by Garth Ono
"I've heard you take calls so many times I could do that in my sleep," Morgan said. "He only has one zombie, but it's chasing the family dog, so he really wants you to hurry."
"That's just a few minutes away," Kate said, reading her notes. Morgan handed her the keys. "Thanks."
"Just don't wreck it," Morgan said. "And don't get it all bloody. I will bite you if you do."
Morgan was a biter. Kate took it as a valid threat.
She drove straight over. It was weird driving something other than the Land Rover, but she rather liked the way the Jeep handled. When she pulled into the driveway, a golden retriever came running out of the backyard with a tall, slim zombie chasing him.
"Hey, zombie!" Kate called, and darted into the middle of the front yard. The zombie turned his full attention to her, and came running after her. "I have a sprinter here."
Kate waited for him to commit himself, and then ducked under his hands. She body-checked him, sending the undead monster stumbling into a tree. The slayer was on him in an instant, charging even as she swung her machete. He ducked, so the machete cut a large flap of scalp loose, but bounced off his skull. So she stabbed him, spilling some intestines, before dashing around the tree. He turned the way she ran, so Kate came up behind him.
"Another one bites the dust," she cried, taking his head off before he could turn around.
She bent over, hands on knees for a second. That fight really winded her.
"Wow, you're amazing," the homeowner said as he came out of the front door.
The dog came running up to him, tail wagging. She enjoyed watching them for a moment. Due to moving back and forth between Cornwall and Illinois every year her entire life, Kate had never been allowed a pet.
"Thank you, sir. I try," she said, smiling. "So, I'll take the head and the County Coroner's office will pick up the body. They're pretty good about picking up within half an hour or so." He didn't look pleased. "And that'll be $25 please."
"Money well spent," he said, handing her a check.
Kate accepted the check, while realizing her checking account information was in her purse. She didn't know her account number off the top of her head, so depositing checks would be difficult. Then she realized she better warn the bank her bank card and checkbook were stolen. No telling how much they'd already stolen from her account.
She gave him one of her business cards. After bagging the head, she dragged the corpse to the curb. Kate photographed it with her phone, and sent it with the GPS coordinates and address to the County Coroner's office.
Before leaving, she checked her phone and listened to the voice mail from earlier.
"Hello, Kate? This is Superintendent Smith," an unfamiliar male voice said. "We have several zombies at Meriwether Lewis Elementary. We need you there ASAP!"
The school was just three blocks away, so Kate headed over without calling back. She remembered how frantic the Principal at the high school was, so they had to be even worse about rotters in an elementary school. Principal Jerry Edwards, a few teachers, and two janitors were waiting outside the front door.
"What took so long?" Principal Edwards asked when she pulled up.
"Sorry. I had a bad morning," she said. "I didn't realize I had a voice mail until I checked after a job a couple blocks over."
She didn't want to lie, but it would take too long to explain all she'd been through. Best to leave it all vague. They would hear the local gossip mongers' version soon enough.
He looked into the jeep and his eyes widened at the sight of the black plastic bag. Kate smiled apologetically. She liked him. He was her junior high science teacher before being promoted. Mr. Edwards was tall, slim, and completely bald. He still wore the same wire-rimmed glasses.
"Do you know how many zombies there are?" she asked. "And I have to assume they are inside."
"Yes. We had the doors open because the AC hasn't been turned on yet," he said. "We know there are at least three, but probably more. I think we have them all contained to the gym, but I'd appreciate it if you swept the school before leaving."
"Have the police been called?"
"Yes. We called 911 first. They suggested we call you, but were dispatching as well."
That surprised her. Kate didn't think they'd ever recommend her. Was that even legal? Zombies freaked everyone out, so maybe they honestly believed she was better equipped and trained to deal with them. Still, all police were required to carry machetes in their squad cars. All of Illinois sheriff departments were also trained in killing zombies.
"Is there a problem killing them inside?" she asked. "I can lure them out, but it'll take longer and one or more might escape. At least they're contained right now."
None of them liked the idea, but wanted the job done as fast as possible. The janitors reluctantly agreed they could clean up the mess, as long as Kate dragged the bodies out. No one wanted to touch a dead body, much less a dead zombie.
Kate knew that school like the back of her hand. She took her pistol and machete, heading for the gym in back. Even her rubber-soled hunting boots echoed in those wide, empty hallways. A siren wailed to life off in the distance.
"Better kill them all before the cops get here and cut into my profits," she said.
She remembered how Deputy Doge once killed a zombie and gave her credit for the bounty. Cops couldn't collect bounties on heads by state law. It was different in the Zombie Lands. But it reminded her that she'd agreed to go out with him on Saturday night. It was Friday.
"Oh my," she whispered, looking around. "I'm not sure I should now."
Her heart pounded. She'd crushed on him for years. Now with an actual date at hand, she felt panic setting it. Or was it the whole smuggler situation? Kate wasn't sure why, but the idea of going out on a date tomorrow frightened her.
Reaching the gym focused her thoughts on the problem at hand. Zombies.
