by Olivia Arran
It was the glimpse of the man hiding beneath the bravado bullshit that saved him, and only that. “Clean your act up and stop acting like an asshole, or I will kick your sorry ass out.” Turning my back on him, I took a deep cleansing breath, reaching for the top of the world feeling I’d woken up with this morning.
“I went looking for him last night.” His statement was matter of fact, but underneath I could hear what it had cost him to share.
I swung back around. “Who?”
He leaned back against the tree trunk we’d bashed into, crossing his legs at the ankle and folding his arms. “The fox.”
Why? How? What I actually asked was, “Did you find him?”
“No. But I did find his pack.”
My eyebrows shot up. “He has a pack?” Rogues were loners, drifters, they didn’t have packs. That was how it worked. “A pack living in human territory?” I mused under my breath, “Why the hell haven’t they relocated to safe land?”
“They seem pretty isolated. From what I could see they’ve got a farm with a couple of acres set away from everything that could cause a problem.” The problem being humans.
“Are they registered?”
He shrugged. “How the hell would I know? As soon as I realized the bastard wasn’t there, I left. I don’t give two shits about a group of shifters trying to live under the radar. If it’s working for them; whatever. Not my problem.”
“It matters if they’ve got a pack member who thinks it’s okay to go around biting and changing humans without their consent. It matters if they’re sneaking onto our land without registering,” I reminded him on a soft growl.
Anger rippled over his face, twisting his mouth. “Politics that don’t concern me. Finding the fox that harmed Leona’s sister and making him pay, that’s what matters.”
“Why?” He started to shrug again, but I strode forward, getting in his personal space, “Why does it matter? You don’t even know Harper. It doesn’t concern you.”
“It matters.”
I leaned in closer. Nothing mattered to Jake; he didn’t let it. “Why?”
He was shaking, a muscle twitching in his jaw, but he didn’t push me away. Didn’t tell me to fuck off. Clear green eyes challenged me. “Because absolutely no one gets away with hurting an innocent who can’t defend herself, not if I have any say in it.”
My anger evaporated and I leaned back, giving him space.
His chest heaved and fists were clenched, but he wasn’t attacking. He was waiting. For what? Judgment? Questions?
“Okay,” I finally said. He had his story and it was his to keep. He’d eventually share, or he wouldn’t, it wasn’t my job to force the issue. But he’d confirmed that buried deep under that wall of rage was a man who could never hurt an innocent and despised the people who did. Who knew? Jake had a heart.
“Don’t,” he snapped out.
“What?”
“Whatever you’re thinking; I’m not. I’m the kind of guy who wouldn’t think twice about crushing you if it meant I’d get what I want.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“I don’t fucking care what you believe. I’m not the guy you want at your back.” He shoved me away, striding past me.
“Jake—”
“No one would believe you.” Two seconds later a massive bear stood where the man had once been, his large ass giving me the metaphorical finger as he launched into a sprint, racing away into the forest.
He was right. He might be an asshole with morals, but he was still an asshole.
Hair still damp from the shower, I combed my fingers through it for the umpteenth time, whistling under my breath as I walked the final couple of steps to Leona’s room. The day had dragged and I’d spent most of it staring at the clock, itching to go home and hopefully find Leona waiting for me in my cabin. But she hadn’t been there. No worries; it wasn’t like I’d specifically told her to meet me there. She’d probably gotten delayed chatting with her sister and decided to freshen up.
Smoothing down my shirt and giving my hair one last pat, I knocked on her door. Anticipation fluttered in my stomach.
The door cracked open an inch, the tip of her nose barely visible.
“Leona?” Was something wrong? Was she sick?
“Austin,” her reply was muffled, a little deeper than her usual voice. “What are you doing here?”
I checked behind me, thrown for a second. Nope. Just me. “You weren’t at my cabin and I…” My voice faded into silent confusion as she still barred the doorway. What the hell was going on? Fuck. Just ask. “Is something wrong?” I tried to peer around her into the darkened room, taking a deep breath and scenting the air. Her sweet perfume filtered into my lungs and nothing else. She wasn’t hiding anyone in her room.
