I joined the small queue for auto-cars, climbing into the back seat when mine arrived.
“Kagosaka Colony,” I said to the onboard computer, touching my cyber card to it. It pinged, taking my payment for the journey. And then it took me away.
I hadn’t expected any kind of welcome party back at the colony; after all, no one knew that I was coming back today. But I was so changed, my world was so changed, it was almost a shock to find the colony exactly as I had left it. To be able to walk in as if I’d only popped out for a moment.
At this time of day, everyone would be at work. Many of the traders would be performing extractions, either in Kagosaka itself, or accepting clients here, in their homes. The men would be down on the farm, or out in the quarry. The rooks would be teaching their students. The Kagosaka rooks, at least. Ours were toiling on the farm. Wasting their talents. And Miya… Miya was gone.
I bloomed with relief. I wouldn’t have been able to see her after what I’d done. I would never have to witness her disgust. That would have felt like receiving the scorn of Okaporo itself.
I walked out towards the farm, and spotted Nahaya’s legs dangling down out of a tree. Taka’s thick calves hung down next to hers, his large feet clad in work boots. I wondered where he was supposed to be right now.
Ducking under the branches, I blinked in the darkness, trying to pick out their bodies from the tangle of shadows.
“Kioto?” Nahaya said. “Where have you been?”
“Can we talk?” I asked her. I kept my focus on her feet, unable to meet the scrutiny of her eyes.
“Sure,” she said hesitantly, easing herself down to the ground.
Taka grunted, and I could feel the heat of his annoyance.
We ducked out from under the trees, and I led her away. We hadn’t gone far when she started to drag behind, looking back, slowing. I stopped. She had clearly reached the extent of the freedom he afforded her.
“Where have you been?” she asked again. “I’ve been worried about you. Didn’t you get my messages?”
“I wasn’t up to talking to anyone. I’m sorry.”
“Then drop me a message to tell me that. I was imagining all kinds of things.”
“And Taka’s been comforting you, has he?” I muttered.
“Kioto, life doesn’t shut down because you disappear for a few days. The world keeps on turning.”
I shook my hands at her. “Whatever. I didn’t come back to argue with you. I came back to tell you that I’ve got enough money saved for us to leave.”
“I told you that I can’t.” She looked back towards the trees.
I followed her gaze. Taka had stepped out into the sunshine. I turned my back to him.
“Is this really the life you want?” I asked her.
“I don’t know.”
I gestured towards her stomach. “Well, you need to be pretty damn sure of it very soon.”
She batted my hand aside. “Don’t. I haven’t told him yet.”
I reeled backwards with a sound that was half laugh, half cough. “You haven’t told him? How do you know that he’ll even stand by you?”
“He’ll have to. They wouldn’t let him abandon me.”
“How romantic.”
“You know what I mean,” she snapped.
“No, Nahaya, I don’t think I do. Why are you staying for some guy you don’t even like that much.”
“I’m only just getting to know him. And, besides, what do we know about love, other than what we’ve read in books, or seen in movies? Even that experience isn’t exactly vast. Maybe it’s not about big crashing thunderbolts, or being driven mad by lust. Maybe it’s better to fall in love slowly, over time. What would we know? What would you know?”
“I know that it should make you happy. Does he make you happy, Nahaya? Really?”
“He makes me feel safe, and there’s a lot to be said for that.”
I rolled my head on my shoulders. “Of course he makes you feel safe. He was one of the ones that made you feel unsafe here. Now that he’s stopped that—”
“How can you possibly understand? You’re just a child.”
I stared at Nahaya, my mouth falling open. She had never spoken to me like that before. We’d been best friends since I could remember, and our three year age gap had barely ever been mentioned. She had certainly never used it against me, and I had never imagined that she would.
I shook my head. “Enjoy your life,” I said. “You deserve each other,” I added with venom.
“Good, thanks for your blessing. Have a nice life living nowhere. Maybe I’ll pass you in the gutter someday.”
“Very possibly, because that’s exactly where you’re going to be ending up.” I looked over at Taka. “You better take care of her,” I yelled at him. Then, pointing at her belly, I added “And that baby you’ve put in her.”
I didn’t hesitate. With my fists bunched into my pockets, I pounded away from them, without looking back.
Akikai wasn’t at home. Or in the communal hall. Or in our cave. No one had seen him for several hours.
I wandered back to the cliff, climbing carefully down to the entrance of the cave. My heart burnt fiercely, and my head boiled in the steam. Stomping around in the gloom, I snatched up candles, lining them up across the entrance.
“Her loss, not mine,” I muttered to myself. “If she wants to stay here, with him, and pretend-play at happy families, than let her. I’m getting out of here. I’m going to make a life for myself far away from here.”
I worked my way along the line, lighting the candles as a beacon to call Akikai back.
He shook me awake. I had dropped off slumped at the back of the cave, and, as I moved my legs, they raged with pain. I rubbed them, trying to encourage the blood to return.
“Where have you been?” he asked.
I blinked at him, trying to organise his question in the sleepy fog of my mind. I shook my head, trying to clear it. “What?”
“Kioto, you’ve been gone for days. You ignored all my calls and messages. And then you just show up here like nothing has happened. Where were you?”
“Just… sorting my head out.” I batted him away.
“Well, how nice for you. Meanwhile, I’m here wondering what the hell I might have done wrong. Wondering if you were ever coming back. Wondering if you were even still alive.”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” I said, a little more harshly than I’d intended.
He looked at me; the instant mask of shock contorting into one of annoyance.
