So, when my phone rings buzzing with his name on it, I nearly bounce off the counter to get it.
“Carson, hi.” It comes out breathless, and I smile to myself. I can’t figure out what the funny feeling is in my stomach because I never got it with him before.
“Hey, Emily. I’m sorry I haven’t called, I’ve been uh, busy with work.”
I laugh because he is obviously lying, he hears it and laughs too, so I know he knows he is caught.
“It’s fine,” I lie, “I just got back this morning. Thank you for the hotel and the plane and everything. I really appreciate it.” I sigh.
“Yeah, no problem.” I hear the smile in his voice. “Are you going to thank me for the sex too?”
I laugh aloud, probably the first real laugh I have had in days.
“Carson, no. But we do need to talk.”
I hear him go silent but with some background noise and shuffling on his end.
“Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m outside your door.”
I turn to it, and just then he knocks on the door. I hang up and rush to it, cursing myself for not being all that dressed. An oversized shirt and boy shorts are acceptable for being on my own, but there is no time to change.
“Hey.” I swing my wooden door open to find him on the other side. Casual in jeans and a gray sweater matching his intense eyes.
“Hey… you still have that shirt?” He laughs and walks inside. I lock the door and turn around to face him glancing down at my Yale blue playoffs’ shirt from my junior year of college.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” I follow him into the kitchen. He’s holding two pizzas in his hand, and I follow the smell.
It feels different seeing him, I don’t know how. I just… his scent floods my head, my eyes glaze over his body—broad shoulders, slender waist, taut ass—he is way too good looking. And I know firsthand, he’s delicious.
“I don’t know, we lost every year.” He helps himself to drinks and glasses while I sit at my small breakfast nook and curl my legs up on the chair with my knees covering my chest.
“You know all Yale is good for is brainiacs. The football team is for decoration.” I giggle.
Carson joins me with the boxes and two glasses of beer, and we eat right out of the boxes.
I think we are both fighting the growing tension in the air. As more time passes, we have longer to think about what we want to say or need to say. But this pizza is really good, and I forgot to eat for most of the day. Without the television or anything on, all I hear is our silence and my obnoxious chewing.
“How is work going? Isn’t that acquisitions with Lagos really complicated?” I go for the safest topic between us right now, which is work.
“It was, but we managed to get on to surveying. We have reps going out this week, so soon you’ll be managing a hell of a lot more work.” He laughs once.
“That’s fine, I need the distraction.” I wipe my mouth and tell myself not to eat a fifth slice of pizza.
“From?” Carson clears his throat, leans back in the chair, and spreads his legs. He always sits like that, but now it’s like a ‘come sit on me’ look on him that I’m trying really hard to ignore.
I look into his eyes, and he looks back into mine. It’s a little bit unnerving, and I’m not sure what to do with it.
“A lot of things. Maybe… hot hotel sex.” I swallow, my lips twitching with a smile.
His does the same. “Hmm. Sounds interesting.”
“Complicated,” I add.
“It doesn’t have to be.” He licks the inside of his cheek, drawing my eyes to his lips instead of his eyes.
“I think it already is. I mean, you didn’t call. That sounds so clingy, and I never thought I would say that to you.” I sigh and rub my eyes. “See? Complicated.” I laugh, nerves cutting it off and making it sound really awkward.
“I know, that was my fault. I didn’t want to—” He cuts off, his head shaking as he looks onward searching for his words.
I uncross my legs and scoot the chair closer to him, so my knees hit his and just feeling him closer to me makes me feel a little better.
“I was thinking about all these things, and I didn’t want to add to what you were already going through.”
“Like what?” I moisten my lips leaning my arm on the table as I look at him.
He leans forward, his hand goes to my knee, and the sheer warmth of it travels up my body.
“Like… how I couldn’t promise you that us having sex wouldn’t change things. Because I wasn’t sure that it wouldn’t, good or bad. I’m still not sure.”
