The leopard jerked once, twice, then lay still.
Javier tried to stand up, but he had no strength left. He looked down at himself, saw the wounds, but he seemed to be intact. He had a hard time drawing breath, and he collapsed to his side. Durchenko was dead. He’d succeeded.
The world around him grew dim as darkness closed in from his periphery.
When he closed his eyes, Heidi’s face was all he saw. Her sweet smile. Her stubborn little chin. That cute pug nose. And he heard once again the soft declaration of, “I love you,” she’d whispered just before he left her house to fight his enemy.
He tried to take a deep breath, but his lungs burned.
Pain pierced his chest and stomach. He couldn’t draw air.
And then, there was no more pain.
Chapter Fourteen
Heidi picked up her jacket from the hook behind her office door and headed through the clinic. She found Beth in one of the exam rooms, sterilizing the table.
“Hey,” she said, leaning against the doorjamb. “There’s only two other appointments today. Do you think you can handle them?”
Beth looked up at her and nodded. “Sure. You okay?”
No, Heidi wasn’t okay. She’d never be okay again, but she couldn’t tell her family that.
“You don’t look it,” Beth observed. “You want to talk?”
Heidi swallowed hard and shook her head. What was there to talk about? The love of her life was gone. “I just need the afternoon to myself. I’ll...” Her throat closed up, as it did so often lately. She sighed. “You’ll handle dinner tonight? I’m not sure I’ll be home.”
“Where are you going?”
“Just...out. Away.” She shrugged. “I need some time to think.”
A frown wrinkled Beth’s brow. “Maybe you shouldn’t be alone right now. Why don’t...” She grinned, obviously thinking she’d come up with a brilliant idea. “What if you and I go to Seattle this weekend? Girls’ weekend away. We can shop and stay in a nice hotel and drink all the mojitos we can get our hands on. That should get your mind off...things.”
Heidi’s first inclination was to decline the invitation, but then she shrugged. “Sure. What the hell. I haven’t been stinking drunk in a while.”
“That’s the spirit.”
“It’s not like I’m suicidal or anything. I just need to get away for a couple of hours.” Right now, before she burst into tears in the clinic. Tears and her job did not mix. “We can start planning that Seattle trip in the morning.”
“Cool. Be careful. And yes, I’ll take care of dinner.”
“Thanks.” Heidi went to the lobby. “Mrs. Blake, Beth’s going to handle the rest of the appointments today. I need some personal time.”
Mrs. Blake nodded and gave her a pitying look. Even though the woman didn’t know what had gone on, she must have felt the undercurrent of Heidi’s sadness. For the last few days she’d been bringing Heidi homemade comfort food each morning. Cinnamon rolls, coffee cake and today for lunch, a whole casserole dish of macaroni and cheese.
“I...uh...appreciate your kindness these past few days. I promise I’ll be back to my old cheerful self soon.”
“I haven’t seen you like this since your mother died. You know I’m here for you, dear, if you need someone to listen.”
The tears blurred her vision then, and all she could do was nod and whisper, “Thank you,” as she headed out the door.
Outside was yet another reminder that Javier was gone and not returning. His black Jag sat right where he’d parked it when he’d come to the clinic a week earlier, pissed off she’d left his hotel room without saying goodbye.
If only she hadn’t wasted that chance. If only he hadn’t come to the clinic. If only...
She fired up her Land Rover. It was a cool, foggy day, more like fall than late summer. Heavy rain for two nights had saturated the forest with much-needed water, and Heidi had only one place she wanted to go. The place that she’d shared with only one person, ever.
The drive into the forest didn’t take long, and soon she was out of the car and climbing the steep incline to her property. The air was thick with moisture and silent, as if the fog held all sound at bay except the crunch of dead leaves and twigs under her feet, the scratch of branches against her nylon jacket or jeans.
Breathing hard, her lungs burning from the quick climb, she burst into the clearing and ran toward the lone cedar tree in the center, only to stop short just twenty feet from the ancient sentinel.
“No,” she said, panting. She put her hands on her knees and bent forward, trying to catch her breath. But when she looked up again, it was still there, and fury cut through her hard and fast.
Someone had been camping in her space, her private domain. An old army tent was erected under the branches of the cedar, a small fire pit with a crudely fashioned spit over it not far outside the door.
“Hey,” she shouted as she approached the little camp. “Anyone in there? You’re on private property.”
The fire pit was cold, the ashes damp when she reached her hand over to check how long it had been out. She flipped one side of the tent door to the side and peered in.
Empty, except for a pair of jeans and a faded flannel shirt. Not even a sleeping bag.
Had someone come here, camped and left his tent? It had the musty smell of a little used canvas that has been in storage.
Bastards. This was her spot, and it had been violated. She stood and started untying the stays to dismantle the tent. Tomorrow she’d pick up a whole pile of No Trespassing signs and put them on every tree at her property lines. And ten on this tree. Her spot. No one else’s.
Hot tears trickled down her cheeks as she fought with the damn ties until frustration got the best of her and she screamed.