Her mouth firmed into a thin line, tiny lines creasing the corners of her eyes. “This isn’t a good idea,” she eventually murmured, and started to close the door.
I jammed my foot in at the last moment, finally realizing what she was about to do. “What?” I knew I sounded incredulous, but what the hell?
She glanced down at my foot. “Do you mind?” She sounded so distant and unemotional, I lost it.
“Yes. I do mind.”
“Please stop shouting,” she hissed, her eyes darting around the corridor as if checking for witnesses.
What I was doing hit me. I was shouting at a woman alone in her hotel room, probably scaring her half to death. I slid my foot out of the door and it closed with a click. This wasn’t like me. I swallowed back the panic that spurred my rage. “Please, Leona, sweetheart, talk to me!” I was man enough to beg if that’s what she wanted.
The door reopened, this time a little wider. She took a deep breath, her attention focused on the wall behind my head. “I had a nice time with you, but I’m a little busy tonight. Can we take a rain check?”
Nice time? Busy? Rain check? I knew my mouth had dropped open, but I was too busy trying to wrap my head around her brush off to care. “Nice?” I finally asked, my voice dropping to a low growl.
She still didn’t meet my eyes. “Yes. Nice. It was fun. Thank you.”
“Fun?” Was that all it had been to her? All I had been? The ground shifted beneath me, pain punching me square in the chest. My control snapped, the words rolling out of me and taking on a life of their own, “Was it nice when I held you against the wall and fucked you until you screamed?” I took a step forward, bracing an arm against the wall, partially to stay standing and also to give her nowhere else to look. “What about when you woke with my head between your legs? You might have originally tried to push me away, but you finished with your nails dug into my scalp and your orgasm riding my tongue. Was that nice? Fun?”
Her head jerked up from where she’d been boring holes into my chest, her eyes flashing with unmistakable anger. “What do you want me to say? That you’re the best lay I’ve ever had? Huh?” She shook her head, as if clearing it. “Well, you were. You’re real good at making a woman come. An expert. Do you want a medal?”
I staggered back, the force of her words slicing into me and drawing blood. I could taste the truth in her words; every single one. This time I was the one to look away.
“I’m sorry, Austin.” Her words were a whisper of sound.
“Leona—” I was talking to a closed door. Slamming my fist into the wall, plaster crumpled and dusted to the floor. The world buzzed around me, the corridor looming and lengthening to a tunnel as I turned and walked away. One foot in front of the other. And again. Until I was outside. It had been about the sex, nothing more. I’d been used for sex. I couldn’t grasp it, my mind shying away from everything, protecting itself. Protecting me.
My feet ground to a halt. I could go back in there, tell her that she could stay. She could be with her sister.
All she had to do is agree to be my mate.
I could have her in my life. In my bed.
But she didn’t want to be there. She wouldn’t love me back.
My phone beeped. I ignored it. It beeped again. Giving in, I fished it out of my pocket and scanned the message. Great. I wasn’t even allowed a moment to mourn the fact that my heart was breaking.
Chapter Twenty-One
Leona
I slid down the door, my legs crumpling beneath me. The tears didn’t come. They were stuck, blocked by an overwhelming crushing sensation that held me in a vice. I listened as his footsteps retreated. He was gone.
Why hadn’t he called me on my bullshit? Surely he must have seen my excuses for what they were; smoke and mirrors. But he hadn’t, which meant I’d been right. He didn’t care for me that way. I’d offended him as a man, but I hadn’t touched his heart, otherwise he would have told me. Stopped me from throwing it all away.
Wouldn’t he? I should have asked him outright, but what would I have asked? Do you love me? Am I your mate?
But, would I have believed him if he’d said yes?
No. I would have always wondered if he were being kind.
