He slowly turns his head to me. “You want the truth?”
“Yes.”
“Fine, then. The truth is that I was never really into you. I was just using you to distract myself from my ex. She started texting me a few days ago. I was so happy to be communicating with her again. We talked about getting back together. I wanted to, so badly, but I didn’t want to be a dick and break up with you right after Andy’s accident. I pretended to have feelings for you. She was also seeing someone and was waiting for the right time to call it off with him. Once she was available, we decided to give us another shot. So there it is. She’s the one I was texting. I wanted her to be with me at Andy’s engagement party. Not you. I was looking for the right time to dump you. I didn’t want to be an ass and do it right after you told me you’re a virgin. Are you satisfied now?”
Tears burn my eyes. My throat feels scratchy. I can’t do anything but sit here and replay his words over and over in my head. It can’t be true. He…he’s lying. He was falling in love with me, too. He had to be.
I finally get feeling in arms and legs and manage to shove the car door open, slam it shut, and head toward home. The hall where the engagement party took place is very far from my house, but I’ll walk. I need to shake this off, to make sense of it, if that’s even possible.
He broke up with me. He crushed my heart.
I don’t dare turn around. I don’t want to see the expression on his face. Is he proud of himself? He didn’t seem one ounce sorry. He was using me to get over his ex-girlfriend. I’ve never felt so ashamed and humiliated in my life.
The tires screech and the car zooms off. Although it’s July and very hot, goose bumps pop up all over my arms. It’s dark and I’m alone. Glancing down at my feet, I realize I’m wearing high heels. These shoes are not fit for walking long distances.
How could he do this to me? Max, the guy I was staring to open my heart to, the guy I was staring to love.
Sebastian was right. Max is not a good guy. Because good guys don’t do things like this. They don’t give a girl attention, they don’t make it seem like she means the world to them and then they just go back to their ex. He was texting her while we were still together. All this time his heart belonged to another girl. I’m such a fool.
I should have known better. He abandoned me in the theater when I was vulnerable and distraught. I’m sure if his ex was upset by a movie, he wouldn’t leave her to go watch it. He’d wait with her. That should have been the first red flag. But I ignored it. Because I trusted him.
Pulling out my phone, I’m about to call for a cab, when I notice my phone is dead. Great. Now what am I supposed to do? I guess walking it is. It’ll take me a while, but I don’t have another choice. Folding my arms over myself at the cold that makes no sense but makes very much sense, too, I start homeward.
There aren’t many people around and I’ve never really been afraid to walk in the dark by myself. I suppose I’m paranoid now. I had a bad day and a part of me feels like more crap is going to come my way. I guess that tends to happen when I feel so bad about myself. There are worse things out there, I know that, but it’s like the ground vanished from beneath me and I’m falling down a never-ending hole.
Until someone grabs me, hauling me to an alley. He presses me against the wall of a building and places his hand over my mouth before I could scream. It’s a soft hand. A shiny, golden one.
Sebastian.
Chapter Twenty-One
My heart lurches as Sebastian gazes into my eyes with such intensity. “Don’t scream,” he whispers before lowering his hand.
I tear my gaze from his face. He’s the last person I want to see right now. I can imagine the smug smile on his face. The I told you so. I can’t bear how right he was.
We’re just standing there, inches away from one another. He doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t move. What’s he thinking? Does he know I got my heart broken? Is that why he’s here?
When I’m brave enough to meet his eyes, I don’t see any humor, no arrogant smile. He probably doesn’t know what happened only minutes ago.
He cups my cheeks in his hands, keeping that same intense look on his face. “Lily, are you okay?”
The softness and care in his tone cause tears to enter my eyes, even though I try my hardest to hold them back. I don’t want to cry all the time. I’ve shed many tears over Daisy’s death and my mom’s decision to shut me out of her life. But those were well-deserved tears. I don’t want to cry over Max.
I pull out of Sebastian’s clutch. “Just say it.”
His eyes search mine. “Say what?”
Does he really not know what happened? “Why are you here?” I ask, keeping my voice steady, or trying to.
He reaches for me, but I step back. He drops his hand. “I felt something,” he whispers. “Right here.” He points to his heart. “I knew you were in trouble.”
He felt it in his heart? I shouldn’t make a big deal about it. It’s probably another genie/master thing. As happy as I am to see him, I don’t want him to know how much pain I’m in. I need to be strong. To get over this. It’s just a broken heart. There are worse things out there. “I’m not in trouble. I’m fine.”
He moves close to me, placing his hands on either side of me, trapping me in place. “I know what happened,” he says softly. “And I’m sorry.”
More tears gather in my eyes. I don’t blink, but sooner or later, they’re going to spill down. Sebastian notices because his face changes, as though he feels my hurt. “Did you come here to gloat?” I ask.
His eyebrows furrow. “Why would I do that?”
“Because you were right.”
He continues to gaze into my eyes. It’s dark, but I can see my reflection in his eyes. I’m a complete mess. Hair is crazy, eyes and nose are blotchy.
“Why are you trapping me here?” I ask. “And why did you press me against the wall and cover my mouth?”
“Because I knew you’d run away the second you saw me. I don’t want you to run.”
