by M. C. Cerny
“I tried to walk away from you, but I simply couldn’t. I was drawn to you in a way that terrified me. That’s why I would see you but then I would wait months at a time before I came back. You were still so young to me; you still are young to me and what I did back then. It was abominable.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t know.” I tapped her nose gently emphasizing my point.
“Tell me then.”
“You are something uniquely special to me and I’m afraid I am undeserving of your forgiveness.”
“I think we’ve both been so damaged by life and circumstances we’re afraid.”
“Jude, you scare the shit out of me.”
“How could I possibly scare you of all people?” She squeezed the muscles in my arms playfully and I knew I had to tell her.
“Because I’m the one who set the explosion at the school, you need to be wary. I’m not a good man. I should have checked that building a hundred times instead of ten. You weren’t supposed to be there. No one was.” I laid my head against her and let the tears I felt go. Her hand cupped my cheek brushing them over with her fingertips.
“I forgave you a long time ago. I think I’ve always kind of known it was you that day. Nothing else made sense.”
“I can’t forgive myself.”
“You can hold onto that guilt like a sinking anchor because nothing I say will make you forgive yourself, but I’m freely offering you my body, my trust, and my surrender.”
“You have no idea what that means and because I know better than you that there is no turning back once I’ve been there. What you’re offering is a gift and I’ll be certain you don’t forget its parting.”
“Flowery words coming from a man who never had a conscious before.”
“Because that’s the power you have over me forever and always.”
“And to think Ella could have satisfied the ache you created within me.”
“We both know that was your way of punishing me and in the end I had to save you anyway.”
“No need to be so smug about it.”
“Just stating a fact sweetheart.”
“Ella was a distraction and a poor choice.”
“I know.”
“So…do you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive. I’ve handled things poorly and created a mess with Sorenson among other things to clean up.” I embraced her and rested my head between her breasts. We’ve got a learning curve ahead of us. She was blind, but she saw through my bullshit and owned my soul.
Fifteen
JUDE
Breaths mingled in the solitude of the night. Ours was a companionable silence after three years of learning each other’s nuances. I’d come to a decision that I wanted this man more than my next breath of air and I wasn’t going to wait for him to initiate a move. I could end up waiting three more years because of his guilty conscious. Guilt had been absolved and I waited long enough.
Tentatively I reached for Lorand, guiding him to the back of the house, where he followed me to my bedroom.
“Jude?”
“Shhh.” Turning toward him, I put my hand up to his lips to silence any protest he might have and let my lips follow. His lips were soft for a man and I had to reach up to let my hands move over his shaved scalp. It felt soft and baby fine with small hairs grazing under my fingernails.
I felt his body through his clothes and let my touch lead me. Lorand is big, muscular and warm. Heat comes through his clothing like a radiator. My hands travel further down to his hips drawing him closer to me. His waist nips in and I imagine leanness to his body despite his size.
My hands feel around to the front of his pants. He’s wearing a belt and I tug on it unlooping it from the slim buckle. His hands find mine and when I think he might stop me he takes the belt from me and removes it himself. Pulling it through the fabric it snaps like the electric attraction between us. I know he can see me in the dark so I shake my head no and hear him chuckle. I push his hands away and get back to the task. I undo the hook and zipper of his pants opening them over his hips. A grunt followed by a shallow thrust in my direction is the only acknowledgement I’m given.
I feel around his body letting tactile sensations paint me a picture rubbing my greedy body against his heat. Turnabout is fair play in my mind so when he lifted up my sundress over my head I don’t protest as it thumps to the floor in a heap of finely spun Texas cotton. I want him as limp and boneless as my discarded dress on the floor.
His hands reach for me, but I push back. “Jude?” I want him completely at my mercy and tick my head no.
I lean up on my tip toes and let my lips graze his lower jaw. “Mine.” It’s whispered against his cheek and I lower myself to my knees in front of him. My hands follow trailing down until I feel the belt loops of his pants in the front. I tug them none to gently and his hips follow a shimmy letting me pull them down.
I breathe in the scent that is Lorand.
Male.
Metal.
Musk.
He is a heady combination that leaves me feeling impossibly drenched below. Once the pants are down to his ankles I pick up one leg so he can step out of them. I reach up and grab for his tight boxer briefs next. He helps me fit them over his thick cock and I pull those down to the floor as well. My nails scrape against the coarse hair on his legs and I position myself better. My face rubs against his leg and he widens his stance just so. I reach for his cock by the root and pull him gently between my lips eliciting a deep hiss from behind his smile I imagine he has for me right now.
“Fuck.” His groan of appreciation makes me shift on my knees as a rush of desire threatens to pull me down. He cups the back of my head, fingers threading in the locks, and I take him as deep as I can sucking with hollow cheeks, the top hitting deep in my mouth. It’s all instinct and while I’m sure my novice movements are jerky at best, he helps me find a rhythm sucking him off. I want him to be loud after being silent all this time.
