I figure the only way to slow my hormones is to hurry up and get this dinner done and Ethan out of here, so I pick up the pace. I need to think about everything that’s happening, and I can’t do that with him touching me—or even in the same room as me, for that matter. The moment I see him, I’m like butter and he is my sun; I melt into a big, sloppy puddle at his feet. That’s dangerous, considering I have no idea what happened to Kelly. I assume from the things he was saying at the pond—you know, before he gave me the best orgasm I’ve ever had, which either makes me really pathetic or him really talented—that he either isn’t married to her anymore or he doesn’t care. I really hope it isn’t the latter, because I refuse to be that kind of girl. Ever!
As I’m finishing my food, I feel Ethan stop the circles and squeeze my leg again. That’s when I hear Mom ask, “Andi, are you okay?”
Looking up at her, I say, “Of course, Mom, why do you ask?”
“Well, I’ve been talking to you and you just keep moving your food around and staring at your plate, not saying a word. And your cheeks are red, so I thought maybe you weren’t feeling well.”
I give Ethan a quick glare. “I’m fine, Mom. Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just deep in thought and not paying attention. What was it you needed?”
“You’re fine, honey, I just thought something was wrong. I was just saying that I’ve enjoyed having you home so much. And how I hope you can find time in your busy schedule to come home more often and see us. I know you’re excited about starting your new job, and we’re very proud of you and the things you’ve accomplished, but we miss you terribly. That’s all I was saying.”
“Oh, Mom, I’ve missed you all so much too! I don’t know what the future holds for me, I have a lot of thinking to do. One thing’s for sure though, I won’t make my decisions lightly, and I’ll keep you all informed,” I say while looking at each of them in turn. “And when I do go back to Texas, I’ll come home as much as possible. I promise I won’t stay gone long.” I feel Ethan’s hand pull away from my thigh and he clears his throat.
“Well, Bev,” he starts as he rises from his seat, “thank you for dinner. It was very delicious, as always, but if you will excuse me, I have some things I have to take care of at the house before I crash for the night. Thank you again.” With that, he picks up his plate and glass and carries them to the sink. I sit there frozen in my chair for a second. I know I’ve upset him. We haven’t had a chance to talk about the future, and I don’t even know how either of us feels right now. I just know I can’t stand the thought of not talking to him. It’s time we get everything out in the open.
I excuse myself from the table and go to the kitchen to talk with him. Except he isn’t there. Just as I get out the back door of the kitchen, I see the taillights on his truck as he’s driving pretty fast down the driveway. Now I know he’s upset. Damn it, this is not how I planned tonight going at all. Then again, I don’t know what I really expected to happen. Either way, it wasn’t Ethan taking off, upset with me. I’m not even sure where he lives anymore. I’m sure I know someone who does though.
I run back inside and yell out, “Dad? Hey, Dad?”
“Still in here, honey,” he calls out. I start talking as soon as I get into the dining room.
“I need you to tell me where Ethan lives. I know I should’ve asked him before and all that, but I haven’t had the opportunity. It’s not like we’ve had much chance to actually talk anyway.” I know I’m babbling like an idiot, but I can’t seem to help it.
“Andi, take a breath, sweetie. He still lives in the same place he did when you left, with his mom. Same old situation. Some people never change, you know.”
Hmm, I didn’t know he still lived at home. It seems there’s a lot I don’t know about Ethan anymore. I plan to change that though, if I have anything to say about it. I don’t know what we’re going to do when I go back to Texas, but I do know that since I’ve had a taste of Ethan, I don’t want to go without him ever again. My heart hurts for the time we lost while I was in college. Hell, I don’t know, maybe we can make this work long-distance. I’ll have to slow down and collect my thoughts after I get to Ethan and make sure he’s okay.
“Thank you, Dad. And thank you, Mom, for dinner. It really was good. I’m going to go talk with Ethan. Mom, is it okay if I borrow your car again?”
