by Jill Shalvis
LIZZY WATCHED his sexy butt go into her kitchen, watched him grab a glass and turn on the tap while her breath caught in her throat, threatening to choke her. Standing up, she went into her bedroom and grabbed her bathrobe, and on second thought, her spare one, as well, since Jason’s clothes were damp. She put on one and entered the kitchen to find Jason finishing a glass of water.
In the buff.
He set down the glass and looked at her.
“I’ve thought about what you said,” she told him. “And I think you’re confusing love with…”
He stroked a finger down her jaw. “Love?”
She gulped. Yeah. That. The one emotion she’d never been able to tame, control or make work for her without pain.
Him being gloriously naked didn’t help. She tossed him the robe. He held up the pink silk and, with a small smile, slipped into it. He looked ridiculous.
And hot as hell.
“I’m not confused, Lizzy. In fact, I’ve never been more clear. This isn’t lust.”
“It’s been twenty-four hours.”
“It’s been over ten years. And here’s the thing I’ve known since high school, but never had the balls to follow up on—you’re it for me.”
“Oh my God.”
“I want this to work.”
“This?” She spread her hands. “This is merely adrenaline, and okay a lot of affection and heat, but that’s all in-the-moment stuff. I’m going off to get the life that’s always been within my grasp, and you…you don’t even know for sure what you’re doing.”
“So what? I still haven’t heard a reason for us to throw this away.” He crossed his arms and waited. In pink silk.
She gulped, torn between hysterical laughter and a horrible vulnerability. “Okay, it’s not you. It’s me.” She paused, then admitted the truth. “It’s all me. I…I don’t get love. I don’t trust it. I don’t want it.”
“That’s because love’s always cost you.” He stepped close, dipped down to meet her eyes. “It’s always been a burden, holding you back. It doesn’t have to be like that, Lizzy, not with us.”
“Stop.” Shakily, she lifted a hand to hold him off as she shook her head and backed up. “I can’t take you seriously in that thing. I’m sorry.”
“Fine.” He dropped it, smiling as silkily as the material of the robe. “Better?”
Was he kidding? “Okay, listen. I know what you’re saying. Hell, any shrink out there would have a field day with this, my textbook fear of commitment. I lost my parents young, had to raise my sister, always had to be in control and now I can’t give that up to share my life, blah, blah, blah…” She let out a breath. “Listen, you said you’re screwed up, but the truth is, I’m the screwed-up one. Let’s just leave it at that, okay?”
“No.” He shook his head. “No, not okay.”
From somewhere in the depths of the bathroom where she’d left her clothes, her cell phone went off. Grateful for the interruption, she whirled toward it.
“Lizzy.”
She kept going.
16
LIZZY RAN INTO the bathroom for her cell phone. “Please,” she whispered as she yanked it out of her pocket. “Be Cece…”
But the incoming number was unfamiliar to her, and she sagged in disappointment. “Hello?”
“Lizzy?”
It was Cece. Her throat swelled. “Oh, thank God. Are you okay? Where are you?”
“Well, I was halfway between my place and yours, in a Hummer, but now—”
“Are you okay?”
“I am now. Lizzy, this phone’s going to die. Can you come?”
“Yes, of course, I’ll come help you.”
“That’s the thing. I don’t need help, I managed. On my own. Well—” She laughed. “Not on my own, not at all. Hunter was there with me.”
“Who? And where are you?”
“We’re…Hunter, where are we again?” Cece’s voice broke off and then there was some rustling.
“Cece?” Lizzy said. “Cece? Who’s Hunter—”
“That would be me,” said a deep, masculine voice in her ear. “We’re at the San Luis Memorial.”
And that was it, the cell died. “San Luis Memorial,” she said to herself, whirling to get dressed only to plow into Jason. He tossed her clothes at her as he hopped into his jeans.
“Come on,” he said, and grabbed her hand.
