Either way, he knew Ethan and I were no longer on speaking terms and haven’t been for four long years. Forcing us to be around each other is not going to change that. I hate how my body betrayed me today just by seeing him. As soon as I saw him, I was filled with an ache, just begging for relief. I was able to ignore it for the most part, but I know if I don’t stay clear of him I won’t be able to stand it much more.
Damn it! I throw a wrench down on top of my toolbox. Every day, my mind wanders to Andi. Every fucking day. What is she doing? How is she doing? Who is she doing it with? I hope she’s enjoying college. Blah, blah blah. It’s the same old story, ever since we had our falling out. I’ve missed her so damn bad, yet there she was right in front of me today and I once again didn’t tell her any of the feelings I have for her. Yes, I will admit, feelings I still have for her. There’s not one ounce of me that doesn’t love her, even after all this time. I don’t think she has anyone significant in her life right now—at least Ron doesn’t let on that she does. I seriously don’t think I could handle it if she fell in love with someone else.
Seeing her today, leaning against her car, she looked like an angel. The sun blazing in the background only highlighted how beautiful she is. Her smooth hair hanging down on one side had a magical shine to it. I’m so glad to see she still wears it long. I think it’s actually longer than I ever remember it before; I figured she would have chopped it off as soon as she left just to piss me off. She always used to tease me that she was going to because she knew how much I liked her long hair.
She’s really blossomed while she’s been away. Not that she wasn’t in shape before, but she is definitely not slacking. It looks like I’m not the only one who’s taking to working out. I was so awestruck that she actually took my breath away for a minute. That Texas sun sure looks good on her.
I picture that sexy face of hers trying to show how mad she was. That pissed-off look hasn’t changed much though. Even mad at me, she’s still the sexiest girl I have ever known. I would love to have a taste of those hot lips she pouted at me.
Of course, I had to remind myself that she didn’t want me to be a part of her life anymore. That just pissed me off all over again. I hated being an ass to her, but I’m mad. I’m mad that she could take off for a different college than what we planned and not even tell me about it until the day of our fight. She didn’t even tell me she’d applied there. I know we weren’t together as in boyfriend/girlfriend together, but damn it, I thought we told each other everything. I thought we’d be going to school together. She had other plans though, and I had a baby on the way.
Or so I thought.
I hang my head and let that day wash through me like the bad dream it was. I was standing in the middle of Dad’s garage. Even though Dad has been gone for some time now, I still think of it as if he were still here. It will probably never be just Mom’s place.
Kelly walked into my dad’s garage with a smile on her face and said she needed to talk. So we went to the deck of Mom and Dad’s house and sat at the picnic table. She looked me straight in the eye and said we were having a baby, due in February. Of course, I was shocked because we’d only been together that night I woke up with her on my lap; plus, she was supposed to be on the pill. All I could think about was how I was going to be a dad when I didn’t even have the guts to tell Andi I loved her, that I had for as long as I could remember. How was I going to tell her that Kelly was pregnant with my child?
I thought that the day Andi took off and moved to Texas was the worst day of my life. I was heartbroken. I lost weight because I couldn’t eat. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t sleep. I lost all motivation for life, period. I tried to hide it from Kelly, but she wasn’t dumb. She knew I didn’t love her, which was why she’d concocted the entire story about being pregnant with my baby. As I quickly found out, not only was she lying about there being a baby but she was also telling stories about us and our future. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d been telling Andi lies before she left. For all I know, that’s what had fueled our argument to begin with.
The day I found out Kelly was indeed not pregnant, I went straight to Ron’s shop to see him. I was planning on asking about Andi and how she was; I was not planning on him asking me to work for him full time. He stated that he was looking to expand and, after everything he’d taught me through the years, he would love for me to be the man to help him make that happen.
There was no way I would even think about turning him down. After my dad had passed when I was about eleven years old, Ron kind of took me under his wing. Andi and I were already best friends, always at one house or the other. When we were at her house, we would often go to the shop with Ron. We both loved working on cars, and Ron would teach us how things came apart then let us put them back together again. I always loved it, so naturally I worked in the garage more and more as I got older.
I have work to do, and I need to get it done. I promised Ron I would have this car done before I left; I need to get out of here fast so I can clear my mind. Okay, Ethan, pull yourself together and get it done. I find the wrench to tighten the bolt.
I finish in record time, leaving a note for Ron with a list of everything I did. Then I jump on my bike and peel out of the lot. This is what I need, some fresh, open air with the wind hitting me in the face. I focus on the road and keep my mind clear of everything. Riding is my escape from the world, so to speak; I tune out everything and just focus on the bike. Besides, the last thing I want is to wreck on this thing. My dad always used to say, “There are two types of motorcycle riders out there, the ones who have wrecked and the ones who are going to. Make sure you’re always on the ‘going to’ side and stay extra cautious. Whenever you get comfortable, that’s when you should worry, son.”
I don’t ever plan to be either one of them, so I try to keep my head clear of any distractions, thus creating my escape time.
