“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” I said sincerely. “Where’s Devon?” I tried to ignore the familiar nervousness that shot through me like the crack of a gunshot whenever I said his name. I was always afraid that when I said his name she’d be able to hear it in my voice, hear the way I said his name and know. Know that, of everyone I’d ever met in my whole life, I felt more connected to him, felt more like we were always trying to ignore the pull that existed between us. Because of that, I tried desperately to never say his name aloud. But sometimes it was necessary.
“Someone say my name?”
The panic I felt letting his name pass through my lips was immediately smothered by the low and thick roll of electricity that moved like a wave through me with the sound of his voice. His eyes met mine and we shared our usual moment of unified uncomfortableness. We both felt it and we both acknowledged it, but we never spoke of it. It was the strangest relationship I had with anyone, but possibly the most important.
“Hey,” I said with a genuine smile. It was weird to be around him, to feel the pull to him that I did, knowing he was the love of my best friend’s life, but none of that changed the fact that he was genuinely a nice guy. It was natural to be nice to him, as he was nice to everyone.
“Hey,” he replied with an equally friendly smile, carefully setting the box in his hands down on the floor. “I would have come and helped Elliot move in your stuff, Evie. You should have asked.”
I shrugged. “You guys have your own things going on.”
He let out a small chuckle. “It took twenty minutes to move Liv in, since most of her belongings came in suitcases with wheels.” We all laughed because it was true. Liv had more clothes than anything else. Moving in to Devon’s apartment had been more like switching bedrooms. She didn’t have an apartment to furnish whereas I’d been collecting belongings over the last few months in anticipation of living on my own.
“Well, thank you. I’m sure Elliot would appreciate some help.” He smiled at me then turned and walked out of the door, passing Elliot as he came in with another box. He dropped it on the floor and then walked straight toward me, not stopping until his lips were on mine, kissing me again until I was breathless. When he finally pulled away, after succeeding in making me forget anyone else was in the room with us, he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.
“That was for all the kisses I can’t give you now that we’ve got company.”
“Oh,” I said, still a little off kilter.
Then he unceremoniously slapped my ass and walked out the door again.
“Something tells me Devon and I might have interrupted a terrifically sexy game you had going on with your boyfriend.”
“Yeah, well, something tells me that he’ll find a way to make up for it later.”
“My goodness, Evie. I never knew you had it in you.”
I looked at her for a beat and we both lost our composure in a fit of laughter at her unintended euphemism.
A minute later, both guys came back with boxes and just stared at the two of us as we lay giggling on the living room floor.
“They’re doing that weird girl thing again,” Elliot said, his voice teasing and friendly.
“Yeah, we better just keep moving heavy boxes so we don’t catch it.”
Their remarks only made us laugh harder and soon enough we’d laughed until tears had sprung from our eyes and the guys had moved all my boxes. I allowed Liv to boss the boys around and arrange my furniture in the living room as I kept chipping away at organizing my kitchen. When my love seat, coffee table, lamp, and TV stand with small television were all arranged, the boys started grumbling about food.
“I could have pizza delivered,” I called out.
“Pizza is the moving food of choice,” Elliot remarked.
“But if we have it delivered, it will take so long. Plus, they can’t deliver beer. Boys,” she said, turning her pretty face toward them, batting her eyelashes, “won’t you please go get beer and pizza for us?”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Elliot said loudly, waving a hand in the air, “you want the people who did all the moving to be the ones to go get the reward-for-helping-her-move food? That makes no sense.”
“Well, Evie and I aren’t old enough to buy beer yet,” she replied, fluttering her eyelashes even more. She was right, we were both a few months from being legal. “Besides, I’m sure she’ll give you your reward for helping her move later,” she said, adding a wink. He groaned in annoyance.
“Come on, man. Let’s just go,” Devon said, grabbing Elliot’s arm. “They won’t stop whining until we relent anyway.”
“Ah, the wise words of a man who’s learned the hard way,” Liv joked. Devon walked to her and bent down to kiss her.
“Stop being annoying,” he said the words with a smile so I knew he was kidding. Then he kissed her again, quickly, before turning toward the door. “Any special requests?”
“None. But let me give you some money,” I reached for my purse, but Elliot snagged it from me before I could open it, then grabbed my wrist and hauled me into his chest.
“You’re not paying for pizza and beer, babe.” His words were said quietly, his mouth hovering barely above mine.
“But you moved all my stuff,” I said, confused but also a little breathless from all the grabbing.
“And I’ll take my payment from you later.” And with that, he brushed his lips against mine so softly and slowly, completely in opposition to the harshness his words promised. When he pulled away, he left me dazed, but I watched the two guys leave my apartment, not missing the way Devon’s eyes stayed on me until the very last second possible. I stood in place for a few moments, trying to piece together what Elliot had said, how he’d handled me, and what he’d meant by his words.
“Sounds like you’re in for it tonight.” Liv’s voice pulled me from my thoughts and I turned to see her sitting on my love seat.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I’m not sure how I feel about it though.”
