by S. R. Jones
“I’m going to take a shower, then we need to get moving.” Liam heads into the bathroom and I am sure he’s simply doing it to get away from me so he can think. Things are getting heavy and he could simply get rid of me by giving me over to protective custody. It would save him and his men a lot of hassle and danger. I flop back on the bed and put my arm over my face with a sigh. I must have dozed off because I’m jerked awake to the sound of my burner phone ringing.
The shower is still running so I can’t have slept for long at all, mere minutes probably. I grab the phone and see Jay’s number light up the screen. Liam told me not to talk to him, and despite being desperate to, I ignore the call. It rings off but a few seconds later starts up again. Same number. After the fourth time of ignoring, when it rings again, I know this isn’t Jay ringing for a mere chat. I need to make sure he’s okay. Liam said he might be in danger. I won’t tell Jay where we are, and I won’t talk for more than a few seconds.
I answer with a nervous. “Yes.” Excited despite my worry to hear a familiar voice. “I can’t talk for long at all. Jay, you need to listen to me, okay?”
The “Yo bitch,” I get back doesn’t make me relax any. It turns my blood cold.
“Nick,” I whisper.
“Listen to me carefully, and keep your mouth shut. I’m visiting your good friend, Jay. You didn’t think I’d find out about him, you stupid fucking cow. I’m at his house now. Unfortunately, he can’t speak because he was making an awful noise, so I’ve got him bound and gagged. I’ve cut off one of his toes. I’m a nice guy, so it’s his little toe that’s gone. Don’t need that to balance, you see. You’ve got twelve hours to get here, or he loses a finger, and his whole future is down the drain. Can’t do his pretty pictures and his arty-fartsy bollocks without his fingers and toes, can he now? He can’t even become one of those foot artists you see, scamming people to buy their pity paintings. So, you be a good girl. Lose the Neanderthal and get yourself back here. And bring the fucking USB stick, too.”
The phone goes dead and I simply stare at it. A weird sense of resignation fills me. I should have known it was all too good to be true. The fucker will never let me go. I’d be better off at the hands of the Russian mob. At least they’d make it quick. Nick? He’ll torture me for years for having the temerity to leave him.
I’m oddly calm. It’s as if I knew this is how it would play out all along. The fizzing sense of excitement but also anxiety I’ve felt about how things would work out, is all gone. Only cold hard certainty remains. Liam and his friends were about to put themselves in danger for me. Jay is now in danger because of me, because of my stupidity in taking the files and putting them onto the USB drive. I’ve involved the Russian mob in this. Which means God knows how many more lives are affected. Maybe even people like Nancy might be in danger.
I’ve fucked up so bad. Now Jay is hurt, and in danger. Liam is in the line of fire. All because I am stupid like Nick tells me. I have to woman up. Sort this for myself and stop being so scared of Nick.
I can’t keep on running. He’ll simply find me over and over again. And if he doesn’t. he’ll go after people linked to me. I don’t have any affection for my mother, but she’s my only flesh and blood and the idea of Nick hurting her makes me nauseous. He will, if he thinks it will get to me.
If I tell Liam about this call he’ll go into save the day mode, and maybe end up dead. If I go back, Nick gets what he wants. Me. And he’ll stop this shit. I understand him well enough to know this. Except, he won’t get the compliant and scared wife back he knew from before.
I won’t be her any longer. I’ll fight him back every step of the way until I’m free. Mind made up, I head to my bag and root around for my washbag. I find it and take out the sleeping pills. I’d been given them by the private doctor I see. I use them some nights to at least get a few hours of sleep.
Scared and unsure, but determined not to have any more collateral damage in the fuck up that is my life, I turn on the little coffee maker and make two cups. I pour some cold water into Liam’s to make sure it’s not so hot it will do something to the pills. Then I open the capsules and pour the powder out of four of them. I take one, but my doctor said I could take another an hour later if it hasn’t worked. Liam’s a big guy, so I figure four should knock him out but not harm him. The doctor won’t give me more than a ten-day supply at any one time due to suicide risk, so I’m sure four won’t kill Liam.
