“Ah, I see you’re drawn right to Balam,” Victrixa said, handing me my drink. “The jaguar was greatly revered by pre-Columbian Mesoamerican tribes.”
What the hell? “Huh,” I said, feeling more than slightly history challenged.
“Tribes, such as the Maya, the Olmec, and the Aztec, for starters. They were very connected to the natural world around them, and Balam was the king of the jungle, so to speak. And speaking of Balam, Rosa tells me that you’ve just recently phased.”
I suddenly felt a bit wobbly and decided I’d better follow her over to the couch. “Um, yeah, I guess so.”
“Is that upsetting to you? I know it’s a lot to come to terms with. Am I the only other shifter you’ve met?” Victrixa asked.
“Well, you’re the first one I know I’ve met.”
“It is true that many shifters prefer to ‘blend in,’” she said, “but all of that is changing very quickly. I think that once you meet others in the shifter community, you’ll feel more comfortable. You’ve phased very early. I must say, I’m impressed. Many don’t phase for the first time until well after high school. If I remember correctly, high school is hard enough without feeling different. Your grandmother mentioned that your mark is very distinctive. May I see it? That is, if you don’t mind?”
“Sure,” I said, turning around and holding the back of my hair up.
“Oh, Maya, it’s incredible. You’ve been so gifted.”
“Do you think so? I mean, do you know anyone else who has a mark that’s different from their nagual?”
“No, to be honest with you, I don’t.”
Great, I couldn’t even be a shifter without being a freak.
“But, Maya, I don’t think it’s a cause for concern,” she added quickly.
“Really?” I asked.
“From what Rosa has told me, I think your mark is directly related to your strong connection to the earth. I could sense you before you even got out of your car.” She laughed.
“You could sense me?”
“All fully matured shifters can sense one another. You have a while yet before you need to worry about all of that, though. But, as I said, you have a very strong presence.”
“Am I going to keep phasing every night like I have been? I thought shifters could phase whenever they wanted to. I didn’t think it was, I dunno, so werewolfy.”
“First of all, Maya, ‘werewolf’ is a word perpetuated by the media. It’s not a term we use to describe ourselves. There are no such things as werewolves.”
Oops.
“Only the first few times should happen spontaneously. Has it stopped?”
“Well, it didn’t happen last night. I did a Mayan ritual that my grandma gave me to help me connect with Balam.”
“I should think you’re probably in the clear then. The next step will be learning how to use your powers. For some lucky shifters, that seems to happen quite naturally. Most will need some mentoring.”
“Um, mentoring?” I asked. WTF?
“It would entail just some general instruction.”
“Well, I haven’t exactly talked to my dad about any of this yet.”
“Your grandmother mentioned that. Perhaps once you become more comfortable with being a shifter, you can tell him. It wouldn’t be the first time it was kept from a parent. How about if we meet here? Next week? Would that be all right?”
“Sure, yeah, that would be great. I don’t think I’ll be able to stay much longer today, if that’s okay. Sunday is a big homework day.” I chewed the inside of my cheek, then picked up my glass and drank the last sip of soda. I stood up to go, hoping that was a polite way of saying that I’d rather have a panic attack alone in my car than in front of my new mentor. Thankfully, Victrixa seemed to take the hint. We walked out onto the porch.
“I’m going to send you home with a little homework of my own,” she said. “Every shifter has a different trigger for phasing. It’s usually a thought. Try to see if you can remember anything at all from your dreams. Try writing them down and see if that helps. And, Maya, once you learn to use your power, you’ll have to be very careful. You’ll need to remember that when you are in your second form, no one will know that you’re the shifter. There are all kinds of accidents that happen when humans assume that a shifter is just an everyday animal. Bear shot during hunting season, that sort of thing. And while we have made some real headway recently, there have been incidents that … well, let’s just say they most likely were not matters of mistaken identity.”
“I’ve seen some stories on the news,” I said, not sure what else to say.
“Yes, well, I’ll see you next week then, same time?”
“Great. Umm, Victrixa?”
“Yes, Maya?”
“I never asked you what your second form is.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s keeh, the deer.”
I smiled. “I’ll see you Sunday. And thanks for everything,” I said.
On the drive home, our whole conversation was a ginormous blur in my head. All I could think was, OMG, it’s just like me to need a freakin’ tutor. I knew that even though I had agreed to let Victrixa be my mentor, I never really had any plans to phase after I learned to control my powers. I mean, I didn’t want to disappoint Grandma, but I also didn’t think I would ever be comfortable with being a shifter, either. Besides, adding the dangers of hunting season to my seemingly ever-growing list of worries didn’t seem worth it. Not even close.
~ ~ ~
The next morning, the twins were waiting for me as usual when I pulled into my usual space in the school parking lot. I knew they wanted to know what had happened at Victrixa’s. I was even wide awake for a change. I’d slept another night without phasing and I’d had two diet Cokes on the way to school. Hell, I was almost hyper.
“Hey, Maya!” Lyssa caught up with me, walking at her usual double-time pace.
“What’s up, you guys?” I asked, as if I didn’t know.
“Oh, please, just spill,” said Damian as we walked through the front doors.
