“Are you for real?”
Shelby raised one perfectly sculpted eyebrow at me. “Evelyn, when is the last time you were with a man?”
I scoffed at her, pretending to be offended by her question when, in reality, I was a little embarrassed. “First of all, that’s none of your business. Second, even if it had been a while, that doesn’t mean I’m just going to throw myself at the first man I’m left alone with.”
“Hey, I’m not trying to offend you. He was obviously here because he’s attracted to you.”
“He was not.”
“Did he ask you out?”
“Maybe.”
“See. He likes you. There’s nothing to be ashamed of here, Evie.” Her tone took on a sympathetic, softer timbre. “It’s okay to be attracted to someone, to be interested in someone. This is the natural progression of life. You need to start living again.”
Her words were meant to be friendly, to help alleviate some of the fears she’d picked up on, but the word living only made me remember Olivia was dead. Those moments, when her loss of life crept up on me, when all of a sudden the loss was so deep and dark, in those moments, I felt as if I were drowning. How do we all just go on? How do I move past her death without leaving her behind? There were so many questions to which the only answer was sadness. The only possible outcome of the questions running through my head was devastation.
“Hey,” Shelby said, moving toward me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Olivia would love for you to find someone to be happy with.”
I knew she was right – mostly. Olivia would have enjoyed watching me date again, would have taken great joy in helping me get ready for a date, listening to me recount the entire date over the phone when it was over, dissecting every detail until we were both crazy with anticipation. Unless, of course, the person I was with was her husband. I shook my head, trying to erase that particular thought from it.
“Sometimes,” I said softly, trying to ignore the pinching in my throat and the stinging in my eyes, “moving on with my life only reminds me that she lost hers.”
Shelby’s hand moved up and down my arm, trying her hardest to make me feel better, but nothing she could say or do would ease that particular pain. I’d been told time would be the ultimate healer, but I was still waiting.
“I’ll be okay,” I said with as much conviction as I could muster. “Let’s go pick out a frame for this beast,” I said, motioning toward the large print.
Chapter Thirteen
Present Day
The next morning, I sat at my desk, trying not to glance at my phone every twenty seconds for the time. I took in a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. It’s just a hike, Evelyn. He’s just a man, and it’s just a hike. At three minutes past nine, my knee was bouncing and my heart was racing. Oh God, my palms were sweaty. I heard the door open and glanced over to see Nate walking through it. My heart, which was used to speeding up in his presence, decided in that moment, it was necessary to stop altogether. His soft-looking brown hair was mussed and sexy, pushed back away from his face, which only made his prominent jaw that much more attractive. The gray of his t-shirt made his eyes look like clear, blue water. He was wearing khaki colored cargo shorts and I’d never taken a moment to consider men’s calves sexy, but damn, his were. Every single thing about him, on its own, was attractive, but when put all together in the whole package, he was sinful.
To top it all off, he held out a cup of what appeared to be iced coffee.
“I brought this for you,” he said, smiling his crooked smile that immediately restarted my heart. “I figured you had to have gotten up early if you were planning on working before our hike. Thought you could use a little caffeinating.”
I stood and walked toward him, took the cold cup of coffee, and smiled – as if I could have stopped myself. “Thank you. That was thoughtful.”
He shrugged and then I could have sworn I saw a tiny blush creep over his face. “It was nothing.” God, he was cute. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yup, all ready.” I grabbed my water bottle and camera, then we walked out and I locked the door behind me. He’d driven his work truck, and I wondered if it was the only vehicle he had. Once we’d settled and he’d started the engine, I asked him a question to avoid falling into awkward silence.
“So, is this just a work truck, or do they let you drive it all the time?”
He chuckled. “They let me drive it all the time. They don’t really have a choice. It’s my company.”
“Oh, really? I hadn’t realized. I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry. There’s no way you could have known. I worked for about ten years with my dad, but when he retired, he sold me the business, so it’s mine now.”
“That must have been fun, working with your father.”
“It was all right most of the time. My Dad is from Boston, so he kind of has a tough shell. He loves really hard, but he’s also a little rough around the edges. So, as long as I was in agreement with him, it was fun. When I disagreed, or wanted to go in a different direction, things could get tense. But my mom never let us disagree for long,” he laughed, which only made me smile again, listening to the sound of his laughter float through the cab of the truck.
“Do your parents live around here?” I asked because I was curious. Also, I wanted to listen to him talk forever. His voice was on a wavelength that made a new and familiar connection with something inside of me.
“Yeah, about twenty minutes from my house. My whole family is local. We’re pretty big.”
“Siblings?”
“Two brothers and two sisters. I’m right smack dab in the middle.”
“Wow. I can’t even imagine. I’m an only child and my parents had me later in life, so it was almost like growing up with grandparents.” I thought about how, and not for the first time, my life might have been different had I had a brother or sister. Then again, growing up that way made me comfortable being lonely, so it wasn’t all bad. I was used to being by myself. “Do you see your family often?”
