by Amber Burns
A simple one from Wilson was received at eleven pm, ‘Check in.’ He probably got worried when I didn’t show up back at the bar.
The rest were from Madi. At ten thirty pm, I got a sweet ‘Good night. I’ll miss waking up to you.’ with a little heart symbol. My chest started to hurt. At seven thirty, she sent me a ‘Good morning,’ with a smiley face included. It was just after nine am that I got the next one, ‘Getting kind of worried. Usually you’re blowing up my phone. Are you okay?’ I was attached to this girl, I didn’t try to harass her but I wanted her to know how much she was on my mind. I didn’t leave her hanging. ‘You were arrested? Please, tell me this is a joke,’ was the last one I could feel my heart sliding into my stomach.
The last text message that I read was from Jimmy, ‘I’m gonna fuck you up when I see you.’ I snorted and shook my head.
“Jimmy’s going to be after me now.”
“While I don’t doubt you could take the kid,” Wilson said without looking back at me. “I will make sure I put him in his place.”
“Let me do it,” Teddy started to argue. “I can handle Jimmy.”
“No,” I heard Wilson snap in response. “If you would have listened to Redding in the first place we wouldn’t be out the money it’s going to cost to get his ass out of the fire,” he growled in a low tone. “Instead of listening to his gut and taking his word with some consideration, you pitched a fit like a bitch. You should consider yourself lucky I’m not making you scrub toilets with your toothbrush.”
They went back and forth like that for a little while, I rolled my eyes. I tuned them out and decided to hazard the voice mail. I held my phone to my ear and waited for the final verdict.
“I thought you said that you didn’t do anything illegal, Sid,” her voice sounded choked. I closed my eyes and brought a hand to my forehead so that the other two men in the car wouldn’t see any of the emotions I felt. “How could this happen?” It was clear she was talking to herself. “I want my key back.” The message ended, she sounded broke and I felt it.
I’m such an ass.
I dropped my phone in my lap and tried my best not to let the emotions choke me. My throat burned and I clenched my eyes closed, trying not to cry. I definitely didn’t want to cry in front of these bastards. I feel the car turn and we’re parked in the lot that was in front of the bar. Teddy and Wilson got out and I stayed in the back of the grandpa car, trying to pull my shit together.
Teddy lingered by the car, I noticed when I got out and tried to wipe my cheeks so that it didn’t look like I was wiping away tears. He gave me a look, like he had an idea what I had been doing.
“Let it blow over, show her you’re innocent,” he said softly. “She’ll forgive you.”
I followed him across the street and we started towards the bar door when I saw my bike. There was a bag on the seat and I knew without a doubt that she had packed up all my things. I was going to be cut out because of this. It tore me up and I didn’t bother going to the bar. I picked up the bag and shoved it into the closest saddlebag. I picked up my helmet and sat on my bike. I was tired and now all I wanted to do is fall in my bed to dwell on the end of that one slice of heaven.
“You’re gonna go?” Teddy called out to me.
I gave him a nod, put my helmet on and kicked my bike to life. I needed to get out of here, I didn’t want to be emotional in front of anyone.
19
I spent the majority of the day in bed. Only getting up when I needed to and taking my pills when it was time to. As soon as what was necessary was done I would flop back on my bed, the mattress too firm and it was nowhere near as comfortable as Madi’s bed. There wasn’t her sweet scent anywhere, I couldn’t even smell her on me. The only thing I could smell from my sheets was my own stink and the lingering smell of motor oil. The smell of oil never seemed to leave me.
In a short amount of time I had things going good for me. I had a girl that took a good portion of my attention. Our exchanges were easy and after she got used to me, she opened up like a flower. The shyness that had stilted her when I first spoke to her went away after our lunch and I enjoyed every little conversation we had. Her voice was soft and it warmed me just to hear her speak. There was no one here, but me. There was no conversation going on in the tiny apartment I called home. It was just me in here, laid out across my bed dwelling in the noise in my own head; by myself. I didn’t have the soft feel of her body against me, the light snore of hers to occupy the room.
I was alone. Really, I hadn’t been alone since Teddy picked me up from the bar. I made the effort to keep myself surrounded with people to keep myself distracted. The idea of people now seemed stifling. I didn’t want to go to the bar, I didn’t want, or care, to find out what happened to Jimmy. I didn’t want to find out. I didn’t want to face Teddy’s concern. Would he apologize for the shit he gave me when I first mentioned it to them? Did I care?
Part of the problem with being alone is that there was nothing to distract me. There was nothing to keep me out of my head. I had stopped taking the antidepressants and antianxiety pills, medication that had been prescribed with the worry of PTSD. It had been a long time since I actually thought about what happened in Iraq. I spent the majority of my time in the desert working on any vehicle that was put in front of me and I had duty like everyone else. My job had been easy and I very rare had to fire my gun for anything other than practice. I had been tapped to drive in the caravan that would carry supplies out from the base to the village that was closest. The IED didn’t even blow under the truck I was driving. It had hit the truck that had been rolling ahead of mine killing three of the soldiers within and crippling the others that were lucky enough to survive. The guy that road shot gun with me had the same kind of burns that I had, though the distance from the blast made them a little less severe.
