by Amy Harmon
After dinner, they watched the first half of a demolition derby, and then blitzed across town to catch the second half of a rodeo—just in time to see some crazy lunatic on the back of a motorcycle barrel up a ramp, through a ring of fire, and over a line of cars. Miles yeehawed the entire time, and with his hilarious asides, the date was over almost as soon as it had begun.
He drove her home and walked her to her front porch. “Well,” he said, “this is it, I guess.”
“Thank you for a truly unforgettable date, Miles. You are one of a kind.” Taycee meant every word.
“Kinda like you.” His arms circled Taycee, and he pulled her close. Before she could say anything, his mouth covered hers in slow and thorough kiss. It felt wrong, like she was kissing a good friend, but she let it happen even as the guilt plucked away at her insides. She had to picture the sweet, hard-working faces of the McCrays in order to keep from blurting out the truth.
“Even if I don’t get chosen, I’d sure like to keep seein’ you,” Miles breathed in her ear.
The words echoed through Taycee’s head like a pounding hammer. She resisted the urge to run inside and close the door firmly between her and a guy who wanted more than she could ever give.
Taycee swallowed. She had to say something. No way could she leave him hanging like that, especially with the camera filming their every move, their every word. But what could she say that wouldn’t give him false hope, while still keeping the viewers hopeful?
“Uh…” The words wouldn’t come. There was nothing she could say.
“Speechless,” Miles teased. “I’ve been known to have that effect on girls.”
“Overcome is a better word.” Taycee pasted on a smile and forced herself to answer his question. “And yes, I’d like that too.”
Miles grinned, kissed her one last time, and left her with a wink on her doorstep. Taycee shoved her key in the lock and disappeared inside, barely refraining from slamming the door behind her in an effort to block out the world, the stress, the knowledge that she’d just given a genuinely nice guy a reason to falsely hope.
Chapter Thirty-four
On Wednesday evening, Taycee closed her shop and walked the short distance to her apartment. There was a time back in high school when she wanted guys to notice her, when she craved being asked out on a date, and when the idea of more than one guy liking her at the same time filled her teenage, girlish fantasies.
But now that it had actually happened, it wasn’t nearly as romantic as she once supposed. At the time, it had all been about her. About popularity. About being the kind of girl that guys flocked around. Never had she thought about the feelings of anyone but herself, or that dating more than one guy would lead to having to choose one and hurt the other. Or worse, hurt them both, which was the case now.
Jake and Miles were two good guys who didn’t deserve to fall for a girl who was never really available.
Opening the door to her apartment, Taycee slung her purse over a hook and walked toward the kitchen.
“About time you got home,” Caleb’s voice boomed, making her jump and cover her pounding heart with her hand.
“Caleb! You have got to start calling first.”
He was lying on the couch with his ankles crossed and his arms tucked behind the back of his head. “Sorry, sis. Couldn’t resist.”
Despite the scare, it was really good to see him. His presence made her feel less alone, her apartment not so empty. Taycee plopped down on the armrest next to him. “When did you get back?”
“A few hours ago.”
“Why don’t you ever let me know you’re coming? I would have left some dinner for you in the fridge or something.”
Caleb sighed and sat up, resting his elbows on his knees and raking his fingers through his already mussed hair. “Then I wouldn’t get to surprise you. It’s kind of fun seeing you jump.” He yawned. “I have to be in Denver in the morning, but I should be finished by the end of the week. I thought we could hang out this weekend.”
“I’d love that.” Taycee could really use some Caleb-time and the distraction he’d undoubtedly bring, especially since she couldn’t spend the time with Luke. Besides, If anyone could help her get beyond the guilt from her dating deception, it was her brother.
“In fact,” Taycee said. “What about taking a few hours on Saturday to check out some potential office spaces? I know you’re not ready to make the move, but it never hurts to keep your eyes open, right?”
Caleb’s fingers scratched his head in a rapid, nervous way—something he always did when he had something to say that she probably wouldn’t want to hear. Her heart sank before he even started talking.
“Yeah, uh… well, that’s just it, Tace. I won’t need any office space. I was planning to tell you before, but the truth is, I’ve been offered an associate position at the firm I’m with, and I’ve decided to take it.”
A hollow emptiness settled in Taycee’s stomach. Deep down, she’d known something like this was coming, but that didn’t make it easy to hear. An associate position. Permanent. Caleb wasn’t coming back. Like her parents, he would never come back.
Her brother had been gone for years now. This shouldn’t be a big deal. And yet the permanence of it was a big deal for her. For the past few years, the hope that Caleb would one day move back—that something would return to the way it used to be—had given Taycee the strength to get by on her own. And now, all of a sudden, that strength felt depleted. As though she was somehow more alone than she had been a minute before.
Why did everyone want to leave? Why did things have to keep changing? Taycee wanted to rewind the clock back to a time when life was simple. When the only worry was finding something to do to stave off boredom.
“How long have you known?” she asked, trying not to sound as broken-hearted as she felt. The question hung in the air between them, like dark gray clouds threatening rain.
”They made me an associate a few months ago.”
