by Cherry Kay
"Escaping an arranged marriage, is it?" Harold sneered. "Well," he almost chuckled, "you can be sure that I'll be reporting on this. Sam, keep an eye on these lovebirds while I follow her real fiancé for a while. Let's get to the bottom of this."
Amara watched the older agent as he followed after Matthieu in a hurry, and she ran her hands through her hair in a panic. "Why is my family trying to ruin my life?" she asked exasperatedly. "They know my decision! They know I've ended their attempts to run my life!"
"It's alright." Jason promised her, pulling her into his arms to comfort her. "You're married to me. There's nothing he can do."
Sam, who was still lingering by the gate at the command of his senior, timidly stepped through it and up to the front step to reassure them. "I haven't been on the job very long," he told them. "But I have already seen enough couples who truly are faking their marriages. You have obviously rushed things along for a number of reasons, but there's no doubt in my mind that your feelings are real. My report will reflect that no matter what Harold says."
Amara was caught by surprise, and looked at him, smiling at him gratefully. "Thank you." She said sincerely. "We just want to be happy together."
"Enjoy your evening." Sam nodded. "I'll be out here. If you like, I'll keep that man away."
She couldn't believe he had offered to help them, but she smiled at Sam again. "I would appreciate that. Thank you so much."
Amara closed the door and she and Jason sat down on the sofa. She sat close to him and he put his arm around her. She felt as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. As deeply as her feelings were beginning to run for this man, she owed her family a lot and her culture and her traditions were not easy to walk away from. As much as she just wanted to get through this final stretch of observation by the immigration agents and then get on with her life, the ties to her past were holding her back and she felt she owed it to her mother at least to speak with Matthieu.
"Are you thinking about speaking with that man?" Jason guessed. As someone who was supposed to be pretending to know her well, he was very convincing.
"My whole family wants me to marry him and return home." Amara told him. "I can't help feeling that if I turn my back on them it will be forever. There is the choice between my home and family and everything else that matters to me and it's not easy to decide between them. I owe my family some loyalty at least, don't I? Don't I have and obligation to them?"
Jason didn't answer her, he just held her tightly as she spoke her thoughts aloud.
Inside, he was furious that she would even consider talking to that man or returning to South Africa after all that her family had done to take her dreams away from her and try to stop her from being the smart, determined woman she was. But on the other hand, he couldn't be angry at a girl of nineteen years of age, who was homesick and afraid.
As much as he was beginning to feel that he loved her, Jason knew that this marriage had been undertaken as a means to an end. If he started calling the shots for her in regards to Amara's future, then he was no better than the family he was trying to save her from. Everything in Jason wanted Amara to stay with him, to stay in America and to fulfill her potential, but if she stayed, he wanted her to stay because she had come to the decision on her own, and not because he or anyone else had forced her to do so.
This whole charade had been founded on the principle that Amara had the right to be free and to make her own decisions, and Jason would still stand by that principle now, whether he agreed with her decisions or not.
"I think you have a lot to offer the world," he told her thoughtfully. "I think if you stayed and studied and graduated, you would go on to do great things. I also know that you love your family and it is important to you to honor them, so I won't try and influence you one way or another. Whatever you do must be your own decision, or none of what we have done together here matters."
Amara didn't know what to say to that. Part of her felt affronted that he hadn't begged her to stay. After all they'd done to keep her in the country, she almost wanted him to make her decisions easy for her by reminding her of all he had risked to get her this far. She wanted him to try to convince her to stay because she meant something to him.
The other part of her understood Jason was a man of honesty and integrity and that he respected her too much to command her to do anything and that is why she cared for him as strongly as she did.
The young bride sighed deeply and simply rested her head against Jason's shoulder and said nothing more. He too remained silent and stroked her hair without saying a word and they were each lost in their own thoughts, terrified of losing everything that they held dear.
*
The next day when Jason was teaching one of his advanced classes and Amara was free, she made a point of sitting unaccompanied on a bench on campus, knowing that Matthieu would be nearby and Sam too, to protect her from any anger that Matthieu might still harbor towards her. As she suspected, Matthew eventually came and sat at her side.
"Have you changed your mind?" he asked. The pleased expression on his face suggested that he believed she had or she wouldn't be sitting there alone.
"I don't know, Matthieu." Amara said honestly. "I love my family, but my dreams are here."
"You have a family who loves you." Matthieu told her in a quieter tone than she had ever heard him use. "And I am a good man who wants to be a good husband to you. I have money and property and the approval of your family. Eventually, when you are a mother, you will look back on all this and you will think yourself a foolish girl for causing such trouble. In the end, no matter what you choose, you will be a wife and mother, so it is wiser to choose a man who will look after you well. Don't you want your family to be happy?"
Amara listened to his words and felt conflicted. Everyone was telling her that she was destined to be a wife and mother and as strong as Amara's desire to be a lawyer was, she also didn't want to sacrifice those other parts of herself. She wanted to set up a home and have some children to look after and enjoy the pleasures of a family life.