They had groups, they offered support in the foum of a bunch of men and women that had been wounded. We all struggled to figure out a way to get back into life, to let go of what had been taken away from us and go back into normal society. Sometimes it was just a bunch of men and women staring each other, doped up on the drugs that they took that was supposed to help them forget what had put them there. It was supposed to help them cope, but more often than not they decided they would have been better off biting it. So they would take the matter into their own hands, for relief from the pain.
It had been what I was considering when I first met Teddy. Chewing on the nine millimeter that I kept in the closet and pulling the trigger to get relief from the pain and the noise in my head. When it was quiet in my room, and I wasn’t numbed by alcohol, I could still hear the noise of the IED exploding and the ripping of metal.
I thought that I was over this. I thought that the roar of my bike’s engine had drowned out the sound of the explosion. The pain was something I was told I’d live with the rest of my life. But, the noise and the smell of death was something that had been replaced by wind whipping in my ears and smell of the road. All that had been replaced in a short amount of time by the sound and feel of a girl.
I hadn’t been kidding when I told her I loved her, even though I had jumped the gun. I knew she felt something for me, if it wasn’t love it was close to coming to it. With that gone, how was I supposed to cope now?
20
I found a dusty bottle of whiskey in one of cabinets in the kitchen. I hadn’t drank seriously since I joined the Brotherhood, save a beer here and there. Now, I forged through my bare apartment for any alcohol that had survived the last few years of being in the Brotherhood. I needed to be numb.
I had no idea how many days it had been since I was out, how long it had been since Wilson and Teddy had bailed me out. I didn’t know if it was night or day. I didn’t care. A knock on my door didn’t get my attention either, I had turned off my phone and hadn’t bothered to check in. I wasn’t going anywhere so they didn’t have to worry about me skipping bail. Needless to say, I didn’t answer the door. Unfortunately, I forgot
about the spare key I had given Teddy. I watched my front door open and the big man came it; Wilson was right behind him. I hadn’t even heard their bikes, even though I had been just dwelling on the quiet of my room.
“You dead in there?” Wilson called when he saw me looking.
“Not yet,” I grumbled and rolled onto my back. “Give me a couple of days and I might be,” I groaned and pulled a pillow over my head. “Fuck off,” I really didn’t want to see either of them.
“That’s not going to happen,” Wilson growled as he came into my apartment and thundered into my bedroom without asking permission. “We’re not going to let you do stupid shit because some bitch dumped you for being stupid.”
I was up before my brain even caught up with what he said and I was in his face.
“Madi,” I growled. “Is not a bitch.” I felt like I was ready to throw down for this, the alcohol was really messing with my frame of thought. “Say it again, old man,” I hissed at him. “Let’s see how that goes.”
His face went red and I could see him sizing me up, trying to figure out whether or not he could take me.
“Sit your ass down,” he growled back at me. “Ain’t no sense in trying to try to uphold her honor if she’s not here to see it or if she’s not with you.”
I didn’t, I waited to see if he was going to give me a reason to punch him. I wasn’t happy to see either of them here.
“It’s been a few days,” Teddy said as he came to join Wilson in my bedroom. “I understand your reason to be down and out, but not this far gone.” He looked at me even though I was still glaring at Wilson. “You’re back on the edge and because of what? A woman?”
I sat heavily on my bed, all I wanted was to be alone.
“I’m not contemplating the flavor of my gun,” I assured him. I cupped my face in my hands, trying to cover the view of any sort of emotion that I had been feeling my bleed through. I wanted to be alone and numb. Them coming here and bringing up Madi wasn’t going to help my issues. “I just need time to be alone,” I grumbled.
“We’re not going to give you anymore time,” Wilson snapped. “You’ve had two days. That’s enough.”
I growled at him and pulled my hands away from my face, “When was the last time you had a serious relationship, old man? Are you married? You don’t know me, you don’t have the right to tell me to get over a woman I was in a relationship with that broke it off because of something I was doing for you. You have some serious balls to come in here and tell me to get over it like you know how I felt. I’ve made enough sacrifices for you assholes. Don’t come lookin’ for me to make more.”
“Not what we’re here for,” Wilson snipped, moving to lean against one of the bare walls of my bedroom.
“We’re here to help build your case for you,” Teddy folded his thick arms over his gut and glared at me. “We all know you’re innocent and why you were there. Making a case shouldn’t be too hard. Have you contacted the VA to learn about the state of your benefits?”
I shrugged because as of right now I didn’t care. I had already gotten paid for the month why should I fret over something that wouldn’t affect me until the first?