“Well, I don’t want to miss an opportunity to evaluate your relationship, but we’ve only got a small window of boy-less time, and I kind of need your help with something.”
“Okay,” I said instantly, not missing the way her voice, which had been happy and carefree since she’d arrived, was now serious and sullen.
She reached into her purse and pulled out a small paper sack. She didn’t even have to open it for me to know what was inside. There were only two reasons a girl in college had anything in a small paper sack, and this wasn’t an occasion for condoms.
“You think you’re pregnant?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant. This test is a formality, really.” She said those words with not one bit of emotion, which was worrisome. If I thought I was pregnant, with any semblance of conviction, you could bet I would be hysterical.
“How late are you?”
“About four weeks.”
“You’re a month late?”
She nodded. I moved to sit next to her on the love seat. “Why haven’t you told me? Or taken the test sooner? If you’re four weeks late, that means you’re eight weeks pregnant, Liv. That’s, like, really pregnant.”
“I know. I guess I was just hoping… ugh, this sounds terrible. I was hoping that I would become unpregnant.” I thought about her words for a moment and completely sympathized with her. “I didn’t, like, do anything to try and end the pregnancy, I guess I was just hoping it would go away on its own.”
I reached up and rubbed my hand down her back.
“I’m guessing you haven’t told Devon?”
“Nope.”
I wanted to ask her why not, but it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that she truly believed she was pregnant with his baby. “Well, do you want to get it over with?”
She let out the longest and loudest sigh I’d ever heard, but then popped up off the couch and headed toward the bathroom.
“Do you want me to come with you?” I wasn’t sure what best
friend protocol was in this situation. Was I supposed to be in the room with her? Hold the stick? Hold her hair back? I didn’t know, but I’d do anything she wanted.
“I can pee by myself, but if you could just be here when I come out, that’d be great.”
“Of course.”
Minutes ticked by and I was about ready to beat the door down when, finally, it opened. She came out, holding a little white stick in her hand any woman over the age of sixteen could identify from twenty feet away. She was only two feet out of the door when she lifted her eyes and found mine across the room, a depressingly sad smile across her face, as if she were trying to appear like she was happy.
“Can my kid call you Auntie?”
I rushed to her just in time to feel her body start to shake with sobs. We stood in my new apartment, a pee stick between us, and I held her as she came to realize her life would never be the same.
Thankfully, the guys made the longest beer and pizza run known to man, and by the time they returned, Liv was able to put on a good game face. She didn’t know when or how she was going to tell Devon, and I couldn’t offer her any advice. Had not one word of encouragement. I knew if I was pregnant, I would be completely broken. Devon and Liv had only been together a year, and now, a baby. We ate pizza, I declined beer as a sign of solidarity with Liv, and after we’d watched a movie, Liv and Devon left.
I exhaled loudly as I rested my back against the door. I felt terrible for Liv, but couldn’t help but be thankful it wasn’t me. And that thought proved me to be a horrible friend.
“Okay, what’s going on?” Elliot asked, still sitting on the couch, one ankle resting on his other knee.
“What do you mean?” I replied, standing up straight and walking past him into the kitchen.
“I mean,” he said as he stood, following me, “the two of you were acting weird ever since we got back. What’s up?”
I was torn. I wasn’t used to keeping secrets from Elliot, but this was huge and not just normal gossip. “I don’t think I can tell you yet.” I picked up a dishtowel and started worrying it between my hands.
“Babe, you can definitely tell me. Whatever is wrong, I’ll help you however I can.”
His concern was evident and that only made me feel even guiltier for worrying him. “It’s not me; it’s Liv.”
He frowned and his brow furrowed, and I knew he’d figure it out. When he did, I saw the shock come over his face. “She’s not…”
“Yeah. Pregnant. Took the test while you guys were out getting pizza,” I sighed and tossed the dishtowel on the counter, dropping my head into my hands and massaging my temples. When I felt his body right in front of mine, I instinctively leaned into him, resting my forehead on his chest. His fingers found a soothing rhythm up and down my arms. I gripped his shirt and tipped my head up to look him in the eyes. “You cannot tell anyone, especially Devon. Promise.”
“Of course,” he said before kissing my forehead. “Are you all right? This changes pretty much everything.”
“I’m trying not to think about that.”
He was quiet for a moment, steadily running his hands along my skin. “How did they even let this happen? Didn’t they use protection?”
I steeled a little at his question, my best friend defense system kicking on, but then I realized that it was a valid question. “She missed a few days of her pill.”
“And they weren’t using anything else?”
I shook my head.
“Damn,” he whispered.
“What do you think Devon will do?”
Elliot was quiet for a few moments, and then he sighed. “Honestly? I think he’ll marry her.”
The ground dropped out from beneath me. The air simply vanished from my lungs. Every part of my body froze in panic. Never had five words ever caused so much of a physical reaction in me before. “Marry her?” The panic in my voice matched that of my body.
“Whoa, babe, calm down.”
I couldn’t breathe. “He can’t marry her.”
“Hey,” he said as his hands gripped the sides of my face, bringing our eyes to the same level. “Breathe, Evie. Breathe.”
