by Mikayla Lane
“Thank you, Jess. I’m very glad to see you doing so well. Are you feeling as well as you look? Is Amun treating you well? He’s not pushing you too hard is he? He has a tendency to do that with the men from what I hear.” Ivint said jokingly, trying to put her a little at ease. She seemed much tenser than she had been the last time he’d seen her.
“I’m very good sir. Amun has taken very good care of me.” She meant that too. She’d never felt better in her whole life. Even the soreness in her legs and back was nothing compared to the pain she was used to feeling. She knew that once she was used to walking without her stumbling gait, her muscles would stop hurting. She was already walking in straight lines and more quickly than she could ever remember walking.
“I’m very glad to hear that Jess. Amun says you’ve been pouring through the information on the comm and learning very quickly. If you have any questions, you can always come to me if you need to child. And your uncle is continuing to express an interest in finally meeting you…” Ivint left the sentence hang and waited to see how she would respond. She’d been putting off meeting Lagor for two moon cycles now, and he really wanted to understand why. The child needed her family.
“I’m just not ready yet, sir. It’s all too much to try to take in right now. Maybe when we get back from the planet I’ll be more used to walking on my new legs and won’t feel so self-conscious about him seeing me like this.” Jess hung her head to hide the blush she knew was staining her cheeks.
She hadn’t really wanted to reveal too much to any of them as to why she didn’t want to meet her father’s brother. However, she’d used so many excuses over the last two days that she knew if she didn’t reveal some serious truth, they might try to thrust the poor man upon her unexpectedly.
It was bad enough for him and his father to know what she’d become, she didn’t feel the need to embarrass their family further by putting them in a position to have to play family with her. She had learned enough about her father’s people to know that they would do anything for her, because she was considered family, and because she’s one of their females. Truthfully, she wouldn’t have blamed them if they wished she hadn’t lived through it. The time she’d spent on the ship was the longest she’d ever gone without wishing the same.
“Jess… child, I can assure you that Lagor doesn’t care if you can walk correctly yet, or if you ever could.” When she still didn’t raise her head, Ivint gave Amun a meaningful glare and continued.
“Alright child, we’ll wait until we get back from the planet. Go get your rest; I don’t want you over tired from going to the planet.”
“Thank you sir.” Was all Jess said before she headed out the door as quickly as she could and back into her room in MedLab.
“It’s my fault that she feels that way.” Lagor said quietly from the back corner of the room where Ivint had him sit before Jess had come in.
“Lagor, it’s not your fault. She’s just been through so much…” Amun really didn’t know what to say to the man, but felt the need to defend Jess.
“You saw the way I reacted when I found out she was the captive, and not the one Balduen was looking for. Maybe she knew somehow… how horrified I was at what she’d been through.” Lagor let the sentence drop, ashamed that he may have pushed her not to want to see him.
“Lagor, I don’t believe for a second that is the reason she won’t see you yet. I believe it is much more likely that the poor thing is a little overwhelmed. Look at what she’s been through and in the span of days; she’s been healed and not in pain anymore, on a ship in space with a talking animal not to mention everything in between.”
“I think she’s handling it extremely well right now, but this might be asking a bit much of her too quickly. Let’s give her a few more days to adjust. However, I want you there with us Lagor. I want you to get to know her a little if you can, and I want you to study her ability if she uses it.”
Ivint’s heart broke for the girl, and he knew that she had only told him just enough about how she really felt to make sure he wouldn’t force the issue for a little while.
“Amun, do you know why she is still so upset? I had hoped that the healing would help her adjust better.”
“It’s as you say Councilor, we can’t erase all of those years of abuse in a week by just healing her physically. It’s going to take a little of time. Right now, she’s processing so much; not just the healing and the changes to her body, but learning about the world, she was never a part of and the new one we’ve shown her.”
Amun believed that she was having problems with exactly those things, but he knew there was more to what she was doing right now. Until he knew more there was no point in him bringing it up to the Councilor.
“I can understand all that you are saying Councilor and Doctor; I will try to be patient and give her some more time. She is truly doing well otherwise Amun?” Lagor asked. He was worried about the child. He’d never hoped to have a child of his own, but after the initial shock of what had happened to her, he wanted very much to be a part of her life. To help her heal and learn of her family, and her father.
“Physically she is doing extremely well Lagor. Truly. And intellectually she is brilliant. In just days, she’s caught up to peers her own age on the planet in learning. The rest is going to take a little time and patience.” Amun answered the man as honestly as he could.
“Thank you... both of you, for everything you’ve done for her. I’ll be ready to leave in the morning sir.” Lagor said before taking his leave. Ivint watched him go; his shoulders slumped, and head hung low.
“I’ll go talk to him and get things ready for tomorrow.” Reven said as headed after Lagor.
“Thank you, Reven. We’ll talk later.” Ivint waited until Reven and Lagor were out of earshot before speaking.
“Amun, do you know the real reason why she doesn’t want to meet her family?”
“No sir, I don’t. But I’m trying to find out; and help her.”
“I know you are. I can’t imagine what she’s been through and how hard this must be for her… and Lagor and his father.” Ivint said with a heavy heart.
