“He says she’s stable but still in critical condition, and the next twenty-four hours are the biggest issue. Listen, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and Mom, but you all should go home and get some rest. There’s nothing you can do here, and it’s really late.”
“Ethan, it doesn’t matter how late it is. We’re your family too, and we’re glad to be here for you, but if you want us to go home we will. The last thing we want is to put pressure on you. How about Ron and I go home, get a few hours’ sleep, and bring back breakfast? Would that be okay with you?”
“You don’t have to do that; besides, Andi, you need to get packed. And before you say anything, you better not even think about backing out of it. Mom is going to come out of this just fine. There’s a long road ahead of her, but she’ll be okay. I know she will.”
“Ethan, I haven’t had much chance to talk to you about it, but I—”
“No, Andi, I don’t want this to happen like this. I love you and I always will, but you have to try the new job. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder if you should have. No more regrets. We aren’t breaking up by any means, but I want you to try it. After you get settled in and decide if you like it, then we’ll figure out how to make us work.”
“But I don’t—”
“Andi, I love you, but I’m not negotiating on this. I cannot be the reason you stay here.” I give her a quick kiss. I know this is going to kill me as soon as she goes out the door, but I have to push her away. If I don’t then she won’t go, not with everything going on, and that’s not the way I want this to work out.
I hug her to me with all my strength then let her go, hugging Bev then Ron.
“Son, I think you’re making a big mistake here. You need her by your side just as much as she needs to be here with you,” Ron whispers in my ear as he hugs me back.
I just look at him. Before I can say anything, the door opens and a nurse says we can see Mom now.
“Thank you, I’ll be right there.” I turn back to them, look at Andi, and say, “I’ll call you later. Get some sleep. I love you, baby.”
I don’t wait for them to leave; instead, I turn around and head towards my mom’s room. I don’t think I can handle watching her leave anyway.
Damn him! I know he’s stressed out and there’s a lot going on but damn it, he needs to shut up and listen for a minute. What the hell?
“Andi? Are you okay, sweetie?” Mom asks.
“Well, I’m okay as I can be considering my boyfriend just dismissed me like a child and ordered me to go back to Texas. Who the hell does he think he is? You know what? It doesn’t even matter. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want me here, so if you guys don’t mind, let’s go home. I need some sleep, and I’m sure you guys do too.”
“Andi.” Dad puts his hand on my shoulder. “Are you sure this is what you want to do? I mean, we all know he’s just feeling bad, thinking he’s putting us out. And remember, he doesn’t know you’d already made up your mind about staying, so he thinks if you don’t go then you’re staying because of what happened to Carrie and not because that’s what you really want to do.”
“I know he’s probably just upset right now and he’s pushing us away. I don’t really know what I’m going to do anymore. I just know he doesn’t want us here right now, and we can’t do anything else, so let’s just go home and get some sleep. Maybe he’ll have chilled out enough for me to talk some sense into him by then.”
“Okay, honey. Let’s get going then, if that’s what you want to do,” Mom says.
“Well, it’s not, but I don’t think there’s any other choice.” With that, we pile out of the hospital to the car. After driving through town and hitting the highway, Dad mentions it’s been several hours since we all ate. It seems like a lifetime ago that we were all laughing and joking out by the pond, when everything was perfect and I had made my decision to stay, waiting on the right time to tell Ethan my good news. I figured he’d be so excited that I was staying, because it makes perfect sense; we could easily be together, I would spend a lot more time with Mom and Dad, and he could stay working with Dad at the shop. Plus, we could continue racing at Steve’s track with everyone.
I’m not really hungry, but my parents decide we should eat something anyway, so we go into a small truck stop restaurant not too far from the highway. I only order a water, which apparently doesn’t work for Mom and Dad, so they order me a chocolate milkshake too.
“I know it’s not nutritional, but if you’re really not hungry then you can at least drink a milkshake. They’re amazing here, believe it or not.”