A sad breath escapes me, but when I look into his eyes, it’s like nothing else matters, but there is so much that still matters. All this… but still, looking in his eyes, everything else disappears. All I can think about is kissing him, him holding me, and me getting to hold him as more than just friends. For so long, he has been my person, the one person who I can count on most, but now I want to be his everything, and I want him to be mine too.
“I figured as much, but you could have just said that.”
“Like I said, I didn’t want to upset you. You were worried about your dad. You shouldn’t have been worried about us, too.”
“But you couldn’t just be my friend anyway?” I ask.
I knew he wasn’t calling because he didn’t know what to say.
It’s how he is.
Carson is not confrontational at all. He wouldn’t know how to face something like that head on. He can do it at work because he is removed from it, and it isn’t personal. But in grade school and in college, he would be the last person to speak up about something bothering him, and even between us, he wouldn’t exactly be the first to bring something up that was obviously a problem.
Like this whole thing between us going on now.
“Of course, I could. And I knew I should, but…” His hands cover his face as he rubs at his eyes, his face goes red and then back to normal as he looks at me. “It wasn’t that simple for me because we’ve been friends for our entire lives, Emily. Every day of my life you’ve been there as my friend. And up until recently, that was enough. It was enough.” Carson cuts off, he leans away from me like he needs the space, and I think he does.
Maybe I do too. But I still reach out to him and take his hand in mine, covering it with the other. He is warm and strong, just his hand covering mine makes me feel like I will have this all under control. That I can do anything or be anything. With him. And he’s right, up until recently, it was enough. But now…
“When we kissed the first time, I wasn’t sure why I was doing it. I just figured I was helping you, taking your mind off things for a little while. But then it wasn’t just that. I couldn’t stop kissing you even if I tried. I’ve never…” His smile is faint when his eyes meet mine.
“Carson…”
“When I have sex, it never matters to me for any more than a moment of ecstasy with someone else. But you weren’t just someone else, and it was more than that. And that scared me.”
I nod to myself. He sounds plagued by his words almost, but I’ve never heard him be more honest before.
“Well, it scares me, too, Carson. I didn’t know if I could hope that it wouldn’t change things because I didn’t even know if it shouldn’t.” My voice cracks. I think I can hold it together, but I can’t.
Talking about this… it’s one conversation that I’m not prepared for with Carson. I can talk about work with him, my personal life all the way up to my sex life, and down to my periods that were so bad he forced me to see a doctor about it.
I don’t know how to talk to him about possibly not just loving him and being…
“And now?” Carson asks me.
His dark brows draw together, the ridge over his eyes deepen, and all I see are the clouds behind his gray eyes. The bridge of his nose draws up as his frown loosens, his heart-shaped jaw and cheekbones tighten as hard as ever, and his lips are not overly full but pink and pursed. Carson is
perfect, not just physically. He has always been, it’s…
In seconds, before I think, I close the space between us and kiss him. His lips are eager against mine, his hands grab my waist and drag me closer to him and onto his lap in one swift movement. My arms link around his neck as I turn my head into his kiss, our lips parting, and the kiss deepening. His tongue sweeps over my bottom lip before sliding into my mouth. We taste like beer and tomatoes, and the mint gum he always chews in the background. The heat of his palms splays over my ass as he drags me down onto him, and I feel the bridge of his cock hardening in his jeans. The kiss stifles my moan as my sex pulses and throbs for him, for more of his touch.
The only thing stopping me is the need to breathe. As I pull away, his mouth goes down my jaw, suckling up under my ear that makes me mewl, and he continues down to my clavicle. He tugs my shirt down my shoulder—it’s so big, it moves easily—and he kisses down my shoulder. I tilt my head to give him better access. My hands travel over the hard ridges of his muscles in his shoulders and arms until I travel back to his chest. I feel his heart beating and his heat searing through his shirt. He moves his left hand to grip my breast, palming me and making my nipple chafe the fabric of my shirt. In the same breath, his other hand moves around to my front as his mouth presses to the hollow of my neck and blows his hot breath across me.