“I kind of want to be alone right now.”
“You shouldn’t be alone. Don’t cry over him. He doesn’t deserve your tears. He’s an idiot for not seeing how special you are.”
Special? My insides fill with warmth, but I keep them at bay. I have to remember that Sebastian rejected me. “Why do you care? You’ve disappeared for the last few days and then you come out of the blue when I just had my heart broken by a guy I thought I loved but really is a jerk!” I realize now that I never loved Max, not really. I just thought I did. It’s been Sebastian all along. My heart never pounded when Max entered the room like it does with Sebastian. But he doesn’t feel the same, or at least refuses to let himself.
Shock and surprise enter his eyes.
I go on, “And it’s so stupid. I’m stupid. For going after someone who never really cared about me. When the guy I want is standing right in front of me. And he won’t even acknowledge—”
Sebastian closes his mouth over mine and kisses me, first gently and then growing deeper and a little rougher, harder. He keeps his hands on the wall behind me while mine shoot to his hair. They tangle through it, pulling at the strands as our lips mold together. My legs feeling like jelly, I push myself against him, kissing like I’ve gone days without water. Everything is coming out through this kiss—how much my heart aches for him, the fight we had. The future I desperately want with him. He feels it, too, because his body is burning as much as mine is. We can go on for hours and hours and each kiss will be just as powerful, just as intense, as real as the first one. That’s what true kissing is. Not what I had with Max. He has nothing on my genie. Nothing. I don’t care that I’m comparing them. Sebastian is the guy who has my heart, body, and soul.
He pulls off. “We need to stop.”
“No.” I put my hand behind his neck and haul his mouth closer to mine.
He pushes me back, gently as to not hurt me. “This is wrong.” He runs his hand through his hair and wal
ks away from me.
My eyes follow him as he stops before a pile of bread on the ground that’s been overrun by ants. He just stands there, looking at it as if it’s the most fascinating thing he’s seen in his hundreds years on this world. “Why?” I ask. “Why is it so wrong?”
He won’t answer my question. I inch toward him and take his hand. He pulls it away. “It just is,” he says.
“Can you please explain?”
He turns to me, cupping my face in his hands. “I lied. When I told you I didn’t love you, it was a lie. The kiss at your prom was the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt in my life. I don’t know why I feel these things. I never have before. I thought I didn’t have human needs, but I guess I do. I’m sorry for everything.”
A tingly feeling spreads over me. “Why did you lie?”
He sweeps his hands around. “To prevent this.”
I raise an eyebrow.
“Us falling for each other,” he explains. “It can’t happen. It shouldn’t happen. It’s wrong.”
I slide my hand in his and give it a squeeze. “You keep saying that, but I don’t understand.”
“We can’t be together.” He shuts his eyes like it pains him to say it. He opens them. “You know it and I know it. We have no future.”
I bite my lip. “I don’t care.” I’m done being scared and careful. Look where that got me. We should just live and enjoy ourselves, without all these concerns and hesitations.
He places his hand on the back of my neck, his eyes flicking to my lips, then to my eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you. We can’t…we can’t be together.”
“Sebastian—”
“You’re going to forget me. But I’ll remember you. Every day. Forever. I wouldn’t be able to live with that.”
My lips press together. I hadn’t considered that. I’ve been so selfish, thinking about myself. He’s right. I’ll move on with my life once he’s gone, but he might never get over me.
“I don’t want to forget you,” I whisper.
He smiles sadly. “But you will.”
“Can I wish not to forget?”
He shakes his head.
I lay my head on his chest and breathe in his exotic genie smell. He runs his fingers through my hair.
I don’t know how long we remain like this. Sebastian’s hands stop and he tilts my face up, giving me a sweet kiss. He then buries his head in my hair, breathing softly.
“I don’t want to leave you,” he murmurs. “But I’m going to have to. Eventually.” He rests his forehead against mine. “I want to be with you. More than anything, Lily.”
“Can we try?” I ask. “I know I’m going to forget you, and that’s terrible, but wouldn’t you want us to explore this? To feel real things for one another, even if it’s only temporary?”
He stares off at the distance, thinking about my words. I know I’m asking a lot, and maybe it’s selfish, but I’ll forget him. He won’t forget me. I don’t want him to live his life regretting us not taking the next step.
Sebastian remains like that for a few minutes, and I wait patiently. He slowly breaks his gaze from whatever he was staring at and looks at me, his face apologetic. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”
I can’t hide the disappointment in my eyes, and he sees it. His pain is obvious, like a neon sign over his heart, telling me he wishes things were different, but they aren’t.
“It’s better for us to be just this,” he says. “Friends.”
But we aren’t friends. Not at all. “I understand,” I say. “Do you want me to make a third wish?” I shut my eyes and breathe out my next words. “Do you want to leave so it’ll be easier?” As hard as it will be, I can’t only think about myself. Sebastian will be the one affected when he leaves, not me. I need to think about him, put his needs before my own. But God, I don’t want to forget him. Ever. I don’t want to end this…whatever this is.
He rests his lips against my forehead. “No, I’d…I’d like to stay a bit longer. If that’s okay.”
