“Pobrecita, hombres son pendejos. ”
My brow wrinkled in confusion.
“Men are assholes,” she translated with a shrug, rubbing circles over my back. It was a gentle comfort so I let her keep doing it.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do now.” I rubbed my forehead and sniffed. “How am I going to face everyone? I don’t want to have to explain something I don’t even understand. I think I’ll just lie to my parents and say I’m going away, but actually hole up here for the holiday.”
“No, you cannot do that. You have to get out of here.”
“And where am I supposed to go?”
Quella nibbled the edge of her lip, her sharp nose twitching. I pulled her mask away and fought to keep my expression bland. I was about to get exactly what I wanted.
“Come with me. Celebrate Thanksgiving with my papá.”
“Really?” I touched her arm.
“Of course. We would love to have you.” She smiled.
“That’s so sweet, but I don’t know. I won’t be very good company.”
“I cannot let you stay here. You have to say yes.” She squeezed my shoulder.
I fought a watery smile, going for uncertain a little longer, just to really sell it.
“Come on, chica, you know it is a good idea.”
“Okay,” I finally sighed and then sniffed. “Yeah, okay, I’d love to. Thank you.” I wrapped her in a hug and squeezed tight. “Thank you.”
She giggled at my unrelenting embrace. “We will leave next Wednesday. The car is arriving at four.”
I forced a smile, letting her go and squeezing her arm one last time before she got off the bed and snatched up her bag.
“It will be fun.” She smiled and winked. “Trust me.”
As soon as she walked out the door, I scrambled for the earpiece under my pillow and shoved it back in.
“You hear that? I’m in.” I smiled, expecting to hear Rhodes reply.
Instead, I got the sharp staccato of Kaplan. “I told you it would work. Now you better hold it together for the rest of the week. You stay strong and you get this job done. Are we clear?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Good. Now get your ass to class before people start asking questions.”
I checked my watch and swore, lunging off the bed and snatching up my stuff. My head spun, a wave of nausea surging through me.
“I think I might have to call in sick,” I groaned.
“So pathetic,” Kaplan muttered.
I flopped back onto my bed, holding my head with one hand and flipping her the bird with the other.
One week.
It felt like an eternity. Why the hell hadn’t I waited for the weekend? Why had my stupid, dumb, drunk ass decided to call Eric and break up with him? How was I supposed to avoid him until I left?
Sure, I felt sick today, but holing up in my room for the week would not fly.
My mind swirled as I pictured what he was probably going through. I wished I could call and tell him the truth, but another part begged that he’d leave me alone.
Tears burned as I curled into a ball on my bed, praying I could survive the week without bumping into the guy whose heart I’d just annihilated.
30
Eric
I ran my thumb over my phone screen before plonking it onto the table with a heavy sigh.
“Still not answering, huh?” Scott’s soft question felt loud in my ears.
I shook my head, struggling for words.
Hell, I’d been struggling all week. It’d been seven days of hell since Caity slammed out of my car. I’d spent the first day numb, the second day sleeping, the third day desperately trying to call her, but she’d ignored every message.
Piper, with her usual flair, got in on the action and finally got in touch with her. I stood there in agony listening to her bawl out Caity on her psychotic behavior. After that, Caity turned her phone off and none of us had been able to reach her since.
I’d even called around to her parents’ place to see how she was doing. They were as perplexed as me.
“She won’t tell us anything. She called two days ago to let us know she’s going away with a friend for Thanksgiving.”
“Who?”
“Some girl named Quella.”
Since that moment, the sick nausea in my stomach had not abated. I was plagued by it. My head was in a constant state of fuzziness, making lectures impossible to hear. As I walked the campus my eyes constantly roamed the pathways for Caity, but I never saw her. It was like she’d disappeared off the face of the earth.
“Dude, I know this hurts, man, but she obviously doesn’t want to talk to you right now.”
“But why?” I whispered. “I never saw it coming. I never expected this from her. I feel totally blind-sided.”
“You’ve got to admit that she’s been acting a little different since Quella moved in. You knew something was up.”
I closed my eyes as Scott took a seat at the kitchen table.
“I didn’t think she could be influenced so easily.”
“Remind me of her words again?”
“Don’t make me relive it.” I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms.
Scott shot me a glum smile. “I just recall you saying that she needed a break for now...that doesn’t mean forever. I don’t think calling her every day is helping. Maybe you need to respect her wishes.”
I grimaced, spinning my phone on the table. “I can’t give up on her. I can’t just let her go.”
“It’s not your choice, man.”
I met Scott’s sympathetic look with a dark wrath. Shooting out of my chair, I kicked it away from me. It toppled to the floor with a loud crash. “I can’t buy it! I can’t believe that she would go from loved up to breaking off in one weekend.”
“What happened down in San Diego?”
“I don’t know! I thought things were pretty good! I mean, yeah, I probably lectured her a little too hard on the way back, telling her to stop feeling so responsible for Quella, but I didn’t think she’d take it to this extreme. Is her roommate a witch or something? Has mind-controlling powers?”