“Okay, Mom, that’s fine. Thank you.”
“It’s going to be all right, sweetheart. I know things seem crazy right now, but that boy loves you. Don’t let his fear drive you two apart.”
“I hope you’re right, Mom.” I don’t really have much else to say, so I excuse myself to the restroom. Once there, I take my time; I’m not trying to avoid my parents, I just don’t know what to say. I’m kind of embarrassed that they had to witness Ethan basically kicking us out and him telling me to move back to Texas.
I know that’s not how he meant it, but it’s how it felt. Maybe I should go back and take that new job. Maybe it’s not the right time for us to be together. I don’t know what to do. I mean, I thought I was making the best decision, one I would never regret, but now it seems like Ethan might not want me to stay. What if he doesn’t want a future with me?
Or maybe I’m emotional with everything that’s happened tonight and just need to go home and get some sleep. Yeah, that’s probably what we both need. After that, maybe I can think more clearly and try to make a decision. Maybe Ethan will be calmer too, and he won’t be pushing for me to leave. I really hope Carrie wakes up by the morning. As much as I love Ethan, I really care about her too. I can’t believe all this has happened; it’s like a huge nightmare that just keeps spiraling out of control.
I finally pull myself together and go back to the table. Once again, I’m awed at the sight of my beautiful parents and their relationship. They’re sitting beside each other in the booth, and Dad is giving Mom a bite of whatever they’re eating. They are each other’s soul mates, I believe it. I thought Ethan was mine, but now I feel like he’s pushing me away again at the slightest bit of trouble. Okay, so maybe not ‘again,’ but that’s kind of how I felt before, like he was choosing Kelly over me and pushing me out of the picture. Like he didn’t want me there.
I sit down at the table and give my parents a smile.
“Feel better, sweetheart?” Mom asks.
“No, not really. I just love seeing the two of you together. I’m really glad you’re so happy together.”
“Well, that’s just because your mother makes me act that way. If I don’t, she’d beat me when we go to our room at night. I know she looks small, but she has one hell of a punch.” Dad barely gets this out before he busts out laughing. As if to prove his point, Mom smacks him on the shoulder.
“See?” Dad asks, laughing.
“Oh, Ron, you’re so rotten,” Mom says, but she can’t help but laugh too.
“Right, Dad. You’re so bullied by Mom, aren’t you.”
“You know it, that’s why I keep coming back for more.” He gives her a quick kiss.
Most people would be grossed out by their parents showing affection in front of them, but it doesn’t bother me. I’d much rather them be happy and in love than be miserable and hate each other.
I only hope Ethan and I can have a love like theirs, one that will last a lifetime. If only we could get back on the same page. Ugh! All this unknown crap is killing me. I peel back the paper on my straw and place it in my chocolate milkshake. Even though I’m not hungry, they were right—this thing is amazing. Before I know it, I’ve sucked down half of it.
“Are you sure you’re not hungry, Andi?” Dad asks. “You sure are drinking your milkshake down pretty fast.”
“Oh, this? No, I’m not really hungry, but this taste
s really good.” I take another big slurp from it.
“That they are,” Mom says with a giggle.
They finish their food, Dad pays for the meal, and we get back in the car. A couple of times they try to make small talk, but I’m just not up to it; I’m way too distracted with everything floating through my head to carry on my side of the conversation anyway.
We finally pull into the driveway and I look down by the pond. It breaks my heart a little more knowing that less than eight hours ago, everything was so wonderful and amazing, and now . . . Now it all just sucks.
“It’ll all work out how it’s supposed to, honey,” Mom says, placing her hand on my shoulder gently.
I turn and look at her, about to argue, but something in her eyes makes me feel better. There’s nothing like being comforted by her; she always seems to know what I need.
Instead of telling her how dark everything looks now, I simply say, “Thank you, Mom.” I give her hand a squeeze and say good night—or rather good day—to them. Heading inside, I take the stairs to my room.
