by James Hunter
It was like he’d reached through my ribs to clutch my heart. All my Divine Essence left me. I staggered back, lost my size, and stumbled to my knees.
Glancing up, the god of death towered above me. He was still seventy-five feet tall.
I, uh, wasn’t.
Of course, now he had to gloat. So, War God, perhaps victory will not be yours today after all. Death will always destroy war. I was fated to win from the beginning.
Fate. There was that word again. I’d defied the odds by coming in to rescue my friends, but what would my destiny be? Getting squashed like a bug by Hades?
Hell, no. Not on my watch. I couldn’t let that happen. Instead, I spun and darted down an alley between two old houses. Hades demolished one by swinging his club in an arc of death. The other he kicked into debris, which came crashing down around me in a flood of sheetrock and wooden wall struts.
I kept right on hauling ass, leaping over rubble as I skidded onto Rural Street, tripped over pieces of a broken ballista, and fell. The godstone cursed me for not keeping Hermes’ sandals for myself.
Hades walked casually toward me, the world shaking at his footsteps. Whelp. Looked like he was simply going to step on me like I’d stepped on his army.
I turned slowly. I wouldn’t run. I would fight him to the death. Maybe there was no chance to win here, but I could go out in a blaze of glory.
The Jacob part of me thought that was stupid. However, the Ares part loved the idea of dying in battle. Actually, that was what Ares wanted. The godstone didn’t want to win. It simply wanted to perish in glory and splendor. A battle for the ages.
“What’s your plan?” I asked the godstone.
Once the death god’s foot is in range, I will cut off one of his toes! the godstone growled inside my head. He will feel my wrath!
“And call his podiatrist in the morning while Persephone makes funeral plans for us and our Amazons. Look, Ares, listen to me, just this once. I know how we can win. But we’re going to have to work together. You game or what?”
The godstone grumbled, Very well, mortal. I am listening.
What Marines Do Best
THE ENTIRE TOWN WAS on fire, and choking smoke filled the air. I stood on the street near a broken ballista, with Hades towering above. He was seven stories of wounds and hurt, and he could end me right here. We both knew it.
“Hey, Hades!” I called out to him. “There’s a power I haven’t used on you yet. Do you want to hear what it is?”
The god of death paused above me. After a beat of hesitation, his awful voice filled my head. Foolish mortal. Why would you give away your attack? You do know that you are seconds from dying. I will make sure Charon brings you to me directly. There, you will—
And on and on it went. The minute anyone starts off with the words “foolish mortal” you know they’re not going to make it quick.
I waited. The godstone chuckled in my ear. I must admit, I am finding this subterfuge enjoyable, and when the time is right, we will strike.
“Yeah, we will,” I muttered.
Hades finally found his closing statements. And after a millennia, when I have shaved off every millimeter of bone, your torture will only have just begun.
“That sounds bad, H,” I said with a sigh. “I think I got you really upset. So, do you want to hear about my superpower now or what?”
Hades swept his club through the air. It smashed through a spectral minivan and went sailing through a Taco Bell. A big blob of acid splashed next to me. Oh, so it is not just a power, but a superpower now. I find myself curious, mortal dog. Tell me.
I leaned on the Crystal Scythe. “I have the superpower of every Marine in the United States Marine Corp, and that's the God-given right to talk shit to literally everyone about everything. Because Marines are simply the best.”
You are a human and a dog, Hades snarled.
“Phft, please. Dude, I’m a Marine and I served with Earl Necro Earl. Did you ever talk to that guy? Douche city, but he definitely knew his way around a sick burn. Gonna have to up your shit-talk game if you want to hang. And also, while we’re on the topic of you being terrible at things, how pathetic were you to end up in this shithole? I mean, Zeus was on Mount Olympus, banging everything with a hole and a heartbeart, and here you were, underground and obviously not keeping your woman satisfied. I mean, Persephone is all that and a bag of chips. I love how she smells. And I love kissing her.” I snapped my fingers. “Oh, damn, you can’t kiss her. No lips.”
I can ... I can kiss her. I mean, lips are not beyond me. I am the god of death. Altering my form is not beyond me. That voice wasn’t nearly as confident as it had been even a second ago.
