“Have I what?” Isabella’s brain was too busy processing all the data on Nat to follow Sophie’s train of thought.
“You know, you and Nat? Two single women living in the same building.” Sophie scrunched her eyebrows together twice in quick succession.
Heat flared on Isabella’s cheeks. Just the assumption was enough to awaken long-sleeping butterflies in her stomach. “No, no,” she stuttered, a mere shadow of the confident psychiatrist she believed to be. “Of course not.”
“I see.” Sophie nodded, her lips bunched in a knowing pout. “I do like you, Isabella, but it seems to me that you have some issues to work out.”
Isabella wondered what the right thing to do was. What would she, as an objective sounding board, advise someone else to do next? Full disclosure, of course, but it was much harder to practice than to preach.
“Look, it’s—” She started.
“Complicated?” The smile on Sophie’s face was much friendlier than Isabella had expected. “You don’t have to explain. Just tell me this… if you have a thing for Nat, what are you doing here?”
“We’re going to need another bottle of wine.” Isabella raised her hand and called for the waiter.
NAT
Nat punched the air with more vigour than usual.
“Final round, team,” Alex shouted from the front. “Time to empty that tank.”
Nat balled her fists tighter and slammed them into nothing. She focused on Maddie and Isabella’s rhythmically bouncing shoulders in front of her. They boxed against their invisible enemy in perfect sync, as if they had practiced it beforehand.
“Well done, guys.” Alex slapped her hands together. “Give yourself a well-deserved round of applause.” A smile graced her flatmate’s lips, the same smile Nat had been forced to watch for days. Not that she wasn’t happy for Alex, but after years of self-chosen singlehood and loose midnight encounters, their flat seemed to burst with early romance hormones. It was her flat—and Alex was hardly ever there—but somehow Nat felt as if she belonged there less now that a different vibe had taken over.
They gathered outside the studio, the four of them, a tangled-up blend of neighbours, friends and lovers. A few months ago they’d barely nodded in recognition and now Alex was sleeping with Maddie and Isabella knew more about Nat than she felt comfortable with.
“A decaf at The Bean before bed?” Maddie asked.
New friends, new habits. On any other Wednesday Nat would have either holed up in her office with a bottle of Scotch or ventured out into the night in search of distraction. Now she spent her evenings in brightly lit coffee shops in the company of self-assured lesbians with well-rounded personalities. “Sure, I have a certain esteemed psychiatrist to grill on a blind date, anyway.”
“There’s really not that much to say.” Isabella’s head was flushed red, sweat dripping from every pore. For a woman her age, she had spectacular arms. “I possibly made a new friend and that’s it.”
“Come on. How can you look at Sophie and not want to ravage her? She’s by far the hottest Hong Kong has to offer in the more mature lesbian department” They made their way to the changing rooms. “And anyway, that’s not what I heard.”
All three of them turned to Nat with an inquisitive look on their face. Isabella was the only one who spoke.
“Oh really? Do share your information.” She brushed a drop of sweat from her forehead, hiding her eyes behind the towel.
“Sophie said that, provided some kinks got worked out, there could be something.” Nat yanked Isabella’s towel from her hands. “I presume the kinks are most persistent on your end?”
“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”
Scottish skin is so revealing, Nat thought. She didn’t say it out loud so as not to embarrass Isabella, whose neck and ears had turned a deep shade of crimson, while the blush of their workout should have receded by then.
“Whether you’re expecting it or not, you should prepare for a second date invitation. Apparently you made quite the impression on Sophie. Of course, she’s a sucker for lesbian drama. She can’t help herself.”
Nat wisely left out what else Sophie had told her. That is was clear Isabella had the hots for her. That throughout the date she had displayed a subtle but stubborn interest in details about Nat’s life, quizzing Sophie on her friend’s most obvious psychological shortcomings. “Nevertheless,” Sophie had said to Nat, “she needs as much rescuing from herself as she believes that you do from yourself. I think I’m the right woman at the right time.”
