The Birds and the Bees

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The Birds and the Bees Page 34

by Milly Johnson


  ‘So how come you left me a note saying we both needed space?’

  ‘Because even though I knew I wanted you more than anything, I needed to give you some time to find out what you felt for Matthew once he was free. I mean, I’m no’ exactly your archetypal romantic hero, am I noo? You like handsome men who whisper and I’m a big, ugly, noisy bugger.’

  ‘I don’t want Matthew. I’m from Venus. I’m not like you Mars lot, that sod off into caves and play with elastic bands or whatever it is.’

  ‘No, you’re not like anyone I’ve ever met, Stevie Pollen Bumble Bee Nectar or whatever your name is.’

  She blurted out a big pocket of laughter that pulled out a few bonus tears with it.

  ‘Stop crying, woman,’ he said gruffly. ‘Okay, I admit it. I saw how quickly you jumped when Matty Boy called and I judged you on that. I thought you’d gone back to him. After all, it’s what we planned for all along.’

  ‘He was suffering, Adam. Jo stuffed him too. I couldn’t have walked away and see him branded a violent sex pest.’

  ‘Aye, well, I know that noo.’ He took the ice-pack away and bowed his head. ‘But, stupid man that I am, I thought I’d lost you just when I was on the brink of getting you. And Danny, of course. Ba’ Christ, I’ve missed the wee laddie.’

  ‘You stupid, stupid man,’ said Stevie, for Danny and herself.

  ‘Hang on a wee minute–you loved Matt, you didnae even like me!’

  ‘Oh, Adam MacLean, you’ve got a nerve, considering how marvellous you thought I was in the beginning!’

  Adam laughed, remembering the flour and the cocoa and that snotty ‘I hate you’ look on her face and her friend with the mad pink hair. How very deceiving those first impressions had been. On both sides too, for at the same time, Stevie was thinking of the wild, red man pushing a holiday reservation up her nose in Matthew’s front room. Who would have ever thought she could have loved him to the same degree that she hated him then?

  ‘And all the time I was thinking that now Jo was available, you’d be straight off back to her.’

  ‘Naw,’ he smiled. ‘How could she compete with you?’

  ‘Yeah right,’ said Stevie.

  Adam looked at her sweet, disbelieving face and realized she would never know how lovely she was, which was a shame. He wanted to tell her how very deeply he had fallen for her, how she seemed to have flooded every chamber of his heart as only the right person could. But there was time, lots of it to come. For now, a kiss would suffice. He put down the ice pack, took her face in his great hands and carried on where he’d left off that night of the fillet steaks and her home-made cake and the raspberry-truffle coffees and the interrupting knock on the door.

  Her lips were sweeter than honey.

  Epilogue

  They married at the beginning of the next summer–a day full of balmy May sunshine. There were Scottish pipers and the bonny bride carried an armful of wild wooded bluebells and heather instead of a formal pink rose bouquet. Adam took his vows in the tartan-trimmed church with a heart that was truly satisfied and content. There was no feeling that a part of him was pleading to an inaccessible part of his lady; he knew she was all his. For Stevie it was better than any ending she could have written. Like her alter ego Evie Sweetwell, she had found her Damme MacQueen. And he was even better in the flesh than he was on the page.

  Matthew sent the happy couple a silver-plated bluebirds of happiness–he paid for it in cash–and a building society cheque for three thousand pounds, made out to Mrs Stevie MacLean. It was the first time she had seen her new name in print and it made her insides as runny as the waters of the Clyde.

  They had a Ceilidh at the reception and a Scottish band, and wore kilts and danced jigs and reels such as Blue Bonnets and The Birds and the Bees well into the night. Things went awry as the champagne flowed, and some of the dancers ended up with different partners from the ones they started out with. But that seems to have turned out all right.

  The newlyweds compromised on some of the Scottish traditions–the groom didn’t drink whisky and wore very nice Calvin Klein boxers under his kilt. He did, however, eat a Sassenach alive for breakfast the next morning. And by all accounts, she rather enjoyed it too. They honeymooned for five days in an old castle by a beautiful loch, then they picked up Danny from Catherine’s and whisked him away to EuroDisney for a week.