Scott snickered, but swiftly swallowed it down when I looked at him. “Or maybe Caity just needs some time to figure out what she needs.”
“If I could talk to her...if she’d only listen to me, I know I could change her mind.”
“People need to walk their own journeys, in their own time. Forcing a feeling doesn’t work, dude.”
I shook my head, unwilling to listen. “School gets out today and then she’s taking off with Quella. I can’t let that happen.”
“Eric—”
“I’ve got to find her.” I spun out of the kitchen, snatching my keys off the side table. “If I can talk to her, I know I can make this right.”
“She wants space!”
“I’ve given her a week!” I threw my arms wide. “She’s not leaving without talking to me.”
I wanted to punch the pained expression right off Scott’s face. “What!”
He shrugged. “I guess I’m kind of worried that you’ll only push her away even more.”
Letting out a soft curse, I squeezed the keys in my hand until it hurt.
“I’ll hate myself forever if I don’t at least try. If I see her today and she still doesn’t want me, I’ll walk away.” The words fell out of my mouth, broken and splintered.
Scott didn’t say another word as I walked out the door.
I drove in tense silence, not even bothering with the radio. All I could think about was Caity and what I’d say to her. I only had one class that morning and I’d driven back home straight after it. I had no idea what I wanted to do for Thanksgiving anymore. Caity and I were supposed to have lunch with her family and then watch football with my mom and Cliff. Those plans were shot to hell...unless I could say the right thing.
It took me a while to remember which classes Caity had. I started at her dorm, but no one was there.
Her room was locked up tight, freaking me out for a second.
Had she left already?
But then I remembered that she had a Comparative Literature class at two.
I checked my watch and raced down the stairs. If I hurried, I’d be able to catch her as she was coming out.
There was a nip in the air as I burst out of the building. Winter was well on its way and it felt like it could be a cold one. I ignored the chill and strode toward the right building, trying to figure out a good place to wait.
I was scanning the area when my body froze.
There she was, walking toward me with her head lowered and her binder hugged tight against her chest.
She glanced up and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, coming to an abrupt stop when she saw me. Her blue eyes grew large, a look of delight fluttering across her face before she caught herself. She made a move toward me, but then jerked still.
Her smile evaporated, a look of annoyance taking over her expression. Her eyes quickly glassed with tears. She blinked rapidly, biting on her lip and shaking her head.
“Caity, I just want to talk.” I took a step closer.
She backed away.
Her lips pinched into a tight line, like she was wrestling a demon on one shoulder and an angel on another.
“Please.”
She shook her head again, punching out a sharp, “No.”
“Caity, come on.”
“No.” It was more of a sobbing whine this time, her face cresting with agony. Closing her eyes, she spun on her heel, her movements sharp and tight.
“Caity, wait!”
“NO!” She shook her head again. “I told you to leave me alone! I don’t want you.” The words punched out of her like machine gun fire...and they killed me.
I couldn’t move for a minute. I just stood there, watching her run away from me, awkwardly holding her folder and pumping her arms, creating a distance between us as fast as she possibly could.
She didn’t want me.
My throat burned, my eyes stung and it was suddenly impossible to breathe.
I had to get out of there.
My limbs felt like they were made of brittle wood as I turned back for my car.
She wouldn’t even let me talk to her.
She didn’t want me.
Those four words hammered themselves into my brain, like some sick mantra I had heard a million times before.
People didn’t want me.
Sucking in a ragged breath, I picked up my pace and sprinted to my car, wanting to punch, kick, kill.
I had to get out.
I had to get to Gramps before my reckless anger made me do something stupid.
31
Caitlyn
“Okay, Caity, you need to calm down.” Kaplan’s voice was sharp in my ear.
“Shut up! Shut up!” I sobbed. “I ran, okay. I ran from him.” I seethed out the words, hating her with every fiber of my being. Nestling myself into a small alcove, I doubled over, sucking in lungfuls of air and trying not to relive the broken despair on Eric’s face.
I’d told him I didn’t want him. I knew that’d be the only way to get him to leave me alone...and I hated myself for it.
The second I saw him, I’d wanted to run into his arms, but Kaplan had been yelling in my ear, telling me to back off.
“I am watching you and if you take one more step, I’m heading to the post office and mailing that file to Marchant. Walk away! NOW!”
My lips quivered and I struggled to rein in my emotions. I’d been a ball of nerves all week. If I wasn’t stressing about breaking my boyfriend’s heart, letting down my family and pissing off Piper, I was freaking out about getting in a car with Quella and traveling to a den of lions.
I couldn’t do this.
I wasn’t capable!
“It’s three-fifteen. You need to start heading back to the dorm to get ready. Quella’s car leaves at four.”
“Just give me a minute.”
“You don’t have a minute! Move your ass.”
“Kaplan,” I snapped. “For the record, I hate your fucking guts!”
There was a long beat of silence. I breathed into it, anxiously awaiting her retaliation. With a frown, I pressed the plastic piece into my ear, making sure it was still working.