His hand dips down to my thighs, the heat of his fingers cut through my shorts and right to my pulsing flesh, dripping embarrassingly so. A gargled moan falls out of me as he drags his first two fingers through me and finds my clit. My body jolts, the zing spreading through my entire body when he slips his fingers inside of me. I clench around him, already feeling so close to the edge. He knows exactly where to touch me and so easily. I’m not sure how.
My fingers comb through his soft, thick hair as I bring his lips to mine and kiss him again. As our tongues slide and dance together, I grind against his fingers pumping inside of me. I feel how wet I am and hear how wet I am when he goes faster and deeper. It steals my breath away, and I break the kiss only to catch it again. Our eyes meet in the height of my climax. It’s so deep, it blurs my vision and cuts off my air supply as I go limp in his arms. His fingers still inside of me, his palm puts pressure on my clit as it throbs and pulses for more.
“Carson, you might just kill me.” My head is slumped on his shoulder, my lips brushing against his neck. I inhale his intoxicating, maddening scent as I breathe deeply.
Carson chuckles deep in his chest. His answer is to take my shirt off. The cold air hits my breasts and so do his eyes. When I see them again, they are darker, hungrier.
I bite my bottom lip, and he lifts us up from the chair. He kisses me blindly, stumbling back to my bedroom. My eyes close until I hit the sheets. He stands and strips—his shirt, his shoes, and his jeans. My eyes fall on his cock jutting through his dark blue boxers, and the deep lines of his Adonis belt and hard ridges of his abs. His body shouldn’t be this perfect, no one’s should. But here he is.
I lean up on my elbows, my chest rising and falling and my breaths filling the air. Carson licks his lips and then reaches down to peel my wet bottoms from me. The way he tugs at it drags me down the bed a little, and he just looks down at me. I stare back at him, in my room, a place he has been in before but not like this. My ordinary room—black bed frame, matching dresser and night table, turquoise couch to set things off—but Carson is the one setting things off right now.
He leans down on his knees, and his arms go on either side of me as he holds himself over me.
“I’ve never seen how beautiful you are, Emily.” His lips go to my thigh. He kisses me there and then on the other side as he holds his body over mine, his eyes level with mine. “You’re perfect,” he huffs, his voice hard and deep.
My lips part to say something back—like how he is being ridiculous—but instead, he silences me with a kiss I feel in my toes, and as they curl, I wrap my legs around his waist and hold him close to me. His lips are like a frenzy on mine. He hasn’t really kissed me like this before. I can’t complain, it’s a good kiss. The way his lips coax over mine, his tongue sweeps over mine, and we are so in tune with each other.
I can’t wait for him any longer. I rush him out of his boxers, fisting his hard cock. I roll us over, finishing the kiss on top of him before I drag my lips down his body, his muscles feeling even better against my lips. My breath fans over his trimmed hair before my lips brush his cock. His flesh is dark, and hard like a rock but smooth as velvet. When I curl my lips around the tip of his cock, his bitter, salty taste floods my mouth, and I take more of him in. He holds my hair back and juts his hips toward me.
“Emily… Jesus.”
I suck him harder, my hand pumping what I can’t reach—he’s huge, as wide as he is long. And I feel oddly empowered making him wiggle and moan like this. He hits the back of my throat, and I fight the urge to gag when I feel him twitch like he is close to coming. His fingers tighten in my hair to prove it, and then I stop.
“What…”
I kiss back up his body and hide my smile. “That’s for not calling.” I straddle him and wipe at the corners of my mouth.
He makes a face, grabs my arms, and pulls me down to him so fast I squeal. He kisses me as passionately as before, and my sex is clenching and dripping again with his hard cock poking at me. His hands cover my breasts which are swollen from his touch. His palms rub over my nipples creating an ache that spreads everywhere. Every inch of my body feels so alive for him, too alive. I almost can’t think, and I can barely breathe. I break the kiss, and he kisses down my neck until I lean back and sink onto his cock.