She wanted her mother and sisters to laugh and joke with her and to reminisce about her childhood. She wanted however many children she may have to have doting grandparents. In truth, she missed the ports and mountains of Cape Town and the friends she had left behind. She missed the comfort and familiarity of home and she had underestimated how difficult it would be to be alone in America.
She sighed heavily. "You do not respect me, Matthieu." She said at last in a solemn voice.
"Of course I respect you." Matthieu retorted. "I think you are a beautiful woman and I know more about you and your life than this American. We share a history and a culture and family ties, Amara. We are destined to be together in a way that this American cannot understand, and what kind of life will he provide for you? Your father and my father work together and are rich men. I will inherit all of my father's wealth, and when I marry you, I will inherit part of your father's wealth, and when I do, I will share it with you. Is that not respectful?"
"I will treat you like you are a princess." he continued. "We will live in a big house with a pool and beautiful gardens. I will hire a house full of servants to take care of you and when your mother grows old, she will live with us so that you can take care of her in her old age, as a good daughter should. Will your American do the same for your loved ones?"
Amara felt a stab of guilt at the thought of leaving her mother alone in her old age. Of course, she had a sister who could take care of her too, but Amara had duties toward the woman who had raised her, which would be forgotten if she stayed here to pursue her own selfish ambitions.
"I can be romantic." Matthieu insisted with a soft voice, leaning closer to her. "I will do whatever you want to make you happy. We will take vacations abroad and I will show you the world. Your American will never have the means to give you all that I can give to you."
"But my American loves me,” she said at last and even as the words fell out of her mouth, she knew t
hat they were true. “You do not love me, Matthieu. I am a sound investment to you and that is all, but you do not want me. You said it yourself: I am trouble. I will always be trouble for you and my family. That is why it is better that I stay. I will never be the quiet housewife who follows her husband's orders. Whether I am here or in South Africa, I will be Amara and I will do great things and I will let no husband or father hold me back. I am sorry, Matthieu, but my future is here."
Matthieu sat quietly for a moment and thought about what she said. Eventually he sighed, shook his head and gave a little shrug. "I don't know why I assumed that you would be like your sister." He told her. "You are not like any girl I have ever met. You have your own mind. You are strong, and you are right. I do not want a woman who will give me a headache with her impossible ambition. I think it is better that you stay and become a lawyer. The people are more progressive here. I think you will do well with your American."
Staring at him in shock, Amara's face gradually softened into a wide, happy grin. "Do you mean it, Matthieu? You are not angry with me?"
He sighed. "I was angry with you yesterday because it is a long trip and I was tired and frustrated with you for making me come such a long distance to bring you back with me. The pressure from my family is just as great as the pressures from yours, Amara," he told her. "I came here to please them and because I know that you are a beautiful woman, and I would like to have had you as my wife. Now I can see that I am no man at all if I bow down to my parents while my fiancée stands up to hers. I will find a woman of my own choosing who will be satisfied to be my wife and raise our children. I hope that you find what satisfies you, Amara."
Matthieu leaned forward and kissed Amara on the cheek in goodbye. He stood up and threw her one last, admiring look before walking away forever. When he was gone, Amara let out a long sigh of relief and smiled with joy at the realization her conversation with him had brought her.
Jason loved her and she loved him.
She had been crazy to think for even a moment that there was anything in South Africa that would compare to feeling loved by a good man and being true to herself. As for her mother and father, well, they would cope without her somehow, just as they had left Amara to cope alone. How could she be loyal to her parents and not be loyal to herself? Amara was about to jump up from the bench and race to find Jason when Mr. Davies appeared from behind her with a smug smirk on his face. He held up his notepad and tapped his pencil against the page meaningfully.
"A very interesting encounter, Mrs. Malloy." he announced. "A secret tryst with your South African lover. I know your plan. You marry an American to stay here to get your degree and when it is done, you divorce him, take his money and set up home in South Africa with your lover from home. It is clear to me what your intentions are, Mrs. Malloy. I will make sure that the department is aware of them."
With that, Harold tucked his notepad into his pocket and walked away. Amara watched him go with terror coursing through her, knowing that that man and his notepad had the power to destroy her life. Eventually, she stood and with fear in her step, she went to wait for Jason in his office.
Chapter6
Waiting in Jason's office, Amara couldn't help but look around and wonder how life could have changed so much from the very first time that she had stepped in here as a shy girl so pleased to have the full attention of a dedicated professor. It was within these four walls that the very same professor had become a dear friend, and in this room, that he had one day proposed to save her from a loveless marriage and an unfulfilling life.
Tears came to her eyes when she thought of how fortunate she had been to be the only girl who had raised her hand. All her life she had been searching for something to help her escape from a life that didn't fit and when Jason had proposed to her, she had thought she had found that better life in the promise of an education and a life in America. However, now she had come to understand that Jason was her better life.