Pushing up from the floor, I made my way to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. I’d done the right thing. Now I just had to figure out what to do next. My reflection stared back at me, blinking away droplets of water, her cheeks flushed and eyes shadowed. Think! It’d suck seeing Austin around the town, bumping into him every now and then, but if I wanted to stay with Harper, that was the way it’d have to be. If I wanted to stay…
For the first time since finding my sister, doubt crept in, clouding my thoughts. I would be giving up a lot to come live in Heartsridge; a well paid job that I’d worked my ass off to get, a nice apartment near decent takeouts and a cute little deli that I loved. Friends? Some, but mainly acquaintances. They wouldn’t be missed. My hands dug into the edge of the sink. Anonymity—that’s what I’d be giving up. No more blending into the background and ghosting through life; here in Heartsridge I would be known. People would recognize me, want to know my business, not let me walk by without saying hello. If I succeeded, I’d be the human living in a shifter’s world. Instant notoriety.
What was I feeling? Panic? Fear? Excitement? Anticipation? I tried to pick apart the wave of emotion coursing through me, but came away blank. I have absolutely no idea how to feel. My heart was still numb after Austin. I needed to speak to my best friend. Harper would know what to do.
Grabbing my purse off the table, I sprinted out of the room.
The sun had faded after another long summer’s day, the moon had yet to peek its silvery face above the horizon, leaving the shadows soft and hazy in the violet dusk. The forest was silent as I crept up the path, as if nature was taking a short time out as the nocturnal creatures prepared for the change of shift. A light breeze lifted tendrils of hair around my face, carrying with it a freshness that the day had lacked. Fall was on its way, bringing with it crisp air and shorter days.
My boots kicked up dust, the path cracked and dry from many feet and lack of rain, but all around me green flourished, despite the dry spell, the roots finding water deep in the ground and carrying on, as if giving the finger to the inhospitable season.
I shouldn’t be up here. I knew I shouldn’t. Visiting hours only today, I’d been given strict instructions, but I needed Harper and I knew she wouldn’t mind. I’d just sneak on in there and we’d cuddle up, like we had a thousand times, whispering our secrets under the bedcovers.
It would be fine.
Approaching the bend in the path, I slowed, voices filtering through the air on a low rumble. Dammit! I crept closer, peering around a large, leafy bush.
Three men blocked my way, talking on the steps of the infirmary.
It would be okay. I’d just walk up to them and explain—
One of the men turned around, his square jaw and blue eyes instantly recognizable. Austin. He appeared to scan the trees over to my left, then gave a sharp nod, turning his attention back to the man in the center. Confident and powerful, he didn’t seem the least bit upset from our earlier encounter, his large frame relaxed from the set of his broad shoulders down to the way his hands were shoved in his pockets.
I couldn’t face him. Not yet. Not until I’d figured out a way to meet his eyes without a mask of anger to hide my heart, because I didn’t want to be angry with him. He’d stolen my heart; it wasn’t his fault I hadn’t taken better care of it.
No. I’d come back later. I started edging away, deliberately placing my feet as softly as I could, when Harper’s voice rang through the air, her excitement clear even from way back here. I peeked again, I couldn’t help myself.
My sister was with a man, her hands fluttering in the air as she approached the group.
The man squeezed her shoulder, murmuring something for her ears only, and she replied with a lopsided grin. His hand dropped away as they approached the others.
As she approached Austin and threw herself into his arms, squeezing him tight.
I slapped a hand over my mouth, catching the surprised noise before it had chance to escape, but inside my chest my heart twisted. No. It was good that she had a relationship with him, but it would only make things that much harder if I managed to pull things off and stay.
Austin stiffened, his hand continuing to gently pat Harper on the back as he murmured low words I couldn’t hear.
Had he heard my squeak?
I dropped to the ground, flattening myself and squeezing underneath the bush, branches poking into my sides and grabbing at my hair. Everything went dark, blocked out by the leaves. I stopped breathing.
Nothing happened. No large hands reached into the bush to drag me out. No shouting. The low rumble of conversation continued.