“With all due respect, I can’t see how this can possibly affect them as it does her. None of us can ever understand what she’s gone through.” Amun said with more anger in his voice than he wanted to display to the High Councilor.
“No, we cannot comprehend what she’s been through. However, what they are feeling is no less traumatic.” Ivint said patiently.
“How can you possibly compare it?” Amun looked at the High Councilor with shock. Had the man not listened to her injuries?
“Physically there is no comparison. But psychologically and emotionally they are going through just as much. Think of it, Amun.”
“They just found out that their son and brother has been alive all this time. They went through elation that he had survived, to pain when they learned of his true death. Then elation at finding out he had a daughter. Then pain at the horror bestowed on her, the only thing left of him.”
“Add in that none of us really have any experience dealing with females, especially not one who has been through this kind of hell. And that is what they are facing. Sometimes Amun, it’s the scars you can’t see that cut deeper than the physical ones. And that kind of pain can’t be quantified.” Ivint saw the dawning comprehension on Amun’s face and decided it was time to take his leave.
Amun watched Ivint walk away distractedly, his mind already working on what Ivint had said. He was right; he couldn’t possibly try to understand what Lagor, and his father were feeling; and had no right to judge the depth of those feelings.
He wasn’t thinking clearly the last couple of days; not since Jess seemed to pull away from him. He knew something was wrong, that there was a reason she wanted to go to the planet. He couldn’t explain why, but he felt like he was going to lose her. He resolved to watch her very closely while they were on the planet until they were back on the Adaria, or he found out
what was wrong.
He walked into MedLab and pulled a mission kit down. Laying it out on a table, he checked to make sure all the items he may need were in it and repacked it. Without much thought he began adding a few extra items.
*****
Jess curled up on her bed and tried to rest, but her legs felt like they were on fire. She smiled at the memory of walking fully upright for the first time since she could remember. The pain was worth it. And Amun said that the pain would get better when her body adjusted to the new bones he’d made; so she could easily deal with this discomfort for a little while. It was much less painful than the ache in her heart at the thought of Amun.
She had read on the comm that it wasn’t unusual for a captive to latch on to their rescuer or caretaker; maybe that was why she felt so strongly for him. But what did she know of real relationships or feelings anyway? For all, she knew that was how all the Valendran women felt all the time around any of the Valendran men. But if that were true, why didn’t she feel that way about any of the other men?
She rolled to her side and punched her pillow in frustration. It was stupid even to think about this stuff when she has so many other things to think about right now. Like getting hold of Julou tomorrow and using the code word they planned on.
“Jess, are you feeling ok?”
Jess jerked upright at the sound of Amun’s voice. Sitting up in the bed she turned to face him, hugging the pillow she’d placed in front of her like a shield.
“I’m fine, just a little tired. I should probably get some sleep since we’re leaving tomorrow.”
She really hoped that he would take that as a clue to leave, but she should have known better. Instead of leaving, he sat next to her on the bed and took her hand in his; his thumb rubbed the back of her hand gently.
“I’ll give you something for the pain; I know you are in and something to help you sleep as well. Now will you please tell me what is wrong? Did I say something to hurt you? Or do something? Please talk to me Jess. I care very much for you, and I hate that you’ve been so distant the last few days.”
Amun hated the pleading tone in his voice, but he was at his wit's end and was willing to beg if it fixed whatever was wrong between them.
“The pain isn’t that bad. I can handle it. And I’m sure I’ll sleep pretty well tonight, so there is no reason for you to go to the trouble. Really, I’m fine and just need some sleep.”
The fierce scowl on his face as she spoke let her know that she probably should have just let him give her the medicine. She had to get rid of him though. Being this close to him, knowing what was going to happen tomorrow was really bothering her.
“I’ll not allow you to be in pain for any reason. And whatever you’re upset about is not enough of a reason to suffer needlessly.”
He jerked himself from the bed so suddenly that Jess ducked down to the bed instinctively and covered her head; her body tensing, waiting for the blows. She knew he wouldn't hurt her; he'd never even raised his voice to her; but some part of her couldn’t stop the automatic reaction to try and protect herself.
Amun cursed loudly and looked at Jess helplessly; afraid if he touched her right now he would only scare her more. He didn't intend to move so quickly and frighten her; he’d just been so angry that she’d rather be in pain than spend the time with him while he got the medicine for her. By the One, it was no excuse to hurt her like this. Why the hell couldn’t he do any of this right?
“Jess… Jess, please sit up Amalaya. I would never hurt you, Jess. You know that. Please know that.”
Jess was so embarrassed she didn’t want to get up and face him right now. She’d just proven why she could never belong here with them. No matter how kind everyone had been to her, or how much she learned she could never even pretend to be normal. She needed to be alone; she needed to think. She willed her body to relax and slowly sat back up.
“Amun, it’s ok. I’m sorry. It was just out of habit. Maybe the pain is worse than I thought. Could you please give me something for it and to help me sleep?”
Jess hoped that if he focused on her medical needs, he’d ignore what just happened and leave after he treated her. She watched him quietly retrieve the items and walk cautiously back to the bed, as if not to startle her again.