As I ride around for a while, I realize where I find myself heading. Even though I tell myself to turn around, I know I can’t do it; I keep going like a moth to the flame. I remind myself this isn’t a good way to stay away from her, or to keep her from seeing how much she hurt me by leaving me behind, yet I’m still going.
She never even called to apologize. Hell, it wasn’t like I could call her; every time I did try she sent it straight to voicemail. She made it clear when she took off that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I’m sure I hurt her probably as much as she hurt me, and I knew how I was feeling so I can imagine how she was. I know she doesn’t love me the same way I love her, but I also know she cared about me. She always seemed to love me more like she would a brother. And I . . . well, I was in love with her. Who am I kidding; I’m just as in love with her now as I was then. There’s no mistaking the way my heart started pounding as I climbed out of the truck and saw her standing there today. Ron never said a word about who I was going to pick up, he just hollered for me in the shop and told me to go. I don’t know what his game is, but hopefully it’s a good thing.
I park my bike on the back side of the property and hop the fence into the thin mesh of trees there. Just as I’m through, I spot her lying on the dock, staring straight at me. I’d just turn and run back for my bike, but she’s already seen me. Hell, maybe I should anyway, considering this is her family property. Then again, since she’s seen me, I may as well say hi. I really want to move past our fight and at least stop avoiding each other. I need to tell her how I feel this time and if she doesn’t feel the same then I’ll know and can move on. No more ‘what ifs.’ I need her in my life either way.
As I head towards her, she doesn’t say a word. She’s lying back, propped up on her elbows, legs dangling off the dock, feet barely touching the water. It takes me back to a time where I would have normally run up to her and pushed her in the pond or at least laid down beside her and we would have started up a conversation wherever we’d left off. Instead, we have all this tension in the air and it hurts so damn much.
I walk onto the dock, standing there for a few seconds before deciding I should probably apologize for trespassing on her family’s property. Even though I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember. Ron and Bev know about it, although they’ve never said anything to me before about it.
“I didn’t know you were here. I’m sorry to have bothered you. I figured you would be down at the house with your parents.”
“Since when did you have the right to worry about where I would be, Ethan? I’m a big girl, last time I checked, and I also didn’t know I needed to check in with you before I sat on the dock of my own family’s pond.” She stands, slamming each foot into her sandals. She’s in such a huff about it she starts to lose her balance; on instinct, I swing my arms out and catch her by the hips, pulling her tight against me.
All at once, I’m super-aware of her beautiful breasts pushing against me and how soft yet firm her backside feels in my hands. Her face is upturned and all I can see are her luscious lips just as she darts her tongue out and wets them. It’s like a magnet is pulling me towards those lips. My heart is beating so fast it might very well explode right there in my chest. Before I know it, my mouth is just a breath away from hers. I lick my lips in anticipation and then I see it in her eyes—the desire I’m feeling is reflected there. She wants me just as much as I want her.
Just as fast as it started, the moment is over. Suddenly, she pushes my chest and takes off running towards her parents’ house. She took off so fast I froze in my boots, and it takes me a few minutes to comprehend what just happened. I’m not even sure how it happened. I walked over here with the intention of trying to make things better, at least on a speaking terms kind of level. Instead, I practically manhandled her and almost kissed her. Reminds me of the hundred and one dreams I’ve had involving her, and how delicious those beautiful full lips would taste.
What the hell was that? I think as soon as I’m back in my old room. My parents were still gone, having run into town. They were going to stay home and visit with me since I’ve been gone for so long, but I know how much they both love going together to their weekly card game with some old friends, so I told them to go ahead. Then of course, they tried to get me to go with them, but I was too worn out from the drive. I tried to lie down and relax, but all I could think about was Ethan. I finally gave in and went down to the old dock, sitting there looking across the water when he suddenly pops out of the trees. It was like, once again, just thinking about him made him appear. I don’t know how this keeps happening, but it’s starting to get kinda weird.
Not as weird as what happened next though. I don’t even know why I was suddenly so mad—I just was. The next thing I know, I’m in his arms and oh, my God, it felt ah-maze-zing.
Out of all the little hugs we’ve shared over the years, it never felt that good to be in his arms. All the fantasies and ‘what ifs’ could have never prepared my brain for the fire spreading throughout my body when he pulled me against that sexy-as-hell chest of his. Before I even knew what was happening, he had his big, strong hands circled around my hips and my arms wrapped around his waist. It was reflexive, I think, for both of us, yet it felt like home to me. And to think we almost kissed!
Where did that even come from? Yes, I’ve had a crush on Ethan since forever, but never did I think he would look at me like he did tonight. His eyes were darker than I’ve ever seen, and they were filled with such desire it took my breath away. When he was staring at my lips like he was about to eat me whole, I think I melted right there in my panties.
Then it hits me—this is Ethan. We were best friends, not lovers. He has Kelly, and why isn’t he home with her instead of here holding me? I refuse to be a home-wrecker, even if I did love him first. No, I won’t do it, and that’s final. It doesn’t matter how hot I felt with his arms around me, or how much he set me on fire, or how I’ve always felt like we belong together. He chose her all those years ago, not me. It broke my heart then, and it’s breaking me all over again.
