Phoebe blinked and stumbled backwards. She quickly righted herself. That was what all of this was about? Some male idea of solidarity to his best friend. Ryan thought he’d betrayed Joshua.
He made a sound of disgust and turned away. His shoulders were tense. She wanted to reach out and touch him. Reassure him that he’d done nothing wrong. If she did, she feared he’d reject her forever. She had to reason with him, get through to him. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out Joshua’s letter. Maybe with Joshua’s help she could.
“Ryan, Joshua is dead.”
He jerked slightly.
“We’re alive.” She kept her voice low. “He doesn’t stand between us. He’s gone. You did nothing wrong. In fact, it was very right. Here, I think you should read this.” She stepped around him and handed him the letter. “I’m going to leave you to read it.”
Walking to the bedroom, she went into the bathroom. Her back was aching. Maybe the baby was just pressing against something it shouldn’t. Would Joshua’s letter help Ryan let go or would it only make things worse? She hoped with all her heart it made him see the truth.
Ryan opened the crumpled pages. Why had Phoebe given him something to read? He scanned the page and saw JT’s name at the end. Guilt churned in his stomach. With his heart bumping against his chest wall and his hands shaking, he let his focus move to the top of the page.
Phoebe—
I know I’ve not always written like I should. For that I’m sorry. Especially when you have been so good about it. I know now that when we married you didn’t bargain on us spending so much time apart. For that I’m sorry also. When we parted a few weeks ago I knew things had changed between us. We have spent too much time living separate lives to the point where our relationship has slipped into one of friendship instead of one that we both wish it could be. I have done you an injustice. You have such a large capacity to love that it was never fair of me to deny you that.
I wish for you a happy life. If you ever need anything and don’t know where to turn I want you to find my friend, Ryan Matthews. He will help you. We are buddies from his army days. I trust him with my life and you can with yours. He lives in Melbourne. He will take care of you. Believe in him, he won’t let you down. I think you will like him. I hope you do.
Take care, Phoebe. Have a good life.
Joshua
JT had sent Phoebe to him. As if he’d known they would needed each other. Had it been JT’s way of giving his blessing to their relationship? He looked at the letter. How long had Phoebe had this? Why hadn’t she said something sooner?
Ryan went into his room. Phoebe must have purposely taken her time in the bathroom because she was coming toward him. She stopped and stared at the cradle sitting in a corner. She must have missed it on her way to the bathroom because the closet door stood open, obscuring it.
It was his finest piece of work to date. He didn’t know if he would ever do better. It was as if his heart and soul had been emptied into it. It sat low to the floor with a high front and sides that wrapped around slightly. It looked like one that would be handed down in a wealthy family. It was as much like one he’d seen in a history museum back home as he could make it.
Going over to the cradle, Phoebe ran her hand along the smooth lip of one side. She pushed it and watched the slow movement back and forth.
“It’s for the baby.” The emotion in his voice made it come out as a croak.
She glanced at him. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
He raised his hand with Joshua’s letter in it. “This is why you came here that first night.”
She nodded.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“At first because you acted all cold and unwelcoming and I wasn’t sure Joshua had been right about you.”
His lips formed a tight line. “I wasn’t at my best. I’m sorry. So why not later?”
She shrugged. “I started to trust you. You agreed to deliver the baby. I wanted you to and the letter didn’t matter anymore. I had started to care about you. I had hoped you cared about me. Thought you did until I saw you on Thursday.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you. I hated doing so but I didn’t know how else to handle it. The night we made love was the most wonderful of my life but on my way home I thought of Joshua, of how I was not the best man for you. I knew we couldn’t continue.” He looked at the letter. “But after reading his letter, I wonder …”
“If it was Joshua’s way of telling us both to move on? That we would need each other? I don’t know if he thought this …” she pointed to him and then herself “… would happen, but I think he knew we could help each other. We were the two people he knew best in the world. I don’t think what’s between us is wrong. I think we honor him by caring about each other and living well. I love you, Ryan, and want you in my and this baby’s life. By the way, you could have talked to me on Thursday, just like you are doing now.”
His chest tightened. He’d rather die than not be the person Phoebe needed him to be. “I don’t know if I can give what you and the baby should have.”
Her look met his. “I don’t think either one of us knows that for sure. Yes, there’re risks but that’s what love is all about. Think with your heart, not your head. I know you care.” She touched her chest. “I feel it here. That was part of the reason I came.” She grinned. “And because I was so mad. But everything you do proves you care. For example …” she touched the cradle “… you messed up with this. It shows your true feelings. You care. There’s no doubt that you do, you’re just scared of doing so.
“I’ve been waiting most of my life to have someone love me, really love me, want to be with me. I thought it was Joshua but I soon learned we didn’t want the same things. I wanted the rocker on the veranda and watching the sunset and he wanted to always be going off somewhere. Don’t get me wrong, what he was doing was important but that didn’t bring me any closer to my dreams.
“I love you, Ryan. I don’t want you doing anything for me out of obligation to Joshua any more. I want you to care about me for me.”