“Jude, hell, you’re going to unman me.” I smiled pulling back and licking the underside to swirl my tongue around the shaft while I cupped his balls. My pointer finger twitched reaching back. I would pay him back in kind and go for it pressing gently against the tender flesh when his hands pulled my hair and my mouth off his cock with a smacking pop.
“Enough, minx.” Roughly he stands me up and knocks me to my back on the bed crawling over me. Hands pull the cups of my bra down and his lips feast on my aching nipples. I wrap legs around his body and the rest of our clothes vanish in a series of pulls and tears.
“You are mine.” My hands are secured above my head and he kisses me tasting deeply with his tongue reaching as far back as his cock had. Our bodies align and he enters me. Sharp stinging pain halts my movements and he groans into my shoulder biting me hard. I feel almost torn apart and made new again.
“Never letting you go. I’m going to spill inside you and I don’t care what happens after that.” For as wrong as it is, it feels so right with him holding me to the bed rutting against me. He reaches down and his fingers play rubbing me as wild as he is letting the climax take me over the edge. His body tenses and I feel him enlarge before pounding me into the mattress. I count the strokes, one, two, three, and four before he yells out loud. It’s more of a triumphant bark and I hope like hell he’s woken up that deaf Mrs. Goddard next door. He rides me hard and I love that he’s calling out my name incoherently babbly sweet things that make no sense. Sweat mingles and we are as one as humanly possible in that moment and it’s divine.
“You’ll never be quiet again Lorand.” I say to him in the darkness as I stroke his damp back and hold him close to me.
Sixteen
LORAND
I made sure Jude was safely tucked away in the bed passed out from a thorough tongue lashing. My own voice is raw and I smiled thinking about how my lake house doesn’t have neighbors who bang on walls. I locked the door to her house and get into my Range Rover drivi
ng over to the club. The streets are fairly empty at this time of night and I appreciate the old New Orleans style architecture of the main street area. I parked my vehicle on the street observing the non-descript entrance.
Reaching into the glove compartment I remove my gun and screw the silencer onto the barrel. Sorenson basically told me that my mark was another member at the club. I should have known he was talking about himself of course. I couldn’t go inside and be seen for this job. I would be recognized and that could make things awkward popping a guy in the middle of his happy ending just to finish a contract.
To come full circle.
No love would be lost on his passing, except Jude’s feelings would be hurt. This was a secret I would take with me to my grave. I couldn’t do this anywhere near the club. There might be a few who knew about what I did like Tally, but I didn’t need to advertise I was actively picking off members of a high profile sex club. All around it simply wasn’t good for business.
So here I was waiting for the man who spent years as my mentor, as someone I trusted to come out, hopefully alone so I could pick him off at another location and then dump his body. That was probably the worst part. The original contract stipulated a sizable pay, enough money that would set me up for the rest of my days. I could retire and never look back. Ending this worthless piece of shit’s life would be worth every penny to me, but it wasn’t really about the money. This was about the principal of the thing.
An hour passed before I watched him leave the club with his two shadows. I sat in the dark waiting them out. In a bold move he waved them off and got into his own car and drove off. I waited and then followed him back to him house. He parked the car and got out as I pulled up beside him. Nothing was left to surprise.
“Ah Lorand. You’ve finally made a decision.” He has the audacity to smile and nod. The fedora hat tipped in his hand mocks me as does his fancy three piece suit.
“I know what you did to Lacy.” He smirks and I almost lose my patience with him right then cocking the gun at his face.
“Nice work on the Halstad boy. He looks prettier already. Would you like to come inside? I’d hate for the gardener to find me, he’s got a heart condition you know.” Sorenson walks away and I aimed the gun in his general direction popping off a shot and letting the stone balustrade shatter next to him. “You never could keep your temper in check no matter how hard I tried.” He’s shaking his head and I stalk him.
“Why Lacy?” I asked him.
“Why not, my boy?” He shrugs indifferently and I see now that there isn’t a sorry bone in his body. I’m shocked he even remembers her name. “Don’t forget I made you into who you are.” He sneers and my stomach fills with acid.
“And what is that? A killer? An animal with no conscious? You fed me lies at the lowest point in my life.”
“No. I made you into a man instead of a sniveling little shit begging for scraps. You weren’t fit Karim then and you’re not fit for it now.” His hate and ire surprise me after all these years.
“Why? Because I wasn’t privileged enough to buy my way in?”
“You really think you got in on a scholarship you little bastard? You and Robert Beringer look so much alike when you take your whoring mother out of the picture.” My world rocks on its axis and I kneel down gasping for breath.
Was it possible? My father, one of the men I took out all those years ago. “No.” I say it but I don’t believe it one bit.
“As I’ve always told you, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. There are three ways into Karim but only one way out. You’re mother married Duvall but she spread all she was worth for Beringer.” They’re all dead so there’s no one left for me ask, no DNA to confirm unless I find a long lost family member.
“And Lacy?”
“A casualty of maintaining the finely crafted balance.” Red flashes in my brain. Danger. Rage. I aim the gun and fire hitting him several times. The shoulder, chest, upper thigh, I don’t care where as long he shuts up.
“And Jude, what was she all this time?”