“There’s a dinner at my parents’ house every Saturday. Everyone is welcome every week, but not everyone goes all the time. If you’ve got other stuff going on, it’s not a big deal. It’s kind of just like an open door dinner. Come if you can, and if you can’t, maybe we’ll see you next week.” He shrugged and as his shoulders moved up and down. I couldn’t help but think of how comfortable he seemed talking about his family, how easy it must have been to have the kind of relationship where you knew every week you could go and be with people who would accept you just as you were and love you regardless.
“Are you close with your family?”
“Yeah, I guess. My mom and dad are enjoying their retirement and keep busy. They’re not around too much, but I see them every now and then.”
“What was it like growing up an only child?”
“Lonely, I guess. But I did have the undivided attention of both my parents, which, in hindsight, was nice. I thought it a little oppressive as a teenager, but looking back, I know my parents loved me tremendously and did their absolute best. But I never had that built-in friendship I imagine other people had with their brothers and sisters.”
“There were times it would have been nice to have the undivided attention from my parents though.” He was quiet for a moment, and then added, “The grass is always greener, ya know?”
I laughed quietly, “You’re right.”
“Have you ever been to Oneonta Gorge?”
“I can’t say that I have,” I turned my head toward him and smiled, a little relieved he was changing the topic.
“It’s a pretty easy hike, right between all the falls, but when you get to the end of the trail, it’s pretty amazing.” He looked at me quickly, his smile so bright and perfect, then looked back at the road. His excitement over his chosen hiking trail was almost adorable.
“I can’t wait,” I responded honestly. We spent the next thirty minutes falling into easy conver
sation. He was so easy to talk to, and more than a few times made me laugh. I found his unrestrained laugh hypnotic and I, also, found myself wanting to make him laugh often. I wanted to be the reason his loud and happy laughter filled the cab of his truck, sending prickles along my skin, watching his mouth turn up into the sexiest smile.
He pulled into a small parking lot right off the highway and the trailhead was just south of us. He wore a large backpack, but wouldn’t let me take anything when I offered.
“You just carry your water bottle and we’ll be square. It’s not as heavy as it looks,” he said, tilting his head back to indicate he was talking about his backpack. Then he winked at me, and everything except him and his beautiful face faded away. Every trouble I’d dealt with in the last year, every sad moment, every tear was washed away and replaced by warmth. Then, the warmth was replaced immediately with fear. Surely, if this man had the ability to wipe away my sadness with only one wink, he could cause much more heartache than I was ready to endure.
“Okay,” I said breathily, still trying to recover from his beautiful eye winking at me and the way it made me want to hold on to him and push him away all at the same time.
It was still early in the day, but the hikers were out in full force. There were young adults hiking in groups, teenagers taking advantage of the nice weather, young couples taking their children on a hike, which admittedly, made me feel like I could handle it. If toddlers were on the trail, surely I could make it through.
“I wish I would have had the forethought in high school to take a date hiking,” Nate said quietly, nodding his head toward a couple a few feet in front of us. They looked like they were probably just finishing high school or near the end. “It seems like a much better alternative to sitting in a dark theatre watching a movie. At least outside you get to actually see the other person.” I looked ahead, watching as the young man reached out and took the young girl’s hand. She turned to look at him and gave him a shy smile as a blush spread across her face, obviously pleased with the contact. It was sweet and innocent.
“I have to admit, I’ve never been hiking on a date before. It would have been a welcomed idea.”
“Well, I’m glad I could be a first.” I heard his words and then looked at him, giving him a shy smile much like the young girl had just given her date. He didn’t try to hold my hand, but the implication was the same. He wanted me to know I was his date, that he wanted me there in that capacity.
We continued down the path and every once in a while I stopped to take a few photos of something that caught my eye. He was exceedingly patient and even seemed interested in the process, asking a few questions about my camera or how the natural light affected the photo. Then, a few times, I’d finish taking a photo and find him looking at me with affection.
“It’s inspiring to watch you work,” he said with a smile. “Your face is cute when you’re concentrating. I mean,” he said, his smile widening, “you’re cute all the time. But when you’re concentrating, you get this little crinkle between your eyebrows.” His hand came up and his thumb gently brushed my face there. After a moment of reverently caressing me, he dropped his hand and wore a bashful smile. “Come on, the best part is coming up.”
I couldn’t answer him. I could only concentrate on trying to breathe normally, drawing air into my lungs and forcing it back out at a regular pace, so he didn’t pick up on the fact that my heart was pounding and palms were sweating. I’d been touched by a man before, been on the receiving end of a tender caress, but nothing had felt like that. No one had made time stop like Nate’s skin against mine.
After another thirty minutes of wandering along the path, winding through trees, and following a small stream through a narrow gorge, eventually we came to a place where the path ended.
“This is where the hike gets fun,” he said, his eyes lit up with excitement. I looked around, trying to find the next portion of trail to follow.
“Uh,” I said hesitantly. “Where exactly are we supposed to go?”
“Right through there,” he said, pointing straight ahead. I followed his finger and was still confused. The small stream we’d been following continued through a narrow crevasse. It looked like two strikingly tall rock walls with about ten feet between them. No path. No land. Only water between rock walls.