“Let’s say,” he sat next to me as he spoke. “We prove your innocence. If that girl is as tore up about this as you are, maybe she’ll see that she was wrong to drop you like the sack of shit you are.”
I grimaced at him, “Do you think Doris would give you a second chance?”
He looked away, the pain of his failed marriage apparent on his face. Teddy knew how I felt. I didn’t doubt this man cared for the woman that left him. And I’m sure that me pointing out my failed relationship was enough to give him insight on how I felt.
“You won’t know if you just let her go,” Wilson grumbled, making it obvious that he wasn’t keen on being apart of this conversation. “If you just let her make up her mind and not put up any sort of fight then you’re not worth the shit on her shoes. Women like to be fought for. If you just let her go because you make one screw up then you’re not a real man.”
“Words of wisdom from the old man?” I asked, because the usual banter between Wilson and I was me calling him old. He would then get so angry that he would start looking like a bulldog. “Did you live this shit, too?”
“No,” he snapped. “I’m not a dumbass like the two of you.” He turned and walked out of my bedroom, going to scope out of the rest of my apartment. “We got you an attorney that’s going to take your case pro bono and he even promised to ensure you keep your disability. You meet him on Monday. Sober up.”
I cupped my face in my hands again, pressing my fingers into my eyes. I wasn’t hung over, but there was a good chance that I might be drunk. But I didn’t feel like it.
“What day is it?” I asked, unable to ascertain the information myself.
“Saturday,” Teddy said after a length. “You make this effort to save what you got that is new with this girl,” he looked at me hard. “And I’ll make the effort to save what I had with Doris.”
“Why did she want a divorce?” I asked, because I had only met his wife once or twice over the last four years that I have known the guy. He’s always seemed like a caring guy, though I thought this because he picked me up off of a barstool when I was at rock bottom.
“Because,” he stood up and started out of the room. “I can’t take care of shit at home and I would rather be on my bike than on my wife.” I watched him walk out of my bedroom and not stop, he left my apartment with both Wilson and I watching.
He knew what his issues were with his wife. I could see, after blurrily thinking back to what I could remember of the last four years that I’ve known him, what he was getting at. He was at the club day in and day out. I knew because I had been, too, up until about a month ago. After which I had been spending as much time as I could with Madi.
“You coming, Sid?” Wilson stood at my door, glaring me as if he were daring me to tell him know.
I sighed, “What are we doing?”
“Getting your shit together and your ass out of trouble,” he snorted like it should have been the most obvious thing. “C’mon, we’ve got a guy waiting for you at the bar that’ll help us out.”
“I’m probably drunk,” I inform him as I stood back up.
“You also need to put pants on,” he sneered at me. “Don’t come outside with your dick out or I’m not responsible for Wilson kicking your ass and there’s a good chance I might help him.”
21
While I wasn’t as bad off as I assumed, I was still stuck riding bitch on the back of Teddy’s bike. Their excuse was that they didn’t want to put anything else bad on my record, like a DUI.
“We gotta keep you squeaky clean to get out of these charges. So sit your ass on the back of the bike and shut the fuck up,” Wilson barked at me.
“Fine,” I sounded like a petulant brat, but there was nothing like having to wrap your knees around a hairy man. Especially one you thought screwed you over.
On the bright side, if the ride managed to wake up ole boy down stairs it would be my dick against Teddy’s ass and not the other way around. I gotta pick which makes me more uncomfortable. I’m not entirely sure the amount of alcohol I had consumed in the last few days, so it’s a good chance that ole boy may be too numbed up to care about the rumble and vibrations of the ride. I didn’t get a punch after the ride when I was helped off the back of the bike, so I figured he behaved himself.
“Guy was in the service, too,” Wilson explained as he went to the bar door. “He’s not a criminal attorney by trade, but he’s willing to throw us a bone when we needed it. So listen up and be smart about this.”
I nodded, deciding the best way to do this was to sit and listen. A ‘do as you’re told’ kind of deal. When we entered I saw a man in his late forties sitting at a table with plate of wings in front of hi;, he wore a suit and looked clean cut. He didn’t really seem the type to hang out at the bar for fun. Wilson and Teddy went straight for
him. When they filled up the table I grabbed a chair from another and sat down, this should be good.
“Warren Michaels,” Wilson gestured to me. “Sid Redding. I got this kid in trouble now I need your help getting out of it.”
Warren offered me a hand and we shook, he nodded as he eyed the wings in front of him.
“Nice to meet you,” he said to me. “I told you before that I don’t normally do criminal law. But I did some research on the case and evidence. The video they have of you stopping and standing with your hands on your head is pretty telling. You cooperated the entire time. They also have a record of your medications as well as the piss test you did. All of which matched,” he paused and took a sip of the tea that was also on the table. “A criminal, like the ones that were in the trailer, usually resist and attempt run. That’s something that’s gotten you the right amount of attention. First thing I need to ask, why were you there?”