Amun couldn’t have been happier when she’d asked for something for the pain. It had given him a few seconds he needed to think. It was more than possible that the pain was making her more susceptible to remembering the habits; she had used to protect herself when she was injured. Even a constant dull pain could trigger her body’s response and cause her to flinch like she had.
It was human nature to try to protect the part of your body that was hurt. Unfortunately, her legs were impacting the majority of her basic body structure; her spine and legs. Both of which were most likely radiating pain. He knew he should have stopped her from pushing herself too hard earlier.
He walked slowly towards her after programming the mediband with the appropriate doses of medication. Gently taking her hand in his, he placed the new mediband around her wrist and watched as her tense body began to relax. He could tell that she was embarrassed by her reaction and wasn’t sure what to say or do to try and comfort her.
“Jess…”
“Please Amun, I’m really tired. Please…” Jess hated the catch in her voice, which only served to embarrass her further.
“I promise I will leave in a minute. Jess, you know that what you had was a normal reaction. That same reaction probably saved your life countless times. It was I that reacted badly and shouldn’t have done that. You hold no blame in this.”
To prove his point he sat down next to her on the bed and continued to hold her hand, not the least worried she’d flinch again.
Jess had to stop herself from shaking her head at him. She had never met anyone who had this man’s patience. His beautiful eyes pleaded with her to listen to him and understand what he was saying. It was so easy to fall into those eyes and do whatever he wanted in order to please him. That’s how she’d let this go on this far; she’d fallen for whatever it was that drew her to him like a magnet.
Amun could see that she was listening to him; he could almost feel their connection reforming quickly and continued before she could pull away again.
“Amalaya, do you realize that is the first time that’s happened since you got here? Do you have any idea how much bravery that shows? And you are the bravest person I know. There isn’t a person among our people who doesn’t greatly respect you. I’m very serious Jess.” He said when she snorted in a self-mocking manner.
“For our people, you are considered a prisoner of war. The fact that they couldn’t break you, awards you the highest respect. We have a few warriors who have been prisoners of war on the ships, who can understand what you’ve been through. And they consider you one of their own now, and would also like to meet you when you’re ready.”
Amun could feel their bond deepening and knew that he had begun getting through whatever wall she had started building between them. Until he saw her face fall as she choked on a sob.
“Jess, what is it?” He asked pulling her into his arms and holding her closely. He gently stroked her silky hair as he pressed her face against his chest.
“No Jess, you’re wrong. After everything they’d done to you, and knowing what they would do to you if caught; you still risked your life every time you helped one of those other girl's get away. That took extraordinary courage Jess.”
“Tarvok Krustev is a tact team leader; he’d been held by the Relians for almost a year. He wanted to meet you the first day you arrived on board, but I turned him away while you were healing. You should talk to him Jess; he thinks you’re an amazing female.”
Amun was wishing now that he hadn’t turned the warrior away. Maybe talking to someone who understood what she was going through is just what she needed to begin to heal the wounds that he couldn’t with his skill. He’d talk with Scaden when he left here and
see if he could get Tarvok put on the teams going to the planet tomorrow.
“How did he survive? Where did they keep him?” Jess asked curiously; she’d never seen any male captives.
“He was on a mission to another planet, and their transport was attacked. He was the only survivor, by the time he was rescued.” Amun told her what Tarvok had said to him.
Jess frowned; it had to have been hard on the poor man to be the only survivor. At least, she had always had the satisfaction of knowing that someone else had gotten away from the animals.
Amun could tell that she was calming down, their bond almost completely healed. Maybe Tarvok was exactly what she needed right now, he thought as he tried to tamp down the brutal flash of jealousy. It tore at him to think she needed another man to help her because he couldn’t. However, he knew he had to do anything he had to in order to help her. He’d talk to Tarvok after he spoke with Scaden and find out what he could do to help her as well.
He held her quietly in his arms until long after she’d fallen asleep. He laid her gently onto the bed and tucked the blankets around her still too thin frame. Staring at her beautiful face, he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her cheek then turned and left the room with determined strides.
Chapter Seven
Jess stumbled into Amun for what felt like the tenth time. He’d warned her that the slight gravitational differences between the ship, and the planet would wreak havoc on her new legs for a little while, but she hadn’t realized what a struggle it would be to walk correctly.
Amun smiled down at her as he helped her steady herself, Tarvok guarding her back. The man hadn’t left her side since they had left the Adaria. He had been surprised at how relieved he had felt when Tarvok and Jess formed some sort of immediate silent bond with each other when they met. He had expected to feel jealousy or rage, but the way she had calmed and relaxed in the man’s presence had made him grateful that she felt some peace from the memories that were eating at her.
Niklosi and Reven had assured him that it was a short walk to the house from the road to where they were meeting Julou; but it had seemed like forever for Jess. He had been thankful when no one had mentioned the slower pace they had set while Jess adjusted to the gravity. He had expected her to have a little more time before the meeting, but they had set it up for the same night they arrived on the planet, and Reven wouldn’t change it.