She spared the split second to stare at him in eternal gratitude. “Jason. You don’t have to—”
He didn’t even slow, just sent her an annoyed glance over his shoulder. “Really, Lizzy? You’re going to dump me and argue with me?”
No. No, she wasn’t. “She’s with some guy.”
“Okay.”
“No, you don’t understand. She gave up men. We both did.”
“Beg to disagree on that one.”
She sighed. “I had a momentary slip. You sneaked in past my defenses.”
“Right back at ya, babe.”
CECE LOOKED UP at Hunter as he replaced the hospital phone by her bed, then leaned in closer and stroked her hair from her face. “How are you feeling?”
He’d delivered her baby and then managed to wave down a boat floating past them, who’d transported them to a roadblock and emergency personnel. From there they’d gotten a ride to the hospital in San Luis Obispo, since Santa Rey’s had been so badly damaged they’d not been accepting patients.
How did she feel after all she’d been through? “Shockingly good.” She looked down at the sweetest little baby girl she’d ever seen. The infant lay on her chest, looking up with bright blue eyes, mouth pursed seriously. The peach fuzz on her bald head softened the rather severe expression, and Cece fell madly in love with her all over again.
“She’s beautiful,” Hunter said.
“Yeah.” She paused, then screwed up the courage to voice the thought foremost in her mind now that she could breathe. “I guess it’s over now, right?”
“Which? The storm?” Hunter glanced out the window and shook his head. “Not quite yet, though the worst has passed, I think.”
“Not that.” She paused. “This.”
He paused, too, and she figured he had no idea what the hell she was talking about.
Hell, she barely knew what she was talking about.
No, that was a lie, and she no longer lied, especially to herself. She knew exactly what she meant.
“Cece.” His voice was achingly soft, achingly deep as he hunkered down to her eye level.
Oh, God. Here it came. Another rejection. She should be good at them by now, but she wasn’t. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “I—”
“I don’t want it to be over.”
She closed her eyes, then opened them and saw his steady, patient gaze. “You don’t?”
Slowly he shook his head, then bent to press a kiss to the baby’s head, and then Cece’s mouth. They’d been through so much that she felt as if she knew him better than she’d ever known anyone, so it was a bit shocking to realize that it was their first kiss.
It was perfect.
Cupping her face, he looked into her eyes for a long moment, then kissed her again, letting her feel and taste the truth.
Yeah. He was right. It wasn’t over.
Not by a long shot.
JASON GOT THEM back to his Jeep in an hour which, considering the conditions, was nothing less than a small miracle.
They didn’t speak, which was for the best. Lizzy could sense his frustration, his hurt, and it killed her that she’d caused it.
She hurt, too. It was the one thing she’d wanted to avoid, and yet here she was.
Sporting a damn cracked open heart.
The rain finally slowed to an immeasurable drizzle as they drove back the way they’d come to get to the highway. Lizzy couldn’t take her horrified eyes off the destruction. Houses had taken on up to ten feet of water depending on where they were and how high the foundations were elevated. There were bricks knocked off retaining walls, fenc
es down, roofs missing. Entire streets gone.
“I can’t believe it.”
Jason managed to get them heading north along the coast with no mishaps.
And no words.
“Jason?” She hesitated. “Are we still friends?”
He gave her an inscrutable glance. “Is that what you want?”
It was the least of what she wanted. “I understand if you don’t,” she said softly.
“Really?”
“Yes,” she said slowly, thrown by his disturbingly polite voice. “I realize I’ve confused things, Jason. Muddled up the relationship.”
“Which was…what, exactly?”
“Uh…”
At her inability to put it into words, he let out a breath, revealing more frustration and a measure of temper. She’d finally busted through his infinite patience, which was quite the feat.
“You don’t want to answer?” he asked. “Or you don’t have an answer?”
She squirmed. Okay, so this whole talking thing had been a bad idea. “Here’s the exit,” she said, gesturing to the first off-ramp for San Luis Obispo.