A lump lodged in her throat. A few months? Caleb had already become an associate? “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
The nervous scratching came back. “I planned to. But every time I started to tell you, you’d go off about when I’d be moving back and how excited you were at the prospect. I just… didn’t have the heart.”
No matter how many times she swallowed, the lump remained. “So instead you let me go on and on like some stupid moron.”
“That’s redundant.”
Taycee glared. “Not the time for jokes, Caleb.”
“Sorry.” He rubbed his fingers together, avoiding eye contact.
“Does Luke know?” She took his silence to mean yes. “Of course he knows.” Taycee stood and started pacing the room. “Your former best friend. The guy who left after high school without a backward glance. Who forgot us both. Of course you told him before me—your own sister.”
“That’s exactly why I told him,” Caleb said, his voice growing louder. “Because I knew he’d understand. You, on the other hand would make me feel guilty. Like I’m deserting you.”
“I would not!”
“You are, Tace. Right now!” Caleb said. “It’s no wonder Luke didn’t stay in touch. If he did, every time he contacted you he would have gotten some sob story about how everyone wanted to leave and how things were changing. He would have gotten the same guilt trip you’re giving me right now.”
“That’s not true,” Taycee snapped. “I’m not giving you a guilt trip over leaving. I’m giving you a guilt trip over not telling me sooner. How could you!”
Caleb’s jaw clenched as he stood, making his way toward the door. “For the same reason I never told you I’m also engaged.” He left the apartment with a slam of the door, sounding almost like a crack of thunder.
Taycee felt like he’d just slugged her in the stomach. Caleb was engaged? To who? There was no way he’d ever joke about something like that, especially not in anger. Yet during all their conversations over the past several month
s, not once had he ever mentioned a girl, let alone the fact that he was thinking of marrying her. How long had they been engaged? Was a date already set? A florist hired?
Caleb. Her only sibling. They’d been so close once upon a time, telling each other everything. They used to stay up late into the night talking, laughing, teasing. What happened? When had a chasm formed between them and how had Taycee not noticed it until now? Had she really been so opposed to change that her only brother didn’t feel like he could confide in her anymore? Tell her that he was getting married?
Taycee had missed out on something special. Something important. Something she’d never be able to get back. She’d always looked forward to the time when Caleb started dating someone serious. She’d pictured him calling her, telling her how excited he was and how much Taycee would love her. They’d talk about how he would propose, how he needed to make it as unique and special as possible. In fact, she had hundreds of possibilities stored in her head for just such a conversation.
But none of those conversations would happen now. Taycee had no idea how Caleb proposed, when he proposed, if he’d asked her father’s permission and how that conversation went. She had no idea when they’d be getting married or what her future sister-in-law was even like, let alone her name.
The walls seemed to close in and around her. She couldn’t stay here. Taycee’s hand shook as she fiddled with the door handle, finally throwing it open. She charged into the warm summer air, hugging her arms against her chest.
Her eyes stung as she headed down Main Street in the direction of the park. The smells coming from the diner turned her stomach sour, so Taycee darted across the street, ignoring the hellos of people she passed. She jogged the rest of the way to the park and came to a stop beneath the large oak tree that she and Luke and Caleb once spent hours climbing.
Her fingers dug into the crusty old bark as she pulled herself up to the lowest branch, not caring about the scratches the rough branches left on her legs. She climbed higher and higher, until all she could see were patches of the town here and there through the dense foliage. There, in that natural haven, Taycee let the sobs come.
She cried for all those lost moments, all the memories she could have had but never would get. She cried until her eyes burned and the sky glowed with the promise of a beautiful sunset. She cried until all her tears were dried up.
“Is it safe to come up yet?” a voice came from below.
Taycee started, nearly losing her precarious hold on a branch. She peered down through the leaves to where Luke stood almost directly below her, his arm resting on a branch. The back of her hands wiped desperately at her eyes as she sniffed. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough.” With an easy grace, Luke swung up into the tree and slowly made his way to her, finally perching his body across from her. His thumb grazed her cheek in a soft caress. “What happened?”
She sniffed again, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “Tell me the truth. Was I the reason you didn’t keep in touch?”
His eyebrows drew together in confusion. “Why would you be the reason?”
“Because you didn’t want me to make you feel guilty for leaving.”
Luke chuckled, resting his hands on a tree branch above his head. “Well, you did lay on the guilt a little thick before I left, but no, that wasn’t the reason. I already told you why.”
“I know.” Taycee sniffed again. “I just needed to make sure.”
Luke nudged her foot with his. “What’s going on? I was in the diner when you blew past earlier.”
“Caleb’s back.”
The leaves rustled in the silence. “I take it he finally told you,” Luke said after a moment. “About time.”
“You should have told me.” Taycee felt more miserable than ever. “I can’t believe my own brother couldn’t bring himself to tell me that he was engaged or that he wanted to remain in Phoenix. I didn’t even know he was dating anyone or that he wanted to stay with his firm. How could he think that I’d make him feel guilty for choosing happiness over me? I don’t understand.”