“Of course, honey. I told you to use it for as long as you need.”
“Andi, the parts are finally going to be in, so I should have your car done tomorrow afternoon. I had to special order the line that broke. I could’ve used rubber hose on it, but with you being so far away I didn’t want to take the chance on it not working out and you being stranded again.”
“Thanks again for fixing it for me. I want to pay for it, so just let me know how much I owe.”
“Nonsense, sweetheart. Now, go check on Ethan, and call us if you need anything.”
“Okay, thanks. I will,” I say as I head for the door, then turn around to look at them both. “By the way, I’m not sure what we’re going to get into. I’m only here for a couple more days, so I may stay a while and visit with Ethan. It looks like we have a lot of things to catch up on, so don’t wait up for me.”
“Okay, honey, that’s fine,” Mom replies. “You still have your key, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I still have it. Thank you, I love you guys.” With that, I grab my wallet and head out to the car. I jump in the driver’s seat and start the engine, then sit there for a second and take a deep breath. No, I don’t have a clue what the future holds for Ethan and me, but I have a feeling I’m about to find out. I think tonight will be a pivotal point in our relationship and I hope whatever happens, we’re both happy with our decisions.
What the fuck? That did not end how I thought it would at all. I was trying so hard to not think about tomorrow, not let myself get pulled down by doubt, but it was hanging in the air like a big neon sign, saying, “You suck, Ethan. Your dreams of having Andi forever are just that—dreams, nothing more.” She pretty much said right there at the table that she was going back to Texas, and we weren’t going to stop her.
Not that I would have anyway. I’d never get in the way of her being happy, which is why I let her leave last time without telling her how I felt. I couldn’t do it. At the time, I thought I was having a baby with Kelly, and there was no way I could make Andi have that future—make her fall in love with me and be a stepmom to my kid. She’s not the person who fell asleep drunk one night and woke up with a girl lying naked on his chest. That night was the one and only time I’ve ever had moonshine, and I don’t ever plan to drink it again. I’ll never let myself get so drunk that I don’t remember what happened.
Kelly swore we made love several times that night, but I don’t remember a single thing after the second shot. I didn’t remember even driving home, let alone have sex multiple times in one night with some girl I knew I wasn’t in love with. I’m not saying I couldn’t; that’s every guy’s dream, isn’t it? I’d love to do it, but only with Andi, and I want to remember every detail about it, not be drunk and stupid.
No, Andi had her whole future in front of her; she still had a chance to make something of herself and follow her dreams, and I was not going to be the one to stand in her way. If she stayed, I wanted it to be because she wanted to be there. I never want to see regret in her eyes
When I get home, I throw my keys on the hook by the door. I know Mom isn’t going to be home tonight, and probably not for a few days this time. The last message she sent me said she was with Tim, her on-again/off-again boyfriend. Yeah, he’s a real winner, and the sad part is she knows it. She’ll get mad at him and dump him, but then a few days or maybe even a few weeks later she hooks back up with him. Same old story every time; “Well, he said he was sorry for being an asshole, and you know, Ethan, life is too short to let a little argument keep true love apart.” Yeah right, and she would know all about true love now, wouldn’t she? She has had more one-
night stands than I care to keep track of. Don’t get me wrong; she’s a very sweet person, but ever since my dad died, she’s never been the same. Maybe that was her problem—maybe he was her true love. Hell, I don’t know; I can’t figure out how to fix my own love life, let alone how to make hers better. Of course, not going back to that jackass, Tim, would make a damn good start.
I walk to the kitchen and grab a beer, tossing the cap from the bottle in the trash. I’m not a big drinker, but I do have a few beers every now and then, particularly after stressful days like today. I feel like I’m all wound up without a release button. Oh, I know a way I could get a release, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen either. Of course, I could resort to old faithful—my hand and Andi’s face. And now I have a lot more to add to my fantasies of her. But I don’t want to think about that right now; I just want to unplug and forget for a while.
