by Cat Johnson
He sat next to her and picked up a navy blue shirt. “I remember when he bought this one. He thought it was so clever.”
It was one of those cheap shirts you could buy that had a dumb saying on it. Save Water, Drink Beer. It was pretty goofy, but Jeremy had loved it.
She nodded but didn’t speak, the Army shirt still in her hands.
“Mom, maybe it’s time you start seeing someone.”
His mother shook her head.
Justin continued, “Not a doctor. Just like a therapist or a counselor. Someone to talk to.”
Clutching the shirt to her chest, she said, “I know you think I’m crazy.”
“I don’t think you’re crazy. But I’m not sure this is healthy. Mom, you have to start to live again.”
“I know it’s not fair that you’re the only one working.” She finally looked at him. “We have your father’s life insurance and his pension, but I should be out, earning something to help.”
“We’re okay for now.”
She had been working as a cashier full-time at a store nearby when Jeremy died. She’d asked for time off and just never went back.
With what Justin earned at the ranch, they weren’t starving. They could pay the bills.
Of course it also meant he’d never be able to move out. He couldn’t afford a place of his own as well as the upkeep on this house.
Just one more reason he wasn’t in a relationship. Why he shouldn’t have even thought about spending the night with his boss’s daughter. He couldn’t give Phoenix the kind of commitment she deserved and it was wrong to be with her knowing that.
One problem at a time.
He pocketed that guilt and turned his attention back to the issue at hand. “What if we didn’t get rid of anything? We could just pack the clothes into bins. Those nice big plastic lidded ones that keep the moisture and dust out. We could stick them upstairs in the attic—”
“No.” She was rocking again, shaking her head, and Justin knew it was pointless to keep pushing.
“Okay.” Sighing, he hoisted his tired body off the floor and stood.
He didn’t bother telling her that he was going to the kitchen to put the kettle on for hot water so he could make her some herbal tea, just as he didn’t ask if she wanted any. She’d only tell him no. He’d make it, and maybe a plate of food anyway, and hope she’d pick at it, just as he always did.
Two years was a long time to live like this. He’d survived so far. He could do it for a little bit longer.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Phoenix pulled into the drive of Rohn’s ranch, taking it nice and slow. She wasn’t quite used to driving a truck—and a big powerful one with a backseat in it—nor was she used to driving on gravel. There weren’t gravel roads and driveways where she lived.
It was all pretty crazy. Three days in Oklahoma and she’d somehow gone from a big truck to an even bigger one. After having only driven a VW Bug for the past few years that was quite a change, but she didn’t mind. She was starting to feel like she belonged here—just as it was time to leave.
She recognized both of Justin’s vehicles parked over by the barn. The one she’d left there the night before, as well as the one they’d driven from Arizona. He was definitely here.
Even though she knew they shouldn’t indulge in public displays of affection in front of Rohn and Bonnie, knowing he was so close made her heartbeat quicken.
They’d have to steal a kiss behind the barn.
Smiling, she decided she liked that idea. She could definitely get into this ranch life. Maybe even try out a roll in the hay. Even though she was leaving that day, she knew she’d be back. That thought made her happy.
With visions of farm girls and cowboys dancing in her head, she steered Rohn’s truck toward the barn. Rohn, Bonnie, and Tammy had promised to drive her to the bus station, so she would park next to Justin.
Even with the seat pulled all the way up, Phoenix had to sit up totally straight and lean forward over the steering wheel to see the nose of the truck. She wanted to pull up close to the fence so the bed wasn’t sticking way out, but she still left plenty of room to make sure she didn’t bump the rails. The last thing she wanted to do was wreck both Rohn’s truck and his fence in one move.
She accomplished the feat and grabbed the gear shift, struggling to move it into Park. It seemed the bigger the truck, the bigger all the parts.
Smiling at the thought of seeing Justin soon, she cut the engine and wrestled out the key. She left it in the cup holder, where it had been when she’d gotten in the day before.
There was no crime around here, she supposed. She hadn’t grown up in a sleepy small town surrounded by acres of nothing. She wasn’t used to parking and then walking away from the vehicle, leaving the doors open and the key inside. It was kind of nice but something that would definitely take some getting used to.
Her suitcase was on the floor by the passenger seat. She hadn’t been able to figure out how to get the tailgate on the truck bed down. Besides, she had an irrational fear that her bag might somehow fly out with the wind if it was outside in the back.
It was still early in the day. Bonnie had invited her to come over for breakfast this morning. She’d considered it until she found out it was served at seven a.m. Apparently, that was when the ranch hands arrived. Seven Central Time was a bit early for her. She was still getting acclimated after leaving California’s Pacific Time zone.
If she started dating Justin seriously, they’d have to work out a schedule of communications so he wasn’t calling her at the crack of dawn and she didn’t wake him after bedtime.
Just the thought of Justin had her walking faster toward the barn in hopes that he’d be in there. Where else would he be?
She glanced around her at the acres of sprawling land and outbuildings.
Okay, maybe there were a few other places he could be working, but the barn was closest, so she might as well just take a peek inside.