His kindness, understanding, respect and love for her made life worth living and what made her dreams come to life every day. So many things had gotten in the way of her realizing that she had loved him all this time. All of the drama and fear surrounding her circumstances had masked the fact that it had been so easy to pretend to have feelings for him because the feelings were truly there and they ran deep.
The agents would struggle to believe that anyone could fall in love in just six weeks and Amara would once have struggled to believe it too, but knowing now what she knew and looking back over all the hundreds of ways that Jason had comforted, supported, challenged and encouraged her, she knew that such love was possible.
It wasn't about how quickly one falls in love, but how deeply, and Amara knew instinctively that there was no return from the kind of love that she held for him now. Degree or no, visa or no, Amara knew that the words she had once spoken in a lie to an agent were now truth: wherever she ended up in the world, she wanted to be Jason's wife.
When Jason arrived at his office at last, he found his wife waiting for him with tears in her eyes. With one look at her face, he knew that they would need some privacy. He turned and locked the door behind him, and then walked over to her, his stomach sinking as he did.
At first, he was afraid that she was crying because she was afraid to tell him that she had changed her mind and was leaving him and going back to South Africa with Matthieu. The thought caused a great sorrow to stir up in him and he had never felt anything as deeply as he felt the ache at the thought of losing her. He stepped closer to her, even as the tears welled in his own eyes at the idea of Amara no longer being in his life and he waited for her to speak.
In his eyes, Amara was a woman like no other. She lived life understanding that it was precious and she was idealistic and innocent, but she didn't let her idealism or her innocence detract from her strength and determination. She was all that was good in the world, but more than that, she was the first girl who had ever had Jason hanging onto every world. She was the first girl to have taken his breath away with a glance from her innocent eyes, and she was the first woman he had ever really felt physical love with. She was able to comfort him and challenge him and surprise him and make him do crazy things out of a love for her that he had been holding onto with false hopes. She spoke at last.
"Jason, I'm sorry," she said.
Jason's world came crashing down. Amara was gone. She was leaving him. She had chosen tradition and loyalty and home over him and although he could understand her choice, it broke him all the same. He lowered his head to hide his rising tears.
"I'm sorry that I ever gave a second's thought to Matthieu, or my family or that culture which wanted to repress me." she stated passionately. "I'm sorry that I let you think I was pretending to love you when I have truly fallen in love with you. I'm sorry that I wasted precious moments between us by acting like they were lies when they are the truest, most beautiful memories I possess. It was here that you proposed to me, Jason, and it is here that I want to tell you that I love you and I don't care anymore if that's inconvenient or inappropriate or something scary, because it's true and through all we've been trying to create a life where I am free to follow my own path.
You once told me that you didn't feel you were a man if you could preach principles and not live them and now I feel the same. I can't talk of freedom to live and love and yet hold back on the greatest love of my life because I'm afraid. I love you, Jason. I want to stay here with you and not because my future's in a visa, but because my future is with you."
Amara finished her speech slightly breathless and terrified that he would reject her, or gently tell her that he was just a dedicated professor doing what he could for a student or turn her down in some different, but equally devastating way. Instead, he stepped forward and took her by the shoulders so that he could kiss her with all the repressed passion and intimacy that should have passed between them a hundred times but had been restrained until now.
He shook his head, breathi
ng a sigh of relief. "I was so worried... so scared. I thought you were going to tell me that you were leaving to go back to South Africa with him. I thought I was watching my whole world come to an end," he paused and lifted his hand to her cheek, stroking his finger over her silky skin, "and you are my whole world, Amara, you have become everything to me. I love you with all of my heart." His eyes were filled with tears, his heart was filled with relief and love, and his lips were filled with passion when he pulled her to him and kissed her firmly.
She melted into his kiss in a breathless, wondrous way and all of the intense desire that they had withheld from each other was suddenly unleashed. His hands grasped her around her waist, holding her against him as he invaded her mouth with his tongue, drawing white hot flames from her belly all throughout her body and making her moan until there was no breath in them that was not shared and there was no depth of kiss that they had not discovered.
His hands moved over the fabric that hugged the curves of her body, his fingers exploring and squeezing her as their kisses deepened. Amara felt his arousal as he moved it against her, pressing himself to her as she leaned against his desk. The feel of his hard body against hers made her remember every delicious moment of her first night with him; her first night of love ever, and she knew what was about to happen between them, or at least, she thought she did.
She was wearing a soft yellow sundress with a sweetheart neckline that buttoned down the front and then flared out at the waist in a full skirt to her knee. His mouth moved desperately over hers, kissing her with intensity as his fingers moved to the buttons on her dress, and one by one, they were pulled loose and the material was shoved away from her body.
"You want me?!" she gasped, opening her eyes and looking around his office in surprise, "Here?!"
His heavily lidded eyes looked into her wide eyes for a lingering moment, his look smoldering with visceral need. "I want you. All of you. Right here, right now."