She found the double steel doors into the gym were locked. They'd given her the key. Pressing her ear to the door, she held her breath and listened. Nothing. So Kate unlocked it as quietly as she could, while it made a god-awful amount of noise to her ears. When she opened the door and peeked in, no one was in sight.
Slipping inside, she locked the door again.
"Hey, zombie, zombie, zombie, come party with me!"
Banging and shuffling sounds echoed through the gym. It took a moment to zero in on where the sounds were coming from. Apparently, one of the zombies was struggling under the slide out bleachers. She heard more in both the boys and girls dressing rooms.
"Come on out, you ugly rotters!" she called. "Mummy wants to play some head games!"
She quirked a smile. "I amuse myself so much sometimes."
The slide out bleachers were only on one side of the gym. While waiting, and because it kind of amused her, Kate hurried over to the controls and started closing the bleachers. The zombie squawked.
"Wow, that's a first," she said. "Guess you didn't like that."
That wouldn't keep him from escaping, but she spotted two coming out of the boy’s room. Both were twenty-something women, one blonde and one black, before they died and rose again, and looked pretty fresh. The black zombie only had blood from a gunshot in the side of her head. The other was missing an arm and covered in blood. Neither one of them had the yellowish, brown blotchy skin that so many had.
"They're bringing them over pretty fresh these days."
It occurred to her the smugglers might've murdered them just to make them zombies, so they could sell them. The thought sickened her. They very well might've been mothers.
Kate marched toward them. Another male zombie came out of the boy’s room then, followed by another limping out of the girl’s room. So Kate pulled her pistol as she closed with the first two.
"Don't go anywhere," Kate said, and shot both zombies in the right knee. They fell to the floor, and would be unable to stand now that she shattered their knees. "I'll be right back."
The male was running. She stuffed th
e pistol under her waistband, lifted the machete high, and charged him. He all but pounced at her, so she dodged aside, before darting in to take a swing at his neck. The machete only struck a glancing blow.
"I hate this machete," she grumbled. The heavier, sharper kukri machete would not have glanced off. He came at her on all fours. "Hai!"
His head rolled that time. Very little blood was spilled, and that pretty thick. He'd been dead a while. The two wounded zombie women were making a much greater mess. Kate turned on the last of the four. The limper approached slower. Her eyes were wild and crazy, like she was crazy even before turning into a zombie. Kind of freaky, so Kate avoided looking her in the face. No blood or gore on her, though.
"Hey, girl," Kate said, pulled the pistol and shot her in the head. The zombie went down like a rock, landing on her back. Rotters were a lot easier to knock down than the living. She thought it was a balance issue. "Now try to stand up like a good little rotter."
She did. They always moved a little awkwardly when rising to their feet. The longer dead had more difficulty than the fresher dead. So the zombie rose up, head high as she pushed up with her arms. Kate was waiting for that perfect shot, and swung two-handed with all her might. The zombie's head flew off.
The two crippled zombies were easy enough to dispatch. The one behind the bleachers came out then. He charged at Kate, moving faster than any she'd ever encountered. And then slipped on blood and fell at Kate's feet. Despite being surprised, Kate chopped his head off before he recovered.
She unlocked the gym door into the school, and one of the doors to outside. Then she dragged the headless bodies outside. Lining them up, she took a picture, got the GPS, and arranged for their pickup. Then she walked around the school and got some black plastic bags out of the jeep.
"The County Coroner is on the way to pick up the corpses, Mr. Edwards," she said. He might be a principal, but he'd forever be Mr. Edwards to her. "Now if you'll be so kind as to pay me $125 I'll be out of here."
"Why so much?"
"There were five," she said. "I charge a $25 per zombie service charge."
"Seems excessive."
"I earn half what a starting teacher is paid a year," Kate said. "Does that sound excessive to you?"
She got her money and her heads. Kate was pleased. She'd just made $375, which was almost her rent. Now it was time to hit the bank and start fixing the mess her life had become. And then go over to the Classic Cars used car place and buy something cheap.
Chapter 15
"Good job," Jason said. "It's coming along nicely, men."
The sheetrock contractor he'd hired was just getting started in the living room. The plumbers were almost ready for the inspector, who was due late that afternoon. Once they passed the inspection, he could sheetrock the bathrooms and kitchen. He already had the flooring scheduled to be installed. By the end of next week he expected the walls to be ready for paint and the plumbers should be finished.
"You guys work a lot faster than contractors in the big city," he said. "I love it."
"Are you going to make many more apartments like this?" the sheetrock guy asked.
"Yes. Only about half the shops rent the floor above. And Tennyson only has the one small apartment complex," he said. "Where are kids moving out on their own supposed to live?"
"With mommy and daddy?" the contractor said, and they laughed.
"Well, I'm going to give them more options," Jason said. "I have a piece of property a mile out of town off Old Mill Road where I'm thinking about building an apartment complex."
Everyone looked happy about that. He suspected business could get slow for them from time to time. The sheetrock contractor was also the framing contractor, and the only one for either in the area. He mostly did remodeling, specializing in additions to homes.
"Kate's going to love this place," Jason said.
"Kate Brokenshire?"
The contractor looked him over, as if appraising him.
"Yes. She wants an office-apartment combo," he said. "Do you know her?"