She opened the door slowly and peered through the crack. She didn’t know if there was an animal loose in there that might charge at her.
With no loose bulls or horses in sight, she opened the door a bit farther.
“Can I help you?”
She jumped at the man’s voice.
Turning, she waited until her eyes adjusted to the difference in light so she could see two cowboys standing to one side. A wheelbarrow full of buckets filled with some sort of food stood between them.
They were like models from a hot-guys-of-Oklahoma calendar. They were every bit as cowboy as Justin was, right down to the hats, jeans, and boots, not to mention the bulging muscles visible through their tight T-shirts.
Damn, if she’d known these were the kind of men they grew in Oklahoma, she would have come here long ago. She needed to bring Kim here. In fact, they should probably cancel their Aruba plans and switch their midwinter break vacation to Oklahoma.
“Um, hi.”
“Hey there.” The lighter-haired guy tipped his hat to her.
“I’m, uh, looking for Justin.”
“Are you now?” The dark-haired one grinned wide.
“Phoenix.” Justin’s voice came from the back of the barn.
She looked up and saw him striding forward, but it was a big barn and he still had a long way to go, which gave the dark-haired cowboy time to take a step forward and extend his hand. “I’m Tyler.”
“Tyler.” Phoenix shook his hand as the other one came closer.
“And I’m Colton.”
“Colton.” She let him grasp her hand, too, realizing these were the two guys she’d seen briefly at Bonnie’s house yesterday with Rohn and Justin.
By then Justin was there, eyeing his two coworkers before facing her. “What are you doing here?”
“I had to drop off the truck, and then Bonnie and Rohn are driving me to catch the bus. I thought I told you that last night.”
“Last night?” Tyler raised a brow and leveled a gaze on Justin.
“Well, now, isn’t that interesting?” Colton crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the stall, as if settling in for a show.
Justin took a step forward, effectively putting himself between Phoenix and the two other cowboys. He reached out to lay his hand on her shoulder, turning her and basically marching her out the door of the barn.
“Let’s find Rohn and Bonnie.”
When they were outside and clear of the two guys hovering in the doorway, Phoenix glanced up at Justin. “You’re keeping me away from your friends.”
“No, I’m trying to keep my friends away from you. There’s a difference.”
“Why?”
“Well, first off, they’ll do nothing but tease you and me, so it’s best if you don’t get to know them. Second, I don’t want them knowing my business, and I sure as heck don’t want them mouthing off to Rohn—your father—that I was with you last night. Do you?”
“No. Not really.”
They might be new to her, but Rohn and Bonnie were still technically her mother and father. She hadn’t been raised in the kind of household where things such as sex were discussed openly between parents and children. She didn’t think she wanted to start doing it now.
They neared the house and Justin paused. He tipped his head toward the door she knew led to the kitchen.
“As far as I know, they’re all in the house. At least they were when I got here this morning and stopped in the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee.” He sounded weary.
“Okay. I’ll find them. Thanks.” Looking closer, she noticed the dark shadows beneath his eyes.
He hadn’t been at her room that late last night. He must not have slept well, or else he had to be at work really early.
“A’ight.” He nodded and turned, as if to go.
“Wait. Justin.” Phoenix took a step forward.
He turned back. “Yeah?”
“We’re probably going to be leaving shortly. This might be the last time I see you.”
He drew in a deep breath. “Sorry. I’m just tired and I got morning chores to finish.”
“I understand. I just thought we should say good-bye now. While no one else is around.” She hoped he understood that when she said say good-bye, she really meant she wanted a kiss. Or at least one final hug. After two nights together, she’d thought he’d want the same.
Maybe his hesitation was because of where they were. He was at work. She knew she wouldn’t be hugging and kissing him good-bye if they’d been in the hallway of the school where she worked. But this seemed to be about the most casual working environment you could get.
Finally, he pulled her into a hug and squeezed her tight. “Please text and let me know when you get your car and how it’s running. And then when you get home safe to California. Okay?”
She felt disappointment when he released her too soon. “Okay. I will.”
His gaze remained on her face for a few seconds before he nodded. “A’ight. Have a safe trip.”
“Thanks.”
He hesitated and she waited, for more words, a kiss, one more hug . . . for anything. But nothing came. Justin turned and strode away. She watched as he went back to the barn and to his morning chores, leaving Phoenix standing in shocked silence.
What the hell?
Had she done something to turn him away from her? Was it because she’d slipped and let his friends know they’d seen each other last night? The doubts and questions swirled through her mind as her stomach clenched with a sick feeling.
“Hey, you’re here.”
At the sound of Rohn’s voice, she turned. “Hi. Yeah.”
“Come on in. There’s coffee in the pot and muffins Tammy made on the counter. Grab yourself some, if you want. We have a few minutes before we have to leave. I’ll run upstairs and tell Bonnie you’re here.”
“Okay. Thanks.” Good thing Rohn was doing most of the talking because after that strange, almost cold good-bye from Justin, Phoenix was in no condition to make small talk.
Chapter Thirty-Five
“You’re seriously not going to tell us anything about you and this babe?”