Five minutes later, he comes out of the bathroom. A fog of steam follows him, and hangs around his sculptured torso, a soft contrast to all his hard lines. The towel he’s wearing is slung low on his hips. He’s utterly gorgeous. A big, strong, hard man who on the surface looks scary as hell, but who underneath is moral and decent, and all the things Nick, with his surface sheen, isn’t.
I can’t let Liam see even a glimpse of the pain I’m feeling, so I gird my loins to put on an Oscar worthy performance. Sex always distracts men, so I plaster on a seductive smile and walk over to him. I run my fingers down his chiselled abs and let them linger on the knot of the towel.
“I made us both a coffee,” I tell him. “Our trip out, and then the adrenalin rush of our return has me tired out, but I don’t want to be tired.” I tilt my lips up into a smile and then lick them.
His eyes darken as he follows the movement. “Here.” I pass him his coffee. “Why don’t you sit and drink this while I work on the tension in those shoulders?”
If he thinks my offer is odd, he doesn’t say anything. He goes to sit on the edge of the bed and takes a sip of the coffee with an appreciative groan.
I feel like the biggest bitch in the world, and I tell myself I’m doing this for him. To stop him being hurt or harmed.
Clambering on the bed behind him, I wrap my arms around his neck and inhale his scent. I’ll miss him so much. It makes no sense because I hardly know him in so many ways, but in others I feel as if I know him more than most people I’ve spent years around. We’ve spent days together walking around San Francisco, taking Boo to the beach, and getting to know one another. And then the other night when we whispered our secrets to one another. We’re not strangers. Not anymore. I don’t know what we are exactly, but whatever it is it means something. He means something. To me. I’ll never forget him. And I know Boo will be safe in his care.
I try not to think of Boo or I really will start to cry.
I dig my fingers into Liam’s shoulders as he gives an appreciative grunt of approval.
“Drink your coffee,” I tell him with what I hope is a seductive purr. “You’re going to need your stamina.”
He downs the whole cup and turns to wink at me. I know him downing it is a joke but I’m suddenly a bit panicked. I thought he’d sip at it. Maybe not even finish it. And now he’s gone and necked it in one go. Crap, I really hope those four pills don’t hurt him. After about ten minutes, I start to worry they haven’t worked at all. I can hardly make him another coffee. The massage has turned into him massaging me and his big hands are right this minute sweeping over my ass, his fingers digging into the skin there.
“Want to fuck you here one day,” he drags his finger down my crease. Normally I’d run a mile from even the suggestion of anal, but with Liam I want him everywhere. Want him inside me every way he can be.
“Doesn’t it hurt?” I ask him as I turn to look at him. “Maybe you can have my ass if you let me take yours with a strap-on,” I joke.
“If you wanted to do that, I’d let you.”
“You would?” I am so shocked I forget all about the drugs for a moment. “Seriously?”
He shrugs. “I’d let you do it if you wanted to. I mean, I’d try it. If I hated it I wouldn’t do it again, but I’d try it. For you. I’d be game for almost anything you wanted to try.”
“Like anything? Like me whipping you?”
“Yeah. I doubt you’d hurt me much. Weak wrists.” He winks.
I’m genuinely intrigued now though. “What about me tying you up?”
>
“You think that’s something you’d have to persuade me to do?” He laughs. “You tying me up would be hot. Although…I could probably get out of most of the knots you could come up with.”
“No fair,” I grumble.
He yawns then and rubs his eyes. “Fuck, I’m tired. Did you make me a decaf? The damn coffee’s done nothing for me.”
“Why don’t we snuggle a minute?”
He narrows his eyes at me. “I thought we were going to play around. I don’t want to snuggle. I’ll be okay.” He yawns again and looks surprised.
“Just for a minute. A quick snuggle, recharge your batteries, cowboy, and then you can have your wicked way with me.”
I take the towel off him, and I pull the sheets back on the bed. “Come on.” I climb in.
He frowns at me, but it’s punctuated with another yawn. “You’ve still got your clothes on.”