To have it spelled out like that by Sophie had confused Nat. She knew Isabella was interested in her, but she’d thought it to be more in a professional way—the save the poor-little-rich-girl routine.
“Thanks for the heads-up,” Isabella mumbled and clumsily headed for her locker. She was so damn cute when she lost composure.
Still, despite the banter between them, and the deeper connection established the previous Sunday night, Nat couldn’t picture them together at all. Isabella was almost fifteen years older than her. She’d been married to a man for a decade and a half and had no proven track record of successful lesbian relationships. They were from a different generation—and world—altogether. Isabella probably didn’t know what dubstep was. She’d probably never set foot in Volt or Fortune or Munchies, Nat’s favourite hang-outs.
Later, in The Bean, Isabella was uncharacteristically quiet, like a child caught stealing cookies, not exactly a gloomy silence, more a guilty one.
“Why don’t you join our book club?” Nat focused her attention on Isabella. Maddie and Alex were wrapped up in their own little loved-up world. “That way you can get to know her better, but from a distance. With less pressure.”
“Which book are you reading? Fifty Shades of Grey?” Isabella immediately went on the defence. “I have more classic taste in literature.”
“You’ll fit in perfectly then.” Nat ruffled through her bag and dug up a battered copy of Camus’s The Stranger. “I’ve read it a dozen times, so you can have this one if you want. The next meeting is on Tuesday, if you’re a fast reader.”
Despite having her own copy at home, Isabella accepted the book and thumbed through it. “It’s one of my favourites.” Her eyes glistened with recognition, like they do when people find unexpected common ground.
“It’s a deal then?” Nat glanced at Isabella, unable to predict her reply.
“Can we talk in private for a minute?” She held the book close to her chest before rising out of her chair. “My place in half an hour?”
ISABELLA
Innocent flirting was no problem for Isabella, nor was the odd innuendo now and again, but the instant deeper feelings became involved, she got serious. Which is why she paced the length of her flat, nervously waiting for Nat, racking her brain for a good way to say what she had to say.
A few minutes later Nat rang her bell. Isabella opened the door and Nat stood there, leaning against the door frame, a grin on her face, looking ten years younger than her age.
“I hope this is not a booty call because my doctor prescribed abstinence.” She fiddled with one of the two small silver crucifixes dangling from her neck, glowering at Isabella from under long dark lashes, head tilted sideways.
If charming cockiness were a person, I’d be looking at them right now, Isabella thought. “Come in.”
Isabella had prepared two glasses and started pouring from a bottle of Cadenhead.
“Not for me. I’m cleansing my liver as well as my…” Nat paused for effect. “You know what.”
In response, Isabella poured herself a double. She headed to the sofa and gestured for Nat to follow. She cleared her throat before speaking.
“I’m not going to date your friend. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t pressure me about it.” Isabella buried her eyes in the golden liquid of her glass. “Don’t get me wrong, she was perfectly lovely but Sophie is not what I’m looking for. In fact, I’m not looking at
all.”
When Isabella dared to look up, Nat leaned back in the couch, her lips drawn into a smirk, her arms spread wide on the backrest. Was everything really a joke to her?
“Give it to me straight, Doc. Quid pro quo, remember?”
Isabella had guessed Nat wouldn’t let her off the hook so easily. “I kept my end of the bargain. I met up with Sophie. It didn’t work out.”
Nat sighed and shook her head. “If that’s your definition of giving it to me straight, I do wonder about the mental health of your clients.”
Refusing to take that kind of bait, Isabella let the insult wash over her. “Are you really going to make me say it?” She locked eyes with Nat briefly before downing a good gulp of Scotch.
“Say what, Doc? Why am I here?” Nat played the innocent. She probably knew what was going on inside Isabella’s head better than Isabella did herself.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you here. It was a mistake.” Isabella became acutely aware of the fact that she had allowed emotion to cloud her judgement. She wasn’t going to succumb to confessing a foolish crush on Nathalie Orange. She hardly knew the person sitting across from her. Nat might as well be a client. She might as well mean nothing to her. This entire situation was ludicrous to say the least. Isabella was no match for a skinny-jeaned hipster with wax in her hair.