I quietly undress and throw on a tank and a pair of shorts. Then I throw my down comforter back, climb into bed, and pull the comforter over my head. I just want to end this crazy nightmare and go back to waking up in Ethan’s arms again. That was amazing. I think about his arms wrapped around me until I fall asleep.
I sit here in Mom’s room at her bedside, staring at the machines flashing numbers across the screen. I don’t know what most of them mean, but the nurse pointed out some so I can see how fast her heart is beating; she said the little lines going across is a good heart rhythm. All I know is they’re not alarming, and she continues to have even, steady breaths, so I assume everything is going how it should.
Then again, how the hell would I know? It doesn’t seem like anything’s gone like it should, or we wouldn’t be here right now. It’s kind of funny if you think about everything that’s happened in the past forty-eight hours. It’s crazy that it’s only been two days, it seems like it’s been a lot longer than that. I mean, Andi and I went from being angry and avoiding one another to wrapped up in each other’s arms.
Our entire world was on cloud nine—well, except for Texas lingering in the background. Eh, just a minor detail if you think about everything that’s happened since Andi’s surprise party today . . . Yesterday? Hell, I don’t even know what to call it.
I lay my head on the edge of Mom’s bed, afraid to touch anything other than her hand. The amount of damage and tubes coming out of her is unimaginable. I don’t know how she’s survived all this, but it gives me hope that she’ll come out if it even stronger than before the accident.
That is, if she comes out of it. She still hasn’t woken up; I know the doctor said she will when her body’s ready to, but I really wish it was now. I need to know she’s going to make it out of this. I close my eyes and say a quick prayer for God to please help my mother.
I must have dozed off because I wake up to someone saying my name—or maybe I’m dreaming it, because I don’t hear it now. I feel the sunlight on my cheek, but I’m not quite ready to wake up yet. . . .
I hear my name again, so soft and quiet I almost miss it. It kind of sounds like Mom’s voice, but a lot weaker than normal. She usually has a strong, stubborn tone, probably from my teenage years of rebellion. Nah, I think I was a pretty good kid really. My mom had much bigger problems to worry about for me to be adding to her stress.
“Ethan,” someone says again. At least, that’s what I think they’re saying. I decide I’m not dreaming and need to wake up; just like that, my eyes pop open and I’m suddenly aware of being in the hospital in Mom’s room.
I slowly raise my head and take a look at her. She is lying in the same exact spot as when I fell asleep, except this time she’s looking at me, a dozen questions in her eyes.
I grab her hand. “Mom, can you hear me?” She tries to speak again, but the tube in her mouth is obviously bothering her.
“Hold on, Mom, let me get a nurse. I’ll be right back.” I run out of her room to the nurses’ desk. Not seeing anyone, I yell out, “Hello? Is there anyone here? My mom, she’s awake!”
“Oh, that’s fantastic! I’ll page the doctor and we’ll be right in,” a short nurse says as she walks out of another room.
She goes to the desk and picks up the phone, telling the doctor about my mom being awake. Hanging up, she goes straight to Mom’s room. I don’t know what to do, so I follow her in there.
“Okay now, Carrie . . . Wait, is it okay that I call you Carrie?” She looks down at Mom, who chokes out what sounds like a “yeah.” I go to the opposite side of the bed and grab her hand again.
“All right, Carrie. We’re going to wait for the doctor to get here and then we’ll take this tube out of your mouth and make sure you can breathe well enough on your own. Just try to relax for a few more minutes.” She logs onto the computer in the room, making some notes—I assume about Mom waking up and what not. I don’t care as long as it helps her get that tube out.
It seems like forever, but the doctor finally walks in and checks her out. He listens to her lungs and checks the ventilator machine, telling the nurse to get something ready. Then he turns around to talk to me.
“So it appears that—”
My cell phone rings, interrupting him. I didn’t even think about it being on, so I apologize as I reach in my pocket and turn it off quickly.
“I’m sorry about that. Please continue.”