I sit down on the couch and lay my head back, staring at the ceiling. I desperately want to not think about anything, but Andi keeps running through my mind. I can almost feel her straddling my lap on the dock, the way her body shook as it was wracked with an orgasm. Oh, what a sight it was too. I think that memory will be forever etched in my mind. It was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.
I’m lost in the memory of the pond when I hear a knock on the door. It startles me, and I damn near dump the rest of my beer in my lap. I catch it before it spills, downing the rest of it before setting the bottle on the table. When I walk over and open the door, I’m shocked to see Andi standing there.
“Hi.”
“Hi, um . . . I’m sorry to bug you, but I was wondering if I could talk to you for a few minutes, you know, if you weren’t busy or anything. If this is a bad time, I can call you tomorrow.”
“Andi, come in. You’re fine, you know you’re welcome here anytime.” I step aside and motion her in. She takes a couple steps in and I close the door. When I turn, she’s staring at me, and I can’t quite figure out what it is I’m seeing in her eyes. Maybe a mix of fear and determination. The last thing I ever want Andi to feel when she looks at me is fear.
“Remember what I said earlier, Andi? I’m the same guy I was when you left.”
“I know you are, Ethan, and I’m so glad to see that. I’ve missed you so much. You don’t know how many times I wanted to pick up the phone just to tell you about something. When something good happens, it’s you I want to call and share all my excitement with. You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and I really miss having my best friend to talk to.”
“I’ve missed you too. After you left, I missed you so much that I was sick constantly. I had no appetite, and I don’t even know how much weight I ended up losing. I had no motivation, until I started working for Ron. I don’t know, working for him helped ease it somehow. I guess being close with him in some ways helped me feel closer to you. Andi, I’ve missed you so much, and I know you’re going back to Texas and I would never stand in your way of happiness, but I can’t go back to not being able to talk to you. I won’t, actually. So you may as well get used to hearing from me, because I’m not backing down this time,” I say with a smile across my face. I’ve already decided I’m not going to live without her. I love her, and no matter how hard I’ve tried to leave her alone, I can’t. I won’t. Not having her in my life is not an option.
“I’m glad to hear that, because I don’t want to go back to the way we were before either. Not talking to you was so hard, and I don’t want to do that again. And I’m counting on you calling me, mister!” Andi giggles.
Taking a few steps to her, I come in close to her face. “I love to hear you giggle. It’s so cute, and I’ve really missed your smiling face. And now that I’ve had a taste of your mouth, I’ve already been missing your lips on mine.” I lean down and place a soft kiss on her lips. As soon as I do, I feel the vibration of a soft moan coming from Andi’s throat. I can’t hold back the small victory chant in my head, and I chuckle a little bit. This girl is killing me!
Placing my hands on her hips, I pull her tight against me. She wraps her arms around my waist and lays her head on my chest.
“What are we doing, Ethan? As much as I missed you and our friendship, I never knew how good your lips would feel on mine. I melt every time you look at me. As much as you keep saying you’re the same as before and all that, we both know we’re not. The moment we crossed the line from being best friends to you looking at me with the same desire in your eyes as what I’m feeling shows we’re not the same. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, just that we’re deeper now than ever before. I don’t know what to do.” She lifts her head and pulls back a little. “Listen, Ethan, clearly you and Kelly aren’t together, but you haven’t said a single word about your baby. I know it was a long time ago, but please tell me what happened.”
“Why does it matter?”
“I need to be able to process it and put it away. I never dreamed you and I would ever have a fight, let alone it be big enough to not speak for four long, excruciating years. I never thought my life would change so much so quickly. My whole world tilted that day. I was in shock, and I was hurt that it was her and not me. I was hurt that you even slept with her and gave that stupid bitch the chance to sink her claws in you. But most of all, I was hurt that you took her side. You were okay to let go of me to make her happy. Why didn’t you fight for me?”