I smile a small one. “It is. Thank you.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
I’m lying on something soft, yet hard at the same time. Opening my eyes, I realize I’m in my bed. Sebastian is right next to me. My head is using his chest as a pillow. I scratch my hair and look around. I don’t remember coming home last night. I’m still wearing the dress from Macy’s engagement party.
Did Sebastian take us home?
His lamp is set on the night table, back in its old place. That means my genie is here to stay. He’s moved back in. I think back to what happened between us, my begging him to try to have a relationship. Him rejecting me. I understand his reasons, but it stings.
I peer over at Sebastian sleeping peacefully, as if he doesn’t have a care in the world. His chest rises and falls and his breathing is even. I notice that his hair has gotten longer since he arrived via his lamp. It reaches past his shoulders and his bangs fall into his eyes more so than they did before. Does he even get haircuts?
Watching him like that creates a void inside me. Here is a guy I want, a guy I feel most comfortable with, a guy who loves me. But I can’t be with him. He’s made his decision, and I need to respect it. It pains me that he’ll be thinking about me for the rest of his life while I’ll be living my own life without caring about him. It sucks. If we can’t be together, we both should suffer, not just him. Why does he have to remember? Who made these stupid rules, anyway?
He shifts, opens his eyes, and smiles at me. I can’t believe I won’t remember that sweet smile one day. He gets a look on his face, the smile vanishing. “What’s wrong?” he asks, sitting up on his elbow. He has I-just-woke-up hair that makes him look very sexy, and all I want to do is plow my hands through it, pull him close to me, and give him a kiss. But since I can’t, I have to settle with running my hand through my hair instead.
“I’m fine,” I lie.
He nods, his lips pressed together.
We just sit there quietly, with me brushing my fingers through my hair and him looking out the window. The shade is shut, and I’m not exactly sure what he’s intrigued about.
“No.” I scoot closer to him and cross my legs. “I’m not okay. I shouldn’t talk about it, but I was just thinking about how I’m going to miss everything about you.”
He gives me a small grin. “You won’t miss me, remember?”
“I just can’t believe I’ll never know you. You’ve had such an impact on my life. How could I just forget?”
He lifts his hands helplessly. “It’s just how it is.”
“We need to change the rules.”
A low laugh rumbles from his stomach. “Believe me, if I was able to, I would. That’s just how it’s been. I know what I can do and what I can’t…except.” He moves even closer to me and places his hands on either side of my face. “I couldn’t sleep last night and I’ve been thinking about us. About what you said.”
My heart skips a beat. I want to talk, but no words come out.
“I don’t understand what’s happening to me,” he continues. “I’ve never had human needs, but now, since I met you, I feel like I’m changing. Like I’m turning human. Does that make sense? I mean, I don’t need to eat and things like that, but every time I think about you, I get a feeling. Here.” He points to his heart. “And here.” He pats his stomach. “It’s like things are twisting up all inside me and when I look at you, I feel like I can do anything. Conquer the world.” He shakes his head. “It doesn’t make any sense. Why would I have needs now?”
“I don’t know.”
He softly runs his thumb down my left cheek. “I think I do. What I’m feeling, it’s real. I can’t explain it, but it feels right. I’ve had female masters, but I’ve never loved them. I love you. Why should we push it aside? It’s like you said, when I remember you after I’m long gone, I want to remember what we had. Not miss out on what we could have had.”
“I was thinking the exact thing just a few minutes ago.�
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He laughs lightly and pecks my lips. “I want to cherish these memories forever.”
It pangs my heart that I can’t do the same. “Are you sure you want to do this?” I ask.
“Very sure.”
I fling my arms around him and hold him close. “I just wish…I mean, I don’t want you to leave. Can I wish for you to stay?”
He takes my hand and brings my fingers to his lips, kissing each one at an antagonizing slow pace that makes my body shudder. “That’s not possible.”
I drop my hand, swallowing the Ping-Pong ball lodged in my throat. “How long do I have before…before…?”
“I’m not sure. A few weeks, maybe less.”
A few weeks? That’s nothing.
Sebastian strokes my hair. “I don’t want us to worry about that. Let’s make the most of my time here. I want to experience everything with you. I want to get excited when you do. I want to cry with you.”
“I want that, too.”
***
“Where were you?” I ask my genie after work as we’re sprawled on the couch, watching one of my favorite romance movies. I’m sitting on Sebastian’s lap and enjoying every second of it. I’m not going to think about our non-future. I’m just going to live in the moment, with my genie, with the guy I love.
“What do you mean?” he asks, watching me munch on some popcorn. He’s become obsessed with it since I microwaved it about an hour ago. He can’t get enough of the butter-flavored smell. I feel bad that he can’t eat it, but he’s reassured me that all he cares about is being with me.
“When we had our argument after you nearly killed M…that jackass. You took your lamp and left. Where did you go?”
He folds his hands behind his head, leaning back. “Nowhere, really. Parks, mostly. I slept on the benches with my lamp on my lap. I guess I’m used to sleeping outside now and not in my lamp.” He scoffs. “I really hate that thing.”
Falling for the Genie (Genie's Love, Book 1) Page 12