Edging forward on my stomach, and ignoring the sharp stones digging into my hips, I parted the leaves with my fingers and peered out. A lot had happened in the short while I’d been hiding. Harper was in her underwear.
And so was Austin. He was wearing a pair of skintight black boxers that hugged his muscular ass in a way that should be declared indecent.
My heart was threatening to explode. Imminent overload. Cannot process.
And then a bear exploded from Austin. One second he was a man, then blink, bear. I pressed my eyelids together, counted to three, then reopened them. Nope. Still a bear. Shit. Knowing and seeing were really two different things. He was … wow. Huge. A bit scary looking. Gorgeous. All fluffy and snarly and … he’d go bat shit if he knew I’d just called him fluffy.
He—the bear—had sat back on his haunches and was staring at Harper. Like, really staring. As if silently trying to communicate with her.
My sister doubled over, her face contorting in agony, a scream tearing itself from her lips.
“Don’t fight it,” one of the men commanded. A muscle in his jaw jumped, his hands twitching by his sides as if he were fighting not to do something. “You have to let go, give yourself over to your fox. Austin won’t let you hurt yourself or anyone else.”
“Listen to Owen, Harper,” the man who’d squeezed my sister’s shoulder pleaded.
Another cry ripped through the air, this one hoarse and broken. Harper dropped to the floor, her head dipping and hair falling forward to obscure my view of her face.
“Shit. Austin,” the man that must be Owen swung around to face the bear, “You must call out the change. She’s hurting.”
The bear chuffed, but didn’t move a muscle.
I wanted to shake him. Hit him. Make him do something, anything, to stop what was happening to Harper. She was in pain and he wasn’t helping.
“Austin, you agreed to be her guardian. Do what is necessary or Owen will take over. She’ll thank you later.” This man I finally recognized. Mayor Carter.
Do it! I mentally screamed, fingers digging into the branches.
Austin leaned back, rearing up onto his hind legs.
Harper twisted, writhing, then … a fox appeared. A normal sized fox, complete with pointy snout and bushy tail. The fox—no, Harper—staggered to its feet and shook itself.
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“About fucking time,” Carter shot at Austin, but he was grinning.
Austin growled, swinging his bulk around and setting off into the forest.
After a second, Harper followed, her animal form dwarfed by Austin’s huge bulk.
I let out the breath I hadn’t been aware I was holding. She was okay, but I wasn’t getting the chance to offload onto her tonight, that was for sure.
I shuffled backward through the bush, scrabbling out the other side. Setting off back down the path, I busied myself with picking leaves out of my hair, still in awe over what I had witnessed.
She was finally a real shifter and ready to start her new life. One that I could only watch from the sidelines. Sure, I could cheer her on, offer moral support, but it wasn’t like I had the first clue what kind of changes she’d be going through.
Austin would, though. And he was her guardian. It sounded serious, a commitment of some sort.
This time the pain was bittersweet. Whatever it meant, I was happy for them. Austin was a good guy and Harper deserved to have someone like him looking out for her.
Even if it meant I’d have to face him every single day, lie to him every day.
And live with my heart breaking over and over again.
“You look like you’ve had a hard day.”
I didn’t even bother to glance up at the barman. I knew I looked like I’d been dragged through a bush backward, because I had been. Or, rather, I’d crawled backward. Whatever. Picking up my drink, I knocked it back and slammed the glass down. “Can I have another, please?” Heck, I couldn’t even do the surly drunk thing properly. Miss Manners, that was me.
A glass slid in front of me, the empty one disappearing as if by magic and accompanied by an amused chuckle.
“Do you think this is funny?” I didn’t think I’d ever been so rude. It was freeing. And stomach turning. “I’m sorry,” I finally glanced up, meeting a pair of concerned brown eyes. “It’s been a bad day.”
The bartender slid over two shot glasses, filling them to the brim with a clear liquid. He pushed one my way with his finger. “Drink.”