“Code for shut up, Jason.” He got off the freeway and drove straight to the hospital’s emergency room entrance. “Go ahead,” he said wearily. “I’ll find you.”
“Jase—”
“Go.”
Right. She ran out of the car and into the hospital, thinking about his words. I’ll find you. She knew it would always be true. If she needed him, he’d find her. If she wanted him, he’d find her.
Bottom line—he was there for her, through thick and thin and storms and panic attacks. He was there for her for anything.
Who was there for him?
At the registration desk, she was directed to a room where she found her sister sitting up in the hospital bed, wearing a gown and a wrist bracelet signaling that she’d been admitted.
“Lizzy.” Cece’s eyes went bright with unshed tears.
Lizzy rushed forward, so full of anxiety and worry she could hardly breathe as she reached for her sister, hugging her. “You had the baby.”
“Yes. I had her.”
“Her?” Lizzy’s heart leaped into her throat. “It’s a her? Is she okay? Are you okay? Where is she?”
“Right here.”
Lizzy turned toward the tall, built, biker guy.
Holding a baby.
He looked at Cece, who nodded, and then he held the baby out to Lizzy, who took the bundle from his warm, solid arms.
“Meet Hope,” Cece said, her voice soft and thick.
Lizzy stared down at the sweetest, most serene little face, at the perfect bow lips and bright eyes. “Oh, Cece,” she whispered, awed beyond words. “It’s your mini-you.”
“Told you,” the man murmured to Cece, and then with an undeniable familiarity, stroked his hand down her arm.
Cece didn’t sock him. She didn’t shove him away. She didn’t flinch.
Instead, she smiled with her entire heart in her eyes.
Lizzy stared at the admittedly amazing-looking biker. “I’m sorry, who are you again?”
“My angel,” Cece said.
“You’re not the doctor,” Lizzy said.
“No,” he agreed. “I’m Hunter Bryant.”
Cece entwined her fingers in his and gave him a sweet smile that blew Lizzy away. “Hunter delivered Hope,” Cece said.
In Lizzy’s arms, Hope cooed, and Lizzy stared down at her, heart melting into a little puddle at her feet. “Hope,” she whispered, smiling as the baby yawned and stretched.
“Seemed fitting,” Cece said.
Hunter smiled down at the baby, then at Cece. “It sure did.”
“Okay.” Lizzy divided a look between them. “Okay, what exactly happened out there in that cursed storm?”
“It wasn’t a cursed storm.” Cece smiled up at Hunter. “It brought me a miracle. Two miracles.”
Jason appeared in the doorway, looking rumpled, edgy and exhausted. And yet when he saw Lizzy, his mouth curved, the smile reaching those gray eyes, softening him.
And Lizzy’s breath caught. Cece was right. It hadn’t been a cursed storm, not for her, either. Not even close…“Jason, come look.”
Pushing away from the door, he moved close, shoulder to shoulder with her as he looked down at Hope. “She’s beautiful.” He touched the baby’s cheek, his face softening even more into a sweet smile. He looked up at Cece. “Just like mom.”
Cece let out another smile, this one sleepy, and she leaned her head against Hunter’s chest, further shocking Lizzy.
“It’s okay, Liz,” she murmured quietly. “He’s one of the good guys you’ve been telling me is out there.”
As the baby yawned and nodded off, Lizzy felt Jason looking down at her, and she met his gaze. He touched her cheek as gently as he’d touched the baby’s, running his thumb over her skin, catching the single tear she hadn’t realized she’d let fall. “Ah, Lizzy,” he murmured so softly as to be almost inaudible. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”
A promise. And he hadn’t failed her, not yet.
Nope, the only one who had failed here had been her.
17
THE NEXT DAY, Lizzy went into work. The electricity had been restored, but there’d been significant damage to the east wing of the E.R., plus they were inundated with patients. She’d been running for four straight hours with nothing more than a shot of caffeine in her system when she was paged to the front desk.