Could he be a part of that? He wasn’t sure. But he had been for the last six weeks. He’d never been happier. Had he found the place he belonged? The place where all the ugliness in life disappeared? When had the last time been he’d thought of the war? He’d already realized that talking to Phoebe had eased the past. Now, could he grasp what she was offering and hang on to it?
There was a silence between them. The air between them was heavy with tension.
“I guess I should be going.”
She sounded defeated.
“I’ve said what I came to say. Found out what I needed to know.” She moved past him and headed for the door.
Fear flooded him that surpassed any he’d ever felt before. Even when bullets had been flying over his head. If he let her go out the door he might lose her forever. He couldn’t let that happen. His fingers wrapped around her forearm, stopping her.
Her gaze came up to meet his. There was a question there, along with hope.
“I don’t want you to leave.”
Her hand came up to cup his cheek. “I don’t want to go.”
The band around his chest popped, letting all the love he’d held back flow. He gathered her to him and brought his mouth to hers. Phoebe melted against him. Deep kisses, small sweet ones, filled his world until they broke apart.
“Can you stay the night?” Ryan looked down at her.
“Yes. My maternity leave starts tomorrow. No due babies?”
“Only this one.” Ryan placed his hand on her belly. “And I intend to keep a close eye on him or her. Not let the mother out of my sight or out of my arms.”
Phoebe smiled, one that reached her eyes. “That sounds perfect to me. I promise to be willing to accept life isn’t about fairy tales if you’re willing to believe they are a possibility.”
“Agreed.” Ryan kissed her again.
She broke away. “Augh.” She reach
ed behind her and rubbed her lower back.
“What’s wrong?”
“My back aches.”
He gave her an intense look. “When did it start?”
“On my way here.”
He grinned. “You may be in labor.”
“Really?” Her hands went to her belly and a dreamy look covered her face.
“We’ll see what happens in the next few hours. It still might be Braxton-Hicks contractions or, in other words, false labor pains. Come with me. I have something we can do to keep your mind off them.” He took her hand and led her toward the bath.
“Can we do that if I’m in labor?”
Ryan chuckled. “No, but there are plenty of other things that we can do that are almost as satisfying.”
“Like a foot massage?”
“That could be arranged. But I have some new ideas in mind. Like starting with a nice warm shower.”
Inside the bathroom, he reached in the tub area. Turning the water on, seconds later the shower sprayed water. Ryan turned back to her and began removing her clothes.
“I can do that.”
“But I want to.” He carefully worked each button out of its hole. Soon she was naked. He didn’t touch her but he took his time looking.
“You’re embarrassing me.”
“Because I enjoy admiring you? I think you’re the most amazing woman I know.” With a look of regret he pulled the curtain back and offered her his hand. “Be careful. We don’t need you slipping.”
Phoebe took it and stepped under the steaming water. A few minutes later the curtain was pulled back and Ryan joined her. His manhood stood tall between them. He was dazzling. “Oh, I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I need a bath, too. Saves water to share. Turn around and let me massage your back.”
Phoebe did as he instructed. He made slow circles with the pads of his thumbs pressing but not too hard.
“That feels great.”
Ryan continued to ease the ache for a few more minutes before his hands moved around to make wide circular motions over her belly. He pulled her back against him. His length pressed against her butt. He didn’t move but said close to her ear, “Hand me the soap.”
She took it out of the holder and placed it in his hand. He stepped back and began to run the soap across her shoulders, then down her back. “Turn around.”
Phoebe did. His hands traveled to her breasts. She watched the tension grow in his face. A muscle jumped in his jaw. He continued his ministrations. Her nipples grew and tingled. His hand moved on to her belly and down to do her legs. As he stood he kissed the baby.
Her breath caught and her lips quivered. She put her hands on both sides of Ryan’s face and brought his mouth to hers. He returned her kiss, then set her away.
“You need to get out before the water turns cold.”
“What about you?”
“I think I’ll stay for a while.”
Phoebe stepped out of the shower with a smile on her face. It was nice, being desired. She dried off. “Ryan, I don’t have any more clothes. Do you have a large shirt I can wear?”
“You don’t need any clothes. Just climb into bed. Is your back still hurting?”
“A little. It comes and goes.”
A few minutes later Ryan came out of the bathroom in all his naked glory. He was all man. Leaving the room, he returned with a fat candle and a pack of matches. He set the candle on the bedside table and lit it before he turned off the overhead light.
“Move over.” He climbed in next to her. “Face me, Phoebe.”
She rolled to her side and he did also. Ryan’s hand started rubbing her belly and moving around to her back and forward again. He looked into her eyes.
A few minutes later he cleared his throat. “I loved the aggressive way you pushed your way in here tonight and made me see reason. JT and I could have used you on patrol with us a couple of times.”
She snickered. “I actually learned that maneuver from Mrs. Rosenheim. She’s been using it on me for a few years now. In fact, she did so this afternoon. She’s the one who encouraged me to come and see you.”