This visit won’t be over soon enough. I love my parents and was looking forward to being here with them, but I don’t think I can handle being around Ethan, especially after tonight. It hurts way too much, the pain just as raw as when I left.
Being that close to him was more than I could handle, so I ran. I find myself in my room, once again lying on my bed, willing sleep to take me after this long, crazy-ass day. I toss and turn for what seems like most of the night before I finally drift off to sleep. When I finally do, I dream of him. Most of the dream is like all the rest—I run into him, we say awkward hellos, and then decide to talk for a while and catch up. We end up running through the rain, laughing, and then we’re hugging. We tell each other how much we love and have missed one another. Then he bends down to kiss me and . . . I wake up! Ugh!
It’s the same dream, except this time when I wake up, I feel like I’m charged or something. I think back through my dream and replay it in my head. Hmm, something feels different, but I can’t put my finger on it. Oh well, it doesn’t matter anyway; Ethan and I will never have that kind of relationship, no matter how much he makes me go weak in the knees just by looking at him. Which reminds me of my decision to steer clear from him for the rest of my visit. I don’t trust myself not to throw caution to the wind and jump in his arms the first chance I get. I’ve pushed way too hard and dealt with too many sleepless nights thinking about him to start it all over again.
It’s early, but I decide to get up and make the most of my day. The city has its perks, but the country life has my heart. I love to enjoy the sunrise on the front porch swing. I should go for my morning run, but I think I’m going to sit out there and relax for a bit this morning. It has a beautiful view, with rolling hills in the distance and green as far as you can see. I go out there with a hot cup of tea and my Kindle to relax for a little bit. I try to read some, but my mind keeps drifting to everything going on so I finally give up, stretch out on the old swing, and enjoy the peaceful view.
I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I know, I look up and see Ethan standing right above me. He’s giving me that signature smile of his and yet again he takes my breath away. I don’t dare say a word because I know as soon as I do he’ll disappear and I’ll wake up. I love dreaming of him, and I don’t want it to end.
“Are you going to breathe, Andi?” he asks, a concerned look on his face.
I take a deep breath and he’s still there. I start blushing as I realize I’m not dreaming. I give an embarrassed smile and he mirrors it before asking, “Have you been sleeping out here all night?”
“No, I came out here early to watch the sunrise.”
“And you didn’t invite me? Hmm, I see how you are. Well, I guess since it’s already up and shining this morning, you won’t mind if I scoot you over and sit down.” Ethan grabs my legs to move them over; the moment his hands touch my calves, a fire spreads up through my body, towards my core. My response to him is instant.
So much for my vow to stay clear of him. I have to get away before I really do something stupid and embarrass myself even further.
“Well, you can sit here all you like. I’m going inside though. Dad will be out any time now, I’m sure,” I say as I pick up my tea cup and head inside. I see Mom and Dad coming down the hallway, so I sit at the kitchen table to talk with them.
“Dad, were you expecting company?”
“Actually, Andi, I came to see you,” Ethan says as he comes in the doorway. He nods to Dad. “Good morning Ron, Bev. How are you both doing this morning?”
“We’re fine, son. We can see you two need to talk, so we’re going to take our coffee out on the porch. Just let us know if you need anything.” Dad puts his hand on Mom’s lower back and escorts her outside.
I can’t believe they both just walked out the door and left me alone to defend myself. Mom especially, with her knowing how hurt I was when we had our fight. She was the one who was there to dry my tears; she’s always been the one I talk to. Even
though she’s never said it, I know she realizes why I haven’t been able to have a serious relationship with anyone else either.
“Why are you here, Ethan? I have nothing to say to you, and I think it’s best that we just steer clear of each other. I’ll be going back to the city soon and will be out of your way. I didn’t mean to cause any problems for you by coming home for a visit. I didn’t know my car was going to break down or that you were working for Dad. I sure as hell didn’t know he would send you to rescue me either.”
“My, my, you sure are saying a lot for not having anything to say.” He chuckles.
“Is that why you’re here, to make fun of me?”
Ethan strides over to me and tilts my chin up. His eyes are crystal blue and shining one minute, but then I watch as they start swirling into a dark blue, as if in a sea of emotions.
“No, Andi, that isn’t why I’m here. I would never make fun of you to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you to begin with.”
“Well, good. Now that I know, you can go on your way.” I shake out of his hand. I can’t let him touch me; as soon as he does, he releases such a wave of desire through me I feel like I might drown in it. Sad part is, I would go down waving a white flag, smiling all the way.
“Look, I’m not here to pick a fight with you, Andi. I’m here to talk, to move past all this tension between us. We used to be inseparable, and now we can’t even handle being in the same room together. I miss you. I miss us.”
“Sure, okay, no more fighting. But there is no us, and there hasn’t ever been an us. Our friendship was beautiful, and I miss that too, but last night proves that we can’t go back to the way it was before. You need to go. Now. I’m sure you remember the way out.”
Cherishing You Page 2