Justin set his jaw and ignored Colton’s question, staunchly concentrating on scooping the manure out of the stall bedding instead.
It was the same question Colton had been asking in one form or another for the past few hours, ever since Phoenix had showed up at the ranch.
Tyler knocked his hat back. “I don’t know why you’re surprised, Colt. You know Justin never tells us shit.”
“That’s about everyday stuff. But this is pretty huge.”
“God almighty, just quit.” Justin shook his head. “It’s not huge. It’s nothing. She’s nobody.”
He knew the last part of his statement was a lie. Phoenix was much more than a nobody. Sadly, the other part was accurate—nothing was exactly what he could have with her.
He was certain of that after what had happened last night, when he’d been in her bed instead of home where he belonged, taking care of his mother. He had to leave his mother to come to work—they needed the income—but he didn’t need to have a relationship distracting him. He could live without women.
Hell, if all those monks and priests could do it, so could he.
“Nothing? You come home from Arizona with this hot girl—”
“Who’s allowed to drive his truck when I’m not. Don’t forget that part,” Tyler added.
Colton continued, “Right. Driving your truck and she’s Rohn’s long-lost daughter nobody even knew existed. You call that nothing?”
Justin refused to look at them as he kept his head down, focused on the stall bedding, and said, “Nothing that’s any of your business.”
Colton let out a snort. “Well, hey, at least I know why you were ignoring my texts the past two nights.”
“Uh-huh. And I know how come she gets to drive his truck and I don’t. He’s not getting sweaty nights with me. Apparently, that’s part of the loan deal.”
“If you two can’t shut the hell up, I’m leaving.” He was in enough of a crap mood already without his two supposed friends messing with him.
“Seriously, dude, you probably should get outta here.” Colton nodded. “Who knows how Rohn’s gonna react when he figures out you’re banging his only daughter.”
Tyler snorted. “No shit. Then again, maybe she’s not his only daughter. We didn’t know about this one. There could be more.”
Colton’s brows rose. “You think? Wow, I hadn’t thought of that. That would be pretty cool. If they all look like Phoenix, I wouldn’t mind having a go.”
Justin let out a cuss that would have had his mother washing out his mouth with soap in the old days and turned. If he didn’t get away from these two, he’d end up taking a swing at one of them.
Leaning his pitchfork against the wall of the barn, he pushed open the door and headed outside. He wasn’t sure where he was going, just that he had to get the hell away from them.
He headed for the house.
The kitchen was empty when he pushed through the back door and went down the hallway toward the bathroom. Bonnie and Rohn hadn’t yet returned from taking Phoenix to the bus station.
That was a good thing. It gave him some much needed time alone as he flipped on the water in the sink and splashed a handful over his face. He repeated the action before turning off the faucet and reaching for a towel.
Straightening, he wiped his face and looked at his reflection in the mirror. Not even thirty yet, but he felt like he was an old man. Beaten down and tired. Sleepless nights and worry had combined to do that to him.
Hell, life had done that to him and he’d let it. How could he fight it? He couldn’t.
He couldn’t have done anything to prevent his father’s heart attack or Jeremy’s IED, just as he hadn’t done anything to cause them either. But here he was, still suffering the pain of both, alongside his mother.
Death didn’t play favorites or play fair.
Life droppi
ng Phoenix in his lap at a time when he couldn’t even think of being with her wasn’t fair either. And just like everything else, there was nothing he could do to fix that.
He sighed and turned for the door, flipping the light switch off as he walked through.
Justin heard the back door slam. He came into the kitchen and found the new parents looking a little sad.
“Hey. Just using the bathroom.” Justin hooked a thumb toward the hallway, probably unnecessarily.
He and the guys were allowed to come into the house whenever they wanted to grab something to eat or drink in the kitchen or to use the bathroom. He just felt funny being there while they’d been out. Kind of like he’d been creeping around alone while they weren’t looking. Then again, he was probably being irrational due to lack of sleep and guilt over Phoenix.
Rohn frowned and lifted one shoulder. “A’ight.”
“So, uh, Phoenix get off to Arizona okay?”
“Yeah.” Bonnie pressed a hand to her chest and glanced at Rohn.
“Aw, jeez. Don’t talk about it.” He pulled Bonnie to him and said over her head, “She cried all the way from the bus station until we dropped her momma off at the house to finish unpacking.”
Justin could understand how Bonnie felt. He missed Phoenix, too. Or he would if he let himself.
That was the difference between him and Bonnie. Where Bonnie had the leisure to let herself miss Phoenix, Justin didn’t. He had his mother to worry about, so he was going to fight missing Phoenix with everything he had.
“Got it. Sorry. I’m gonna get back to work.”
He was almost free of the emotions suffocating him when Rohn said, “Hang on.”
“Yeah?”
“Can you ask the guys to come on in?”
“Um, sure. What’s up?”
Rohn’s request felt kind of like getting called to the principal’s office in school and not knowing why.
“I’ll tell you all together.”
“A’ight.”
Cringing as thoughts of what this could be about spiraled through his head, Justin strode across the yard and into the barn.
Colton glanced up when the barn door swung open. “Look who’s back.”