“You’re so unbelievably selfish, Kioto. You’re not who I thought you were at all.”
I swallowed, and pushed myself up, ducking my head below the rocks above me. Why was everyone falling away from me? I took hold of his hand, but he didn’t grip me back; his fingers sitting loosely in my palm.
“I’m sorry. I’ll tell you everything. I just need to get out of here first. We need to leave. Now. No waiting for my birthday.”
“But it’s only a few days. I’m not ready.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’ve got money. Lots of money. We can buy new stuff.”
“Stuff?” He stepped away from me, his hand falling away from mine. “It’s not just about stuff, Kioto. This is my home, and I need to say goodbye to people. To my parents. My siblings. My friends. I need to talk to them, to explain. You think they’re just going to let me walk out of here?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t even think.” I looked down at the floor, silently adding ‘because I don’t have any of those things. Not anymore.’ “I’m so sorry,” I said. “I’ve messed everything up. Nahaya hates me—”
“I’m sure she doesn’t—”
No, trust me. She hates me. I’ve sincerely burnt that bridge. I can’t be here. I’m going to grab some clothes and leave now, quietly, without saying anything. Come and join me in Kagosaka when you’re ready.”
He nodded, squeezing my hands. “Can’t wait.”
I slept in the same guesthous
e, but a different room. My window no longer offered a view of the city, but one of a service yard, bordered by the plain, featureless backs of other buildings.
I passed the time with small, simple extraction jobs from the other couple of exchanges. Every time I handed over my cyber card, my stomach lurched at the thought of Achi and Omoto.
I missed them fiercely. So few people had truly cared about me since I left Okaporo. And I had managed to push them away. And Nahaya. And I’d lost Miya too.
I looked down at the card in my hand, running my thumb over where Achi had handwritten my name. It was fading, barely even legible if you didn’t know what it said.
As the waiter placed my coffee on the table, sloshing some of it into the saucer, I flashed my cyber card over his screen to pay. My head was still cramping with the throw, but I had got into a habit of curing it with caffeine rather than sleep. To be honest, it probably didn’t help.
My phone buzzed, and I glanced at the screen.
We need to talk, Akikai had messaged.
My heart froze. That was never good. No one ever announced good news in that way. Thoughts raced through my already nauseated head, each one bringing a new wave of sickness.
He knows what I did to Nahaya. His parents won’t let him leave. He doesn’t want to leave. He doesn’t love me anymore. He knows about the extraction I did. Or didn’t do. He knows everything.
I told my brain to slow down, but it sped up instead. The world was spinning around me, blurring out, as my eyes filled with tears.
I’d lost everyone. Everyone I had ever loved had been taken away from me. Or, I had pushed them away. What had I done to deserve this? Why did the world hate me?
I stumbled away from the cafe, leaving my coffee untouched. I barely noticed as I knocked into people, distant calls of “earwig scum” and “ripper bitch” chasing me.
As I thundered into the guesthouse, I met Shu-Shu on the stairs, almost knocking a pile of folded sheets out of her arms.
“Kioto, what’s the rush?” she asked.
“I’m leaving today,” I replied.
“What’s happened? What happened to your young man? I thought you were waiting for him.”
“He’s not coming,” I whimpered.
“I’m sorry, love. You just can’t rely on people,” she said with a shake of her head. “I’ll be sorry to see you go.”
“Thanks.” I hammered on up the stairs.
I didn’t have a lot to pack. I looked at the two half-empty bags, slumped on the bed, like they were sulking.
“This is what my life comes down to,” I said aloud to them. “You and me. We can’t trust anyone else.” I slung them onto my shoulders.
I stopped at the door, turning to look around the room. It was meant to be the scene of our reunion. I’d imagined the moment so many times, in so many ways. Akikai, stepping inside without a word, sweeping me into his arms. I shook the image from my head. It was stupid, childish fantasies. Nothing more. Our adventure wasn’t starting here. It was ending here. We were done with each other.
I closed the door behind me, and set off alone.
THE MEMORY TRADER SERIES
Continue Kioto’s story with the rest of the Memory Trader Series:
The Smudger
The Memory Trader book 1
OUT NOW
When Kioto stumbles upon a memory that casts doubt over everything she thought she knew, she’s forced to face the past she’s been running from.
There’s tough choices to be made, and the price might just be their lives.
The Sister
The Memory Trader book 2
OUT NOW
Lobaya is under attack, and government officials are being killed by an unseen force.
While staying ahead of the witch hunt, Kioto must discover and destroy the assassins, even if it means betraying her own people and putting those she loves in danger.
The Settling
The Memory Trader book 3
COMING 2019
40 years after the end of The Sister, Lobaya is facing its most serious threat yet.
The country’s fate falls into the hands of people unqualified and unprepared for the responsibility.
They’re running scared, and they all have their own ghosts to deal with.
Find out more at angelinetrevena.co.uk/the-memory-trader-series
ABOUT ANGELINE TREVENA
Angeline Trevena was born and bred in a rural corner of Devon, but now lives among the breweries and canals of central England with her husband, their two sons, and a rather neurotic cat. She is a horror and fantasy author, poet, and journalist.
In 2003 she graduated from Edge Hill University, Lancashire, with a BA Hons Degree in Drama and Writing. During this time she decided that her future lay in writing words rather than performing them.
Some years ago she worked at an antique auction house and religiously checked every wardrobe that came in to see if Narnia was in the back of it. She's still not given up looking for it.
Find out more at www.angelinetrevena.co.uk
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