His groan cuts off the deep moan that leaves me. He hits me deeper this way, and I start to move right away. My moans of pleasure are uninhibited, nothing can stop the way they leave my lips. His hands move down to my hips as he guides my movements and thrusts up to keep me going. The pace quickens, blindingly fast. I steady my hands on his chest to keep myself up, to keep the contact. His hand comes up to my breast, palming at me before rubbing over my body. He leaves no part of me untouched, no part of me feels alone or undiscovered. It’s a feeling I’ve never experienced before, and it takes more out of me than I could imagine.
Being with Carson like this… it doesn’t even feel wrong or completely out of the question. It feels too good, too right to be anything but meant to be. It could just be all my orgasms talking, but I can’t ignore it either.
He rubs at my clit with his thumb in slow, light circles that make a tight coil draw up inside of me, around his cock deep inside of me, and against his body. I look down at him, my teeth digging into my lip, and my eyes fluttering from the pleasure overtaking me, but my eyes don’t leave his as my body shakes with the tremors of my climax. His cock grows inside of me as he stays deep inside, and I move back and forth to draw his orgasm out as his balls clench and grow underneath me. The veins in his neck protrude, and his jaw tightens, his eyes go dark before his hands grip my waist so tightly I feel the bruise forming, and his hot seed spurts inside of me, so hot it burns in a good way. He pumps his hips up hard to ride out his orgasm, and it shudders another small one out of me, and then I’m spent.
I lean down, and he pulls me down close to him. He kisses me slowly, and it’s like he is memorizing the feel or taste of my lips. I feel like I am doing the same to him too. I raise myself up and pull off his cock, hissing at the sudden loss of space and heat.
He lets out a deep breath, one hand behind his head and the other around my waist. I lay my arm across his chest, my cheek against his hard pec, and my leg half over his waist. He is unnaturally warm, and it feels like he has a fever, but I know he doesn’t. The comfort I feel in his arms—right now—I don’t ever want to be without it.
“I broke up with Kevin.”
He laughs. I lean up to see his face and smile. “What?”
“Well, we weren’t labeled or anything, but… I just didn’t like him so much anymore, or maybe I never did.” I sigh
. I only made the decision earlier this morning when he called, and I didn’t feel the need to tell him about my dad, and all I could think about was Carson. It just seemed like the right thing to do.
“At least you didn’t string him along.”
I nod in agreement. We shift so we are laying on our sides looking at each other.
“You know, we were having an important conversation before you jumped me.” He chuckles.
“Yeah… isn’t this enough of an answer?” My brows raise. He tucks my hair behind my ear and smiles.
“No, Emily. But it works for now. Until we think straight.”
“Yeah. For now.” I sigh.
His lips play at a smile before he leans across and kisses me. It’s short, I close my eyes quickly and then open them again.
“We’ll always be friends, Emily. Above everything else, you will always be my best friend.” His voice doesn’t waver, it doesn’t gravel. He sounds even more sure than before, and I’m glad that he is sure about this because I am too.
“I know, but…”
“But?” He chuckles once. I giggle and try to be serious.
“I would feel better if I had that in writing because I need you.” I blink back the dryness in my eyes. From all the tears I’ve cried in the past few days, they’ve had their share. Dad almost made me promise to stop crying, but I couldn’t make it. Seeing him walk out of the hospital healthy was enough to make me explode. I wish he could always be here, and I know he won’t be.
“I need you, too, Emily.” He sighs and gets up, naked in all his glory as he shifts through my bedside table.
“What are you doing?” I laugh, sitting up to watch him.
He doesn’t answer until he sits at the edge of the bed next to me with the picture frame of our fifth-grade graduation and college graduation photos right next to each other, a gift we matched each other with because he has the same one. And an old stationery card.
Wilde About Carson: The Brothers Wilde Series — Book Three Page 15