I did breathe, but only because I started to cry. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me while I cried, and little by little, I could feel everything about my life unraveling. Eventually, after I’d completely broken down and tried to put myself back together, he took me into my bedroom and put my sheets on my mattress that was resting on the floor while I took a shower. When I lay down, he lay down with me, but I couldn’t touch him. He didn’t kiss every part of me like he’d promised, and I didn’t turn to him either.
Chapter Ten
Present Day
I opened the door to the house and was surprised to hear voices coming from the kitchen. Usually, when I came in the mornings, the house was quiet because the children were still asleep. But from what I could hear, they were definitely awake.
Laughter floated through the foyer along with the unmistakable scent of pancakes and bacon. When I stepped into the kitchen, I couldn’t help the surprised look on my face. The kids were dressed and sitting at the table. Devon was at the stove cooking. I stood there for just a moment, taking it all in, soaking in the sight of Devon with his children, all happy and smiling, together. It was a sight I hadn’t seen since before Olivia passed.
Eventually, Ruby noticed my presence and alerted the other two.
“Auntie Evie! Daddy’s making pancakes!”
“I can see that,” I said, trying to force a smile on my face. When Devon turned to look at me, I saw the surprise come over his face too. Apparently, we were both caught off guard by each other that morning.
“Evie,” he said, sounding as if he was seeing me after years of being gone.
“You know how to make pancakes?” I couldn’t remember a time when he’d made a breakfast besides cereal or toast.
“I never have before,” he said carefully, and I could see he was trying to figure out what to say next. “I didn’t expect you here today. Didn’t think you’d come. So I got the kids up and decided to try my hand at a real breakfast.”
I knew why he didn’t expect me. Hell, when I woke up that morning I didn’t think I was going over there either. But then the guilt showed up and I imagined the kids’ faces when they realized I wasn’t there, and I decided any uncomfortableness I faced would be worth it if it saved the kids some sadness. Besides, I’d been pretending for nine years that everything was fine between Devon and me, why should that day be any different?
“Don’t look in the trash though,” he said, his voice lighter, turning back to the stove. “It’s like a burnt pancake graveyard.”
“Daddy made icky, black ones,” Jax said from his chair, his mouth half full of what I assumed wasn’t an icky black pancake.
“Yeah, they smelled really bad,” Ruby added.
“Well, in your daddy’s defense, the first pancake always burns. That’s just the way of pancakes.”
“Yeah, but Daddy threw away, like, fifteen pancakes.”
“Icky, black ones,” Jax added.
“How’s the laundry room?” I asked, trying to avoid any conversation that would cause tension between us.
“Well, the floor’s ruined and I think the bottom portion of the walls too. I have to go to the hardware store soon and rent some industrial fans to try to dry the place out a little more. My insurance company is sending over a contractor to look at the damage.”
“Wow. You’ve accomplished a lot this morning,” I said, peeking down the hallway.
“I couldn’t really sleep,” he said, his voice thicker, full of meaning. I tamped down the urge I felt to turn and look at him, to see if his eyes were full of longing. It was a masochistic urge and I was done torturing myself. “The insurance company said I needed to take pictures of the damage. I was going to do it myself, but since you’re here and all, do you think you could?”
“Definitely.” Could I pick up a camera and use it as a
shield against all my emotions? I was actually, very good at that.
“Actually, if you could get the kids ready for school, I could drop Jaxy off at preschool and run to the store to get the fan real quick before the contractor gets here.”
“I’m here to help,” I said, plastering a fake smile on my face.
“And my mom said I’d never use my visual arts degree,” I said to myself as I snapped pictures of Devon’s waterlogged walls. Everything was damp. The floor was soft and the entire area that had been flooded looked terrible. I moved out of the laundry room and down the hall, taking pictures of anything and everything that looked affected by the water. Minutes later, when the doorbell rang, I thought I’d gotten all the pictures I needed. I placed my camera on the kitchen island as I walked past and opened the door with a smile.
My smile froze a little when I saw the man standing on the porch.
“Hi, good morning,” he said, his voice deep. “I was sent here to look at some flooding damage.” He stood there, smiling at me, and I couldn’t find a way to make my mouth work. “Um, do I have the right house?” His smile broadened as if he were used to women being slack jawed around him. I managed to bring myself out of my stupor.
“Oh, yes. Please, come in.” I opened the door wider and stepped back, allowing him in to the foyer. Even though my mouth had started functioning, I couldn’t stop my eyes from taking him all in. It was almost unbelievable, the way he looked. Almost as if cheesy music was going to start playing and he would peel off his tool belt. He was, quite nearly, a perfect male specimen. I shook my head, trying to clear the images from my mind. I shut the door and tried to form a normal sentence. “The laundry room flooded yesterday. You can follow me.” I walked past him and started toward the kitchen, trying not to think about how hot the back of my neck felt with him behind me, how acutely aware I was of my body in that moment. I kept walking until I approached the laundry room door. I motioned into the room and he inched past me with a killer smile.
The Absence of Olivia Page 10