“Suit yourself.” Nat hoisted herself out of the couch and sauntered over to Isabella, where she crouched in front of her. “Hope to see you at book club, if not before, neighbour.”
Isabella’s eyes followed Nat, and the ridiculous swagger of her walk, as she exited the apartment, the door crashing behind her with a loud bang.
* * *
“Look who just returned from the planet of love.” Isabella kissed Maddie hello and threw in a quick hug, eager to absorb some of the good vibrations radiating from her body. “What does it feel like to sleep with the hottest trainer in town?”
“Incredibly inadequate at times, I must confess.” Maddie chuckled. “But overall, it has nothing but perks.”
“I’d ask for details, but I’m not sure I can handle them in my current condition.”
A waiter appeared and took their drinks order, a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and two glasses of water. This was lunch, after all. Isabella had two clients this afternoon and Maddie must have a few millions to make.
“I’m the one who needs details. What’s going on with you? I get myself a girlfriend and you go off the rails?” Maddie pinned her blue-grey eyes on Isabella, calming her. Why couldn’t Nat’s eyes have the same effect? Why did the mere presence of them have to set her flesh on fire? Surely, that wasn’t normal behaviour for a woman of her age—and wisdom.
“I honestly think I’m losing my mind.” Isabella held her head between spread-out fingertips. “It started as an almost purely professional interest and in a matter of weeks it has turned into this massive…” She pointed her palms upwards in despair. “Infatuation.” She slapped her hands down on the soft table cloth. “I find it hard to even be in the same room with her these days. I lose my nerve. I’m not myself. I go on disastrous blind dates with gorgeous women. It’s madness.” Isabella giggled nervously. “Look at me. I’m a wreck.”
The waiter arrived with the wine and filled their glasses. Isabella didn’t wait for him to turn his back before taking a greedy gulp. “I’ve even started mimicking her drinking habits.”
“You enjoyed a stiff drink long before Nathalie Orange entered the scene.” Maddie shot her a knowing smile.
“I managed it fine until last Sunday, when she turned up on my doorstep out of the blue. Before, she was merely an attractive woman with a huge guard up. Someone unattainable. Someone to dream of when your attention was loose and floundering. A flirt with no consequences. But I saw the real Nat that night, for the briefest of moments she opened up to me, and all I’ve wanted to do since then is hold her in my arms and kiss it better. And I’m a psychiatrist for heaven’s sake.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Alex and I invited you both to dinner that night for a reason. Sparks have been flying since you met. You’d have to be blind not to see that.” Maddie leaned over the table and grabbed Isabella’s arm. “But she’s a difficult one. According to Alex, complicated doesn’t even begin to describe it. And it doesn’t help that she’s stubborn as a mule. Alex’s words.”
“I think you’re wrong. We do have a connection, but it’s not the same for her as it is for me. And we’re polar opposites.” Just talking about it was a huge weight off Isabella’s shoulders.
“You couldn’t be more different, that’s true, but Alex is convinced Nat feels something for you. She may never admit to it. She may prefer a faceless shag every other day over owning up to her emotions, but we both agree there’s something there.”
“Then what is she doing setting me up with her friend? Insisting on me getting to know her better?”
“Beats me. You’re the shrink.” They both burst out in giggles. The waiter interrupted to take their food order and they both ordered the set lunch.
Isabella was none the wiser after lunch than before, but at least she’d gotten it off her chest. A powerful remedy to all sorts of mental aches, she knew from experience.
NAT
“Pizza, come here.” Nat felt strangely satisfied to be able to call her flatmate’s name and actually have her show up. She’d caught herself doing it before, to no avail, because Alex was chained to their upstairs neighbour’s bed, confined to spend most of her free time one floor above.
“What?” Alex had a towel wrapped around her body and big drops of water rained from her hair.
