up for you to end it. I have to admit though, you surprised me with your last dramatic display. Destroying the laptop really was such a great touch. Prior to that, it had almost been too easy. I controlled every aspect of this game, even ones that you would never believe I had anything to do with.” She winked and I fought my reaction to reach out and slap her across the face.
My rage boiled over. She was evil, pure and simple and, regardless of how powerless I felt, I still had to say something. “I’ll have you fucking arrested for this. I’ll tell Lucas…” The volume of my voice rose with each word and she placed her finger against my lips, looking around a
gain before returning her attention to me.
“No sweetie, you won’t. Unfortunately, you have two factors working against you. Number one – you killed the only person who can testify against me; which, by the way, was just another happy circumstance that I never saw coming.” She winked again before adding, “However, most importantly, and the thing you must remember when you go walking out of this building, is number two. I still have film and pictures of not only you, but your new boyfriend, Adam.” Her smile curled and the white of her teeth glistened from the light above our heads. “I can’t blame you for taking that one, by the way. He really was quite a treat, but that’s neither here nor there. I just wanted to remind you how horribly tragic it would be for your boyfriend’s career if those tapes were to be accidentally leaked.”
My fingernails dug into my palms and through clenched teeth, I asked, “Why are you telling me this?”
Her eyes glanced back over to Lucas and she smirked. “Because I want you to understand who the true Master is; it’s not the man whose cock you bounced on darling; it’s me. I control every aspect of him, and like a trained little monkey, he produces the work that makes me rich. I get to play with his girls while he has his fun, and I get to profit off it afterwards. So, I’m telling you this in warning, Autumn. This is the last time I want to see your pretty face around him. I’ve worked too damn hard to build him into what I needed him to be for some little pathetic bitch to come along and fuck it all up.”
Wiggling her fingers at me, she said, “Now shoo fly. I have a new girl to attend to.”
My arm wanted to swing out and my hand wanted to connect with her face. I didn’t care if I would end up on the news again – but I couldn’t let Adam’s name get dragged through the mud either. Pulling my shoulders back, I choose to have to the last word.