And then she screamed again, grabbing the tent and shaking it.
The third scream ended on a hoarse sob, and she collapsed to the damp grass in a heap.
Heidi never knew this kind of emptiness existed. She’d known loneliness, especially since her brothers began finding mates, but never had she experienced the icy desolation that had invaded her soul since Javier disappeared. And the day after he’d run off into the woods, she’d had another blow. Her period had come. That one night with him she’d prayed had made a baby, had not.
No Javier. No child. Just her, alone. Forever.
A full day and a half went by with no word from Javier before Axel would let her go after him. Her brother had literally stood guard over her and their fathers’ house, keeping her inside and any dangers out. Finally, he’d agreed she could go if Gunnar, in his catamount form, accompanied her. Gunnar’s sense of smell was strong enough to pick up the other cats’ scents and follow them for a while.
But for some unknown reason, even her brother, an expert tracker, couldn’t pick up the trail after it went cold. She’d pleaded with him, and so they’d trekked miles and miles into the forest, Gunnar quartering the land, but not once did he get another hint of Javier or the snow leopard.
She tried to convince herself that no sign was a good sign. If he lay dead somewhere, surely they would’ve found something.
But deep in her heart, she knew...
If he didn’t return for his car and few belongings, which he hadn’t, he was gone forever.
Heidi let the sorrow and pain flow through her as she buried her face in the crook of her arm and sobbed. She’d tried to be strong. Tried to tell herself she hadn’t known him long enough to be this hurt by his disappearance. But it didn’t help. All hope of a future, of happiness, was gone with him.
Her fathers wanted to help her, but admitted they were at a loss. Only time could heal the wounds left by the loss of someone she loved, they’d told her.
Time was all she had.
Time
devoid of... Just devoid. Empty.
“Oh, God,” she cried and hugged herself. It had been so much better to believe there was no one anywhere for her. That if she wanted to find any contentment, she’d have to settle for a normal man. But then a beautiful shifter came into her life and ruined all hope for any kind of happiness.
Finally the tears dried, and Heidi fell into an exhausted sleep.
Chata...
Heidi whimpered and clung tighter to herself. She heard Javier’s whispered endearment so often in her sleep.
Chata, you must get inside the tent. It is about to rain.
Something cold and wet touched her cheek, and she jerked in surprise, her eyes opening in alarm. Standing over her was a massive black jaguar, his face inches from hers, his warm breath against her cheek.
Slowly, she raised her hand and touched his long whiskers. His lip twitched, and he shook his head slightly.
That tickles.
“Javier.”
You have been crying.
She sat up, unwilling to look away from his amber eyes, afraid he’d disappear if she did. “Please tell me I’m not dreaming. Tell me you’re really here.”
I am here.
She buried her fingers into the thick fur at his scruff and pressed her forehead against his. “You’re alive,” she whispered, her heart beating so fast it felt like hummingbird wings in her chest. Her tears returned. “You’re alive.”
I am. He nuzzled her neck with his cold nose.
“You’re alive.” Elation turned to fury. She jerked back, still gripping his fur in her fingers. “You son of a bitch, I thought you were dead. You’ve been here the whole time?”
His only reaction to her explosion of temper was to sit on his haunches and utter a calm admission of guilt. Most of the time I have been here.
“What’s that mean? Answer me,” she demanded when he didn’t speak. But then she spotted the patch of missing fur from his neck, and she shoved his muzzle to the side to get a closer look. Healed wounds on both sides of his throat. Kneeling, she moved down his body, finding more scars, including the bullet wound she’d patched up.
I am not so pretty anymore, chata.
“You idiot. Is that why you’ve been hiding here?” She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face against his fur.
No, my love. He plopped onto his side in the damp grass and wrapped his forelegs around her. And then he changed, faster than her brothers ever could, and Javier was holding her in his arms, crushing her to his bare chest. “I have been here healing.”
She looked into his beautiful face and touched the ugly red scars on his neck, a couple lighter ones on his cheek, still unable to believe this was all real, fearful she was dreaming. “I could have helped. I’m a doctor.”
He shook his head. “I could not return to you in that condition.”
The scars would fade with time, but how long had he planned to stay away from her? Did he really think her so vain? “Don’t you know that it doesn’t matter what you look like? I love you.”
“And that is why I could not return to you as I was after the battle.”
“We looked for you...”
“I knew you would. I buried my scent from your brothers, who no doubt gave in to you and tried to help you find me.”
She frowned at him. “Why...”
“Because, Heidi,” he said, his gaze so intense it raised goose bumps on her sides, “the next time I saw you, I would claim you as my own. I was in no shape to accomplish that at the time.”
Her lips parted on a soft gasp.
A small smile curled his lips. “If you are agreeable, of course.”
“Of course.” The words came out hoarse, and she swallowed hard. Her mind seemed to blank out. Questions swirled, but she couldn’t get any to come out her mouth. Was it over with the snow leopard? Had Javier done what he needed to do? Was he over losing his first mate?
“Mi chatita, you must tell me if you will accept me as your mate, your lover. Your husband. Your only.”