“I’ve found a TV show we can both enjoy.” Nat pointed the remote control to the screen. “It’s enough of a bubblegum soap to get you hooked and it’s layered enough to keep me entertained.” Nat pressed the play button. “And check this.” She kept her eyes glued to the screen. “Isn’t that the most adorable little lesbian you’ve ever seen? If this was reality TV, I’d move to Chicago in a heartbeat.”
Alex rolled her eyes. “What is it?”
“It’s called Underemployed and it’s light and smart at the same time.” Nat pinned a hopeful gaze on Alex. “And the cute Asian lesbian character is a writer. Can you believe it?”
“Couldn’t this unveiling of your TV crush have waited until after I’d finished my bath?” Alex leaned down on the armrest of the sofa, uncharacteristically not caring about the amount of water she was shedding on the rug. “And how much longer will this dry spell go on for? I’m getting worried about you.”
“I’m just refocusing my energy. This TV show is what it has landed on.” Nat shifted her body to better face Alex. “And look how the tables have turned. Not long ago we were talking about your dry spell, Pizza. Which, if I may remind you, lasted much longer than the six days I’ve had.”
“Maybe Isabella had something else in mind than substituting real life Asian lesbian tweens with fictional ones.” Alex’s towel started to split, revealing sensational obliques.
“We both know what Isabella really wants.” Nat arched her eyebrows. “And you’d better take care of that towel because I’m feeling dangerously frisky.”
“Tough luck, Orange.” Alex held the ends of the towel open a bit more. “This body is spoken for.”
“Bankers get everything good in this town.” Nat winked at Alex. “Hot date tonight?”
“Yes, with you, that couch, and this new TV show. Maddie has a work thing.”
“You’ve no idea how honoured I am.” Beneath the banter, Nat was truly grateful. She hadn’t allowed herself to even feel the smallest pang of loneliness. It wasn’t the intimacy she missed, or the girls. It was more the simple act of being with someone, of being distracted. With Alex spending more time out of their flat than inside of it, and her own new lifestyle choice, Nat had to face a degree of being alone she’d always carefully managed to avoid.
“Let me put some clothes on.” Alex beamed her a warm smil
e. “Before your frustrated hands ravage me.”
Frustration was the last thing Nat felt. It was more a blend of small bouts of jealousy for the early romance bliss Alex found herself in and the dawning realisation that she’d gotten a lot of things very wrong. That, since Claire left, she’d been coasting through life, getting by, instead of really living it.
“Will you have coffee with Sophie and me tomorrow afternoon?” Nat asked Alex when she returned to the living room, sporting the inevitable black sweat pants and white tank top. “I need a second opinion on this whole setting her up with Isabella business. I need to know if I’m doing the right thing.”
“That should be interesting.” Alex settled in the sofa next to her, their shoulders touching the way they’d grown accustomed to. “Now hit me with some brainless entertainment.”
* * *
It wasn’t often that Nat witnessed Alex openly ogle someone, but she was doing just that. Sophie’s striking appearance had that effect on people, even on someone as in control as Alex.
“I’ve called her, but she doesn’t pick up. Doesn’t get back to me either. It’s pretty clear to me.” Sophie stirred sweetener into her coffee, the movement of her arm making her curls dance on her shoulders. “It’s simply not meant to be.”
“Not so fast.” Nat felt responsible, and she wasn’t very good at failing. “That’s not what you said last time we spoke.”
“That was before I called her five times. We all have our ego to take into consideration when it comes to matters like this.” Sophie buried her eyes in her coffee cup, avoiding Nat’s glare.
“I know, but meanwhile, there’s been a breakthrough.” Nat noticed how Alex raised her eyebrows. Otherwise, she was a respectfully quiet audience. “This mild crush she may have on me. It’s never going to go anywhere.”
“Oh, and I get promoted to sloppy seconds. Whoopee.” Sophie pursed her lips into a pout and shook her head.
Undisclosed Desires (High Rise Novella Two) Page 2