“I need a pee. We can cuddle for ten minutes, you have a quick snooze, and then I’ll have a pee and wash up while you rest.” I kiss his neck as I wiggle into his arms. “And then I’ll come out here and wake you up properly. What do you say?”
“Sounds like a plan.” He slurs the word plan and I hate myself.
Ten minutes later and Liam is sleeping like the dead. I poke him and say his name a few times and he mumbles, but turns over.
Being as quiet as I can, I take out a pen and paper and write him a note. Then I call a cab, grab my bags, kiss Boo with as much love as I can put into one last kiss, and look at Liam. I can’t kiss him. It will break me.
Instead, I turn, note on the bedside table, and walk out the door.
Chapter Thirteen
Liam
Pain.
Hard, searing pain in my temples, as if a thousand tiny men are banging on my skull from the inside with hammers. What the fuck? I must be sick, but I never get sick. I turn over and my stomach roils. I don’t drink much either, but this is reminiscent from the few memories I have of the next day horrors. We didn’t drink last night though. Did we?
I try to scramble my brain to make it work, not wanting to open my eyes just yet. The previous afternoon and evening comes back to me. Nope, definitely no booze. We were drinking coffee and getting a little frisky when I…fell asleep. That doesn’t sound right. Abi, gorgeous sexy Abi getting all up in my space, and I feel asleep?
With a groan I turn over to apologize to her and pat an empty, cold bed. Wondering where she is, I peel my eyes open and see Boo on the bed, near the bottom. I smile. She must be in the shower, but when I turn with a groan to look toward the bathroom, the door is wide open, and there’s no sign or sounds of anyone in there. Struggling to sit up, I hope to God she hasn’t done another dumb move and gone out on her own again.
Boo stares at me some more and cries. He never cries, unless he needs to go out. A horrible sliver of worry starts to hit me. What the hell?
Sitting up properly and ignoring the throbbing in my head, I look around and see a note propped up by the side of the bed on the nightstand.
I pick it up, and for a moment don’t read it. I don’t want to. I’ve got a sick sinking feeling in my stomach. But I’m not a wuss, and so I force my eyes to skim the scrawl. Christ, Abi has such bad handwriting she could have been a doctor.
Liam,
I’m so sorry to do this, but I have to leave. You’re putting yourself in danger for me. So are your men, and from what we discussed yesterday, possibly their women too. I can’t accept that. I’ve come to have real feelings for you. I know you don’t feel the same way, and that’s okay. Why would you? We’ve known one another such a brief time, but I like to think you enjoyed my company and we had a spark between us.
Maybe with more time it could have grown into something more, but we won’t find out. I’ve decided I must return to Nick. He has Jay, Liam. Jay has been such a good friend to me that I cannot let Nick hurt him. I tried to think of other ways out of this but couldn’t. I don’t want to go into hiding in protective custody. I won’t put you or your men at risk, and I will not let Jay take the fall for me.
I’m going back but please know I do so with a lighter heart than I’ve had in long time. You’ve shown me men can be good and given me hope that one day when I get free of Nick maybe I can have a future with someone. As for you, I hope you’ll also stop being so withdrawn and alone and find someone to make you happy. And for the love of God, stop the fighting!
I have a huge favour to ask you. Please, please take care of Boo for me. Nick hates him and I love him most in this world so cannot bear for anything to happen to him, and anyway I think the company will do you good!
Thank you, for everything.
I won’t say lots of love because I don’t want to freak you out. So lots of friendship and lust.
Abi. Xxxxx
At first, I feel nothing. A cold, empty numbness creeps into me. Different from my previous indifference to life because it lets me know it’s the calm before the storm. The moment when the wind pauses rustling in the trees and everything goes dead still right before the crack of lightning and roar of thunder.
I brace myself for the storm and for a while it doesn’t come. Maybe all I’ll get is this weird numbness? Perhaps she didn’t mean all that much to me after all?
Reading her letter twice more, I shake my head. Stupid, stupid bitch. She’s put her life in terrible danger and for what? Is she so dumb she thinks Nick will let Jay walk away?