He clears his throat. “As I was saying, it appears like she’s trying to breathe over top of the machine, and since she appears to be awake we’re going to try to wean her off it. It’ll take some time, so you’ll have to go back in the waiting area. Hopefully, all goes well and you can come back in shortly. If not, she may need to keep the tube for a while longer. Do you have any questions?”
“No, I understand. Thank you.” I turn towards the bed. “Mom, I know you can’t talk, but they’re going to take good care of you. I’ll be back in shortly, okay? I love you, Mom.”
She blinks at me as if to say she understands.
I quickly turn around and leave the room. Finding a restroom, I relieve myself and, after washing my hands, decide to wash my face as well. After drying it, I take a long stretch, trying to work out the kinks in my back and neck muscles. Man, I’m sore. Of course, it’s probably nothing to how Mom’s feeling right now.
Now that I’m starting to feel a little more human, I head to the cafeteria and grab some coffee. I get a cup and go back to the waiting room of the ICU. I don’t know how long it’s all going to take, but it doesn’t matter; I’m just grateful she’s alive and awake. That has to mean she’s going to be okay, doesn’t it?
Until the doctor tells me otherwise, that’s what I’m going with. I really wish Andi was here with me, that she didn’t have to go back to Texas today. Why couldn’t it be next week or something? Then again, it would hurt just as much then as it does now. I wonder if she’ll even call and tell me bye. After the way I treated her last night, I doubt it. I hate myself for being mean to her, but I know she wouldn’t leave if I wasn’t. I hope she’ll forgive me; I don’t know if I could handle her not talking to me anymore. I’m as addicted to her as an alcoholic is to liquor. She’s definitely my fix.
I lean my head against the wall and smile at the memory of her jumping off the back of that gator and running to me, leaping into my arms. Oh, and that laugh of hers. Man, I’m going to miss it while she’s gone. Who am I kidding—I miss her so much already. I wonder if she’s left yet; I need to call her and give her an update.
I guess I should wait until I find out if Mom’s going to tolerate coming off the ventilator first. I really hope she does. I need to figure out what kind of damage was done. I really hope it’s nothing permanent—Mom is a very independent person.
I almost forgot my phone rang while Dr. Stevens was talking to me. I guess I should see who was calling me. It looks like it came from the shop, which is odd sin
ce it’s Sunday. Hmm, why would Ron be in the shop? It would have to be him, since we’re usually the only ones there. I search through my phone—no texts.
I actually feel a little disappointed that Andi hasn’t texted me. I really hope she isn’t still mad at me. Maybe there’s a voicemail from whoever called from the shop. Just as I start to check, I hear my name called.
I quickly hang up the phone, grab my coffee, and head to the nurse, who tells me to follow her. She leads me back to Mom’s room, and I see the tube’s been removed. Mom’s lying there with her eyes closed, so I don’t say anything; instead, I walk over to the side of her bed and put my hand around hers, just like I held it most of the night. She gives my hand a small squeeze, and I look up at her and smile.
“Hey, Mom. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Hey . . . Sorry . . . Throat is very sore,” Mom manages to say between several attempts to clear her throat, wincing each time.
“It’s okay, save your voice. I can tell it hurts. I’m just glad to hear you say anything at all. Thank God you’re okay, Mom.”
She gives me a weak smile, and I know she probably needs to rest, but I’m not ready to let go of her just yet.
“Mom, you don’t have to talk. Just smile or nod or something instead. Does that work?”
She gives me a slight nod, which I take as a yes.
“Do you know where you are right now?” She nods again.
“Okay, is there anything you need? Are you hurting anywhere?”
She nods again, so I put the call light on and tell the nurse she seems to be hurting. The nurse states she’ll bring something right away.
I tell Mom that I’ll let her rest for a bit. The nurse comes in with some medicine for her pain, explaining it will most likely put her to sleep. Mom needs the rest anyway, so she gives it to her. It’s only a matter of minutes before Mom’s fast asleep.
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