Luke’s sneaker nudged hers once again. “Are you looking for an answer or are you just venting?”
“Both.”
“Well,” he said. “I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t my news to tell. And yes, he mistakenly did believe you’d lay on the guilt.”
Taycee sniffed yet again, wishing she’d brought some tissue. “Just because I don’t like change doesn’t mean I’m incapable of dealing with it when it comes. Yes, it was hard to hear that he’s getting married and planning to stay in Phoenix, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy for him.” Taycee paused, blinking back the tears. “Caleb’s finally getting married. I should have been one of the first to know, not the last. It just… hurts.”
Luke shifted to a closer branch and reached for her hand, rubbing circles on her palm. “Hurting you was the last thing he wanted to do. That’s why he had a hard time telling you.”
Taycee frowned at the fading light peeking through the leaves. In a way, she could understand that. She’d created expectations in her mind about Caleb. About life. About the way things should be. But she’d also learned a long time ago that change was inevitable, and, like the wind, Taycee had no control over which direction people went. It was a hard lesson, and one she continued to struggle with, but she would have been happy for Caleb.
She was happy for Caleb.
“Maybe it’s me who needs to get out of Shelter,” she mumbled, more to herself.
“Oh no you don’t,” Luke said. “You aren’t going anywhere, not if I have anything to say about it.” His words, combined with the teasing glint in his eyes, were like a kiss on a bruised knee. It almost produced a smile.
Almost.
“Now who’s being controlling?” Taycee said.
“I learned from the best.”
This time, a small smile formed. “Not nice.”
Luke grabbed a limb and swung down to a lower branch, holding a hand out to Taycee. “Personally, I think hanging out in a tree is over-rated. There’s really no view to speak of and the branches are scratchy.”
Taycee simultaneously laughed and sniffed. She placed her hand in his, and together they climbed down the tree. Luke dropped to the ground first, and then held up both hands, slowly easing Taycee to the ground. When her feet hit the grass, his arms went around her, pulling her close until their noses touched. “Want to know something?”
“What?”
“I kind of like you,” he whispered.
“Just kind of?”
A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Well, maybe a little more than that.” In an instant, his mouth met hers in a healing kiss that eased her pain and infused her body with warmth. Peace. Joy. He was exactly what she needed right now—the reminder that there was still something right in her life.
His lips eased off hers, and he hugged her to him.
“I kind of like you too,” Taycee mumbled into his shirt, suddenly remembering the promise she’d made to Jessa to stay away from him. She wanted to push the thought back, keep it hidden for just awhile longer. But it was too late. Her conscience was already prodding her in an annoying way.
“I should go,” Taycee finally said. ”Jessa would kill me if she saw me here with you.”
“Forget Jessa and that stupid show,” Luke said. But his hands slid from around her back, rubbing up and down her arms before they finally fell away.
It took all of Taycee’s will power not to throw herself back into his arms. She searched his eyes instead. Only one more week. Seven days. That was it.
It seemed like a lifetime.
“Thank you, Luke.”
“Anytime.”
Chapter Thirty-five
You’re a little quiet tonight,” Jake said as he and Taycee walked hand-in-hand through a park on the outskirts of Denver.
Taycee sighed. He was right. She was being quiet. Mostly because the park reminded h
er of rollerblading with Luke, which reminded her of the concert at Red Rocks, which reminded her of everything else she’d done with Luke over the course of her lifetime.
As much as she enjoyed Jake’s company, it was Luke she craved. Luke’s hand she wanted to hold. Luke’s lips she wanted to kiss.
“Sorry,” she said. “I guess all the craziness from the past several weeks is finally catching up to me. I’m a little worn out tonight.”
“Let’s sit then.”
“Oh no. Really, I’m fine.” If he had any idea where her thoughts really were, he wouldn’t be nearly so chivalrous.
“It’s okay to be tired, you know.” Jake’s hand relinquished hers and moved to her back, rubbing up and down. “Happens to everyone.”
His words coerced a smile from Taycee. “It doesn’t seem to happen to you. What’s your secret?”
Jake stopped and pulled her into his arms. “Healthy living and lots of exercise. In fact, did you know kissing is one of the best pick-me-ups?”
Her body stiffened. She’d meant to tease him and lighten the mood, not open the door for an invitation like this. But it seemed everything she said today was the wrong thing because Jake was more affectionate than ever. Or maybe it was because this was their last official date. Either way, it made Taycee increasingly uncomfortable.
“I don’t know,” she said, trying once more to lighten the mood. “I’ve always thought curly fries and chocolate shakes were the best pick-me-ups.” Next to Luke, of course.
Jake’s lips twitched. “Did you really just compare my kiss to a chocolate shake? Because it kind of sounded like you did. And it kind of sounded like I came in second.”
“Never,” Taycee said.
“Good.” A full smile formed as Jake inched closer. “But I still plan to prove that I’m preferable to chocolate.”
Taycee felt like throwing her hands up in a gesture of defeat. But then Burt stepped into her peripheral vision, coming in for a close up shot. She held back a sigh. There was no escape, not if she wanted it to look real. So Taycee let Jake kiss her.