“Well, Victrixa seems pretty cool,” I said. “Turns out, she doesn’t know why my mark is different, either. But she did say that most shifters need a mentor to help them learn to phase. So I have to see her on Sundays for a while, I guess.”
It happened so fast. We were walking down the hall, and Brett Nielson came charging over and slammed Damian against the lockers. Hard.
“Faggot!” he spat.
“Hey!” Alyssa yelled.
“What the hell’s your problem?” Matt appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. He gave Brett a huge shove back to the other side of the hallway. Thankfully, they were well matched in size, and Brett walked away without a fight.
“Are you okay, Damian?” Matt asked, helping Lyssa pick up him up off the floor.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” Damian mumbled, looking very rattled and embarrassed. God, I hated seeing him like that.
“I’ll see you at lunch, My,” Matt said, and he headed for his locker.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” I asked. (Seriously, I can’t stand homophobes. What is their deal? Bigotry just sucks, end of story.)
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
“New day, same bullshit,” Lyssa said.
“I’m gonna be late,” Damian said. “I’ll see you guys at lunch.”
“That just sucks,” I said, as Lyssa and I took our books out of our lockers. She and I had really lucked out this year. We only had one locker between ours. Damian was way around the corner from us.
“Yeah, it’s a good thing Matt came along, or I would have taken a piece outta Brett’s sad behind.”
Somehow I didn’t doubt that. We started to walk to first period.
As we sat in our seats, Lyssa turned to me. “I know you’ve been having issues with the change in the Matt situation….”
“Uh, he’s the star quarterback, Lyss, he’s not married.”
“You know what I mean, wiseass. You’ve been stressing about
his priorities, right? What we just saw in the hall looks like the old Matt to me.”
“Well, he likes Damian. He always has.”
“Oh, come on, Maya, you cannot be that blind! Yes, he and Damian are friends, but he did that for you.”
“What d’ya mean?”
“Oh, please, that boy is in love with you. Tell me you don’t know that,” she said, raising an eyebrow at me. (I’ve always wanted to be able to do that. Raise one eyebrow.)
“I wouldn’t go that far. Look, I’m figuring it out,” I said.
“Well, I wouldn’t waste too much time figuring. You’ve got one of the good ones. Don’t blow it.”
The rest of the day went smoother from then on. After school, I made a brief appearance at Matt’s football practice so he wouldn’t think helping Damian this morning had gone unnoticed. I actually ended up kind of enjoying practice, even though I don’t know a thing about football. But I could tell enough to know that Matt was good, really good. Even though he had only just made varsity in his senior year (he hadn’t had much interest until then), I had no doubt that he could manage a scholarship to the University of New Mexico if he still wanted to go there. He had applied to several schools, not all of which were local. I think that was a big part of the reason why my heart couldn’t quite commit. I wanted to, I really, really did. But something inside me always seemed to hold me back. One thing was for sure, Lyssa was right when she said he wouldn’t wait forever. But how would he feel about being with a shifter anyway?
That night I finished my homework and studied for my history quiz, then cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed. (Ah, the joys of single-parent households.) Dad was at a conference in Denver for a few days, so I figured it would be a good time to work on my homework for Victrixa. I grabbed a small notebook from my desk and got started. But as I looked back through my writing, I couldn’t seem to come up with anything specific. I checked the clock. It was 9:10. Not too late to call Grandma for some help.
“Is everything all right?” she asked after she said hello.
“I’m sorry. I guess it is a little late. Did I wake you?”
“Oh, no. I just finished up in the darkroom. What’s going on?”
“Not much. Actually, I’m having a little trouble with the homework Victrixa asked me to do,” I said.
“How can I help?”
“Well, she asked me to write down what I could remember from my dreams so I could maybe come up with my trigger for phasing. I can’t seem to come up with anything.”
“Remembering your dreams takes a lot of practice, ts’unu’un. I do have a suggestion, though. Do you have any lemon juice in the house?”
“I think so.”
“Good. Drink a glass of warm water with about a tablespoon of lemon juice a little while before bed. That should help.”
“Thanks so much, Grandma.”
“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Sleep well. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Right after I hung up the phone, I went downstairs and found the lemon juice in the baking cabinet. (I’m a regular Gordon Ramsey!) I drank it in some warm water as Grandma had suggested and hoped that it would help me remember my dreams better.
~ ~ ~
The rest of the week was pretty normal, except Matt was out on Thursday and Friday, which I thought was a little strange. Even weirder, he wasn’t answering any of my texts. By Saturday, the twins had had enough.
“Just call him, already. Right now, before we start Glee,” Damian insisted.
“He’s at the game,” I said. There was no way he was going to miss that.
“It’s early yet,” Lyssa pointed out.
“Okay, fine.” I went into my bag, pulled out my cell phone, and hit speed dial. “It’s going right to voicemail,” I said. I figured he was already at the field and didn’t bother leaving a message. “I’ll just try him again later,” I said, plopping down on the floor.