The godstone shivered in his chest. Oh, you are besting him in this verbal duel, and soon we shall slay him. We are mighty.
Yeah, we were.
You kissed my wife? I will destroy you! Hades stepped forward to crush me with his club.
I squinted. “Really? Will you, though? Cause it seems like you talk a big game but can’t really deliver on the goods. You ask me, well, it seems to me you’re just a little bitch. Ares was right about you, you know? When I first landed here and I found out that I, a mere mortal, would have to go up against you, the god of death, I was like, ‘Whelp, I guess I’m totally boned sideways.’ But you know what Ares said? He said, ‘Hades is such a little bitch, even some mortal like you could take him down.’”
I licked my lips, eyes scanning the battlefield, searching for signs of movement. There. My goddesses were almost in place, and Hades was so preoccupied with me, he hadn’t seen them approach. I just needed to buy them a little more time.
“You only beat Ares the first time because you got lucky,” I continued, offering him a smug, go-fuck-yourself grin. “The truth is, you got this emo goth teen thing going on”—I waved an empty hand at him—“with, like, skulls and undead armies and your ratty-ass cape, but no one is really scared of you, dude. At best, you’re the god of Hot Topic rejects. I saw portashitters in Iraq that were more intimidating than you, dickhead. You’re a little bitch who got walked on by your brothers and sisters, so you threw a fucking temper tantrum like a three-year-old girl and staged a coup to show how sad you were on the inside. And even that ultimately failed.”
Hades had grown very still and very cold, but the hate practically radiated off him in waves. Hades was a god, and he’d fought in the Olympian Wars, so he’d definitely seen battle—but I’d bet my entire life savings that no one had ever talked to him like that before. Though he had no real facial features to speak of, the shock was nevertheless painted across the blank canvas of his face.
The suffering you will endure will stretch the edges of human understanding, God of War. I grow weary of this game. Let us see just how mighty you are when I peel the skin from your muscles, coat you in honey, and feed you to the Scorch Ants of the desolate wastes of Tartarus. Time to die.
“Nope,” I said, shaking my head. “Not today, dickhead. Hit it, ladies!”
Plants leapt from the ground, encircling Hades’ feet. I recognized the attack. That was Root Feet, thanks to the Sickles of Demeter.
Loxo flew in from behind the god of death, skating through the air on her winged sandals. Demeter’s sickles gleamed in her hands. She darted straight in, hacking into the death god’s neck first with one sickle, then another. Because she was a goddess now—and a level-twenty-five goddess, no less—the amount of stealth damage she did with both of those sickles was, um, sick. In seconds, she’d dealt over 2,000 points, leaving bloody, oozing rents in Hades’ pale skin. Thanks to her Toxic Blade ability, the flesh immediately turned necrotic, blackening along the edges of the gashes.
Loxo had been terrified of dying again, but here she was, back in the Underworld and saving the day. And she hadn’t come alone.
Hades tried to move, but his legs were firmly caught. Persephone came buzzing in on the Helios Chariot. Myrina rode behind her, and the Battle Warden had Athena’s Spear ready. She hurled
shadow spears while Persephone aimed Poseidon’s Trident at her husband. She used the Create Earth ability to sandblast the helmet off his bare, sore-studded skull. And then she sanded the top layers of skin off his face until bone gleamed underneath. Blood gushed down in a sheet. I didn’t have access to Persephone’s stats, but I was sure her Miracle Damage was off the charts.
Myrina parkoured her ass off the chariot, clutching Athena’s Spear in both hands. She hit Hades’ chest, vaulted up, and then landed on his shoulder. She went crazy, stabbing, slicing, and dicing Hades across his cheeks, head, and neck. Her Frenzy damage was over 1,000 points a pop, and she was in full berserker mode.
Asteria swooped in, her eagle talons clutching Phoebe’s mech. The blue eagle set the steam-powered contraption on the street near the broken ballista I’d tripped over.
Phoebe vaulted off her mech—her limp gone now that she was a goddess—and did some lightning-quick battlefield engineering.