“Through the water?”
“Yeah. It’s only about waist-deep.” He said this as if wading through waist-deep water wasn’t a big deal.
“It’s only spring. That water has got to be freezing,” I said, my voice steadily climbing an octave. “And my camera…”
“Give it to me, I’ll keep it dry.”
“You want me to trust you with my camera? No one holds my camera.” I didn’t care if we were on a date or not, I wasn’t about to hand him my camera. He could have been the second coming of Christ; he wasn’t going to carry my camera.
He held up his hands but still wore a friendly smile. “No problem. I just thought I’d offer. I’m at least eight inches taller than you.” Then he shrugged and started to walk backward toward the stream.
“You’re serious about this?” I asked, still a little surprised it was happening.
“Come on, it’ll be fun. Promise.” He held his hand out to me, waiting for me to take it, his signature half-smile making him irresistible.
I sighed loudly, then reached out and took his hand, trying to ignore the zing of electricity I felt shoot through my body at his touch. “I wish you would have mentioned this beforehand. I might have worn a swimsuit or something.”
“Seriously?” he asked, his hand still gripping mine, paused mid-step. “Damn,” he sighed, hanging his head in mocked disappointment. “Opportunity missed,” he said, sounding distraught, making me giggle. “I’ll remember that for next time.”
“Yeah. Okay,” I said sarcastically through my laughter. “Oh, holy shit,” I said as I stepped into the frigid water, soaking the athletic shoes he’d told me to wear. “Oh, my God, that’s cold.”
“It’s not that cold,” he said, laughing as he held onto my hand and pulled me farther into the water, inch by inch. I was hissing with each step, hating the feeling of the cold water creeping up my calves, inching toward my thighs. Luckily, there were other people there making fools of themselves in the cold water as well, complaining just as I was at the glacial temperature.
Suddenly, a terrifying thought flitted through my mind. “Do you think there are fish in this water?”
He shrugged. “Probably.”
My eyes darted to the water and I tried to see through it, looking for indications of any creatures moving under the surface. I started to panic, thinking I was feeling something brush up against my skin under the water. “I swear to God, if my leg touches a fish, I’m gonna flip out.” The water wasn’t murky, but as was the way with the Pacific Northwest, the riverbed was full of rocks and dirt, making everything under the water look brown. I could see my feet, but it was hazy and unclear.
Nate, still holding my hand and leading me through the water, stopped and let out a loud laugh. His happiness made me temporarily forget I was, possibly, surrounded by fish, and I smiled along with him. When his laughter died down, he gave my hand a gentle squeeze, which somehow shot all the way to my heart, making it clench in my chest.
“Don’t worry, Evelyn. I’ll protect you from all the fish in the stream.”
We continued to wade through the water, my skin finally becoming used to the temperature, and my body slowly submerging as the depth rose from my ankles to mid-thigh. He hadn’t dropped my hand since he first took it, and I didn’t try to pull away; I liked the way it felt to have a man hold my hand. I liked being just half a step behind him and took every opportunity to admire him from my vantage point.
The sun had come out and although it wasn’t terribly hot, the direct sunlight offered a beautiful light to his form. The most interesting part of him, as far as I could tell in that moment, was the way the muscles in his upper arms stretched the
fabric of his t-shirt. With every step he took and every sway of his free hand, his biceps and triceps gave a delicious show of contracting and relaxing. A few times, he’d reached up to point out something overhead, and the sleeve would creep just a little further up, displaying even more tanned skin and taut muscle.
“Hmmm,” I heard him murmur right before I walked into the back of him. I let out a surprised oof as my front hit the side of his arm, and I looked up at him to see him smiling down at me, as if he could tell I’d been staring at him.
“Something distracting you back there?” he asked with a knowing grin.
“Perhaps,” I said, not admitting to anything. “Why’d you stop?” I looked around his formidable body to see what had caused his abrupt halt.
“Looks like we might be in a bit of a situation,” he said, raising his free hand to point ahead of us. I saw people wading, or actually swimming, through water that was much deeper than “waist-deep.”
“I thought it only went waist-deep?” I asked, horrified at the thought of putting my nipples in the frigid water. Every woman could attest to the fact that cold water and nipples didn’t mesh well. “Well, this has been fun, Nate,” I said, turning away from him and heading back the way we came. A sharp tug on my hand brought me right back to his side, my breasts pressed against the hardness of the biceps I was just previously admiring.
“Don’t give up on me now,” he said, his eyes peering down into mine with such intensity, I found my breath sneaking away from me. “I’ve got you. Don’t worry.” His free hand came forward and his fingers pushed the wisps of hair that had escaped my ponytail back behind my ear, and every hair follicle on my neck came to attention. He held my gaze for a long moment, his fingers resting at the base of my neck, my pulse pounding through my veins, and all I could think was, ‘please, God, kiss me this very instant.’
But he didn’t, and instead of breathing Nate in, I had to take in actual oxygen, inhaling sharply as the presence of his fingers disappeared from my skin.
The Absence of Olivia Page 14