As I lay in bed that night, having dutifully finished my warm water with lemon, all I could think about was going to Victrixa’s the next day. I wasn’t sure why exactly, but the whole thing made me anxious. Maybe it was her, maybe it was phasing again. Or not phasing again, depending on whether or not I could even do it. Jeez. I just couldn’t seem to get to sleep. Something was off. Then I remembered that I had forgotten to call Matt again like I’d planned. I grabbed my phone and let it ring until it went to voicemail again. This time I did leave a message.
“Matt? It’s Maya. Where are you? You haven’t picked up your phone or answered any of my texts since Tuesday. Please get in touch with me so I know you’re okay.”
I left it at that. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him, because I really did. I dunno. So much that was going on in my life seemed up in the air and, well, just down right crazy. And the whole shifter thing just seemed like it did nothing but dump another complication in my life. Suddenly, I realized that I hadn’t done a ritual in over a week. No wonder I was stressed out!
That’s when I remembered about Mayan spiritual baths. I may not have had access to a spa in Cancún, but I had copal. And I had herbs and fresh flowers for the bathwater, too. I moved my little incense stove from its hiding place under my dresser to the bathroom counter. I wandered the house in search of some flowers and herbs, then cut some marigold flowers from the fall plant on our front steps, remembering to thank the plant as I did. I also used roses from our rose bushes. I found some overgrown basil, rosemary, and sage that grew from the neighbor’s yard into ours. Then I went upstairs to start my bath.
After I lit the incense stove and started to run the hot water, I placed the flowers and herbs in the water, watching them float about as the sweet scent of copal filled the room. Once the top of the water had a light greenish tint to it, I crawled into the luxurious bath. While I soaked, I said some prayers to Balam for wisdom and guidance. I didn’t want to get out of the bath, it was so nice, even after my fingers and toes were all pruny.
By the time I dried off, my spirit was soaring. It felt as though a giant weight had been lifted off my chest. I crawled into bed and fell fast asleep in moments. And when I woke the next morning, I knew exactly what my trigger was.
CHAPTER FIVE
Driving out to Victrixa’s ranch, I was actually looking forward to my first lesson. The positive energy of last night’s spiritual bath was still with me and although I didn’t feel totally confident, I was no longer nervous. When I pulled up in roughly the same place where I had parked before, I saw Victrixa waiting for me on the porch.
“In Lak’ech, Maya,” she said as she laid her right hand over her heart.
“Ala K’in,” I responded with a smile, echoing her gesture.
“Come,” she said, “sit on the porch with me a bit and tell me about your week.” Jeez, she was beautiful. She was wearing a long caftan and the same plate necklace I’d seen before.
“Well,” I began, “it took me a few days to figure out what my trigger might be, but I think I know now.”
“And is it a thought? As it is for most shifters?”
“Yeah, it’s—”
“No, no need to tell me. Some things are sacred. Let’s head out in the Rover for some practice. It’s parked just out back.”
We walked around to the back of the house and climbed into her SUV. She off-roaded out into the middle of nowhere, which I figured was probably the point.
“You’re going to find that phasing during the daytime is much different than what was happening to you at night,” she said. “You’ll be awake, so you will remember it all. That means the actual phasing, as well as the whole experience of being in your second form.”
“Does it hurt? I mean, it’s kind of hard to know the truth about it all with TV and whatnot.” I hoped I wasn’t insulting her again. Yeesh.
She gave a sharp laugh. “It’s not painful as long as you make a full transition. And you don’t ruin the clothing you’re wearing, either. All of that is based on the idea that the phase i
s somehow chemical or genetic. But it’s not, of course. Spirit magic is nothing like that.”
She pulled up under a large tree that looked out on a vast field. We got out of the Rover and I followed her as she moved away from the tree line. She pointed at the field.
“All of the land we’ve seen here belongs to me. I own a hundred acres. No one will see us or hear us. Now what I want you to do is think of your thought and take it as deep within yourself as you can. It should be a positive one. Let it remind your soul of what the best part of phasing is for you.”
I heard her and all, but to be honest with you, I was still kinda stuck on the hundred acres part. Hello!
I started by standing completely still and feeling the gentle breeze play in my hair, then I inhaled deeply and pictured Balam in my head. And then I let myself think it: freedom. I felt an incredible sensation of being pulled forward by my belly button. I actually was being pulled forward, and also upward a few feet. And when I landed, I was Balam. Or rather, I was myself inside Balam. All of my human-girl thoughts and feelings were still there, but my body had completely transformed. I had four feet. I bounded off, feeling the strength, the speed and, above all, the freedom.
“Don’t go too far!” I heard Victrixa call.
I can’t say how long she let me run around out there, but it must have been quite a while because by the time I padded back to her, she was sitting in a folding lawn chair drinking sparkling water and reading a book.
She closed the book and smiled at me. “Now,” she said, “to move back to your first form all you need to do is relax and desire it.”
I focused on letting each part of Balam’s body relax, from head to tail. As soon as I let go, I was Maya again. Victrixa pulled another chair out of the Rover and handed me (glory of glories!) a diet Coke from her cooler.
“That was….” I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t find the words.
“That was awesome,” Victrixa said with another laugh. “You’re a natural.”
Jaguar Sun (The Jaguar Sun Series) Page 4