And then it comes. The storm. Not sorrow like I should feel if I were a better man. A good man. No, I feel rage. It lashes at me so powerfully, I want to break something. Her legs if it will keep her here, where I can protect her. Because somehow, at some point in all of this, she became mine. Now she’s gone, and I’m left alone, not sure what the fuck to do with myself.
A snuffle from the floor has me looking at Boo, who is wandering around aimlessly. I know how he feels. The little dog stops and cocks his leg, doing a pee. I can’t even bring myself to care. I’m stuck between the numbness and an inability to seem to get my head together and make strategic decisions and the rage.
I sit up farther and my head pounds. The fucking wench must have drugged me. No way would I be in such a state otherwise. And the rage notches up another degree. When I get her back I ought to tie her to my bed for a month until she understands she doesn’t get to do crazy, dangerous shit like this.
One sentence jumps out at me.
When I get her back.
Do I want her back? I do, and I don’t. I miss her already. Her warmth, her scent. The gentle weight of her light body against mine. She brought a light into my world I hadn’t even realized was missing. Now she’s gone, and the gray is seeping in around the edges again.
Fuck her. I should leave well alone. Let her go back to her fucked up husband and her stupid, cold apartment. Then I look at Boo. Ah, fuck, she won’t even have him. Not one shred of comfort.
My phone buzzes and jangles on the nightstand and I turn to it, throat suddenly dry in case it’s her. When did I become such a pussy? I see Ethan’s name and my stomach drops in disappointment.
“Yeah,” I bark out.
“Whoah. Good morning to you too.”
“Not in the mood.”
“Okay. Don’t get your knickers in a twist. Reece is going to talk to his Russian friend today.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I mutter.
“Doesn’t matter?”
“Yes, it doesn’t matter. She’s gone.”
“Gone?”
Jesus, is he a parrot? “She’s gone back to Nick.”
“Is she fucking insane?” Ethan explodes. “You put it on the line for her and she’s gone running back to that utter fucker. Maybe they deserve each other.”
“It’s not like that,” I say through clenched teeth. “He took a friend of hers and she thinks the only way to save him, and us, is for her to go back.”
There’s a long silence and then Ethan says. “And you’re just going to let her go?”
I sigh. “Mate. She’s been running from me, from this, one way or another since it began.”
The truth of what I say hits me. I wanted her. Wanted to make her mine. I put it all on the line for her. Told her shit I’d never told another soul, and when it came down to it she ran. She fucking ignored what I told her in the first place and answered her phone. Then she ran. It tells me something important. She doesn’t trust me. If she doesn’t trust me, I can’t be with her. I’ll end up on my knees for her and at some point, some time in the future, she’ll walk away again. She’s too fucked up by all that’s happened to her to let anyone truly in.
“I get you,” Ethan says, “but you can’t let her go back to him. My advice if you want it? Go get her back, and then let her go. Properly let her go. Let her get her head together. She’s been through hell with that nutter. Reece told me some of it, but there’s other stuff coming to light. I doubt she knows what she wants right now, but I know you. You leave her to his tender mercies and you’ll never forgive yourself. You want some help?”
“No. Don’t want you guys getting into this.”
Ethan laughs but it’s a harsh sound. “Fuck you. We’re brothers under the skin, and you have done it for us before. I can’t speak for Luka because we know his Missus is knocked up, but I’m getting on the first plane out there. I’ll see you in New York.”
He hangs up before I can say anything else.
Staring at Boo, I scrub my hands over my face. I need to stop this pity party and get myself going. To sort my shit out and get back to New York because Ethan’s right about one thing. I can’t leave her with that fucker. I’ll kill him before I let him hurt one more hair on her head. I’ll do what he says. Set her free. From him and from me. She doesn’t need any more controlling men in her life, and that’s my nature. Abi needs to find out who she is for herself. For now though, I need to get a flight right the fuck now, and at least make sure she’s safe.
Over twelve hours later, and I’m in the same room I was in before, when all this started, except the cameras are showing nothing. Nick isn’t there, and neither is Abi.