“That’s all on you my boy. I merely facilitated closing the chapter.” He smiled and I watch him bleed out on the stone steps of his house.
EPILOGUE
LORAND
Southampton was hot in July. Viewing the horizon of clouds butted up against Lake Huron’s blue waters was a balm to my tattered soul. The breeze coming off the lake made keeping the balcony doors off the bedroom open worth it. You’d never know how bipolar Canada’s weather could be until you experienced it first-hand. The coming winter would be cold with dumps of lake effect snow buffering us from the outside world. Winter was a good time to take off from…my job.
Looking back over my shoulder I smiled, my eyes following the dips and curves of the woman slumbering in my bed. This heat was nothing new for a Texan born and raised girl like Jude. She slept soundly, the white silk sheets slid off her curved ass a little more with each lift from the gentle wind outside.
I could look at her all day long. “I feel you staring at me.” She laid face down, a grin on her face from ear to ear stuffed against the pillows.
My happy girl.
“How do you make this inaccurate observation?” A snort from the bed covers is my only answer. God I love this girl. I let my fingers dance over Jude’s pale skin. Tiny spider fine scars webbed her skin on her back from the chemical explosion, they were barely visible and made her no less perfect.
“I know you.” She twisted herself around grunting and my finger finds the blaze of branded skin on her shoulder.
My marking, my woman.
“And I love knowing you. Intimately.” I lean over her to kiss the raised scar of skin in the shape of my symbol, the Eye of Horus. My calling card, but also a symbol of protection. One that Jude herself chose and surprised me with before agreeing to move up her with me. That act of devotion would have me worshipping her until our last days. She was simply amazing.
We don’t talk about Sorenson’s death but I know she knows something. Somehow our life went on and the police detectives ruled it was likely due to a home robbery gone wrong. It was the one time I didn’t leave my calling card.
I had located old photo albums from my storage unit in Austin and paged through them. Who knows what my mother had been thinking back then. It was hard to tell who I looked like, but my sister Lacy had definitely been a Duvall through and through. I honestly had no desire to find out. As Sorenson pointed out, it was another chapter closed.
Nothing to be done.
“Now you’re just being funny.” Jude was content to be without her sight and I was happy to let things go for the time being. We’d found a doctor she liked in Montreal, but she didn’t yet feel ready to follow through with the procedure. A corneal transplant came with risks and I couldn’t blame her. She might take one look at me and run like hell. I joked that I’d have to blindfold her after the operation since that was my thing.
“Funny in love.” I kneeled on the bed and rolled over her trapping her beneath me and pressing my hips into hers. She tried to buck me off but I let my weight settle into her pinning her down.
“Can a girl get a break?” She feigned annoyance which only serves to rile me up. Waiting for the surgery was fine by me, though I wished she’d do it before I got her pregnant. I worried she’d fall and hurt herself being big and unsteady with my baby.
“As if you’d say no.” I pulled the remaining sheet from between us as Jude lay back submissively. I grabbed my member, hard and ready tracing the lips of her pussy with the head of my cock. Her juices covered me and pre-cum leaked between us. She moaned clutching for me as I teased her using the moment to my advantage and slid in feeling instantly at peace and at home within her tight pulsing walls. I was home, and this girl was meant for me only. I wanted to keep her as safe as I could.
My house on Lake Huron was Jude-proofed and safe for her to navigate even alone when I was traveling for work. I still did what I always did, but I was much
more particular at doing it and I was never gone for more than three days at a time. My name might be Falcon but I was more like a caged lion biding my time to strike. It was hard to take the killer instincts out of the assassin…
We have a house rule that Jude doesn’t ask for details and I don’t share how it went down. I’ll be retiring soon anyway. That last contract paid out much more than expected. Think Powerball and you’re in the ballpark of just how much. It would seem Sorenson, the cocky bastard ordered his own hit and we all rested a little easier as justice prevailed.
Jude doesn’t speak to her family and our holiday plans will be something along the lines of Bora Bora tiny little bikinis, and lots or protective flotation devices if she hasn’t had the blasted surgery by then.
Ella’s Dom, Ken the ugly son of a bitch flew his plane into a storm front and crashed it killing himself instantly. Honestly, I felt a little robbed by the incident, but I honest to God had nothing to do with that one. Good old fashioned karma and a dipshit with a dangerous hobby rid the world of his uselessness. I felt fine with the overall outcome there. No twitchy trigger fingers here.
Ella moved out of Karim to a small town in Arizona that made Native American crafts. She was living on a women’s only commune, and last I heard she had a pair of Dommes who kept her in line with plenty of crops and restraints. I could live with that.
Funny how things work out in the end?
The velvet box resting on the nightstand seemed to flash like a laser target. This was by no means the last gift I would ever give Jude, but perhaps the most meaningful one that made me nervous. Despite how oddly our relationship had begun it was worth every little complication and joy that followed. There was so much for the two of us to do together in this life. Even though Jude might not ever see it with her own eyes, my hope was that my love for her would see the both of us through any obstacle. We were both scarred physically and emotionally, but perhaps more beautiful for it as one joined together.