“Well, remind me to give her a kiss when I see her again.”
Phoebe placed her hand on his chest. “You might not want to do that because she could expect it every time you see her.”
“I think it’ll be worth taking the chance.” He captured her hand and held it against him.
“Ryan, I want you to know that I’m not going to push you for more than you can give or do. Ooh …” Phoebe tensed.
He looked at her closely. “Stronger?”
“A little.”
“Why don’t you try to get some sleep? You may need it later. I’ll be right here.” Ryan rolled to his back and pulled her closer. His length lay firm against her hip. Regardless of his obvious need, he made no move to do anything but care for her. She drifted off to sleep knowing she and the baby were in good hands. A sharp pain radiating around her waist woke her. The candle had burned low.
“How’re you doing?”
“That pain was stronger.”
Ryan set up in bed. “Then we need to start timing them. Let me know when you feel the next one.”
She lifted one corner of her mouth and gave him a look. “I don’t think you’ll have to be told. I’m a wimp when it comes to pain. You’ll hear me.”
He chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind as this goes on. Do I need to call in someone else so they can lose their hearing?”
“You’ve already done that with Stacy.”
Ryan had the good grace to look repentant. “I’m sorry about that. I’ll try to make up for that by doing what I can to help make you comfortable. Do you need anything? Need more support on your back?”
“I’m fine right now but I do love to have my back rubbed.”
“Then a back rub is what you’ll get.” He climbed out of bed.
“Where’re you going?”
“I’m just going around to the other side.”
“But I liked you here.” She watched him walk by the end of the bed. Even in labor he turned her on.
“I appreciate the compliment but I can do a better job over here. Less distractions.” His hands moved across her back.
“Like what?”
“Your beautiful face. When your pains get to twenty minutes apart we’ll need to call Stacy and go to the hospital.”
“Do we have to? I want you to deliver,” she said in a melancholy tone.
“No, I guess we don’t have to. Do you want to deliver at your house? If you do, we need to get moving.”
“I’d like to have the baby here. In this beautiful bed. Just you and me.”
Did he realize that if he agreed it would be a sign of commitment? He was giving her and the baby permission to enter his personal space. To share his home and bed for a significant event.
Ryan’s hands stopped moving for a second then started again. “I would like that.”
She smiled, then winced.
“I take it that was another pain. Try to breathe through them. It’ll make it easier. Remember your lessons.”
“Is this the moment that you morph into a midwife?”
“It’s time. I’m going to get my bag and put on some pants. You stay put.”
“You’re going to put on clothes when I’m not wearing any?”
“It’s a long shot that something might go wrong. If I have to call for help I don’t want to get caught with my pants down, so to speak.”
Phoebe laughed.
He gave her a reprimanding look. “You go on and make fun but it would be hard for me to live that one down.”
She enjoyed the sight of Ryan’s backside as he search a drawer. He pulled out some boxers and stepped into them. Going to the wardrobe, he came out wearing a pair of athletic shorts. He then left the room and returned with a backpack. Ryan flipped the bedside lamp on and blew out the candle.
“I liked it better the other way.” Phoebe rolled toward him.
“I did, too, but I need to see.” Ryan unzipped the backpack and removed a stethoscope. He placed it on her belly, then listened to her chest and back. Finished, he put the stethoscope on the table. “Sounds good.”
“I’m scared” slipped out before she knew it.
Ryan pushed her hair away from her forehead and kissed her. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’ll be right here with you all the way. This is a natural process.”
“That’s coming from a man who never had a baby.”
“That’s true, but I’ve been there when a lot of them have been born. I’ll give you an example of how natural it is. My great-great-grandmother had twelve babies. They all lived. While she was in labor she would fix breakfast for the family and get everyone off to the fields. They were farmers in north Alabama. She would lie on the floor and have the baby, then tie the cord off with a thread from a flour sack because it was thin enough to cut the cord. She would clean herself and the baby up, then get into bed. At the end of the day when everyone came in from the field there would be a new baby to greet.”
“Are you expecting me to do that?” Her voice rose.
Ryan took her hand and squeezed it. “No, I’m not. What I’m trying to say is that if my grandmother can do it by herself twelve times, then the two of us can certainly do it together once without any problem.”
“I think I can do anything as long as I have you to help me.”
Ryan leaned over and gave her a leisurely kiss. “I feel the same way, honey.”
Another pain gripped her. She clutched Ryan’s hand.
When it had passed he said, “Why don’t you walk around some? It would help with the pain and get the labor moving along.”
“I’m not going to walk around your place with no clothes on, in labor or not.”
“Okay, let me see if I can find something comfortable for you to wear.” Ryan went to his wardrobe. The sound of hangers being pushed across a rod came out of the space. “This should do it.”
He returned to the bed with a button-up shirt in his hand. “Swing your feet over the side and I’ll help you get this on.”
She did and he held the shirt while she slipped her arms into it. The sleeves fell well past her hands. Ryan buttoned it for her, then rolled the sleeves up to the middle of her forearms.
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