  Highland Fling became the best-selling Midnight Moon ever. The critics panned it as romantic claptrap, of course, but the readers loved it so much that a film was made with a gorgeously rough American actor who could actually manage quite a good Scots accent. Apparently, the top girls of Hollywood clawed each other to death for the part of Evie. The enormous cheque for the film rights arrived with Stevie exactly eighteen months after Adam MacLean first kissed her.

  Adam discovered the increasing turn-on of women with soft curves, freckly noses and absolutely no ability whatsoever to control flour. Stevie was to wonder how she had ever lived without large crushing Highland thighs, red stubble and thunderous, unintelligible endearments.

  Adam bought Humbleby Cottage for himself and his bride, his wee adopted laddie and their auburn-haired newborn daughter, Rìona, and they all still live happily there today with a huge sloppy dog, a mad ginger kitten and an enormous black rabbit called McBatman.

  Life, for the MacLean clan, is braw.

  Acknowledgements

  A very sweet part about writing a book is being able to say a very public thank you to a swarm of wonderful people.

  To the totally fabulous guys at the agency–Darley Anderson, Julia Churchill, Emma White, Ella Andrews, Madeleine Buston and Zoe King. And at Hive HQ–Simon and Schuster–to Queen Suzanne Baboneau, Libby Vernon, Nigel Stoneman, Joe Pickering, Amanda Shipp, Caroline Turner, and the lovely Grainne Reidy who always make me feel so welcome when I fly down there and, of course, to my gallant chaperone Paul Evans. And to the ultimate Worker, Joan Deitch, for combing out all the crappy bits from my manuscript.

  To the nectar in my life–my friends: Alec Sillifant for allowing me to refer to his smashing children’s story ‘The Useless Troll’ (published by Meadowside Children’s Books) and the best male mate in the world Paul Sear. To Ged and Kaely Backland, Cath Marklew, Maggie Birkin, Sue Welfare, Debra Mitchell, Sue Mahomet, Rachel Hobson, Tracy Harwood, Judy Sedgewick, the enviably artistic Chris Sedgewick, the gorgeous and superbly talented Lucie Whitehouse and my S.U.N. sisters–Karen Baker, Helen Clapham and Pam Oliver–all friends in the greatest sense of the word.

  To Sara Atkinson at haworthcatrescue.org who is an absolute honey!

  To the decidedly ‘uncrusty’ Dr Peter O’Dwyer and my solicitor David Gordon and the Attey gang–Bev Stacey and Mary Smith who have got me through a B of a year with kindness, support, expert expertise and very strong coffee.

  To the smashing Steph Johnson and Steph Daley at the Barnsley Chronicle, the delightful Jo Davison at the Sheffield Star and the magnificent Jayne Dowle at the Yorkshire Post for all the nice things they’ve said about my book, my hair and my house!

  To our man in the Highlands–Iain MacLennan at www.Scottishquality.com for his Mcexcellent Gaelic Translation services.

  To Miss Kate Taylor at Barnsley Sixth Form College who made me see Jane Austen as she was meant to be seen and turned English into my favourite subject.

  To my beautiful ‘pupae’–Terence and George for not telling me to ‘buzz aff’ when I ask them if I’ve told them recently that I’m a novelist.

  To my very special parents Jenny and Terry Hubbard for babysitting, making me huge Sunday dinners then listening to me drone on about my weight.

  And last but by no means least–to the inspirational clan of Glasgow both past and present–all those wonderful warm, big-hearted, generous, funny, crazy aunts, uncles, cousins and friends who coloured my childhood days with bright tartan and flavoured my memories with square sausage, steak pie and Jocks’ Loaf.

  Tapadh leibh-you’re the Bee’s Knees, every sin
gle one of you.

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  About the Author

  Also by Milly Johnson

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

 

 

 


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