“Luckily for you,” she finally quipped, “I don’t give a shit what you think...as long as you do what you’re told.”
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the cold stone bricks. I didn’t want to move; I wanted to stay frozen to this spot until it was over, but my logical brain kept shouting at me.
It won’t be over unless you move!
With a heavy sigh, I pushed off the wall just as Rhodes’s voice came into my ear.
“You know, I’d normally say language like that from a mouth as cute as yours is really quite ugly, but...” He chuckled. “That was pure poetry, Caity. I’m so glad I was standing in the van to hear it.”
I snickered, comforted by the sound of his voice.
“Where are you guys?”
“On the road, outside your class. We’ll be moving with you as you head back to the dorm.”
“Where’s Kaplan?”
“Ahhh, she’s taking a...break.”
“Oh, man,” I mumbled, trying not to look like a crazy lady talking to herself. “She’s gonna pay me back for that, isn’t she?”
“Nah, I actually think she appreciates it when you show a little fire. But you did piss her off.”
“As long as she’s not going to the post office.”
“I’ll make sure of it.”
I closed my eyes, his soft words acting like a balm. “Thank you.”
“You know I’ve got your back.”
I nodded, hoping he meant it. The weight of my upcoming weekend crashed over me again, restricting my chest. I opened my eyes, forcing my body back to my dorm when, for the second time that day, I jerked to a stop.
Scott was walking toward me. He was looking the other way and part of me was tempted to duck my head and keep moving, but I couldn’t.
The idea of a chance flickered inside me. Nerves scuttled through my body like hungry crabs. I clutched the binder to my chest and stepped into his path.
“Hey.” The word punched out of my mouth, sounding sharp and unfriendly. I cringed.
Scott glanced over at the sound of my voice, his stride faltering.
“Hi.” His smile was soft and sweet as always. Scratching his short hair, he came to a stop beside me, his warm gaze quietly analyzing me before saying anything.
I looked to the ground.
“You okay?”
I bit my lip and nodded.
He was still studying me; I could feel it. My lips twitched as I fought the question, but then I couldn’t help myself. “Did you see Eric, just now?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I was heading to my last class before break.” He pointed at me. “Did you see him?”
I pressed my lips together and went for a lie, shaking my head. “I—I just wanted to know if he was okay.”
“In all honesty, Caity, he’s not great.”
I flinched. I already knew that. I’d seen his face as I made it a million times worse. All his childhood wounds would have been unearthed with my one soul-destroying statement. If only I could take it back, make it better, give him a reason to forgive me.
My face crumpled, worry skirting through me as I entertained my idea. Kaplan would kill me and then head straight to the post office.
But only if she found out.
I had to tell Eric. I couldn’t go away with my I don’t want you statement hanging between us. I had to let him in on my lies. I’d be gone in an hour anyway; Kaplan would get what she wanted and Eric would stay safe.
And standing in front of me was my one and only chance to do it.
I flipped open my binder, tearing out a sheet of lined paper.
“What are you doing?” Rhodes voice shot into my ear.
I cleared my throat, forcing my stance to relax. “I hope he’s going to be okay.”
“He’s pretty cut up, Caity.”
“I know.” I stared at the concrete beneath my feet, my mind working overtime as I tried to think how to pass on my message without Kaplan finding out and unleashing some foreign mafia on my boyfriend.
“Look, it’s none of my business.” Scott waved his hand. “I guess we’re just kind of surprised.”
I nodded. “Yeah, it does feel out of the blue, which is totally my fault. The curse of being a people-pleaser, I guess.” I punched out a hollow laugh.
“I thought Eric and you were really great together. I thought he made you happy.”
My nose wrinkled as I fought off a fresh wave of tears.
“Time. I just want a little time.” I cleared my throat. “Hey, listen, um, I’m heading out of town for a couple of days...for Thanksgiving.”
“Yeah, Eric told me. Quella, right?”
I frowned, wondering how Eric knew that.
“Yeah, she invited me, so...” I shrugged.
Scott nodded, obviously not impressed that I was choosing Quella over my original plans.
“You probably think it’s weird, but this feels like the right decision for now.”
Scott nodded. “I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.”
“Yeah, uh-huh. That—that’s what I was thinking.”
“Would you wrap this up? You’re leaving in thirty minutes and Kaplan will be back any second,” Rhodes softly barked in my ear.
It was a real effort not to react to his warning. My lips pushed into a tight smile before I gazed down at the note of paper I’d ripped from my binder.
There was no way I could get this note to Eric without Rhodes seeing. I gazed across at Scott as a handful of new lies filtered into my head.
I dug into my bag for a pen and yanked one free.
“Hey, can you pass on a message to Piper for me. We were supposed to get together on Friday to talk wedding plans.”
“Were you?” Scott frowned.
“Yeah, you guys are spending Thanksgiving with your cousin this year and since you’re staying in town, we wanted to take advantage of that.” I gave him a wide-eyed stare, nodding my head emphatically and probably being way too obvious.
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