Elation surged through Heidi, and she leaned down and kissed Javier hard, sinking her tongue into his mouth, tasting him once again and falling into the desire that always consumed her when he was near. Her husband. Her mate. Something she thought she’d never have. She pulled back to find him a little glassy eyed and laughed. “Yes, Javier. God, yes.” She kissed him again.
He rolled her under him and kissed her in return, his tongue surging into her mouth, his naked body so deliciously hard against her.
There was no more discussion as Javier stripped the clothes from her body, barely taking his mouth from hers. The grass was cold and wet beneath her, but his body was hot, warming much more than just her flesh with his.
“Please,” she whispered when he nipped at her shoulder, her neck, that special spot beneath her ear. “Bite me. Make me yours. Please.”
His playful nibbles made her want to scream. The fact he pinned her legs between his, not letting her rub herself against his long, hard cock, made her want to cry. Instead she arched her back as far as his big body allowed, giving him her chest.
“Such beauty,” he murmured, a mixture of humor and depth in his words. He licked her nipple, and she gasped. He suckled the other, and she moaned. “I will thank God each day that it was you who saved me.”
“Me too. God, me too. I love you, Javier. I never thought...” She grabbed his head and pulled him up so she could kiss him.
He kept the pressure light, gentle, when she wanted his passion. Needed it like she needed air.
“You are sure?” he asked between kisses to her forehead, her eyelids. “Once I make you mine, I will never let you go, Heidi. Not ever.”
She laughed.
Javier raised his head to frown down at her. “You find my declaration humorous?”
Still smiling, she shook her head. “Javier, sweet man, I have lived with shifter men my whole life. I know what possessiveness is. I know that we will fight, we will argue, and I will drive you mad by not following everything you decree to be what is right for me.” She put her fingers over his mouth when he looked as if he would speak. “But sweetheart, you must know I have never loved another man. I never thought I would. You are my one. Of that I have no doubt.”
“And you are my one, Heidi.” He kissed her then, slowly, deeply, his tongue dipping repeatedly into her mouth to rub against hers. He nibbled her bottom lip. And then he moved lower, kissing her neck, the swells of her breasts, treating her nipples to a quick lick before he nipped the sensitive skin over her ribcage, dipped his tongue in her navel. And then he spread her legs.
“Javier, come on,” she cried in frustration, bucking her hips. “Get on with it. Mark me and then fuck me. Please!”
He chuckled. “In this, chata, you are not in control.” His hot, wet tongue slid up the length of her pussy and flicked her clit.
She jumped at the shock of pleasure and grasped handfuls of damp grass and flowers to keep from grabbing him and demanding more.
The assault on her pussy continued with licks, flicks and suckling that made her whimper, cry and shout. Yet, he wouldn’t let her come. Every time she thought she was close, he’d change position, change the pressure.
“You don’t play fair,” she cried, trying to press harder against his mouth, but he pinned her legs and abdomen so she could barely move, only submit.
Submit.
Become his.
The thought sent her into orgasm.
Javier growled against her and slipped long fingers into her cunt. “Again, chata.”
And she did. Again, and again as he suckled her clit and hit her G-spot with those beautifully long, thick fingers of his. When she thought she couldn’t possibly take any more, when her ears rang and her cries of ecstasy were hoarse, a sharp, sti
nging pain pierced her inner thigh, and she came so hard she saw stars in the brightness of the foggy gray sky.
And then he was within her, over her, his weight heavy and wonderful as he pumped into her, slammed into her. He gripped one thigh and raised her leg. She tucked it over his ass, her limbs rubbery.
He looked down into her face, and she stared into his beautiful eyes. “I love you,” she whispered, her voice rough.
He kissed her then, and yet another orgasm rolled through her at the same time he stopped moving, pressed hard into her, and his cock pulsed within her. “I love you too, Heidi,” he began then murmured telepathically, Oy, chata, te amo mucho. Mi corazon...mi vida.
I love you, Javier...my mate.
Chapter Fifteen
Javier held Heidi against him until she shivered, and then he told her to get dressed. After pulling on the pair of jeans from the tent, he glanced at the cloud cover and decided the rain would hold off a little longer, so he built a fire in the small pit he’d fashioned a few days earlier and brought down the cache of scavenged foods he’d raised into the tree limbs overhead.
“Where’d you get all this stuff?” she asked, huddled in her damp jacket, warming her hands over the fire.
“Here and there.” He handed her a package of cookies and a can of cola.
Heidi narrowed her eyes at him, and he grinned.
“You’re a thief.”
“Where I am from, jaguars are considered wily, not thieves. Sit here.” He positioned a piece of deadfall close to the fire.
She sat without another word and tore into the cookies’ plastic wrapping. After she consumed a couple and popped the top on the cola, she said, “I was really pissed when I got here and saw the tent and fire ring.”
“I...heard you.” He opened his own can of soda and sat on the ground next to her.
“Why didn’t you show yourself then?”
He gave her a sheepish grin. “You are rather formidable when you are angry.”
Falke’s Renegade Page 15