In seconds, she not only had the ballista repaired and operational, but she was shooting exploding bolts into Hades, one after another, powered by Thymos Crystals she’d taken from her walker. Each of the grenade missiles hit like a Sidewinder, delivering her base Engineering-Damage, which was 675 points plus the base bolt damage, which was 450. Throw in fifty points of shrapnel, and she was shredding Hades’ huge body like a god-killing cheese grater. I mean, Phoebe was delivering over a thousand points of damage every time the bolts landed, and she was sending a round downrange every two seconds.
On outstretched wings, Asteria banked hard right and shifted in midair from giant eagle to a colossal T. rex, mouth open, teeth flashing. Her base Shifter-Damage was over a thousand points, as well. She landed on the oversized god of death. Digging in with her back legs, she clawed her way down Hades’ back, chewing as she went, snacking on his disgusting flesh.
Now is our chance to strike and win the day! the godstone screamed in my head. We waited for our tactical advantage, as you suggested, and now we have it!
“Look, Ares, just look at what our Amazons can do.” Standing on the streets of Rockford, the godstone and I watched the destruction of Hades.
The godstone turned strangely taciturn. Then it spoke. I see. You fashioned these women into weapons, and now they are delivering the killing blow. We lured Hades into the mouth of the trap, and they are the steel teeth. But what of our glory?
I shrugged. “You got the glory and lost. I let go of the glory and won. Which is better for the world?”
For a long moment, the godstone remained silent. Finally, Ares’ voice filled my head. You are wise, Jacob Merely, far wiser than I was. I release you. For now. Rest in your victory, enjoy your women, but do not think the war between you and I is over.
The godstone burned me one last time and then went quiet. It seemed I wouldn’t need Phoebe to make me another necklace, at least not right away.
I had to chuckle. Destiny hadn’t been on my side. I wasn’t fated to win. However, my generals? Yeah, fortune had favored them since we’d left Lycastia City on our quest. How lucky were we to find all those divine weapons? Was it fate that we destroyed Daedalus and got access to Hephaestus’ godstone? Seemed like it. Even Myrina dying played into our luck in the end. Without her death, I never would’ve destroyed the sigil and gone on a suicide run into the Underworld.
I hadn’t had fortune’s favor. But we did.
Asteria clamped her reptilian jaws down on Hades’ neck, a great gout of blood spurting out in an arc. She hung there like an oversized pitbull, working her fearsome jaws deeper and deeper into the god’s neck. Another incoming ballista bolt hit Hades dead in the chest, exploding with the force of a bunker buster; that seemed to be the straw that broke his ugly-ass back. He teetered, a tree deciding which way to fall, before finally dropping to his knees, then face-planting, crushing an old El Camino with a camper shell in the process. Asteria finally relented, freeing her jaws from the god’s neck, and backed up a pace or two.
Hades shrank until he was only ten feet tall, surrounded by a completely destroyed Rockford awash in flame.
Phoebe left the ballista and slid next to me. Myrina leapt back on the Helios Chariot and, along with Persephone, raced to join us. Loxo skated down, sickles in her hands, her face glowing with bloodlust and battle hunger. Asteria, in the form of an eagle, touched down with a whisper of flapping wings, then turned human. She edged in beside me and slipped her arms around my waist, clinging to my side as she looked down on the fallen god with golden eyes.
Hades looked like he’d gone through a wood chipper. His head was ruined. A bit of skull showed through, the bone cracked open. He was missing one hand and most of one thigh.
“We left the killing blow to you, War God,” Myrina said, her voice sharp and deadly as a sword blade.
With a nod, I stepped away from Asteria, hefted the Crystal Scythe, and sped toward my enemy. I slashed with every ounce of power in my body and cut the faceless head from Hades’ shoulders.
And just like that, the god of death was dead.
A shadow came from above, impossibly big, like midnight come to life. Whatever had come down out of the sky blocked out all light, blinding us. I thought to fight, but what was I going to fight? The night?
A voice, filled with infinite serenity, whispered into our skulls. Death comes for all, but death should not seek to destroy life. Death should seek to patiently nourish the living, because all will come to rest in me in the end. I will take Hades away, but I will need someone to rule this Underworld. Who will it be?
“I will,” Persephone said without missing a beat. “Though if my mother lives, I want her here with me.”