She went hustling down the hall. It couldn’t be Cece. Her sister was at home, doing wonderfully, and so was Hope. Lizzy had spent a couple of hours, holding her niece, stunned by the love that bubbled in her heart from just looking at the baby.
Then she’d gone to work, for the first time in her life just a little bit jealous of her sister, who had not only gotten her life together but was moving it forward.
Progress.
She needed that, too. Yeah, she’d had the UCLA thing planned, but she knew the truth now—it was no longer what her heart wanted, and hadn’t been for a long time. She’d turned down the scholarship this morning.
She’d find a new dream.
As she headed to the nurse’s station, she saw Cristina standing in front of the desk with a clipboard. She was in full firefighting gear and looked filthy. She’d probably just pulled someone out of a fire and was checking on them. Cristina’s partner, Blake, was across the hall, downing from the water fountain. Lizzy waved a hello in his direction and went straight to Cristina. “You okay?”
“I am.” Cristina accompanied this with an amused look. “You?”
“I’m fine.”
“Good, because there’s someone here to see you.” She put her hands on Lizzy’s shoulders and turned her forty-five degrees so that she could see the other side of the desk.
Where Jason stood.
Unlike how he’d been almost the entire time she’d spent with him, he was completely dry. The odd thought almost made her smile, but she didn’t. Couldn’t. Not when he was standing so close, watching her, his eyes unfathomable, his hands tucked into his pockets, a pensive look on his face that turned into a smile when he saw her.
Not his full-wattage smile, not his usual confident-in-his-skin smile, but one that said he wasn’t entirely sure of his welcome.
“You two had quite a time out there, I hear,” Cristina said quietly.
“Yeah.” She couldn’t take her eyes off Jason.
“Do yourself a favor, Lizzy, and keep him.”
Lizzy huffed out a breath. “When I suggested that to you about Dustin last year, you nearly bit my head off.”
“Yeah, well, I’m meaner than you.” Cristina accompanied this with a little nudge.
But Lizzy didn’t need a nudge.
She didn’t let herself think, she just did what came naturally, and walked up to Jason.
His arms closed around her, warm and solid. “Hey,” he murmured in her ear.
“Hey.” God, he smelled good. She
wanted to bury her face in his neck, but she was extremely aware that she stood in front of the nurse’s station and there were curious eyes on them, so she pulled back, firmly putting her hands in her pockets to keep them off him.
She’d told him she didn’t want to do this, which had just been a way to protect herself, and now seemed dumb.
So very dumb.
In any case, she truly was so happy to be able to lay her eyes on him she could barely keep her heart in her chest. “I’m happy to see you,” she said. “But what are you doing here?”
“I came to ask you out on a date. I was thinking lunch.”
She had to laugh. “Food.”
“Of course,” he said on a smile. “So…? Yes?”
She couldn’t believe he was standing here, looking so good. “A date? Really?”
“A first date,” he clarified. “And why not?”
“Well, because we’ve already been through so much for one thing. The crazy drive, the white water rafting, the Olympic swim, the…um…” She felt her face heat as she thought of the other activities.
Naked activities.
“We’ve done it all,” she murmured, smiling at the wicked gleam in his eye. “A first date seems…superfluous.”
“We could go straight to the important stuff, if you’d rather.”
Lizzy was very aware of everyone’s extreme interest in their conversation, and she pulled him aside a little bit. “What’s possibly left?” she whispered.
“Plenty. The I-love-you stuff for one.”
She went utterly still, except for her eyes, which she felt nearly bug out of her head as she completely forgot about their attentive audience, which had simply moved closer to hear better. “I—You—” She closed her mouth, but she couldn’t breathe so she had to open it again. “What?”
He gave her a knowing look. “Want to go back to just having lunch?”
“No,” Cristina said for her. “She doesn’t.”
Lizzy shot her a look over her shoulder, then turned back to Jason. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m…dizzy.”