She says all this with tears in her eyes, and it rips my heart out. I had no idea she felt that way towards me at all. I didn’t mean to hurt her; how could I have this so messed up? My own eyes start welling up, and there have only been a few times I’ve ever cried in my life—when my dad died, when Andi and I got into the big fight, and then again when I showed up to her house the next day to apologize and talk to her, and she was gone. I’d figured she was pretty mad at me but that she’d understand why I was doing what I had to do if she would just calm down. I thought it best to leave her alone for a little while, and then try to talk with her. I had to get her to understand; otherwise, I didn’t think I could go through with it. Instead, in less than twelve hours she’d packed up and taken off, out of town and away from me. I’d never in my life felt so abandoned. She had crushed me.
“I’m so sorry you felt that way, Andi, I truly am. What you didn’t know was that I was fighting for you. She had wanted you out of my life from the beginning. She was so jealous of our relationship. I refused to let that happen though, told her no matter what happened between the two of us that you were always going to be my best friend, so she’d better get used to it. But when she told me she was pregnant, I was so scared of being a father when I was so young, and I was angry that I was always going to be attached to her. I always thought I’d at least be a father with a woman I loved, and I was never in love with Kelly.
“I was trying so hard to figure out the best thing to do. I could never have gone through with marrying her if I didn’t have your support. I needed you to tell me it was the right thing to do, because I sure as hell didn’t want to do what was right. I wanted to grab you and take off, but that would be running and hiding, and you and I both know I could never run away from being a father. It wasn’t who I was then, nor who I am now.”
“I know that, Ethan, and I would never have expected you to leave. That’s why I did. I knew that, with or without my approval, you would marry her and be the best father to your child. That you would be willing to put up with her bullshit every day if it meant you would have your child with you. I get it, but there was no way I could’ve stood by and watched it. The thought of her being with you was hard enough, but to watch it was pure torture. I could tell by the look in your eyes you weren’t in love with her, which made the whole situation even worse. You were willing to throw away your entire future for that baby with a girl you weren’t in love with. Plus, there are thousands of men and women out there having babies every day who aren’t married. Why did you have to marry her?”
“Listen, Andi, none of this really
matters anymore, does it? I mean it.” I run my hands through my hair. “It doesn’t change anything. The past is just that, and I’m done worrying about it. The bottom line is there’s no more Kelly, or a baby to worry about. Right now, there’s you and me, so what are we going to do about us?” I had walked around a few paces while I was talking, and I came back to stand in front of her, place my hand under her chin, and tilt it up. I look her in the eyes, and damn if she doesn’t make me want to wrap her up with me so tight we feel as if we’re one. My connection with her is crackling between us like lightning. I can’t get enough of her; I don’t think I ever will.
“Andi, do you feel this same connection I do every time we touch? I can almost feel you walk into the room, like there’s this fire that sparks whenever you are near me. So tell me I’m alone in this, that I’m crazy. Tell me you don’t feel it too. Tell me you don’t want me as much as I want you. If you can tell me you don’t feel it, I’ll never touch you again. I’ll never try to kiss you again.”
I watch her eyes close and, for a second, I think I may have been reading her all wrong this whole time. Maybe I was dreaming all the desire I thought I saw in her eyes. Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see. My chest tightens and my breath catches. Then she reaches up and grabs the back of my head, pulling me down to her. She kisses me so hard that I want to jump up and down, screaming, “I fucking knew it!”
Of course, I don’t do that; instead, I reach around her waist and lift her off the floor. As soon as I do, she wraps her legs around my hips, and it feels amazing. I take a few steps with her wrapped around me, never breaking our kiss. I press her back against the wall and hold her up with my hips pinned against hers. My hard member is pushing against my jeans; I know she can feel it throbbing against her. Her fingers are twisted in my hair, giving little tugs here and there, and it’s so hot. I never realized pain could feel so good.
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