"Of course. She went to school with my eighteen year old son," he said. He emphasized "eighteen year old" so Jason guessed he was making sure Jason understood how young she was, though in a nice friendly way. "Are you making a play for her? I think she's dating Johnny Tucker, but I'm not sure how seriously."
Jason laughed. He was acting friendly, but it was obvious he would not approve of a thirty year old dating a woman twelve years his junior. But then, for a woman like Kate he could endure a little public disapproval.
"I haven't really thought about it, but she is quite a beauty. She's not what I expected, to be honest." His phone rang. "I just want to do something nice for Kate since she killed the vamp that murdered my grandparents. Excuse me a sec."
Max Carter was the caller according to his screen. Jason hadn't spoken with his old college roommate in years.
"Hi, Max, long time to see," Jason answered. "What are you up to?"
"Jason! It's good to talk to you," Max said. "Some friends and I are passing through and I thought I'd see if you're available."
"I'm in Tennyson, not Chicago," he said.
"I know. I heard about your grandparents' passing," he said. "My condolences."
Once again, rather odd. For a second, he worried that Max heard about his inheritance and came to hit him up for a "loan." He'd already had a few calls from friends and relatives needing a little financial help.
"Well, can you to stay around for dinner? I can throw a few steaks on the grill tonight," he said. "I'm on a jobsite right now."
"That sounds great," Max said. "We're just north of town and heading to Memphis. Is there somewhere we can meet?"
Jason looked around. He really wanted to be there for the inspection, but that was hours away. The workers probably didn't want him there watching over their shoulders.
"I have a little time to spare. Meet me at my house," he said. "It's not too far off the highway."
He gave Max directions and the address. Then he headed home in his Mercedes Benz GLC300 4Matic. Jason rented a big Georgian on Sherwood Street. It was one of the town's older, nicer neighbor streets, lined with huge hardwoods. He parked halfway up the driveway, just enough to let Max park in the circular drive. A red Camaro pulled in shortly after his arrival.
"He wasn't very far out of town."
Max was always a big man. He matured into a rather rough looking man, too. His two friends looked almost as dangerous. For a second he considered pretending he wasn't home. Jason wasn't sure he wanted men who looked like that inside his home. But when Max knocked, he answered.
Max and Jason hugged like old friends, and then he shook hands with men introduced as Carl and Nolan. Jason got everyone a cold beer and they went out back to sit by the pool.
"So you're still doing the construction thing?" Max said.
"Yes. I'm a builder at heart. I have to build things," he said. "Tennyson is suffering a housing shortage, so I'm happy." He took sip of beer. "What are you up to? Weren't you living in Omaha before the Zombie Apocalypse?"
"Yes. I'm living in Memphis now," he said. "But I'm still working in the Zombie Lands."
"Oh? What do you do?"
"Security consultant," he said. "I help farmsteads and communities come up with ways to keep the zombies out."
"Well then, you have job security," he said. "This is as close to the cursed lands as I want to venture."
"It's not as bad as people think," Max said. "You just have to be vigilant about everything around you." He finished off his beer in a long swallow. "That hit the spot. But I have a question for you. Do you know a chick named Kate Brokenshire?"
Jason just looked at him. Kate had been attacked outside of the diner that day. He'd been in the diner, but hadn't seen it happen. And he was pretty sure that Carl was in the diner with another guy and a Goth girl that Kate spoke with. He had a very bad feeling.
"Actually, I have met her just once," he said. "You know she's t
he person who blew up the family's big Victorian mansion?"
"I didn't know that," Max said. "I just met her today, at a gas station north of town. All I got is her name, before she drove away. But I think she looked me over with interest, and as you know she's quite a sight to behold. So if you could invite her over for dinner, we'd be happy to stay, too."
Jason laughed to cover up how uncomfortable that made him. There was no way he would invite that sweet girl over to meet men like that. He kind of felt bad about some of the inappropriate thoughts he'd had now.
"No. I can't do that," he said. "Kate's dating the son of good family friends. That would put me in a very awkward place. Besides, she's barely eighteen. You're much too old for her."
Max smiled and nodded, but that smile didn't get anywhere near his eyes. Jason saw cold fury instead peering back at him. He suddenly wished he'd armed himself before meeting with him.
To lighten the mood, he grinned evilly, "Besides, if I was going to set that hot piece of ass up with a thirty year old, it would be with me. She made quite an impression."
Max and his friends chuckled. It relieved the tension a little. Jason decided it was time to be rid of his friend. So he was very happy when his phone rang.
"Jason speaking."
"We have a problem up here, Mr. Frasier," Billy, the plumber, said. "Can you come over real quick?"
"What kind of problem?"
"It's best if you could see it first," he said. "It's hard to explain."
Jason sighed dramatically for Max and his friends. He combed his fingers through his hair as if he were upset.
"Okay, fine. I'll be right there." He ended the call. "Sorry, Max, but the reunion has to come to an end. I have a problem on one of my sites that requires my attention. Stop by anytime you pass through."
He stood up and led them out the front door, and then locked it. After shaking hands with the men, making their farewells, he got in his SUV and headed for downtown.
Chapter 16