She lives, the patient presence intoned. In time, she will once again walk the Stair to come to the Underworld. As mother and daughter, you will bring joy back to the darkness, you will bring rest, and for those who deserve it, you will bring justice and punishment.
I thought of Necro Earl in the River Styx. Yeah, some souls did need a few eternities of correction.
When the vast, formless presence left, Hades was gone and the Asphodel Fields were no longer a battlefield. The fires were gone. The destroyed houses were restored. Every car, truck, and minivan was back in its normal place. Rockford had returned to its same old boring self. My Amazon army came creeping in behind us. We’d taken some losses. The spirits of the fallen warriors stood next to their living sisters, their faces solemn, silvery, and beautiful.
With Hades gone, they had no reason to fear death now. There would be no one around to hunt them, to torture them, to turn them against me. Persephone, and eventually her mother, Demeter, would find places for them in the Elysian Fields where they would be happy and content.
Unfortunately, the gates of Tartarus had been opened. Every beastie inside had escaped. And if they made it to the Stair, they could show up anywhere. But that was a problem for future Jacob. This battle was over. I’d done what Ares had wanted me to do, and the godstone had let go of me as a result. I wasn’t sure if it was a permanent state of affairs, but our victory had been my doing, and Ares’ godstone knew that. Dumb rock.
I let out a sigh. I was going to sleep forever. I heard a whistling sound. Ugh, I did not want to fight another single thing. In the end, I didn’t need to. It was just the War Blade soaring back from wherever Hades had smacked it. Shining brightly, my trusty sword slid into its scabbard at my side. I patted the hilt. Right on.
A woman in a housecoat and slippers came out of one of the houses. She looked familiar, thick and tough with a scowling face. It was her fauxhawk that gave it away. Antiope, the ghostly Illinois version of her. “Hey, I called 911. I thought I smelled smoke.”
I grinned and walked over to her. “Yeah, there was a little fire, but it’s out now. It’s all okay.”
She looked me up and down. “Nice costume. Is it Halloween?”
“Something like that,” I replied with a sad smile and a bob of my head.
Antiope gazed into my face and squinted, her
brow furrowing in confusion. “Have we met? I think I know you. But it’s hard to remember. I feel like I should apologize.” Her voice broke. Tears threatened to fall. “Not sure why, but I’m sorry, for whatever it’s worth.”
“It’s okay,” I answered. “We’re okay now.”
She caught herself, blinking. “Okay, I’m being weird. I’m going to go back inside now. I was watching 300. You know that movie?”
Knew it? I’d lived it. And so had Antiope. She could be done with that now. She could find rest in this most normal of places. For a second, I wanted to go back to my world. The homesickness hit me hard. But the thing was, now I could go home if I wanted to. Hades was dead, the war was over, and Lycastia had four new gods to keep it safe. I mean, I’d need to use the Stair to find my reality, but there was nothing stopping me from doing so if that was what I wanted.
Ghost Antiope smiled, nodded, and headed back inside her house, closing the door with a soft click behind her.
I turned and smiled at my Amazons. They smiled back. We’d won.
Persephone walked up to me, creating a gazebo of ferns and flowers so thick that we had some privacy for a minute.
“I wanted to get you alone,” she said, her eyes half-closed, her mouth half-opened. Her lips were full, pink, and luscious.
“Uh, for what?” I asked.
Stupid child, the godstone sighed. I guess it wasn’t completely gone, after all.
Persephone kissed me. “You’ll visit, will you not?”
She then reached under my armored linen skirt and grabbed me, gloriously, knee-shakingly hard.
I struggled to breathe, to think. Just couldn’t seem to find the words. The godstone answered for me, “Of course, we will, goddess. You and I will know a glorious lust that would make even Aphrodite blush.”
For once, I didn’t disagree with the gem.
Homebodies
A WEEK LATER, I WOKE at sunrise surrounded by soft warm bodies. Asteria, Loxo, Doris, and Ianthe all were in my bed back in Lycastia City. I didn’t smell smoke, and the sun was bright once more. I breathed deeply and stretched out, muscles brimming with power and vitality. I felt well-rested and at peace, which was pretty much a first since landing on this island. Outside, the surf crashed melodically against the shore; I enjoyed the sound without wondering if there might be monsters lurking in the depths, waiting to pounce.